Brandon May's 3 Cheers - Mavs Land Musings

Dear Mavvy, Part II

As most of you loyal readers know, I love reading Dear Abby.  I compare it to being a scout in the NBA.  Most of the time you sit through long, boring, tedious games with very little redeeming value, but every now and again you are rewarded for your perseverance by finding that diamond in the rough.  Today, I found that diamond.  This is the actual question and answer, followed by what Dear Mavvy would have said.

Dear Abby: I suffer from food sensitivities.  Recently, during church, I had some extremely loud and embarrassing gastrointestinal symptoms from having accidentally eaten something cooked in soybean oil at a restaurant.  This disturbance lasted more than 15 minutes, and everyone in our small church could hear it.  I am now embarrassed to return to the church.  Is there any way to save face in this situation?

It Was the Soybeans!

Dear Soybeans: When the flatulence started happening repeatedly, you should have stepped outside until it subsided.  However, because your concern is your fear of being remembered as the woman whose flatulence wrecked the service, you have no choice but to go back to the church and give them something positive to remember you by.

Abby

Dear Soybeans: Yeah, you're pretty screwed.  You could donate $1 million to that church, and they would still say, "Fart Girl apparently wants us to buy more air freshener."  Your first mistake was not realizing what you can and can't eat given the consequences.  Welcome to my world.  Do you think it's a coincidence that I don't mix Dr. Pepper and Mrs. Baird's Chocolate Do-nettes in the mornings?  No, it's not.  It makes me spend the rest of my day trying to cushion my air biscuits.  I know this, and I plan accordingly.  Also, I'm guessing this was a traditional Sunday morning service.  Since I doubt that you went to a restaurant as soon as the rooster sang to get your waffles dipped in soybean oil, this means you ate this meal the night before.  I would be praying in church that you slept alone that night.  Your second mistake was not immediately making light of the subject.  Pardon the pun, but when you find yourself up S**t Creek without a paddle, you might as well dive in and swim.  I would have followed every fart with a glory filled "Amen!" or "Move me, Jesus!" or "Demons Out!" or even a hearty "Boo-Yah!"  Then you would have been remembered as that funny girl that farts in church or possibly a Biblical anomaly that was touched by the hand of God.  You could have been on Dateline in a week.  In other words, listen up, Soybean Bomber: again, no pun intended, but you really blew it.  Either learn how to keep your woodwinds and percussions under control, or unclench and join the symphony.  And stay away from Dr. Pepper and Chocolate Do-nettes.

Mavvy

3 CHEERS: MAVS 89 vs. JAZZ 104

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk got about 30 minutes of burn, shot 9 of 12, and scored 23 points.  He grabbed 4 boards and got a steal, but this game meant much more to the Jazz than it did to the Mavs.  Dirk was just staying warm for the playoffs.

1. Carlos Boozer - The NBA player most likely to be the next spokesman for Proactiv shot 12 of 19 from the field and 8 of 11 from the line for 32 points, 15 boards and 7 assists.

2. Deron Williams - The possible Most Improved Player winner and local Dallas-area kid scored 17 points on 6 of 13 shooting, grabbed 6 boards and tossed out 9 assists.  I doubt he will win the MIP award because he's in his second year as a very high draft pick.  Aren't you supposed to improve?

3. J.J. Barea - The Puerto Rican Thunder had 16 points on 6 of 15 shooting.  He probably won't see much time in the playoffs, but at least he's making an statement for staying on the roster for next season.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I start the game off by sitting on the couch, pen and paper in hand, while my daughter combs my hair with one of the tiny brushes that belongs to her dolls.  I can't truly describe the mixture of happiness and sheer pain that this causes me.
• Bob-O got a haircut.  As Bob-O might say, the key to getting a haircut, folks, is to find someone that knows how to cut hair AND has a pair of scissors.
• Since Utah is a potential 2nd round matchup for us, it's disheartening to see us outrebounded 50-26.  The good news is that we had 10 steals, and they turned the ball over 17 times.  I guess if I had to choose, I would rather play Utah than Houston in the second round.  I know that this game was an aberration, but some of those numbers have me a little skittish.  Of course, we could be 82-0, and I would still be nervous come playoff time.
• Jerry Stackhouse and former Mavs point guard and current Mavs post game analyst Derek Harper have their own personal beef with Utah.  Harper once passed on signing a free agent contract with the Jazz towards the end of his career by saying, "Would YOU want to live in Utah?"  That drew the ire of Karl Malone and Jazz fans, who were mad that Harp just made them aware of the poor decision they made on where they chose to live.  Stackhouse's beef runs a little deeper.  In his rookie year, he punched former Jazz and current ugly white guy Jeff Hornacek about 3 times in a fight during a game.  A few years back, when one of the Jazz players was waiting for him out by his car after a Mavs/Jazz game looking to continue an altercation that happened on the court during the game, Stackhouse dropped the dude with one punch.  Earlier this year, Stackhouse got tossed from a game for cussing at Utah coach Jerry Sloan, even though Sloan was cussing at Stack first and nothing happened to him.  Afterward, Stack said the Jazz play "coward basketball".  In other words, it's too bad that neither Stack or Harp are playing in this game.
• The refs called a backcourt violation on Devin Harris, and I jumped out of my seat calling B.S.  It's not that the call meant anything in the long run, but it was wrong and I knew it immediately.  Later they show the replay, and the announcers agreed that I was right.  They didn't actually say, "The Dude was right," but they addressed the error.  This isn't a funny point I'm making; I just wanted to toot my own horn for a second.
• Interesting happenings: Utah's Boozer, the ugly, sweaty beast, falls down on defense, and then his teammate slips on the wide streak of perspiration Boozer just painted the court with.  Jerry Sloan, who's a whiny little bitch anyhow, complains in a very animated fashion at midcourt about how slick the floor is and the lack of attention the cleaning crew is paying to the issue.  Okay, Sloan.  First of all, the floor mopper crew is generally comprised of kids that are dropped off at the arena by mommy and daddy because they aren't old enough to drive.  Second of all, the ball was still in play, so no intelligent 14-year-old is going to run out on to the court in the middle of a bunch of gigantic men while they are still playing to soak up the Amazon river that your Sasquatch just spilled on the court.  Third of all, why don't you tell your big boy to stop falling down on defense and spreading his stank all over the place rather than blame it on the kids that weren't even born when you started coaching?
• Speaking of Sloan being a little bitch, in the 4th quarter of a game that was obviously a blowout by the middle of the fourth quarter, where Avery sat all his key players and dumped his bench well into the 3rd, here's Sloan still playing his starters as deep as to 1:30 left in the game with a 20 point lead.  If he had done that against Isiah Thomas instead of Avery, there would have been fisticuffs.
• There was a wicked storm going on outside the American Airlines Center that threatened tornadoes and baseball-sized hail.  Arena security announced their plan to escort the players through a tunnel to a protected area.  They also announced their plan to tell the spectators to remain calm.  I'm sorry, but if I were in attendance when they suspended the game to whisk the players off to a bunker while leaving me behind to wait it out, how am I supposed to remain calm when I don't know if my team is truly safe?
• Jason Terry didn't suit up for this game, but he did take time to mike up and sit in with Mark Followill and Bob-O.  He was great.  This might not be going out on a limb, but JET will be a phenomenal announcer/studio analyst for some network's broadcast when he retires.

Dear Mavvy: I'm currently on a television program that allows America to choose who they think is the most talented amateur singer.  Every week I suck more and more, yet they keep bringing me back.  I've tried being extremely effeminate (my strong suit) and awkwardly masculine.  I've sported a mo-hawk, a pony tail, and an afro.  I have butchered every song I've ever sung, and I even participated in a blatantly staged gimmick in which a young girl cried hysterically over me as if I was Elvis.  This time I performed a chick song during country week that wasn't even truly a country song, and I tied a bandanna in my hair that made it look like I was auditioning for a role on Petticoat Junction.  I guess my question is, why am I still here?

American "Idle"

Dear "Idle": Clearly, you're name is Sanjaya.  You're right.  You're awful.  You have no business being on this show.  It's clear that the show's producers, host and judges are disgraced by your presence and intend to make fun of you at every chance until America gets the picture.  But America thinks it's funny to watch you make an ass of yourself every week.  The best thing for you to do at this point is to voluntarily quit.  You will be saving scores of people that watch this show from having to endure you on a weekly basis.  More importantly, you will be saving yourself from the cruel realization that will inevitably come that you aren't on this show because people think you are talented.  You are a joke of William Hung proportions.  I know you are young, so I can understand how you might get caught up in the hype or misconstrue the true intentions of all the people that vote for you.  God forbid, even if you win, all your publicity will be the wrong kind of publicity.  Please quit, now, so that you can save what very little dignity you have and I can have my show back.

Mavvy

Playoffs start this weekend!  Go Mavs!

Skeleton Crew

To throw or not to throw: that is the cover-up.  As a Mavs fan, you might understand why I absolutely despise the NBA Draft Lottery.  The lottery was put in place after the Houston Rockets "tanked" two seasons to pick up two consecutive #1 picks in Ralph Sampson and (H)Akeem Olajuwon.  The NBA responded by installing the lottery system so that it could eliminate a team's guarantee that throwing games would get them the #1 pick in the draft.  Almost 25 years later (and countless conspiracy theories as to the validity of the lottery and its true purpose), I think it's time to reexamine this practice.  Allow me to outline the atrocity that is the NBA Draft Lottery from a unapologizingly biased and disgruntled Mavs fan perspective.

For at least 2, possibly 3 years straight in the early 90's, the Mavs were the absolute worst team in the league.  They weren't throwing games.  They just sucked.  Did we ever get the first pick in the draft that we so obviously deserved?  No.  We wound up with a 4th, a 4th and a 2nd.  Contrast that with the Spurs, who stunk for one year when David Robinson was hurt for the entire season.  They were a good team that had an unfortunate injury.  They win the draft lottery, get the number one pick in Tim Duncan, and go on to win 3 championships since.  The Houston Rockets stunk for one year, win the draft lottery, get the number one pick in Yao Ming, and are now a dangerous team with Yao and McGrady.  I don't think the Spurs or the Rockets were truly tanking those seasons to get the #1 pick, but I don't think it's fair that two good teams that have an off year get to pick up Hall of Fame players while the Mavs legitimately stunk worse than my dog's farts after eating a handful of T-Bone treats and can't get the #1 pick any of those years.  You can also argue that the lottery system has allowed the NBA to "assure" that certain players wind up on certain storied teams in certain large markets by manipulating the way the lottery plays out.  As well as the NBA conducts their business, there is no league in existence that has to refute as many conspiracy theories as they do, from the lottery to officiating to the whole "Michael Jordan didn't retire for a year and a half, he was secretly suspended for point shaving" fiasco (I will revisit my theory on that some other time). 

Teams nowadays have figured out how to "tank" games anyway even with the lottery.  When teams trade draft picks now, it's common for the pick to be "lottery protected" meaning that the team they traded the pick to can only receive it if it falls beyond a certain point on the draft order.  That might sound confusing, so take the T'Wolves for example, who the Mavs just faced.  A few years ago, the Wolves traded Sam Cassell and a first round pick this summer to the Clippers for Marko Jaric (they could have kept the pick and just traded Cassell straight up for 10 pounds of pure Angus beef and the certificate that proves he's an extraterrestrial, but that's neither here nor there).  The first round pick can only become property of the Clippers this year if it winds up being the 11th pick or lower.  The T'Wolves have already cemented their place in the lottery, and continued losing increases their chances of having a higher pick than 11th.  So in a game where the Mavs didn't play Dirk, Stackhouse, Dampier and Devin Harris, the T'Wolves proclaim that Kevin Garnett is out for the season with a sore right quad.  This is the same Garnett that has been playing like a beast recently.  They sent him to Los Angeles for a second opinion.  Guess who just so happens to own a cushy home in LA?  That's right.  Garnett.  The Mavs have clinched home court throughout, so they have nothing to win or lose by winning or losing from here on out.  Rest your starters some for the playoffs.  But the T'Wolves have everything to win by losing and everything to lose by winning at this point.  All of a sudden, their All-Star player can't suit up.  Coincidence?  You be the judge, but keep in mind that this is the same franchise that was stripped of draft picks by the league offices a few years back for illegally signing players to under-the-table deals to woo them in free agency without having to count it against their salary cap figures.

The lottery was installed to do away with tanking games, but all it did was force teams to be more creative and find new loopholes and penalize other teams that are legitimately awful (early 90's Mavs).  Take away the lottery, you take away lottery protected picks that result in teams tanking games in different ways for different reasons.  Go back to "worst record = best pick" OR give the first pick to the best team to miss the playoffs as a reward for the teams playing hard and giving their fans the best bang for the buck for an entire season and then seed everyone else after that based on how lousy they played.  Because of this system, Mavs and T'Wolves fans were forced to watch a skeleton crew play Wednesday night.  The Mavs did it to make themselves better.  The Wolves did it to make themselves worse.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 105 @ TIMBERWOLVES 88

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk was forced to stay home but allowed to still come to the gym in Dallas to work out during the day.  When he got home from the gym he called into the broadcast team during the game, and Mark Followill and Bob-O chatted with him for half of the second quarter.  Dirk's a funny dude.  It doesn't come across much during normal interviews, but he likes to cut up quite a bit.  When Bob-O asked if it was bothering him to have to watch the game at home on TV, Dirk responded, "Now I have to sit here listening to you two aces butchering the game."  Normally in this section, I list what Dirk's line for the night was.  Even when he didn't make the trip, he still had the best line of the night.

1. DeSagana Diop - Diop recorded the first double-double of his career in this game, scoring 10 points and grabbing 15 rebounds (9 offensive).  He even pitched in 3 assists and shot 5 of 7 from the field.  He "Diop"ed like it's hot, yo!

2. Austin Croshere - Cro had a game-high 19 points on 7 of 14 shooting with 6 boards and a steal.  I wish I could edit together a video of all of Cro's awkward dunks and title it "As The Cro Flies".  What do you think?

3. JJ Barea - JJ got plenty of burn with Little D sitting the whole game, so he made the most of his 23 minutes by scoring 13 points, grabbing 3 boards, dishing out 4 assists and getting a steal.  I think Avery Johnson sees a lot of himself in JJ: undrafted point guard from a small school, small frame but gritty and tenacious.  Keep an eye on Barea because guys like that just need a chance.  That chance might not come here when it's all said and done, but Barea could turn into a very valuable piece on a very good team in the near future.  By the way, Dirk calls him the "Puerto Rican Allen Iverson".

RANDOM CRAP!

• So here's the Skeleton Crew lineup:  AND NOW!  Starting for the visiting Dallas Mavericks . . . Jason Terry, Josh Howard, Devean George, Austin Croshere and DeSagana Diop!  Ladies and Gentlemen of the greater Minneapolis area that were kind enough to brave the snow storm to watch the crap we are about to put on the floor for you tonight, put your hands together for YOUR MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES!  At point guard, averaging 10 points and 3 assists a game, the man who could have signed with the Mavs this summer but chose us instead, Mike James!  At shooting guard, averaging 17 points and 4 rebounds a game, the guy who once tried to shoot at his own team's basket to get an easy rebound and complete a triple double, Ricky Davis!  At small forward, averaging 5 points and 3 rebounds a game, and if we lose our draft pick this summer, it's because we traded it for this sack of crap, Marko Jaric!  At power forward, in his rookie year averaging more points and rebounds than the slouch we are about to lose our first round pick for, Craig Smith!  And starting at center, averaging 12 points, 6 boards and a whole season's worth of yawn-inducing basketball, Mark Blount!  Thanks for paying $100 a seat, Wolves fans!  Here's what we think of you!  (cue techno music and strobe lights)
• Speaking of Mike James, like I said, we offered him a contract this past offseason.  We offered him our entire $5 million dollar exception, but he turned it down for a more lucrative contract and more playing time to sign with the Timberwolves.  Once he spurned us, we split up that exception to sign Devean George and Greg Buckner, and we traded for Anthony Johnson (who we later traded for a high second round draft pick next year).  In hindsight, do you think that Mike James wishes he had made a different decision?  Perhaps.  Do you think the Mavs are happy that they got G2000 and Buck instead?  I imagine so.  More importantly, do you think the Mavs would have had the season they had if it had turned out differently?  Who knows, but I'm pretty happy with what we have now as a result.
• It doesn't matter if the Mavs aren't playing their big dogs tonight.  Avery Johnson wants to win.  The team starts off playing sloppy, as if they are resigned to losing.  Avery calls a quick timeout and immediately sets them straight.  By setting them straight, I mean a full-on yelling at.
• Bob-O says, "Don't practice bad habits."  In other breaking news, ice is cold.  Hey, Bob-O!  I've been practicing bad habits my whole life, and look at me.  Guess who still bites his nails and pops his knuckles?  Take that, Bob-O!
• I missed some of this game because I bought the new Charlotte's Web movie for my daughter.  Even though she was watching it on her DVD player so that I could watch the game on my Super TV (which isn't as pathetic as it sounds), she kept screaming out every time an animal showed up.  "Daddy!  Daddy!  Daddy!  Daddy!"  "Yes, Payton?"  "PIGGY!!!!!"  "Payton!  Payton!  Payton!"  "Yes, Daddy?"  "MARKO JARIC!!!!"
• Later, Payton stole my pad and pen.  Deciphering these notes now is becoming quite a task after she took it upon herself to scribble over my comments.  Payton's contribution looks something like this: @*^)%^)#&_#&$)@&$_%&_&%_&_*)#&_*#&%_&#%_^&%&%*#@__!@)$&*@^$$!$)@&$)&)*^%)^)%@^()#*&@&%!%#(&$^()@&%+)*&)(%^()*&Y#*$&@()*#^YIOUFHOIY@()&#^%@^*$#&@TR#_(@&$)@*^%)(@*$^()*$&()*@#^Y&@*^#P@#U)(!&#!)$%^PUHBNGKNEOIUY&@*#TE@(&^E*(&)@#%)(&$GHP.  Of course that's an exaggeration because she's too young to know what an ampersand looks like, but you get my drift.
• Without all our studs, we still manage to notch a franchise-best 30th road victory, and we still have two more road games left this year.  A season for the record books indeed.
• With 10 minutes left in the game, I'm considering bailing out for the American Idol results show, but I stuck it out.  Once I turned to Idol, I found two things that induced vomit.  First, Sanjaya was safe.  Okay, I get it.  It's a joke that he's still on the show, but the joke's over now.  Second, the camera spots a celebrity sitting in the crowd.  Who is it?  EVA LONGORIA!!!!!  I stopped watching the Mavs!  I'm not watching the Spurs!  I'm not watching the Desperate Housewives!  Why must she torment me so!  I get it.  She's pretty, but why is it that every show I love have to take a time out to show her in the crowd?
• I'm waiting until the playoff schedule is set before I make any real predictions, but I will go on record now that my dark horse in the Eastern Conference is the Toronto Raptors.  Mark it down, and hail me as a genius if I'm right.  By being right, I mean Eastern Conference Finals bound, not necessarily making it to the NBA Finals.  If I'm not, I will come back into this post after the fact and re-edit it to show a different team.  It's my blog.  Deal with it.

The Mavs aren't playing their skeleton crew tonight from what I understand.  I respect that.  First of all, they want their stars to get rested, not rusty.  More importantly, the Mavs opponent, Utah, is still fighting for some playoff positioning.  Since the game holds a little more importance than late season semantics, it's honorable of Avery to put his best team on the court to make sure that the Jazz earn their win if that's how it turns out, rather than giving them a cake walk.  Like I said, the Mavs have nothing to win or lose from winning or losing at this point, but true to their character, they want to win regardless.  Other teams want to lose.  Other teams want to throw games to improve their lottery chances.  In that scenario, everybody loses and everybody gets thrown, fans included.  To throw or not to throw:  that is the cover up.  Do away with the lottery system.  Go Mavs!

One and Done

Freshman college basketball phenom, Kevin Durant, has declared for the NBA Draft.  He played one year, almost breaking every freshman NCAA record there is along the way.  Some would say he had to go.  Some would say he's still not ready.  I say that selfishly, as a Texas fan and a college basketball fan, I would have loved to have him stay in school for a few more years.  Also, I would hate for him to wind up with the Memphis Grizzlies, owner of the most lottery balls for the draft and direct divisional opponent of the Mavs.  I've been cheering for him.  I don't want to have to start cheering against him.  I can't fault the kid.  He has a tremendous God-given talent that will enable him to make more cash in one year than I could make in a lifetime (until this blog hits it big).

The Mavs had their shot at "one and done" in this game.  It was their first shot to clinch the best record in the NBA, ensuring that they will have home court advantage for as long as they stay in the playoffs.  The Mavs have only one division title to their name and that came back in the 1986-87 season when they lost in the first round to Seattle.  For the Mavs to win the entire conference and the entire league in the regular season with 5 games to go is historical.  They had their one, and they got it done.  Let's review.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 96 vs. CLIPPERS 86

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk didn't do much.  He only played 40 minutes against our likeliest of first round playoff opponents, scoring a game-high 26 points on 10 of 18 shooting, hitting 6 of 7 free throws, and grabbing 6 rebounds.  After the game, they showed that Dirk had tied a career high for double-doubles for a season at 41, but I'm not sure where they got that stat.  Dirk didn't have a double-double in this game.  Either way, if it's true that he has 41 doubles, then that means that every other game Dirk gets 10+ points and 10+ rebounds.  Not too shabby.

1. Corey Maggette - Maggette (pronounced like "spaghetti", not "maggot") will be Problem #2 if the Mavs face the Clippers in the first round.  He scored 24 points on 9 of 16 shooting, hit 6 of 6 from the line, had 5 rebounds, a steal and a block.  Regardless of the 5 fouls and 6 turnovers, he will be a beast to contend with if we meet up in the playoffs.

2. Elton Brand - Brand (pronounced like "brand") will be Problem #1 if the Mavs face the Clippers in the first round.  He scored 20 points on 9 of 16 shooting, grabbed 6 boards, dished out 4 assists, and had a steal and 2 blocks.  Regardless of his 4 fouls and inability to get to the free throw line, he will be a challenge if we meet up in the playoffs.

3. Devean George - G2000 didn't have the best game of all the Mavs, but he's here because he's rounding back into form.  He was back in the starting lineup in what will most likely be our usual playoff starting rotation (variable to the matchup) of Dirk, Howard, Damp, JET and George.  He is getting back into playing shape after sitting out so long with his knee injury, and he contributed a solid, reliable line.  He had 11 points on 5 of 7 shooting, grabbed 4 boards, blocked a shot and got 3 steals.  He's in there for his defense and to drain open jumpers.  That's what he did tonight.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Josh Howard played for the first time since spraining his ankle against Denver, and he looked okay.  He scored 16 points, 6 rebounds and 4 steals.  What sucks is that as soon as we get one guy back, another goes down.  Damp reinjured his shoulder that caused him to miss the Suns game last weekend.  Now that we have Kevin Willis, I wouldn't expect to see much of Dampier for the rest of the season.
• Speaking of resting starters with some nagging aches and pains, after the Mavs won this game and sewed up the top spot, Avery told Dirk and Stackhouse they weren't playing in the next game against Minnesota.  Not only did he tell them not to play, he told them he would fine them if he even saw them on the team plane.
• Honorable Mention goes to DeSagana Diop, Devin Harris and Jerry Stackhouse.  If G2000 is healthy enough, this is going to be your 6th, 7th and 8th men off the bench.  Like your chances?  They combined for 34 points on 8 of 20 shooting, 2 of 3 from behind the arc, 16 of 18 from the line, 10 rebounds, 4 assists, 2 steals, 2 blocks and only 4 turnovers.  Considering that Willis didn't play and Damp went down after 4 minutes, Diop personally used his fouls wisely and stayed in the game for 31 productive minutes.
• Do you want one good reason why Dirk won't win MVP this year?  There was a stretch in the game where Elton Brand spun baseline and elevated (relative term) to dunk on two Mavs.  It made all the highlight reels.  Immediately after that play, Dirk gets the ball at the free throw line and Brand is guarding him. Dirk pulls out the "rocker" step, which is where he holds the ball low and "rocks" forward as if he's going to drive.  Because of his deadly jumper, his defender (big men especially) have to play up close on him.  Because of his ability to put the ball on the floor and blow by most bigs, they are very conscious of that possibility.  When Dirk "rocks" forward, Brand falls back on his heels a bit in anticipation of the drive.  The second Dirk has Brand off balance and has created the space he needs, Dirk "rocks" back and hoists an uncontested 15-foot jumper for the basket.  I never saw that play on any highlight shows.  Why not?  Brand's basket was worth just as many points as Dirk's, and Dirk's team won the game and the regular season that night.  The answer is that Dirk doesn't play sexy basketball.  Nash does.  Kobe does.  Lebron does.  That's one good reason why Dirk won't win MVP this year.  I hope he does, but if he doesn't, you can point to that reason.
• In the first quarter, with the game still rather close, I got up to grab a beer and settle in with my notepad.  When I returned, my 2-year-old daughter had climbed onto my spot on the couch.  With a devilish grin, she declared, "My seat!"  At first it was too cute to argue with, so I sat down next to her.  Then the Mavs started losing, and I was certain that it was because I wasn't in my special spot.  I pleaded with her to let me have my seat back.  She playfully refused.  Clearly it's bedtime.  I need that seat.  Finally, I bribed her with Cheeto's and got my seat back.  The Mavs roared to victory.

I'm going to watch the Mavs game against the Timberwolves tonight because that's what I do.  If you would rather watch something else, like for example, hopefully watching Sanjaya finally get kicked off American Idol, I don't blame you.  Dirk, Stack and Damp didn't even make the trip to Minnesota, and I doubt that Howard and JET will play very many minutes.  Like I said, the Mavs got this thing sewn up on their first try, and it's relaxing playoff prep time from here on out.  One and done.  Go Mavs!

Freedom of Speech

In the wake of the Don Imus remarks about the Rutgers women's basketball team, I would like to present a transcript of a media frenzy from the Mavs 2002-2003 season that never actually happened:

Scottie Pippen of the Portland Trailblazers calls Dallas Mavericks a bunch of "soft white guys".

Welcome back to the Today show, I'm Matt Lauer.  The public is up in arms about Scottie Pippen's recent racist remarks about his Portland Trailblazer's current playoff opponent, the Dallas Mavericks.  Pippen referred to them as a bunch of "soft white guys", and to debate this matter we have with us Scottie Pippen himself, Dallas Maverick Shawn Bradley, Rev. Al Sharpton, and comedian Rosie O'Donnell.  Scottie, let's start with you.  What made you make such incendiary racist remarks?

"Well, Matt, thanks for having me on the show.  I just want to say that I love your little bit where you travel to different places, and we have to guess where in the world you are.  I'm always on the edge of my seat trying to figure it out.  As far as the comments go, I apologize deeply for my insensitive remarks.  I'm not a racist.  In fact, I have a bunch of friends that are soft white guys.  I mean, I won championships with Bill Wennington, Luc Longley, John Paxson and Steve Kerr.  I can't believe I said such things, and I'm currently undergoing anger management and sensitivity training.  I'm also checking myself into rehab."

Are you an addict of some kind?

"No, Matt, I'm not.  My agent just told me that in order to make an insensitive racial remark and not lose my sponsorship money, I have to apologize publicly and check into a voluntary rehab clinic for about a week and a half.  I should be out by Game 5."

Fair enough.  Now let's go to Mr. Bradley.  Shawn, how did you react when you first heard Mr. Pippen's comments about you and your team?

"At first, I was shocked.  I mean flat out dumbfounded.  I had that feeling in my stomach similar to the one I get when I realize I wound up on another poster with a guy's junk in my face as he dunked on me.  I mean, how could a statement like that not cut deep into your core?"

So you're extremely upset?

"No, just shocked.  Shocked that no one had ever said that before.  I mean, between me, Nash, Dirk, Raef LaFrentz, Evan Eschmeyer, Antoine Rigaudeau, and you could probably count Eduardo Najera because he's about as white looking as a Mexican gets, it's hard to believe that Scottie's the first person that's ever said this publicly."

So do you think he should be fired?

"Well, yeah.  That way we won't have to game plan against him in the first round."

Now we go to Rev. Al Sharpton.  What actions do you believe should be taken?

"I think all those soft white boys should be tarred and feathered for this outrageously racist and insensitive episode towards African-American basketball players.  It's about peace.  It's about equality.  It's about . . ."

Reverend, I'm sorry to interrupt, but it was actually an African-American that made the racially insensitive remarks about Caucasian basketball players.

"Then why the hell am I here?"

Now we go to Rosie O'Donnell.  Rosie, where do you weigh in on this one?

"So you had to use the word "weigh", huh?  What are you trying to say, Matt?  You're an idiot.  I'm the only smart one in the world, and Donald Trump is an ass."

I apologize for the choice of words.  It wasn't intentional.  And what does Trump have to do with this?  How do you feel about the remarks Mr. Pippen made about the Dallas Mavericks?

"As a gay woman, it's disheartening to find out that others out there are so hateful towards me.  By the way, I'm headlining this weekend at the Laughter, Inc. comedy club in Omaha.  Two drink minimum."

Thanks, Rosie.  I actually have no desire to remind you of the topic at hand or even continue talking to you.  I would like to thank all of our guests for weighing, I mean, stopping by.  Time will only tell what the media backlash from these comments will be, but one thing's for certain, we just set racial harmony back 50 years.  I'm Matt Lauer, and you're watching the Today show.  Now a message from Honky Cracker detergent - When you need your whites whiter.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 86 vs. BLAZERS 74

DIRK'S DIGITS!

It would have been nice for Dirk to shake off the awful shooting performance from the previous game against Denver, but at this point in the season Dirk needs some rest on the second night of a back to back. Considering we were playing an awful team that was missing it's top 3 players, this was as good a time as any.  Dirk only played 26 minutes, scored 11 points on 4 of 10 shooting, grabbed 4 boards and blocked a shot.

1. Jason Terry - JET did shake off the rust from the previous game by scorching the strings to the tune of 29 points on 12 of 19 shooting.  He also picked up 2 steals in 36 minutes.  He was so dominant, he had at least 11 points more than any other player in this game.

2. Devin Harris - Little D followed up a fairly solid game against Denver (solid by comparison to the other players who participated in the Denver game) by joining JET in slicing and dicing the Portland backcourt.  D had 18 points on 7 of 10 shooting, 4 assists and 2 steals.  The only real downers were the 5 turnovers and 4 missed free throws.

3. Maurice Ager - Mighty Mo finally got some extended playing time that didn't come at the end of a blowout.  He responded by playing like he wasn't the only guy on the court.  He was judicious with his shot selection.  He was active, energetic, and yet disciplined.  He scored 8 points on 3 of 6 shooting in 25 minutes.  He also had 3 rebounds and one wicked blocked shot in transition that wound up on Sports Center's Top 10 the next morning.

RANDOM CRAP!

• 44-year-old Kevin Willis got in the game for the first time since signing his 10-day contract.  He only played 1 minute.  I think Willis is a good, solid, smart, safe addition, but if he's playing more than 3 minutes a game in the playoffs, something has gone horribly wrong.  I believe he will truly be this year's Darrell Armstrong, a guy whose youthfulness defies his true age and enthusiasm defies his true ability.  Granted, in Willis's prime he would have taken Damp and Diop to school AND sent them straight to the Principal's office for a paddling.  But mostly, I see him as a guy that can teach Damp and Diop how to play in the post, that can teach these young guys how to take care of their bodies so that they look like he does at the age of 44 and still play the game they love after 20 years in the league.
• Contrast Willis to Portland's Zach Randolph.  He missed the game due to a hand injury that he no doubt hurt while writing numerous apology letters to the Blazers organization.  Get this: Randolph was recently allowed to miss a game for bereavement reasons so that he could attend his girlfriend's grandmother's funeral.  He was later suspended for a game when the team found out that while the team was playing that game without him, Randolph was partying at a strip club.  Not only did he skip out on his team and his teammates, but he used his girlfriend's dead grandmother as an excuse to slip singles into g-strings instead of tossing jumpers into net strings.  I have no need for a punch line here.
• The Blazers were also missing their very promising rookie tandem in LaMarcus Aldridge (former UT stud) and Brandon Roy (owner of the coolest first name in the world, and mark my words, this year's Rookie of the Year).
• Generally, "Garbage Time" is the point near the end of the game where you put all the guys that generally aren't good enough to crack your rotation into the game during a blowout.  In the Blazer's case, "Garbage Time" started with 12:00 to go in the first quarter.
• The Mavs abandoned the jumpshooting tactic that failed so miserably against Denver by attacking the basket.  It resulted in shooting 51%, scoring 44 points in the paint and getting a season-high 30 points on fast breaks.  They also got to the line 28 times.  They only made 16 of those and still had 18 turnovers, but those are problems that should and will be corrected.

Freedom of speech only applies to the speaker and the government's ability to censor it.  It does not apply to the speaker and everyone else's ability to get pissed off by it.  So in other words, you can get upset or offended by anything I say, but The Man can't step in and stop The Dude, or at least they haven't been successful yet.  Either way, Go Mavs!

I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change

I was dating a girl last year about this time, and she was wonderful.  There were some pitfalls along the way, but we always patched things up and moved forward.  I even wrote about her to most of you last summer.  Things were looking really promising, and I was certain that we would wind up getting a ring.  Then late last June, another man swooped in and stole away her pride, her dignity and our promise of a ring.  Just like that, she was gone.  I thought I would never love again.  Everyone came back after the fact and told me how they knew she was bad all along, even though they all loved her while things were going well.  I was crushed.

But this past November I met a new girl.  She was very similar to the last one that broke my heart, but this one seemed better.  She had more focus, more discipline, and most importantly, more passion.  It started out real rocky at first, but when the relationship kicked into high gear, boy howdy, did it ever take off.  All those nay-sayers and "I told you so" guys were back on board with my new girl.  They were gushing about how great she was, how well built she was, and how proud I should be of her.  They talked about how consistent she was, how overwhelming she was, and how deep she was (which made me slightly uncomfortable).  Things have been going great until recently.  Some of those guys are starting to nitpick again.  They are finding flaws about her that never bothered them earlier.  Though they once were saying they loved her and she was perfect, now they want her to change.  They are saying that there are others out there that are better than her, and that I'm a fool for sticking with her.  Why would they do that?  Why would they ditch a beautiful girl for some flavor of the week hot chick.  I've said it before (not on this blog, but trust me I've said it), there's a difference between a beautiful girl and a hot chick.  All beautiful girls are hot chicks, but not all hot chicks are beautiful girls.  A beautiful girl is like a perfectly poured pint of Guinness.  A hot chick is like a sixer of Busch Light tallboys.  I have a beautiful girl and maybe love is blind, but I refuse to focus on her flaws.  Sure she has some, but her positives far outweigh her negatives.  To all those experts that are looking to jump from the beautiful girl to the hot chick, I have one thing to say: Go talk to Brad Pitt.  He left behind a beautiful girl for a hot chick, and now he's got a house full of foreign kids with wacky names.  My beautiful girl is the Dallas Mavericks, and I'm committed.  Are you?

(Note to the awesomely wonderful Mrs. Dude: The following was an analogy and not to be taken literally.  I haven't dated anyone but you for the last decade.  Please don't throw all my crap out on the front lawn.)

(Note to the Dallas Mavericks: The following was an analogy and not to be taken literally.  I am not calling you to a bunch of girls.  Please don't come to my house and beat the crap out of me while I'm picking up my junk off my front lawn.)

3 CHEERS: MAVS 71 @ NUGGETS 75

DIRK'S DIGITS!

There are two ways to look at this one: 1) Dirk had 22 points, 11 rebounds, 4 assists and a block trying to will his team to a tough road victory, or 2) Dirk shot 9 of 23, only got to the free throw line 3 times, and committed 6 turnovers to aide in the Mavs ugly offensive night.  No matter what you say, I think you know which side of that pool I play Marco Polo in.

1. Carmelo Anthony - There are two ways to look at this one: 1) Melo scored a game-high 23 points, made 9 of 11 free throws, and grabbed 10 boards to lead his team to victory, or 2) Melo shot 7 of 21 and was consistently in foul trouble on a night when the Mavs refused to drive to the basket.

2. Allen Iverson - There are two ways to look at this one: 1) A.I. had 22 points, 5 assists and 2 steals to continue his growing chemistry with Melo, or 2) A.I. shot 9 of 23, turned the ball over 3 times, and was consistently in foul trouble on a night where the Mavs only shot 11 free throws as a team.

3. Erick Dampier - There are two ways to look at this one: 1) Damp had 11 points, 13 rebounds, 2 blocks and a steal to give the Mavs a rare complete game, or 2) the fact that Damp is the only Mav with a Cheer is indicative of how awful this game must have been.

RANDOM CRAP!

• This game was on Friday night, which was my daughter's 2nd birthday.  We were able to take her out to Chuck E. Cheese to meet some friends and play, and we still made it home by tipoff without even trying.  If it weren't for the loss, it would have been a perfect day.  Happy birthday, Payton.  Daddy loves you.
• Josh Howard sprained his ankle (again!), and he's lucky that it wasn't worse.  No ankle sprain looks pretty when you see the replay, but this one looked bad.  The only real reason I wasn't sick to my stomach the whole game was because Howard was able to walk off on his own power.  I wrote down during that game that he wouldn't be back regardless, and apparently I'm a genius.  Howard only played 7 minutes.  No doubt his extra 18 points a game would have made a huge difference in this fiasco.
• When you break down the game, you can point to two things that lost this game for the Mavs.  Both teams shot 36%, rebounds were pretty even (49-47), assists (20-19), blocks (5-7), steals (5-6), and even fouls (23-18) were all relatively close.  So the difference was the Mavs 18 turnovers that lead to 17 Nugget points, and the Mavs only getting to the free throw line 11 times compared to the Nuggets getting there 27.  Normally I would blame the refs, but it wasn't their fault this time.  The Mavs went the first 23 minutes of the 24 minute long second half before they shot their first free throw.  The Mavs were lazy, sloppy, careless and settled for too many jumpers even though they weren't falling all night.
• I blame ESPN for ruining the karma in this loss.  Because Lebron and the Cavs couldn't wrap up a Wizards team that was missing two of it's top 3 players, they didn't cut to the Mavs game until 4 minutes into the first quarter.
• I was stoked when the Mavs held the Nuggets to 13 points in the first.  The Nuggets average 105 points a game.  I didn't realize that in the third, the Mavs would only score 14 of their own.  Really the only thing worse than the Mavs offense in the first half was the Nuggets offense.  The good news was that the Mavs had held the Nuggets to a first half season-low 30 points.  The bad news was that the Nuggets held the Mavs to a first half season-low 37 points.  A defensive tussle, this was not.  Both teams just sucked offensively.
• Do you think that Melo and A.I. just buy a set of arm sleeves and split the cost?  And do you think they are on a 2-for-1 rewards plan at the local tattoo parlor and cornrow shoppe?
• I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but during timeouts Dirk takes out his mouthpiece and shoves it into his sock.  Half of it is dangling out in the breeze, and the other half is wedged between sweat-soaked sock and sweaty German ankle.  Then when play resumes, he takes it out and shoves it right back into his mouth.  It's kind of gross, but yet is it quite possibly genius?
• I understand that Avery is using this stretch run to experiment with the team.  He wants to play with different lineups and matchups, get some bench guys playing time so he knows what to expect out of them come playoff time, and rest up some starters for the two month grind ahead.  Still, it's hard to watch the Mavs losing in a close game while all our studs are sitting on the bench for an extended period.
• When this game is over, the Nuggets starting dancing, hugging, jumping around and all around celebrating like they had just won the title.  Perhaps they had a right to do so since they had just beaten the best team in the league and notched only their 2nd victory all year when scoring less than 100 points.  But considering that there's still a mathematical chance that they might be the Mavs first round opponent, is that really the memory you want to leave the Mavs with if you face them again in the playoffs?  Don't you think that a team that has had a phenomenal season fueled mostly by their ability to use any and all losses to motivate them to beat their opponent into submission would file that little display in their memory banks to replay the next time you cross paths?  If you managed to out swim a rogue seal that has developed the taste for mammal blood, would you then dive back in to slap it in its vicious little face?  Dumb move, Denver.  I would hope and pray you don't face the Mavs again this year.
• With this game being the Mavs 13th loss, they won't reach that magical land of 70 wins in a season which has only been done once before.  I know that 70 wins weren't the goal this year and it would've just been syrup on the pancakes, but if I know all that, why is it still so disappointing?
• I know the Mavs don't like to lose, especially in this fashion, but allowing the Nuggets to win further increases the possibility that the Mavs won't have to face them in the first round.  Since the Mavs are looking to get in and out of the first round as quickly as possible with as little effort as possible, facing a team that loves to run and gun and throw up 105 points a game probably isn't their first choice.  Do you think the Mavs lost on purpose to help align their playoff stars?  Doubtful, but interesting to think about.

Thank you for reading my love letters about my beautiful girl.  Some people might just be afraid of commitment.  Some might be tentative to put themselves out there out of fear of being hurt again.  Some might just always feel that the grass is always greener or they are perfectionists that will never be satisfied with anyone.  I don't know, but that's their problem.  I'm not afraid.  I have a beautiful girl, and I'm going to see this one through to the end.  I'll be sure to let you know how it all plays out, and if we hopefully get a ring.  I love her, she's perfect, and so far there's no reason to change.  Go Mavs!

More Cowbell

I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell.

There was a time when this was a rallying cry of sorts for the Dallas-Sacramento match ups.  There was a time, about 4-5 years ago, when the Mavs were the up-and-coming team, trying to solidify their place among the elite.  The teams to beat were the Spurs, the Lakers, the Blazers, the Jazz, and the Kings.  The Sacramento Kings home court is arguably the loudest venue in the NBA, and it was made worse when, during a heated playoff series between the Lakers and Kings, Lakers coach Phil Jackson called Sacramento a "cow town".  The very next home game, the entire crowd brought with them cowbells and drum sticks.  It was reported that the incessant sound of clanging cowbells behind the Lakers bench was so deafening that the Lakers had to hold their timeout huddles almost all the way out to the free throw line in the middle of the court in order to barely make out what the coaches were saying.  There was a time when the Mavs and the Kings were two teams with a true rivalry, excellent teams battling one another back and forth, playing exciting basketball, going 7 games, and clanging cowbells at each other.  While the Mavs are about to sew up the best record in the league with a little less than 2 weeks left in the season, and the Kings having all but sewn up a pocketful of lottery balls for the draft, it's kind of sad to think that the rivalry is dead for now.  In fact, it makes you appreciate the Mavs even more when you see how quickly a great team can become a bad team; how a young, athletic, exciting team becomes an old, sluggish, mess of a team almost overnight.  There was a time when Dirk not suiting up against the Kings meant we might as well just pencil in a blowout loss.  Now, we can lose Dirk to food poisoning, and the team still marches on to their 62nd victory of the year.  As much as I appreciate that one less team that used to stand in our path to greatness no longer blocks the road, I still miss the rivalry.  All it needed was more cowbell.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 97 @ KINGS 93

DIRK'S DIGITS!

All year long, people have been wondering how to stop Dirk during his MVP-worthy season.  Should you guard him with a small, brutal, cheap-shot artist like Bruce Bowen?  Should you guard him with a tall, athletic swingman like Shawn Marion?  Should you guard him with a thick, bulky power man like Elton Brand?  Should you wait until he's at the peak of his jumper and then stick your foot under his landing spot, hoping he rolls his ankles and misses the rest of the game?  Nope.  It's all been tried without much luck.  The solution?  Force him to eat sea bass the night before the game.  After that, Dirk will be taking it to the hole in an entirely different fashion.  Laid up in his hotel room by food poisoning, Dirk missed the game and left it to his teammates to make sure we didn't start our third losing streak of the season without him.  They succeeded, thanks to . . .

1. Josh Howard - This was a performance that I don't think Howard would have had in this situation last year.  Not that he wasn't capable of doing it physically, but I don't think he would have been comfortable doing it mentally.  With no Dirk, the Kings got to put their main defensive stopper/absolute nutcase forward, Ron Artest, on Howard.  But rather than shrivel under the spotlight, the intense defensive pressure, and the responsibility of being The Man, Howard took the challenge head-on.  He scored a game-high 29 points on 10 of 21 shooting, hitting all 9 of his free throws, grabbed 8 boards and blocked 2 shots.

2. Jason Terry - Despite being hounded by his friend and former college teammate, Mike Bibby, JET managed to chip in with 27 points on 10 of 20 shooting, including 3 of 9 from behind the arc.  He also collected 5 boards and 5 assists.  He also launched his own clothing line recently.  That has nothing to do with the game, but hey!  JET's a clothing designer.

3. Jerry Stackhouse - Stack singlehandedly outscored the Kings bench, 23-17, and he did so efficiently.  He made 9 of his 20 shots, 1 of his 4 3's, and all 4 of his free throws.  He grabbed 5 boards and tossed out 5 assists.  In summation, these three guys picked up the slack for the missing Dirk to combine for 79 of our 97 points.  They hit 29 of our 38 field goals, and attempted 61 of our 78.  Take that, poorly prepared sea bass!

RANDOM CRAP!

• Dirk made the cover of the German GQ.  Would it be wrong to purchase a magazine that didn't contain a single word I could read or understand?  Even when I translated it online, I got this interpretation of the introduction:

  „Dirty calls me! “

  Draw however please no wrong conclusions from the pointed name of Dirk Nowitzki. The Basketballer from peppering castle is a superstar, like it America wishes itself - professionally, successfully and, also uncommonly cleanly. A personal cab discussion with of Germany largest sportsman

• Huh?  Me understand not properly, no?  I understood that about as well as I understood Borat.
• No Cheers for Ron Artest or Kevin Martin, but they had good games.  Artest shot 9 of 20 (2 of 4 from 3) for 25 points, 10 rebounds, 2 steals and 1 block.  And he didn't punch anybody.  Kevin Martin only shot 3 of 9, but hit 11 of 15 free throws to total 17 points, 9 rebounds and 2 steals.  Mark my words: Kevin Martin wins the NBA's Most Improved Player this year.
• Bob-O's Key to the Game is, drum roll please: Improve in every aspect of the game!  Thank you, Bob-O.  If I asked you how to prevent starvation, no doubt you would simply tell me to buy some groceries.  It's amazing this guy isn't still coaching our youth in the ways of life and basketball.
• This game is the 14th game and the 11th different city in the last 24 days for the Mavs.  They have endured 12 flights and 9 time zone changes.  They are 10-3 in that span.  Compared to their phenomenal record this season, that sounds like a slouch job, but believe me it's impressive.  Even some of the most recent Mavs teams that have racked up 60 win seasons would have been happy to have gone 7-6 or 8-5 on a stretch like that.
• The pregame interview with Donnie Nelson was quite interesting.  Donnie hasn't talked much since his father left the team and he assumed "general manager" duties.  Donnie prefers staying out of the spotlight and letting his team (and owner) take the headlines.  He has been far more hit than miss in the past few years with his personnel decisions, and I will debate anyone that says the Antoine Walker/Antawn Jamison season was a failure because in the big picture, Donnie saved this team from turning into what the Sacramento Kings are now.  Anyway, here's a few nuggets of what he discussed:
• When asked if it was awkward working for Cuban since his dad left under icy circumstances and is now suing Cuban for millions of dollars in back pay (that Nellie isn't really entitled to by the way), Donnie claimed that he and Cuban have always been able to separate the personal side from the business side and maintain a very comfortable and respectful working relationship.  Consequently, since he and his dad have had jobs previously in the NBA where they were not working on the same team, they, too, can keep everything in perspective and not let it get in the way.  Considering that in the last years that Cuban and Nellie were going toe-to-toe while with the Mavs, Donnie and Del Harris constantly acted as mediators between the two and that has helped the dynamic now that Nellie is gone.
• When discussing the addition of Kevin Willis, Donnie mentioned that most importantly, Willis brought back the advantage that they had last year with Darrell Armstrong.  Without going so far as to call it a regret that they traded Armstrong (considering that the guy they traded him for, Anthony Johnson, has also been traded for a 2nd round draft pick and they could really use a third point guard), he said that Willis will be that wise, grounded voice of experience in the locker room to pump up the team, coach Damp and Diop, and bring championship know-how that will be more valuable to the team than anything Willis will give them on the court.
• Kevin Willis is only 4 days younger than Donnie.
• Donnie was the guy that convinced his dad and the former management before Cuban to take a risk on both a young, raw, 19-year-old Dirk and a small, third-string point guard named Steve Nash in the same offseason.  He was asked who he was prouder of being right about: Dirk or Nash.  Of course he said Dirk, but his reason seemed sincere beyond the fact that Dirk was still on his team.  He simply claimed that Nash was already in the league at that time and would have been a good point guard regardless of where he wound up.  It was just that Dirk was a better risk vs. reward find because he was so young, he couldn't speak a lick of English when he arrived, and what he has developed into from where he started brought far greater pride to Donnie than Nash's evolution.
• Very candid, frank information, and a very intriguing interview.  At least for me.  The rest of you probably don't give a toot.
• One more thing I would like to leave you with: A little research that The Dude did all by himself to prove a point I've been trying to make for a long time.  Texas has been and always will be a football state.  It's the king ding-a-ling, no debating that.  But as a die-hard Mavs fan, and an ardent fan of basketball in general, living in Texas is somewhat torturous at times.  I argue that Texas is a basketball state, whether people choose to recognize it or not.  There is more basketball success in this state than most Texans give appropriate notice to.  There are loads of items I could point to, but to keep it simple, here's my research of comparing the most recent completed seasons of the professional football, baseball and basketball teams in the state:
• The Dallas Cowboys, who dominate the sports radio airwaves in this metroplex 365 days a year, and the Houston Texans, who passed on homegrown Vince Young which was the dumbest move a professional franchise has made since the Lakers chose Kobe over Shaq (who's got a championship recently?), combined last season for a record of 15-17 for a winning percentage of .469.
• The Texas Rangers, who frustrate me more than I care to mention, and the Houston Rockets, who I root against for personal reasons that I care to not explain publicly, combined last season for a record of 162-162 for a winning percentage of .500.
• The Houston Rockets, who have fought all season with injuries to their two superstars, the San Antonio Spurs, who are flying under the radar this year but are a snake in the grass come playoff time, and the Dallas Mavericks, who I kind of like sometimes, are a combined 163-61 this season for a winning percentage of .728.
• I understand that football will always be king and baseball is the sport of the summer, but if you reside in Texas and you are more focused this time of year on Opening Day or breaking down the NFL Draft, then you are missing out on something extremely special going on.  All three professional basketball teams in this state are arguably ranked in the top five or six in the entire NBA.  I implore you to pay attention, because this kind of statewide success doesn't come often.  Especially in a football state.

Mavs take on the Nuggets tonight, which could possibly be a preview of our first round match up in the playoffs.  Personally, I would rather face the Clippers than the Nuggets or Warriors, but I still feel we could beat any of them in a 7 game series.  I would like to wish everyone a Good Friday, and it is a good Friday for me.  Today is my daughter, Payton's, 2nd birthday.  She's getting so big and smart and full of saucy attitude, and she's learning to shoot baskets on her little basketball hoop she got for her birthday.  The Dude is a proud daddy.  The only thing that could make her birthday even better would be more cowbell.  Go Mavs!

Spring Draining

The Mavs lost to the Suns for the second time in 18 days.  The Rangers are starting up another season of high hopes, and though I promise not to fall victim again, I undoubtedly will eventually get excited only to have my hopes dashed and my heart broken come August.  Both of my teams that I picked to make the NCAA championship game lost this weekend.  Sanjaya Malakar is still on American Idol.  I missed the first hour of my daughter's 2nd birthday party this Sunday (which also meant I missed most of the Mavs/Suns game due to the scheduled time of the party) because my wife forgot to bring her special corn dip, so I had to drive back the house to get it.  So what keeps me going?  What keeps my spirits up?  Well, for starters, the Mavs season isn't over.  It's still been a spectacular regular season for the Mavs, and when you think about it, it just sets the stage for what could possibly be a very exciting Western Conference Finals matchup between the Mavs and Suns.  For me, exciting in that case translates to gut wrenching and agonizing, but still, it's good for the casual fan.  Also, the Rangers haven't really broken my heart just yet.  I can still enjoy about 3 months hopefully before I realize there isn't a vegan's chance in McDonald's that they are going to the World Series.  Also, even though neither of my teams made it to the championship game in my tournament bracket, I still beat my wife for the first time in about 4 years.  I will clarify that I defeated my wife in our little March Madness tournament pool between the two of us.  I didn't literally beat my wife for the first time in 4 years.  I don't hit my wife.  I hit on my wife.  The former is an inexcusable violent act of intimidation.  The latter is an inexcusable cheesy act of desperation.  What else, oh, Sanjaya Malakar, well, there's no sliver lining on that one.  He's awful, and not in one of those "enjoy the train wreck" kind of ways.  He's making a mockery of the only "reality" show that I care about, and I'm not happy about it.  I say "reality" because the Mavs games are my reality television.  And about my daughter's party: so what if I missed getting to participate in her petting zoo?  It was still some damn tasty corn dip.  And to top it all off, it's Sebastian Bach's birthday today, which gives me the perfect excuse to post a link to one of the most radical power ballads from my middle school years.  Happy birthday, Sebastian.  Even though you are 39 years old, you'll always be "18 and Life" to me.  So all is well for now, but it sure was a draining weekend.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 105 vs. KNICKS 103

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk shook off an ankle injury from the previous game against Milwaukee and came through in the clutch.  17 of Dirk's 30 points were in the fourth quarter when the Mavs hung on for a closer-than-expected victory.  He shot 10 of 21 from the field, 2 of 4 from behind the arc, and 8 of 8 from the charity stripe.  His contribution in this game was his clutch shooting.  He didn't pitch in much on the rest, totaling only 3 boards, 2 assists and a steal.

1. Stephon Marbury - What can you say about Marbury that hasn't already been said?  He nicknamed himself "Starbury".  He forced a trade early in his career because he didn't want to play second fiddle to Kevin Garnett.  Stupid, but that just about sums up how he likes to play.  Generally it doesn't work well for him or his team.  In this game, it almost worked to perfection.  Starbury scored 43 points on 14 of 29 shooting (5 of 12 from 3, 10 of 13 from the line).  For everything bad there is to say about him, I do tip my cap to him for making sure that the shoe line he endorses is priced low enough so that underprivileged kids can also afford them.  Compared to other player's shoes that start around $150, Starbury's are about $15.  I doubt he actually wears $15 shoes when he's scoring 43 on the best team in the NBA, but it's a good gesture nonetheless.

2. Josh Howard - Shot awful from the field, going 5 of 13, but he hit 3 of his 4 3-pointers and made 7 of his 8 free throws for 20 points.  He also grabbed 8 boards and blocked 2 shots, the second of which saved the game for the Mavs.  Marbury was driving for the tying bucket with only 3 seconds left when Howard swooped in from the weakside and slapped it off the backboard to Devean George.  It secured the Mavs franchise-record 61st win.

3. Jerry Stackhouse - Stackhouse has been heating up a bit of late, no doubt because Avery has been able to keep his minutes to about 25 a game all season.  That helps a player his age, and it's the reason that he's still getting good shots from his favorite spot (3 ball from the corner) and still getting pretty good lift on those dunks.  Granted, he didn't shoot all that well in this game (3 of 9, 2 of 6 from 3), but he got to the rim and shot 11 of 12 from the free throw line.  Stack totaled 19 points and had 6 assists.  When Stack gets the assists up, the Mavs generally benefit.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I missed part of this game because I was working on the blog that I posted Friday night.  I've never written a blog during a game, which explains why the Mavs were in a dog fight with a team that had no business beating them and didn't pull away until I finished writing.  I also missed part of the game because I realized when I got home that we were out of dog food.  I had to run to the store to get some more chow for Nelson, who still stinks beyond metaphorical comparison.  I also missed part of the game because a massive storm blew through Frisco and knocked out my satellite feed for about 15 minutes.  That rarely ever happens, so it made sense that it happened during a game.  The last time it happened during a game, the power went out, too, so I went and sat in my car so that I could finish listening to the game on the radio.  Seriously.  I sat in my car and listened to about the last quarter and a half of a game on the radio.  Anyway, this Random Crap section will be a little light due to me missing most of this game for various reasons.
• I wish Devin Harris would start getting some more respect from the refs for his defense.  He's quickly becoming the best defensive point guard in the league, yet he continues to pick up debatable, ticky-tack fouls that refs generally let the defensive rockhounds like Bruce Bowen, Ron Artest, and Raja Bell get away with.  Charge calls only go Harris's way about half the time, and although I hate the charge call, rules are rules.  Harris knows how to take one the right way without committing the foul, but he doesn't get rewarded with the call as often as he should.  He fouled out again in this game for these very reasons.
• Kevin Willis, the 44-year-old, unofficially retired ball player, has worked out for the Mavs and signed a 10-day contract on Monday.  Seem like a stretch, you ask?  Well, Avery used to be a teammate of Willis, Willis is a very positive locker room presence, he knows his role here (which is emergency 3rd center work), and brings championship experience, having won with the Spurs 4 years ago.  Also, you only wish you could have his physique at the age of 44.
• JET finally had an off night in this game.  He finished with 14 points and had a key steal late in this game, but he only shot 5 of 13 and only made 2 of his 4 free throws.
• Speaking of free throws, we have traditionally been one of the most reliable, consistent free throw shooting teams in the league, but lately we have been missing a lot late in games.  I wasn't concerned at first, but I'm starting to get that way now.
• Bob Ortegal is not on this broadcast for some reason.  He was on the post game, but not during the game.  That's another reason this section of Random Crap has so little to poke fun of.
• With this win, the Mavs not only set the franchise record for wins in a season (61), but the franchise record for wins against the Eastern conference in a season.  The Knicks were the last East team the Mavs had to face and after sweating out two consecutive 105-103 victories against inferior opponents, the Mavs went 27-3 against the Leastern conference this year.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 104 @ SUNS 126

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk had a decent line, but considering all the MVP implications that a game like this carries and the point difference in the final score, it's hard to get too excited about it.  Dirk had 21 points on 6 of 18 shooting while going 9 of 9 from the line.  He also pitched in 6 boards and 6 assists.

When 8 players score 20+ points, it's hard to whittle it down to only 3 guys, so I will list the Mavs big timers, the Suns big timers, and then one Jeer (instead of a Cheer).

1. Mavs Big Timers - In addition to Dirk, Josh Howard, Jason Terry and Jerry Stackhouse went for 20+.  Howard hit 8 of his 17 shots, including all 4 of his 3's and all 8 of his free's, for 28 points.  He also collected 7 boards (4 offensive).  JET made 7 of his 13 shots, including 3 of his 6 3's and 3 of his 4 free's, for 20 points.  Stack was the most efficient, hitting 11 of his 16 shots, including 2 of his 4 3's, for 25 points.

2. Suns Big Timers - Shawn "My jumper is as pretty as Rosie O'Donnell" Marion dropped 20 points on 8 of 10 shooting to go with 7 boards, 4 assists, a steal and 3 blocks.  Amare "I tear the Mavs to shreds" Stoudemire scored 24 points on 10 of 13 shooting to go with 9 boards and a block.  Steve "Try to hate me, Mavs fans, but you know you still love me" Nash had 23 points on 7 of 11 shooting to go with 11 assists and 3 steals.  But Leandro "I can't believe the Spurs traded me" Barbosa stole the show from everyone, racking up 29 points on 10 of 17 shooting (4 of 7 from 3).

3. Jeers: The Other 8 Mavs - Dampier sat out the game due to injury.  The other 7 that played combined for 10 points on 4 of 15 shooting, 13 rebounds, 5 assists, and 13 fouls.  Against a team that only plays 6 or 7 guys for the majority of the minutes, our bench needs to come through.  That's one of our biggest strengths, but they failed us in this game.  Defense was awful, point production was awful, and we can't afford to let that happen against the Suns, especially in the playoffs.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Like I said, I missed most of this game due to Payton's party.  I watched the first half on Tivo when I got home, so I got to see it while it was still close.  By the time I got to my parent's house for dinner, my Dad told me that I didn't want to watch the second half.  Thanks, Dad, for sparing me the pain.  Perhaps it was a blessing that I missed it.  Perhaps the reason it was so awful was because I missed it.  Who knows?
• A couple of news items, compliments of the Dallas Morning News: The first time the Mavs and Suns met this season (Mavs 119, Suns 112), they were a combined 1-8.  Before this game, they were a combined 114-21.  Also, even though we lost, the Mavs clinched the division title because San Antonio lost.  It's only the second division title in Mavs history.  It sounds kind of sad that the Mavs have only won two division titles until you consider that only until recently there were only 2 divisions, which meant more teams to compete with, and that no matter how they break off divisions, we will always be partnered with the Rockets and Spurs, who have combined for 5 NBA titles.  Oh, and we sucked for an entire decade.  When you look at it that way, 2 ain't bad.
• I would like to take this moment to discuss something that I would like for the NBA to seriously address during this coming offseason, and it's the way defenders are getting their feet under our jumpshooters during their release, causing them to turn an ankle when they come down.  I will try my best to describe this in words.  Dirk or Howard will go up for a 3 point shot, the defender turns to watch for the rebound yet sticks his foot way out behind him and directly under Dirk or Howard's feet.  Not a natural position a defender would want to be in to collect the carom, but then Dirk or Howard land on the defender's foot, causing them to roll their ankle.  This probably happens around the league a lot, because there are certain players who do this regularly (i.e. Bruce Bowen), but since I really only watch Mavs games, I see it most often with us.  I don't see our players doing it to our opponents, and I don't see our opponents doing it to guys like Austin Croshere, Devean George, Greg Buckner, etc.  That tells me it's an avoidable and quite possibly intentional action.  I think the league should look at this and determine that it will be ruled a foul next year.  I won't go so far as to label it an intentional or flagrant during the game, just a shooting foul.  However, I think the league office should be able to review such plays after the game and, based on the extent of the injury caused, pass down suspensions and/or fines to the offending party.  It happened to both Dirk and Howard last week in the same game against Milwaukee.  Dirk missed the rest of the game as a result.  In that case, I think the offending party should have been suspended a game as a quid pro quo.  It happened again to Dirk during the Suns game, and with it happening so much to Dirk and Howard to the point that they are constantly hobbled by ankle sprains and having to play through pain, I think the league really needs to look into this.  You're not just gaining an edge by using this dirty tactic.  You are affecting a person's livelihood should you injure them bad enough that they have to cut their career short.
• Sorry that wasn't a hilarious bit just then, but it had to be said.  I'm sure David Stern is listening.
• What I did watch of the first half at home, I was busy putting together two of Payton's birthday presents.  One of them was Payton's very first basketball goal.  I'm so proud.  She doesn't quite understand the concept yet and she can't quite get the ball up high enough, but Daddy's raining jumpers from the living room to the den with great regularity.  I'm not hogging her toy; I'm teaching her proper shooting form.  Shut up.

ASK THE DUDE!

Dude:

(This question was asked in person.  The following is a dramatization.)  Just curious, but if you were stranded on a boat with your wife and Avery Johnson, and you could only save one of them, who would it be and why?

The Lewisville Latino

Dear Latino:

As I told you when we discussed this question, I would save my wife.  That sounds very sweet, but my logic is that if Avery is stranded at sea on a boat with me and my wife, the season's probably in the tank by that point anyway.

Dude

The Mavs try to get back on the horse tonight against the Sacramento Kings.  Can you believe that there are only 9 games left in the season?  We've already clinched the division and any combination of Mavs wins and Suns losses adding up to 4 can clinch the conference and home court throughout the playoffs.  It's been a long season.  I'm drained.  But soon, very soon, we will get to the time of year that spawned this entire blog: 3 Cheers/3 Jeers - The Mavs Playoff Watch!  I can't wait.  Can you?  Go Mavs!

The 5 People I Feel Sorry For

Mitch Albom has "The 5 People You Meet In Heaven".  I have "The 5 People I Feel Sorry For".  Mitch Albom, I ain't.

1. Whoever has to take over for Bob Barker.  The game show icon that has brought a smile to so many and sexually harassed so many more is finally hanging up his long, skinny microphone after hosting the Price is Right for 94 years.  For his last episode, he will personally spay and neuter a cat (which is virtually impossible) right there in the middle of the Showcase Showdown.  That's going to be a tough act to follow.  I recommend Sinbad.

2. The poor guy who has officially hung up his hopes and dreams of ever being taken seriously as a musician by entering and winning the New Alka-Seltzer "Plop Plop Fizz Fizz" Jingle Contest.  One of the lines goes, "I don't know what's in it, but it starts working in a minute."  I know what's in it, Mr. Josh Anderson.  It's your artistic pride and credibility.  Watch it slowly dissolve away.

3. The shoe rental guy at the bowling alley where the Mavs went last night.  Mavericks guard Greg Buckner was able to convince all his teammates to spend their first day off after an 11-day, 6-game road trip and a back to back home game against Milwaukee by bowling for dollars to raise money for Buck's charity that provides financial assistance to underprivileged students that maintain a 3.5 GPA.  Imagine this scenario: Shoe Rental Guy - "Hey, little Timmy!  I heard you aced that Chemistry test even though you live next to a meth lab."  Little Timmy - "Sure did, Mister.  In fact, living next to the meth lab is how I got so good at Chemistry."  Shoe Rental Guy - "Hah!  Timmy!  You're a such a ham.  What size shoe do you need?  I just aerosoled them."  Little Timmy - "I would like a 6 1/2, please."  (Enter DeSagana Diop)  Shoe Rental Guy - "Hey, Gana!  And what size shoe do you need?"  Diop - "19."  Shoe Rental Guy - "S***, I don't stock those."

4. Dannie Lynn Hope, the daughter of Anna Nicole Smith.  Your mother's dead.  You're brother's dead.  You're father could be anyone with a pulse.  Or some without a pulse.  They don't want you for you, they want you because you're worth millions of dollars.  And you're only 6 1/2 months old.  I thought my adolescence sucked.  Thick glasses, bad acne and a figure resembling a tube of Chap-Stick ain't got nothing on what you're going to go through when you get older.

5. Whatever guy has to replace Dirk as the Mavs star player.  I hate to think about it, but it's inevitable.  Players eventually retire.  The Bulls had to replace Jordan.  Twice.  The Celtics had to replace Bird.  The Mavs will have to replace Dirk.  Dirk is the best player on the best team in the league, and he will go down as the greatest European to play the game.  I don't think you can say best foreigner just yet, because Duncan isn't American and Olajuwon isn't American and Bill Walton isn't even an Earthling.  All I'm saying is that those are going to be some big shoes to fill when Dirk finally leaves us in 2025.  Can you imagine how much tougher it would be if Dirk personally spayed and neutered a dog on the Mavs logo at center court during halftime of his final home game?  PREMISE!

3 CHEERS: MAVS 105 @ HORNETS 89

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Because it was a blowout, because we had just slogged through a road trip that took us to 6 different cities in 11 days, because he had a sinus infection, and because we had to immediately fly back to Dallas for a game the very next night, Dirk played 23 minutes.  It was still enough time to score 15 points on 7 of 9 shooting, grab 3 boards and get a steal.  From there, he just got to enjoy the show because this one wasn't as close as the final score indicates.  And even the final score isn't close.  On this trip, Dirk averaged 23 points, 6.2 rebounds, and 55 % shooting.

1. Josh Howard - Wrapped up the road trip by scoring 25 points on 10 of 16 shooting, grabbing 10 boards, getting 2 steals and blocking 2 shots.  On this trip, Howard averaged 19.5 points, 8.5 rebounds, and 51% shooting.

2. Jason Terry - Wrapped up the road trip by scoring 19 points on 8 of 10 shooting, tossing out 7 assists, and knocking down 3 of his 4 shots from the 3 point line.  On this trip, JET averaged 20.5 points, 6 assists, and an amazing 64% shooting.  For a jumpshooting guard, 64% is a remarkable stretch.

3. Mavs Bench - There have been times where the Mavs bench has blown some big leads to the point that Avery has to dust off his starters to go seal the deal.  The bench has been a little underproductive on this trip, too.  But tonight, they clicked and allowed the starters to rest as they expanded the lead and killed the clock.  Diop had 8 boards and a block.  Stack had 7 points and 7 assists.  Cro had 7 points, 2 steals and an alley oop dunk that was as exciting as it was unathletic.  G2000 got back from injury and played a few more minutes, scoring 7 points.  Even Mo Ager and JJ Barea got about 5 minutes a piece to earn their checks.

RANDOM CRAP!

• The Hornets have now lost 21 straight games to the Mavs, dating back to when they were in Charlotte.  That's the longest active streak of one team's prowess over another in any of the four major pro sports leagues.
• The Mavs became the 10th team in league history to go 6-0 on a road trip, and it's the best trip in Mavs history.
• The Mavs averaged 100 points a game on this trip, while holding their opponents to 89 points.  The highest shooting percentage they allowed was 42%, and that was allowed to Detroit, the best team in the East, on the first game of the trip.
• I will not give a Cheer to Tyson Chandler or Jannero Pargo of the Hornets because this game was so out of hand, but Chandler was on fire early, and Pargo was draining 3's at the end.
• Enough with the stats, let's get to the good stuff.
• I didn't get to start the game until 8:30 because of American Idol.  Then I had to split my attention between the Mavs and my daughter, who insisted that I blow bubbles in her face for the next 20 minutes.
• Bob Ortegal.  Bob-O.  He was rich tonight.  Here's a few nuggets of wisdom and whimsy from this broadcast:  "There's always a silver lining.  It's just a matter of looking for it, finding it and believing it's there."  Poetry.  I stopped watching the game and went off in search of the Rainbow Connection.  Well, I wasn't alone.  It was the lovers, the dreamers and me.  "20 seconds isn't very long, folks!"  Bob-O can drop some knowledge, yo!  I was waiting for him to follow up with "50 pennies might look like a lot, but it's not much money."  "When (Tyson) Chandler has to guard Dirk, it takes away his effectiveness at the offensive end of the court."  Sounds pretty harmless, except that right as Bob-O says this, Chandler grabs a sick alley oop pass about 2 feet above the rim and about 4 feet away from it and then throws down a power jam that left the rim shaking for the entire next possession.  Bad timing, Bob-O.
• Dirk was supposedly fighting the flu and feeling lethargic, but he spun baseline and jammed home a 2 handed dunk over and between two Hornets big men.
• Dampier picked a good night to suck.  It didn't hurt the team.  But man, did he suck.
• Part of me wants the Hornets to make the playoffs this year, and no, it's not so that they will be our first round opponent that we've beaten 21 straight times.  It's because it would be a good way to reward the fans in Oklahoma City who have fervently embraced this team before they head back to New Orleans full time next year.  It would be a good way to piggy back off the success of the Saints and bring some inspiration, excitement and a distraction to the people of New Orleans.  The fact remains that if they make the playoffs, that pretty much means they will be swept out of the first round by the Mavs, possibly in embarrassing fashion.  For that reason alone, maybe it's best if the Hornets don't make the playoffs.  Of course, that's from a Hornets perspective.  I would love to see the Mavs sweep and demolish any first round opponent.
• Wouldn't it be interesting if the victor of a playoff series was able to pick one player off the team they just vanquished to add to their roster for the next round?  Last year we could have accumulated Pau Gasol, Tim Duncan and Steve Nash by the time we got to the Finals.  Then those players could return to their respective clubs in the offseason.  We could call it the POW rule.  You're right.  It would never work, but it would be interesting.
• Mo Ager will be good, but right now he just doesn't get it.  I really thought that he would have a small, yet noticeable impact this year, but he hasn't.  The funny thing is that the reason I was excited about him was his defensive capability, yet the main reason he hasn't gained Avery's trust is because he's way too sporadic and careless at the defensive end.  That, and he takes awful, ill-advised shots that he misses with great regularity.  But I'm not giving up on him yet.
• Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas has been reprimanded by the league for making two $10 bets with a couple of fans sitting courtside during his last game in Portland.  I think one of the bets was that he would hit the game winning shot.  He missed.  And he gave $10 to each fan by collecting their email addresses and sending them a check.  The NBA reprimanded him because they are petrified of any gambling-related stories involving their players or personnel, and because they know as much about having harmless fun as Elton John knows about being subtle.  If they are going to reprimand him for anything, it should be because he gave himself BOTH of his nicknames.  Of course, The Dude doesn't hold it against Agent Zero/Hibachi for self-applying a nickname.  I won't bother with explaining why.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 105 vs. BUCKS 103

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk was on fire to start this game, going 6 of 10 from the floor, including 2 of 3 from behind the arc, for 17 points and 5 rebounds.  Then came the moment when my heart got lodged in my throat.  Dirk rolled his ankle again in the second quarter and was pretty much out for the rest of the game, hence the reason that Milwaukee almost stole this one from us.  Dirk should be fine, and he rolls an ankle at least 3 times a year.  Still a scary moment, regardless.

1. Michael Redd - With the exception of the Mavs holding him to only one missed shot for the entire 4th quarter, Redd was dynamite in this game.  He scored 34 points on 14 of 19 shooting, including 4 of 5 from behind the arc.  We tried to sign Redd a few years back, but the Bucks ponied up the dough to keep him.  I guess they figured since we punked them into trading us Dirk on draft day for Robert "Tractor" Traylor, they weren't about to let us steal their vastly underappreciated, very dynamic shooter from them, too.

2. Jason Terry - Someone had to step up in place of Dirk, and JET answered the call.  He went 10 of 17, including 4 of 9 from behind the arc, to continue his remarkable hot streak over the last 8 games.  He also tossed out 5 assists.

3. Jerry Stackhouse - Stack was equally responsible for stepping up in Dirk's absence and making sure we didn't drop a game to a bad team.  As Stack said, there were moments were they could have collectively said it wasn't their night and shut it down after a long, successful road trip, but this team doesn't quit and they refuse to lose.  Stack scored 21 points on 7 of 13 shooting, including 5 of 8 from 3 land, and tossed out 3 assists.

Honorable Mention: Mo Williams - He took over in the 4th where Redd started in the first 3 quarters.  He finished with 17 points on 7 of 21 shooting, grabbed 6 boards, tossed out 8 assists, and grabbed 3 steals.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Allow me to take this time to celebrate Mrs. Dude for scoring company tickets to the game.  We got to sit about 20 rows back from the visitor's bench, and we got to take my two most obnoxious friends to watch a game with us.  I let them take my notepad for a bit, and I will relay what they wrote down in a second.  Kevin has become a fan of Stackhouse, so he went nuts when Stack would drain a baseline 3.  He would also dog cuss every other Mav for not being as good as Stack.  He even yelled that Devin Harris should be cut at one point.  I ain't mad.  Rob has become a fan of mooching, so he went nuts when we offered him free tickets and a free beer if he held up a sign that he found at the game.  The sign read "I tip my beer for Dampler".  Nothing like a sign with a glaring typo on it.  The guy's name is Dampier, not Dampler.  At least Rob didn't make it himself.
• Some dude at the Mavs game was on the jumbotron during pregame because he got a Mavs tattoo on his shoulder.  It was a picture of a Mavs logo.  Harmless?  It was a picture of a skeleton dunking a basketball with flames of blood red fire into the top of the Mavs logo.  When asked where he got the ink done, he simply responded in a hickish, redneck accent, "Tyler, Texas."  Awesome.
• The little girl sitting in front of us is wearing a shirt that says "No Whining".  All she does for the first 10 minutes is bitch and moan about everything.  I guess that would be similar to me wearing a shirt that said "Don't Be Awesome".
• Here's what Rob wrote: Between the 3rd and 4th quarters, a girl with big juggs loses to a loser during a Rock, Paper, Scissors contest.  He won 2 out of 3 and walked off with a big cardboard check that said "For 2 to Vegas".  He started eating the check piece by piece and later died at the scene from constipation.
• Editor's note: The girl did have large breasts, but they were insanely obvious surgically enhanced.  She probably weighed 150 pounds with 50 of those pounds being boobies.  Also, the "loser" obviously was a winner, because he walked away with a trip for 2 to Vegas and got to sit across from a girl with 50 pounds worth of fake boobs for 2 minutes.  He also didn't eat the check, nor did he die of constipation.
• Here's what Kevin wrote: There once was a man named Jerry, Who's thuggish demeanor scared me, He blocked some shots, He hit some 3's, After 4 beers I couldn't help but pee.
• Editor's note: Kevin tried to get poetic by writing a limerick, however he apparently slept through the 3rd grade English lesson that clearly states that a limerick is a humorous verse of 5 lines, in which the first, second and fifth lines rhyme with each other, and the third and fourth lines, which are shorter, form a rhymed couplet.  I salute the effort, though.

ASK THE DUDE!

Dude:

Does it make me a bad person if I still think about and want to complain about the atrocious refs in last year's Finals?  Is it time to get over that?  What about still wanting to complain about Pat Riley putting Rolando Blackman in during Game 7 of the NBA Finals when John Starks when John Starks was single-handedly giving the Houston Rockets the game?  Am I a bad person?

Morlon Wiley in Dallas

Dear Morlon:

I see you are still bitter.  Guess what?  So am I.  And you're right about Starks in that Finals matchup between the Knicks and Rockets back in '95.  Riley underused two stellar former Mavs in Derek Harper and Rolando Blackman to the detriment of his team.  It's too bad that Riley is the parallel between your frustration in that Finals matchup and the most recent Mavs/Heat Finals matchup.  Refs aside, if Riley had Starks on his bench with the Heat last year, he most certainly would have benched Wade in Stark's favor.  That only would have helped us.  And that's the real reason to still be bitter.  And regardless of all that, you are a bad person.

Dude

Dirk goes for his 15,000th point tonight against the Knicks, and then it's the Suns on Sunday in Phoenix.  The game starts at 2:30.  My daughter's birthday party ends at 3:00.  I will try to pretend that I'm not anxious to leave and watch the game.  I'm sure when my daughter gets older, she'll understand.  I'm sure that regardless of how old my wife is, she wouldn't.  Thank God for Tivo.  Go Mavs!

3 Man Weave

Don't read too much into the the symbolism of the number 3 on this blog.  Just because it's called 3 Cheers, or the title of this post is 3 Man Weave, or that me, my wife and my daughter make up 3 in our family, or that I love the 3 point shot more than any other play in basketball, or that I was pleased that George Lucas split up the Star Wars franchise so that there were technically 2 Trilogies, or that I worship a basketball team that plays near the Trinity River.  If it's there, it's purely unintentional, it's purely unintentional, it's purely unintentional.  I predicted 3 of the 4 Final Four teams, with Texas A&M letting me down.  That's what I get for going with Acie Law THE FOURTH!  But I did nail the Georgetown upset.  Thanks, John Thompson THE THIRD!  3 Mavs were responsible for the way-too-close win against Atlanta.  Dirk, Howard and Terry combined for 83 of the total 104 points.  I waited until my 3rd (and final) notice from my homeowners association to fix the missing slat in my fence this weekend.  See?  There's no connection whatsoever.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 109 @ CELTICS 95

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk didn't have to do much in this game but remind the Celtics that we weren't idiots for passing on Paul Pierce to draft Dirk Nowitzki.  In a game where the 4th quarter was a scout show for bench warmers, Dirk played 30 minutes and scored 20 points on 8 of 15 shooting.

1. Paul Pierce - Great performance with 30 points.  Hang on, what's that?  He was only 5 of 18 from the field?  19 of those points came from the foul line?  Oh well, 30 points is 30 points, and he outscored his draft-day-connection player (the one that is commonly compared to the Celtics legend, Larry Bird).

2. Jason Terry - JET's been hot on this road trip.  29 points on 11 of 15 shooting (4 of 6 from 3 land) and 6 assists.

3. JJ Barea - He played 7 minutes and only scored 5 points, but he was back in Boston where he starred for 4 years at Northeastern University.  It looked like about 100 JJ fans were in attendance to cheer him on, and for a rookie on a stacked roster that rarely plays meaningful minutes, that has to be a cool feeling.

RANDOM CRAP!

• The fourth quarter of this game was about as meaningful as telling someone to keep the change on an item that cost $5.91.  Actually that might not be such a good analogy since the Sonic girl that brought us our Kid's Meal the other night just took our cash and walked off as if she assumed she was getting a 9 cent tip.  Whether we were going to give it to her or not, by golly, she was keeping it.
• Mavs scored 54 points in the paint, compared to 18 by Boston, yet only went to the foul line 17 times, compared to 40 by Boston.  How does that happen?
• Devin Harris keeps winding up with new nicknames.  So far we have "Little D" (which 3 Cheers created), "Milkface" (which Dirk told a national television audience he calls him), and now "Little Booger" (which Avery referred to him due to his improving defense or because Devin's stuck to Avery's finger).
• Just as the Mavs are getting Devean "G2000" George and Greg Buckner back from knee injuries and with DJ Mbenga out for the season due to knee surgery, we lose another to a blown out knee.  Al Whitley, Mavs equipment manager and close friend of Dirk, tore up his knee while taking on the players in a game of pickup after practice and forgetting that he's the EQUIPMENT MANAGER!  As Dirk jokingly said of the play in which the injury occurred, "That spin move was so quick.  It was lightning."  Whoever will manage the equipment now?
• I need to mention that DeSagana Diop had 11 boards and 5 blocks after Dampier decided to follow up his two straight 3 Cheers appearances by getting into foul trouble and totaling only 3 boards and a block.  I would also like to mention that Devin "Milky Booger Face" Harris had 18 points and 6 rebounds, and Josh "I hate having J-Ho as my nickname" Howard had 19 points and 11 rebounds.  That was a list of 3 more players.  I swear it's not symbolism.
• The Mavs racked up 28 assists on the 44 made baskets they had.  With the amount of assists the Mavs usually average with their offensive style, that's the equivalent of dropping a grand in a Salvation Army kettle outside Dillard's.  The Mavs also had 8 blocks in this game.  With the amount of blocks the Mavs usually average with the inconsistent play of their centers, that's the equivalent of swatting that grand right out of the kettle before it drops in, laughing in Santa's face, and then stealing his bell.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 104 @ HAWKS 97

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk was needed far too much in this game.  The Mavs were up huge early on an awful team, but got a little lazy because it was an early start (they always play bad in early starts), they have twice as many wins as Atlanta, and they were up by 20 points at the end of the first 12 minute quarter.  After Atlanta stormed back to take the lead, Dirk, JET and Howard kicked it into another gear.  Dirk totaled 28 points on 10 of 17 shooting.

1. Josh Howard - I think Howard made his first 7 or 8 shots to start the game.  He finished with 28 points on 9 of 14 shooting (3 of 3 from 3) and 5 boards.

2. Jason Terry - JET was going against his former team, who he refuses to lose to since he's so glad to be off that team and on this team.  JET was sloppy early, totaling 8 turnovers, but he kicked it up by scoring 27 points on 10 of 15 shooting (3 of 5 from 3), 6 assists, and 3 steals.

3. Josh Childress - In case you forgot, or in case you didn't even know to begin with, Childress was the darling of the Pac-10 while playing for Stanford.  He was picked 6th in 2004 right behind Booger Milk Harris, in fact.  What a stamp he's put on the game, huh?  Actually, I think if Childress were anywhere except Atlanta, he might be worth his chalk.  He managed 21 points on 6 of 8 shooting (9 of 10 from the line), 5 boards, a steal and a block.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I watched half this game from my bathroom because I had to shower during the first half after racing to at least mow my grass before game time.  I watched the second half from my favorite pub, Irish Rover, while meeting with my good friend and writing companion, Abram.  The Mavs were killing it while I was in the bathroom, then started tanking while I was driving to the pub and waiting alone.  Once Abram showed up for the last 9 minutes or so, the Mavs took the game back and sealed the victory.  Thanks, Abram.  And thanks, bathroom.
• I told you about Abram's blog, right?  It's not for the faint of heart (or the conservative), but they do a podcast every now and again.  Well, Abram "El Mariachi", asked me if I would be willing to sit in for a guest spot.  I told him that if we changed the name to I Was A Teenage . . . Brandon May Rules, then we have an agreement.  Haven't heard back from him yet.
• Abram used to be a teacher's assistant during grad school at University of Arkansas, and he told me that he had the Hawk's Joe Johnson in one of his classes.  Abram taught him Freshman Comp, which apparently does not cover the downfalls of taking a lucrative contract to leave the Phoenix Suns to go play for the Atlanta Hawks.  I'm sure Abram would have covered that if it had been in the curriculum.
• It was good to see Anthony Johnson again.  If you remember, he used to sit on our bench the first half of the year.  We traded him for a second round pick.  I questioned the move at first.  Right now, a second round pick looks like we got a steal, even though there are not lower rounds to the NBA draft than the second round.  Anthony Johnson only had 9 points on 4 of 11 shooting, which is almost as many points as he had scored in the previous 4 games combined.  Meanwhile Devin "Little Milky McBoogerface" Harris has flourished in the increased playing time and confidence that the team has given him.
• Happy Birthday to Avery Johnson.  He turned 42.  He was rewarded with his 58th victory of the season and the 134th regular season victory of his young coaching career.  Remember that this is only his second full season.  In fact, this was the time of year that he took over for Nelson three years ago, only coaching 18 games that season.  He is 99 games over .500 in only 169 games.  He probably won't win Coach of the Year again this year, but he should.

ASK THE DUDE!

Dude:

Let's say you did a bunch of work and put a bunch of time and precious wit into something that others, I don't know, say friends and family mostly, could enjoy for free, and all you asked in return was a few questions or comments for you to post and have some fun with.  And let's say that very few of those hypothetical friends and family that enjoy all your work and wisdom for free actually responded.  My question is: would you be totally above the idea of just making up a fake question to fill the space and make a point?

Melancholy in Mavsland

Dear Melancholy:

No.

Dude

The Mavs are at 58 wins with 13 games to go.  I'm not going to talk about 70 wins because I still don't think it's possible/matters to the team.  What I will talk about is that the Mavs have 2 seasons in their history when they won 60.  That's the record.  They had another where they won 58.  We have 13 games to go, and we are tied for second best all time.  Even if they split (which I find hard to predict) we win 64-65 games.  But ask any Maverick, and all they care about is winning 16 games starting April 20th.  April's a special month for me.  My daughter's birthday.  My wife's birthday.  The anniversary of my first date with my wife.  That makes 3 special things.  3?  Oooohhhh!  I have chills now.  Go Mavs!

Imitation Is The Sincerest Form of Flattery

There was a little mentioned news item over the weekend that I think needs to be addressed.  Why didn't you hear much about it?  Because The Man didn't want you to.  The Man would much rather talk about how the current Mavs team is copying the image of the Spurs teams that won 3 rings, even though people used to say the Mavs needed to play like the Spurs if they ever wanted to get anywhere.  The Man would rather talk about how the Suns are the most dangerous team in the league, even though the Suns are playing the same style (with the same strengths and weaknesses) as the Mavs teams that were dismissed for not playing like the Spurs.  The Man wants to compare the Mavs run this year to some of the greatest NBA seasons of all time, claiming how they aren't as good as those other historic teams, namely the watermark 72 win Chicago Bulls team.  But here's what The Man didn't want you to know.  The leader of that Bulls team, arguably the best player in the history of the game, Michael Jordan uses one team in particular that he wants to model his Charlotte Bobcats franchise after.  The Spurs, with their mind-numbing efficiency?  The Suns, with their suddenly Bill Walton-approved style of all offense, no defense?  The great Bulls teams of the mid-90's that Jordan led to a 3-Peat?  The answer comes as emphatically as the response in this famous exchange from one of the greatest movies of all time:

Ned Nederlander: Tell us we will die like dogs.

El Guapo's Henchman (confused): You will die like dogs?

Dusty Bottoms: NO!  We will not die like dogs!  We will fight like lions, because we are . . .

Dusty Bottoms, Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander (in unison): The Three Amigos!

So did Jordan pick the Spurs or the Suns or the Pistons or the Heat to model his team after?  NO!  He did not aspire to become those teams!  He aspired to become like us, because we are . . .

The Dallas Mavericks!

Jordan has already announced that his current head coach will not return next season.  When asked what kind of coach he was looking for, he used Avery Johnson as the example of the kind of coach we would love to have.  Glad Cuban made sure to redo the General's contract this past offseason before his price tag grew even bigger and other suitors were out there?  When asked what kind of players he was looking for this offseason in the draft and free agency, he used Josh Howard as the type of versatile, athletic players he's looking for.  Glad Cuban gave Howard that extension this past off season before Howard had many suitors and much dollars thrown at him?

Credit to David Moore of the Dallas Morning News for being able to squeeze 166 words out on the subject before no doubt being traced by the NBA brass and dealt with.  So let those other nay-sayers look for every excuse to dismiss the Mavs.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  We have just been flattered by Michael Jordan, and The Man didn't want you to know it.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 92 @ KNICKS 77

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Not an overwhelming game, but effective.  24 points on 10 of 15 shooting, 5 boards and a block.  He only shot (and made) one 3 pointer, he only went to the line 3 times, and he only had 1 assist.  But he methodically destroyed the Knicks interior defense with mid-range jumpers to open the floor for others.

1. Josh Howard - Howard also had 24 points, but his was on 9 of 18 shooting with 5 of 6 from the free throw line.  He also added 10 rebounds and a steal.  He played very solid defense (along with others) to hold all but two Knicks players to single digits in points.

2. Erick Dampier - It was last season in December, a game in New York, where Dampier lost his starting job for the rest of the season to DeSagana Diop after an effort as inspiring as a blank Hallmark card with a picture of a Labrador dropping a steamer in your lawn.  Call Damp the pooper scooper on this night.  Sure his counterpart, Eddy Curry, had a terrific game, but Damp exorcised some demons to a certain extent.  He scored 10 points on 3 of 5 shooting (4 of 6 from the line), grabbed 13 rebounds, had 2 assists, a steal and a block.

3. Eddy Curry - To think that the Bulls traded this guy away because they thought he was a heart attack waiting to happen.  In truth, he was in a medical sense.  But I think the Bulls were classifying him as such based on his style of play compared to his expectations, not because he had a heart condition.  Oddly enough, he winds up in the most hostile media market in the world and begins playing up to his standards.  He's still not consistent, but I don't think there are many teams that would turn him down now.  22 points on 9 of 20 shooting (scouts, overlook the 4 of 12 from the line) and 12 rebounds (6 offensive).

Honorable Mention: Jason Terry & Jerry Stackhouse - JET did his damage from the field.  Stack did his damage from the line.  Together, they were a combined 25 points, 5 boards, 10 assists and a steal.

RANDOM CRAP!

• The game started at 6:30 CST, but I didn't get to start watching it until 9:00 because of American Idol.  I would love to completely blame my wife, but it's a guilty pleasure and I have Tivo.  I wouldn't do this during the playoffs.
• They don't show Spike Lee, but Woody Allen's at the game.  They also show one of the Baldwin brothers.  I'm not sure which one it is.  They kind of all look alike to me.  I'm pretty sure it wasn't Alec or Stephen, so maybe it was Tito or Jermaine.  Those are the other ones, right?
• Mark Aguirre, one of the best players in Mavs history, is a bench coach for the Knicks.  It's ironic, because the main reason he left the Mavs on such bad terms and will probably never get his jersey retired is because he was too stubborn to accept coaching.
• One of the refs in this game is Violet Palmer.  She's an awful ref, but as long as guys like Cornbread Maxwell continue to make sexist remarks on television about her, league officials will continue to feel sorry for her rather than realize that she's about as accurate as a drunk trying to pee into a thimble.
• JJ Barea usually is the first rookie off the bench, but Mo Ager is the one that gets some early PT in this game.  He plays 5 minutes with nothing but 2 missed shots and a sweaty headband to show for it in the box score. 
• Speaking of JJ, I think I heard one of the commentators talk about him being "Latin", as in one of the few "Latin" players in the league.  I'm sorry, but the dude's Puerto Rican.  He's not Latin.  He's as white as Del Harris's hair.  The closest JJ gets to being Latin is when he collects his "Per Diem", which is Latin for "even millionaires need $500 a day for lunch money".
• Speaking of Del Harris's hair and American Idol, doesn't Del's 'Do look like a snowy version of Simon Cowell's?
• I hate when the refs give Avery a quick technical for arguing calls.  I really hate it when refs give him a quick tech, and he was absolutely right the whole time.  Generally, a coach can argue quite a bit as long as they don't cross a line.  Avery cusses about as often as I eat asparagus, so I find it odd that he would cross that line too often.
• Knicks rookie Renaldo Balkman uses a rubberband to tie his dreadlocks back.  It's the kind of rubberband you would wrap bulk mail in.
• My dog, Nelson, (you probably know by now that he's named after the former Mavs coach) walks by me.  He stinks something fierce.  I've always prided myself on coming up with accurate and humorous metaphors and similes to describe a situation, but I'm at a loss here.  He just stinks.  Anyhoo, as I'm trying to squeeze out a fart to make it smell better near me, I notice that Nelson has whole pieces of Apple Jacks buried in his fluffy pelt, compliments of my daughter Payton.  She's only two, but she understands the concept of placing potpourri at the source.
• In a quick interview with Josh Howard, they asked him when he knew he would make it in the NBA.  He claims that it was when he cracked the starting lineup his rookie year.  First of all, we are all the better for it.  Howard was one of the upsides to that chemistry-experiment-gone-wrong-year where we brought in Antawn Jamison and Antoine Walker and lost in the first round of the playoffs.  Second of all, anytime a rookie cracks the starting rotation in a lineup filled with high-priced, high-caliber veterans like Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, Michael Finley, Antoine Walker, and Antoine Jamison with Don Nelson as the head coach (he rarely plays rookies, much less trusts them to start a game), then you know you have arrived.  I thought maybe he would say it was when he got into the All-Star game, but Howard's absolutely right.  That year was the moment that he realized he belonged, and the reason that it's only taken him 4 years to become the wingman to the greatest foreign player in the history of the NBA on the best team in the league.
• I saw a report that the New York crowd was chanting "MVP" for Dirk Nowitzki, except for one time.  They began chanting it when Austin Croshere was at the foul line, proving that the New York crowd is racist and think all white people look alike.  Just like the Baldwin brothers.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 98 @ CAVS 90

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Another underwhelming game, yet another solid stat line at the end: 23 points on 9 of 24 shooting, 9 boards, 6 assists, a steal and a block.  I still feel that if the Mavs wind up with about 65 wins and Dirk averages about 25 points and 10 rebounds for the season, he should win MVP.  I will say that it's games like this that probably turn off the average viewer, because he doesn't compile his numbers in a highlight reel fashion.  Tim Duncan fans can empathize.

1. LeBron James - Okay, so the Mavs held him to 14 points in the first 3 quarters to pretty much make the fourth quarter a foregone conclusion.  LeBron still did everything he could in the 4th to get the win by scoring 17 of his 31 in the frame.  His 31 came on 12 of 28 shooting (6 of 7 from the line), 6 boards, 4 assists, 2 steals and 3 blocks.

2. Erick Dampier - Slap my face and call me Susan: Dampier is in the 3 Cheers two games in a row!  Damp rolled up 13 points on 4 of 5 shooting and a perfect 5 of 5 from the line to go with 9 boards, 2 steals and a block.  That's glorious news!

3. Mavs Guards - Devin Harris scorched the Cavs defense and was the main defender on LeBron for the first 3 quarters.  Jason Terry hit big shots all night.  They combined for 38 points on 16 of 27 shooting (3 of 6 from behind the arc), 11 rebounds, 11 assists, a steal and a block.  Everyone calls Terry, "JET".  I've been calling Harris, "Little D".  Apparently the whole team calls Harris, "Milkface".  I'm not sure with nickname is more insensitive.

RANDOM CRAP!

• For starters, I am growing upset with those voting for American Idol.  I understand that the system is to vote for those that you want to stay, not the ones you want to leave.  But how is Sanjaya Malakar still on this show?  And why was there a hysterical, crying teenager cheering him on?  This isn't NKOTB, this is Sanjaya Malakar.  He borrowed his hairstyle from Farrah Fawcett, his voice from Donna Summer, and his eyebrows from Ed Asner.  I don't really have a favorite this year, but I have a least favorite.
• Sacramento Kings guard Ron Artest is facing 4 charges of domestic violence.  Isn't it sad when heroes fall short of your expectations?
• At the start of the ESPN broadcast, they debate that Dirk isn't a closer.  Then later, Jim Gray continues to bring up the Phoenix game even though it happened a week ago.  Can't these people get over it?  We beat the Suns in the playoffs last year in six games.  That means that we must have lost a couple.  No one crowned the Suns the champs and bad mouthed Dirk when that happened.  Probably because we beat them.  We also beat them at the beginning of the season when both teams were a combined 1-9 record.  No one really made a stink, even though it started our first double-digit win streak of the season.  We beat them right after Christmas by 2 when someone hit the winning shot with 2 seconds left.  I was there, so give me a second to remember who it was, oh yeah, it was DIRK!  How can so many people find so many reasons to dismiss Dirk, and more importantly, WHY do so many people do it?
• One item on the long list of things I hate: Refs that wait until a player misses a shot to call a foul.  If he was fouled, call it when it happens.  You are either assuming that the player that was fouled was so infallible that the only reasonable explanation for him missing a shot was that he was attacked by wild boars or you are screwing a player that makes a difficult shot after being fouled of getting the extra free shot for his trouble.  I'll put it this way: Nobody that plays a full season at reasonable minutes shoots 100% from the field.  Guys miss shots.  It happens, wild boars or not.  Also, this league is full of phenomenal athletes that can make a basket even after getting a forearm to the jugular.  Just because they made it doesn't mean wild boars didn't attack.  In the current NBA world of hair-trigger whistles and ticky-tack touch fouls where the only thing that gets hurt is a player's feelings, this wait-and-see-if-he-scores approach is frustratingly inconsistent.
• At the first of the month, when we played Cleveland in Dallas, I mentioned that their starting center, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, had recently returned from an extended bereavement leave after his wife had delivered twin stillborn children.  I know he doesn't read this blog; in fact I'm damn near certain, but either way, I wish him and his wife the best.  If this had happened 3 years ago, I might have felt bad for him but not really understood the magnitude.  Now, as they revisit what he's been through, and I watch my 2 year old, Payton, smear macaroni and cheese all over my cell phone, I absolutely sympathize with his loss.
• Jason Terry's little brother plays for UNLV, who has just made the Sweet 16, which slightly ruined my bracket.  Like brother, like brother.  JET was on the Arizona team that beat 3 #1 seeds en route to the national title.  JET screwed up my bracket then, too.
• Speaking of my bracket, so far I have picked 42 of a total 52 games correctly, however I lost one of my Final Four teams last night in Texas A&M.  All the more reason to hate the Aggies.
• I wrote down in my notes that Bill Walton was full of fecal matter.  Not entirely sure why I wrote it, but I'm positive I had a legitimate reason.
• I don't know about you tree-hugging, "smile on your brother" types, but I appreciate how the Mavs don't help an opponent up off the floor, regardless of the circumstances.  More importantly, they will refuse help from an opponent if they are the floored.  I think that holds more weight than a hard foul or putting a mean face on or jabbing a forearm into a guy's spleen.  You knock a man down and then walk away, right or wrong, that sends a message.  "I don't care about you."  Some guy comes over to help you up and you decline, right or wrong, that sends a message.  "I don't need your help."  Both instances send one single message:  You're the enemy, and in the next 48 minutes, you will be treated as such.  That's something this team didn't have a few years ago.
• Bill Walton just said that Mark Cuban was the best thing to happen to the NBA.  Of course, Walton is known to exaggerate on occasion.  I would have thought the best thing to happen to the NBA was George Mikan, or the Celtics of the 1960's, or the Lakers-Celtics rivalries of the 80's, or the advent of the 24 second shot clock, or the introduction of the 3 point line, or the Bulls of the 90's.  Nothing against Mark Cuban.  He's anointed this blog as if he were the Pope.  But he's not the best thing that's happened to the NBA.  He's just the best thing that's happened to the Mavs.
• Dirk lost his shoe on one play while trying to outrace a Cavs player for a loose ball.  The Mavs had to slow the fast break down and settle into a half court offense to give Dirk time to put his shoe back on and get back into the front court without help from the refs.  Consequently, Dirk and LeBron got tangled up later on, and LeBron got mad and pleaded his case to the refs.  The refs helped get LeBron a fresh pair of panties and called the foul on Dirk.
• I would like to petition to stop the "Blood Rule" or "The Magic Johnson Supposedly Got AIDS 13 Years Ago, So We Must Check Every NBA Player When He Bleeds During A Game" rule.  This is the NBA, not the porn industry.  Just because a guy gets an elbow to the orbital bone and drips a drop or two on the court, doesn't mean we have to quarantine the player.  May I mention that they never seem too concerned about the safety of the poor 13-year-old that has to mop up the carnage?  Look at the average offensive or defensive lineman at the end of a football game.  Blood all over them, probably only half of it their own.  What, football players don't have AIDS?  If a guy needs medical attention, that's one thing.  But I think the time has passed where we need to be concerned about a little blood on a sweaty bicep to the point where we have to take the player out of the game until he's been stitched up and sterilized.  In some of these cases, I bleed more when I floss.

ASK THE DUDE!

Dude:

Tom Davis has retired as the Drake University's head basketball coach.  Despite rumors that his son, Keno Davis, will take over the reigns of the Drake powerhouse, what sort of pitch would be needed to lure Bob Ortegal back into the Drake fold?  And is there a website to which I can donate my credit card number that would help Bob Ortegal return to his basketball bosom?

Curious in Carrollton

Dear Curious:

First of all, please send all payments to: http://brandonmay3cheers.typepad.com/brandon_mays_3_cheers_mav/

Secondly, I don't think it's too far of a stretch to think they are looking for the next Bob Ortegal here.  Some call him "Coach", some call him "Bob-O".  Who's rumored to take over?  Ken-o.  Coincidence?  If they want the real thing, you might think we could deliver.  Unfortunately, even at a perennial basketball juggernaut like Drake University, where Bob-O used to teach the fundamentals of the bounce pass, the pick and pop, and how to allow Lombardo's Custom Apparel to claim that they outfitted you for a broadcast, they have evolved.  I'm afraid the only safe haven Bob-O has is right next to Mark Followill (or any other play by play announcer that's smart enough to take the first promotion that comes their way).  But keep sending those payments, M'kay?

Dude

Thanks to my talent scout, Ricky, I have found my first guest star on The (Blue and) White Album.  His name is Bentley Green, he's cute, you can't understand a word he's saying, and he's a Mavs fan.  Apparently, he's trying to get in on my Mavs music action.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  Enjoy the Mavs/Celtics game tonight, and watch out for the Celtics' Gerald Green.  He has the best name for a Celtic player until they draft some guy named Ronan Fitzgerald O'Hoolahan.  Go Mavs!