3 Cheers - Game 6, Round 1

WARRIORS 111 vs. MAVS 86

Dear sweet and beautiful baby Jesus,

I used to wonder what would possess a man to hole himself up in a tiny log cabin in a remote location sporting only a well-worn pair of tighty-whiteys with nothing but a case of cheap bourbon and the sport of throwing doodie at the trespassers to keep him occupied.  Now I know.

Much Dude love, Amen.

Dear Mavs,

Go f*** yourselves.  You wanted everyone to forget about your collapse last year in the Finals?  Well, congratu-f***ing-lations.  You are now the biggest joke in NBA history.  This is what people think of you now.  You know what's worse than me having to defend you guys all the time?  Having no logical retort during the argument, that's what.  Because of you, I will have to shun my usual daily dose of sports talk radio for about 2 months while sulking to the tunes of 80's power ballads.  I want you to watch this game over and over again and feel the pain that I feel.  I feel sick and betrayed.  How many times do you get to rip my heart out year in and year out before I just stop?  I stuck with you, fought for you, wrote for you, and now I can't even begin to describe how horrible this makes me feel.  My team - MY TEAM! - doesn't just lose in the first round, they make sure that they become a laughingstock in the process forcing me to listen to a bunch of donkey dung for the next 12 months - AT LEAST!  If this was a marriage, you'd be sleeping on the couch for weeks until you could prove to me that you're sorry.  The doghouse is the Taj Mahal compared to where you are in my backyard right now.  I can't even print all the things on this family friendly blog that I wrote down about you last night without it just being an incoherent string of asterisks, ampersands and ass-chewings.  You have some severe making up to do.

Dude (Irate Mavs Fan)

3 CHEERS:

1. Stephen Jackson - Yea for you.

2. Baron Davis - Nice beard.

3. Matt Barnes - You're a jackass.

3 JEERS:

1. Dirk Nowitzki - Hey, Casper.  I guess it's not all your fault.  I mean, how can The Hoff help you if he can't even help himself?  No, I take that back.  It's your fault.  I thoroughly hope that Steve Nash wins the MVP this year now to save you the embarrassment of accepting the award from your couch after the performance you put on in this series.

2. Jason Terry - At the beginning of the season, you wore socks with the Finals logo on them to fire you up about what you missed out on.  I guess next year, you can wear a sleeveless "We Believe" shirt under your jersey to remind you of how poorly you played in this series.

3. Josh Howard - The most consistent player in this series, I can't get too mad at you.  But what the hell, I'm still mad at you.  What in the mother-scratching hell were you thinking trying to get into a 3 point shooting contest with this team when your strength is taking them to the rack?

4. Erick Dampier - I don't care about your shoulder, I don't care about how much money you make, I don't care that the only reason you got that money is because we let Steve Nash walk, I don't care what or who we traded to the Warriors to get you.  You are our starting center and no team, no player, no style of play, up tempo, slow tempo, flat line tempo should allow you to spend the bulk of the series on the bench because you weren't useful to us.  I think it's officially time for you to start living up to your potential with this team.

5. Devin Harris - They made a big stink before the season about how much you worked on your jumper to open up your inside game.  Well, I guess old habits die hard, huh?  It's your off season to get your big contract extension.  I would hate to lose you because you are a one, maybe two dimensional player.  You know what you need to work on.  Do it.  You're better than this.

6. Jerry Stackhouse - Sadly, we might have just seen your last game as a Maverick.  You fought in that last game, but the series as a whole was a massive disappointment.  Is that how you want to go out?  I don't think it is.  You have a lot to think about in the next 7 months.  Why 7?  Because the Mavs lost in the first round to an 8th seed, that's why.

7. DeSagana Diop - If you would just put back up all those offensive rebounds you get instead of passing it back out, you would score an extra 6-8 points a game.  You had a fairly solid contribution in this series, but it's like eating a delicious ice cream sundae out of a toilet plunger.  When you get down to the bottom of it, it's still poopy.

8. Devean George - We got you to shut down the taller, bigger, faster guards that used to scorch us last year.  When it mattered most, you couldn't deliver.  We also got you because you weren't an offensive liability.  When it mattered most, you couldn't deliver.

9. Greg Buckner - See above.

10. Austin Croshere - Hasta luego, you just weren't en fuego.  You barely contributed all season, and you're a huge expiring contract.  At least Marquis Daniels didn't do much this year, or you would have been a bigger disappointment.  Happy trails, and best of luck.

11. Avery Johnson - You owe Kevin Willis an apology for wasting his time.  I hate to do this to you, because I love you.  But the head coach of a 67-win team can't be completely absolved of any wrong doing in a collapse like this.  The Game 1 strategy backfired.  The offensive play calling was atrocious at times.  And when the most passionate, fiery guy on the team's bench can't suit up because he's the coach, it spells trouble.  Back to the drawing board.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I hate saying all this about my guys, but I'm pissed off.
• A customer just came in to my store and saw one of my Mavericks posters I have hanging in the store (I haven't had a chance to tear them down yet), and says, "What happened to Dirk last night?  He sucks."  It's already started, and it's bad customer service to tell him to get the hell out.
• My wife wrote down on my note pad: Please win for my husband.  He deserves to see this team win.  It will be a very bad night and off season if you don't.  No pressure.  Just win for Brandon please.  Thank you.
• I don't think the Mavs got that memo.
• Speaking of Mrs. Dude, when she decided to go to bed after the 3rd quarter beat down, she lectured me about being quiet.  That was the perfect way to cap off watching my Mavs get outscored 36-15 in the third.  Nothing like a good scolding to ease the pain of watching your dream season turn into a nightmare right before your eyes.
• Dallas-born Owen Wilson was spotted at courtside cheering for the Warriors.  Owen, I like you.  I like your brothers and your movies.  But you're a traitor.
• Matt Barnes decided that he didn't want to end the series without finally getting called for a flagrant foul, so he tackled Mo Ager.  Strong move, big man.  Take out the bench warmer at the end of a blowout.  Your supremacy is daunting.
• The Warriors started the game off by going on a 12-0 run, which kind of makes up for that 15-0 run the Mavs went on at the end of the previous game.
• Stackhouse was on fire early from the 3 point line, and the Mavs scored their first 18 points from behind the arc.  All 7 of their made shots in the first quarter were from the 3 point line.  It kept them close, but it was fool's gold and played right into the Warrior's game plan.
• Great quote from Devean George (about the only good contribution he made in this series) in regards to the study that recently came out from Cornell University about racial bias in officiating.  The study of 13 years of box scores supports the claim that white officials were more likely to call fouls on black players, and black officials were more likely to call fouls on white players.  Says G2000: I haven't seen any bias toward one race.  I just see bad officiating.
• Stephen Jackson went down early in the game, and everyone goes ape turds trying to find out if he's okay.  Meanwhile, the replays that they are showing to see what happened to Jackson reveal Jason Richardson literally jumping on G2000's back like he was getting a piggy back ride or saddling up a pony at the state fair.  At least they called a foul on the play.  Oh, wait, they didn't call a foul.  Apparently trying to camel hump your opponent is acceptable if one of your own players flops to the ground and pretends that his leg just got sawed off shortly before hopping right back up and scoring 33 points.
• I've given Bob-O (local Dallas Mavs commentator Bob Ortegal) quite a bit of grief, but he finally made me laugh WITH him last night.  Devin Harris drew a charge from Al Harrington.  The crowd goes nuts.  They show the replay, and the call was undoubtedly correct.  Says Bob-O: You [Harrington] can't be in the restricted area [to draw a charge], but the fans here don't know the rules so obviously they're going to boo.  Brilliant, Bob-O.  Brilliant.  Hope to see you back next year.

And so we conclude another season of 3 Cheers.  Sorry this couldn't go on longer, but you know where the blame falls on that one.  This will most likely usher the end of the typepad account as I focus my energy on getting brandonmay.com fully functional.  Go to the site and subscribe if you would like.  Once you do, you will start to receive emailed links whenever I post a new article.  They might be fairly sporadic since it's the off season and I'll be deep into therapy and counseling.  But the best way to work out your problems is to talk about them, right?  That's why I'm here.  The Dude abides.  I'm still driving this bandwagon; I'm just a wounded puppy right now.  At least this inspirational song can cheer me up.  Thanks for reading this season, and take care of yourselves.  Much Dude love, Amen.