My loyal and long time readers are already familiar with this project, but this post is for one person and one person only: Mark Cuban. Here are samples of the songs and lyrics that will appear on The (Blue and) White Album, plus a never-before-seen bonus track for Mr. Cuban himself. Mark, if you like what you see, I can be contacted at brandon_may@msn.com. I will gladly collaborate with you as an executive producer and official supplier of awesomeness on this project, and maybe we can have it on the shelves by playoff time. Enjoy.
Dude
THE (BLUE AND) WHITE ALBUM: THE DUDE SESSIONS
TRACK #1: FINALS FUNK by THE MAVS (based on The Super Bowl Shuffle by The Chicago Bears Shufflin' Crew)
We are the Mavs, running the court/Beating all the teams like we own the sport/A jumper, a trey, maybe even a dunk/The Mavs are gonna hit you with some Finals Funk
My name is Dirk, and I'm a German/My smooth jumpshot leaves the defenses squirmin'/They call me Stack, and I don't take jack/Driving the lane like a Cadillac/The JET is on the runway, and I move faster/If you can't keep up, your team's facing disaster/Some call me J-Ho, and I wear braces/You can see them when I smile as I dunk in y'all's faces/I'm Devin Harris, and I play with flair/Even though I can't grow facial hair/Dampier here, I don't always impress/But please don't boo, because I'm trying my best/Devean George, I want you to know me/I'm just glad I don't have to play with Kobe/You can call me Croshere, it's the name I prefer/'Cause I'm not pleased with all the other names I've heard/DeSagana Diop, they call me the cop/'Cause I'm slowin' down opponents like a traffic stop/We're Buckner and Johnson, we try to stay hot/We still suit up for the Mavs, in case you forgot/I'm DJ Mbenga, basketball fun/Not good rhyming, I sit down now
We are the Mavs, running the court/Beating all the teams like we own the sport/A jumper, a trey, maybe even a dunk/The Mavs are gonna hit you with some Finals Funk!
TRACK #2: DAMN, DIRK IS FINE by DIRK NOWITZKI (based on Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond)
Where it began/A little town called Wurzberg/That's where my journey would begin
I met a teacher/That guy, he made me special/Made me a star, a wunderkind
Hands, touchin' ball/Reachin' up/Touchin' me/Touchin' net
Damn, Dirk is fine (bah bah dah)/Jumpshots never looked so good
I've been inclined (bah bah dah)/To claim I am the greatest on the hardwood
TRACK #3: STACK'S HOUSE by JERRY STACKHOUSE (based on Run's House by Run-DMC)
A whole lotta superstars on this court here tonight/But I want y'all to know one thing/This is - Stack's House/And when I say who's house/Y'all know what time it is/Who's House?/Stack's House!
Ah, once again the drill/It's your hopes I kill/You cannot fathom that/I ever had this skill/Till a ruler came/With a cooler name/I make ya break your ankles, drive the fans insane/Name is Stack my son/A ManiAAC for fun/When I react, I've won/And got jacked by none/The other's game is lame/My jumpers drain and spill/Your cardiac reacts and Stack heads the bill/Who's House?/Stack's House!/Who's House?/Stack's House!
I'm in the house, y'all/I'm in the house, y'all/And this is how the Forty-Deuce will turn it out,y'all/I'm in the house, y'all/I'm in the house,y'all/And this is what the Forty-Deuce be all about, y'all/Well, you know my name is Stack/The all-time great/I lead the best bench in the NBA/Reporters cry/Opponents Die/They wanna be down with the Mavs!/I'm a wanted player from a wanted team slayer/If Dirk's the Pres, then I'm the Mayor/Not a K.O.B.E off the street/But an S.T.A.C.K. complete/Who's House?/Stack's House!/Who's House?/Stack's House!
TRACK #4: I'M CROSHERE by AUSTIN CROSHERE (based on I'll Be There by The Jackson 5)
The Mavs and I must make a pact/They must know I'll always have their back/Where there is playing time/I'm Croshere/I might not play for days/But I'll do whatever Avery says/Just call my name/I'm Croshere
I'll be there to play for you/I will nail an open 3/You'll be so glad you went with me/I'll be there with a strength that's strong/I know that sounds redundant, but it's true and I'm not going to apologize (apologize)
I know I'm here because you gave up Marquis/But I promise to earn my keeps/Whenever you need me/I'm Croshere/You might think that I'm a balding white guy/You wouldn't be wrong, but I'm the right guy/Just call my name/I'm Croshere
Don't you know, Avery, yeah, yeah/I'm Croshere/I'm Croshere/Just call my name/I'm Croshere
(Just look over shoulder, Avery, HOOOOO!)
I'm Croshere/I'm Croshere/Whenever you need me/I'm Croshere
TRACK #5: AS LONG AS WE'VE GOT EACH OTHER by ERICK DAMPIER and DESAGANA DIOP (based on The Theme from Growing Pains by whoever wrote the Theme from Growing Pains) *Dampier's lines are in blue, Diop's lines are in gray, and the black lines are when they sing together
Show me that block again (Oooh, show me that block)/You stuffed his shot and then you got the rebound/We make a good team, my friend (Oh yes, we are friends)/Let's hope this winning never ends!
Ooooh/As long as we got each other/Our stats combine to make a decent game/Dampy, you and me/We gotta be/The luckiest centers that've ever been playing!
We're gonna make our millions/And if we suck, we'll probably still win the game/So blame won't fall on us/No one makes a fuss!/We got each other/Riding this team to a Ring!
TRACK #6: FIRE UP THE JET by JASON "JET" TERRY (based on We Got the Jazz by Tribe Called Quest)
Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET
Crossover dribbles that make you break your knees/When I run it up the court, all defenders say please/Don't take me to the rack, but you know I don't listen/So I make defenders sweat until the court starts to glisten/Had big shoes to fill when the Nashy went west/But I stepped up to the challenge, and I think you know the rest/I'm kind of superstitious, so I like to wear the shorts/Of opponents on the night before I see them on the courts/So push it along, changed my style/Still like to cut up, still like to smile/But I bought into the General and I bought into the team/Bought into the defense and I bought into the scheme/Bought into the scheme because I'm challenging for rings/And the glory that it brings and among the other things/I bought into the system 'cause I get to play with Dirk/Winning is my mission and mission's gonna work/So I wear my socks high, the JET's about to fly/By you on the court like I control the friendly skies/Wanna jumper or a trey or a dunk or a steal/The JET is on the runway and I think you know the deal
Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET
TRACK #7: AFRICA by DJ MBENGA (based on Africa by Toto)
I left my home and genocide behind/After all, my father died because of what he stood for/I was imprisoned for a year of my life/They could beat my flesh but they could never destroy my core/I fled to Belgium in the night/Hoping that my mother and I could find some kind of peace at all/A chance encounter with a man who said/"Son, you should be playing basketball!"
It took a lot to take me away from home/The path I've traveled goes longer than I'd have ever known/I lost my family down in Africa/But now I have a chance to live the life they never had
19 years old and 7 feet tall/Never even had the chance to learn the game of basketball/Then a father figure took me in/Told me with a little work and luck that I could have it all/5 years later and here I am/Living the dream and playing in the NBA!
It took a lot to take me away from home/The path I've traveled goes longer than I'd have ever known/I left my life back in Africa/But now I'm here and I am playing for the Mavs!
TRACK #8: WHEN I SEE YOU SMILE by JOSH HOWARD (based on When I See You Smile by Bad English)
Sometimes I wonder/How you even made it here/Second option on the league's best team/It feels like you are in a dream/Then sometimes I realize/You deserve where you sit/You never doubted yourself/You bust your tail for it/Sometimes you wanted to give up/You wanted to give in/You wanted to quit the fight/But I'm looking at you in the mirror/And every thing's alright/Every thing's alright!
When I see you smile/I see pearly whites/Oh, see them shining straight and bright/When I see you smile/I see a Mavericks steal/Proof to the other teams that I'm real/When I see you smile/J-Ho, when I see you smile/At me!
You were overlooked/In the draft that year/Teams, they tried to nitpick you/You're future didn't seem so clear/Everyone was talking Lebron/Melo, Wade and Bosh/All 28 teams past on you/But you know it was all their loss/But now your jumpers draining/Your team is reigning/You almost have every tool/Other teams that passed you/You make them look like fools/You make them look like fools!
When I see you smile/I see defensive stops/Oh, I see rebounds, I see blocks/When I see you smile/I see slashing jams/Letting the world know who I am/When I see you smile/J-Ho, when I see you smile/At me!
TRACK # 9: PIECES OF A TEAM by GREG BUCKNER and ANTHONY JOHNSON (based on Islands in the Stream by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton) *this song was written before Johnson was traded, but the Dude doesn't do rewrites. You can't rewrite genius. Johnson's lines are in blue, Buckner's lines are in gray, and the black lines are when they sing together
Buckner, when I met you I just knew it'd be smooth/You and I together, we've got something to prove/Coming off the bench/Dude, we could win it all
You've been to the Finals, but you got no ring/I have never been, but I want the same thing/I can play solid D/Johnson, you can pass the ball
Although our playing time/It comes with variation/We'll be ready/To serve the Mavericks nation/We ride the bench together, hey hey/Making love with each other, no way!
Pieces of a team/That is what we are/I can play some D/I can pass the ball/And when Avery/Gives us the call/We rely on each other, nah nah/From one Maverick to another, hah hah
TRACK #10: PROUD MAVVY by THE ROOKIE TROUBADOURS (MO AGER, J.J. BAREA, and POPS MENSAH-BONSU) (based on Proud Mary by Ike and Tina Turner) *Ager's lines are in blue, Barea's are in gray, and Mensah-Bonsu's are in green
(slowly) You know, every now and then/I think you might like to see something from us/Nice and easy/But there's just one thing/We never ever do nothing/Nice and easy/We always do it nice and in the last minute of a blowout/So we're gonna do the beginning of this song easy/Like riding the bench/Then we're gonna do the finish rough/Like playing in the D-League
Had a good job with the Mavericks/Working for the General every night and day/But I never saw very much game time/So they found us a place to play/Big wheel keep on turning/Proud Mavvy keep on burning/And we're rolling, rolling/Rolling to the D-League
(faster, with horns, funk and lots of booty shaking)
There's too many players on this roster/They've been around the league for a long, long time/How are we supposed to crack the lineup/When every other week, we're getting reassigned/Big wheel keep on turning (turning!)/Proud Mavvy keep on burning (burning!)/Rolling (rolling!), rolling (rolling!)/We're rolling to the D-League/Wa da da da da do do do do do do do do
Maybe one day we're gonna make it/But only if we're traded to another team/But we'll play in the minors and ride the bench/And maybe by June we can wear a ring/Big wheel keep on turning (turning!)/Proud Mavvy keep on burning (burning!)/Rolling (rolling!), rolling (rolling!)/We're rolling to the D-League/Wa da da da da do do do do do do do do!
TRACK #11: THE OFFENSE by DEVIN HARRIS (based on The Distance by Cake)
Generally placed in the starting lineup/Opposing defenders, come on and sign up/The jump ball tips, and the game is on/You try to keep me on my toes, but I deliver a yawn/I deftly maneuver and run through your line/The next thing you know, the ball is dropping through the twine/Defending like a trooper, I shut down other guards/Then I race by them like I was on the boulevard/As I speed to the basket, your team's a blur/The fans are waiting for great things to occur/I find a trailing teammate, and pass him the rock/The next thing you know, you are picking up your jock/As my teammate's smiling, swinging from the rim/Knowing he just made Sports Center's Top 10/I'm driving and striving and defending my man/And pumping energy into the Mavs clan
I'm running the offense/I'm going for speed/We won't stop/Until we get that ring/Because I'm driving and dishing and dunking in your face/I'm even starting to grow hair on my face/We're going the distance
TRACK #12: G2000 by DEVEAN GEORGE (based on Buddy Holly by Weezer)
What's with these pundits dissing my boy/Dirk is the MVP/But one man can't win it, you need a team/That's why they picked up me/Ooo, ooo, I can play some D/Oooh, oooh, I can hit the 3/Oooh, oooh, let's go all the way/
Oooh, wee, oooh, you can call me G2000/Oh, oh, but my name is Devean George/I'm so glad that I don't have to play with Kobe/I'm so glad about that
Bang, Bang, diving on the floor/That's what the Mavericks signed me for/T-Mac, Kobe, Dewyane Wade/My defense alters the way they play/I can pass, I set picks/Now the opposition's feeling sick/Dunking and dunking and dunking on you/What's the matter, league, are you feeling blue?
Oooh, wee, oooh, you can call me G2000/Oh, oh, but my name is Devean George/I'm so glad that I don't have to play with Kobe/I'm so glad about that/I'm so glad about that/I'm glad to be a Mav!
BONUS TRACK #1: SNUB STINKS by THE MAVS (based on Love Stinks by J. Giles Band) *this song was written before Howard was named as an injury replacement. Either way, he still got jobbed by not getting selected by the coaches
Howard: You want in/Coaches vote "no way"/And fans vote for players/That are too hurt to play/Phoenix gets 3/San Antonio gets 2/Dallas only gets one/And that's a flaming bag of poo/I've got the points and the boards/Even the kitchen sink/One thing's for sure/Snub Stinks
All Mavs: Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks/Yeah, yeah
Dirk: Everyone touts my buddy, Nash/For MVP/But I apparently don't have 2 All-Stars/That play with me/If I'm the only All-Star/On the best team around/I guess that means by May/I should wear the MVP crown/I've never cared for the All-Star voting thing/But I'll still say that Howard's/Snub Stinks!
All Mavs: Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks/Yeah, yeah
BONUS TRACK #2: 99 PROBLEMS by MARK CUBAN (based on 99 Problems by Jay-Z)
If your having team problems, I feel bad for you son/I got 99 problems, but the Mavs ain't one
They sent me to David Stern University/Which hurts me/Other owners cursing me/Publicly saying I'm out of control again/But secretly wishing that I was owning them/They say I'm too loud, much too bombastic/But now I can be quiet 'cause my team is fantastic/Referees dispise/My critical eyes/Can't get to me, so they take it out on my guys/They tell me to be quiet/I might incite a riot/But a few years later, they take my ideas and try it/Claiming it as their own, trying to bite again/Because they just can't admit that I was right again/But I'm living the dream/Riding the wave of my team/But won't feel good until I'm wearing that ring/To all you other owners tighting purse strings/The reason you're in the red is 'cause you don't support your team/Get out of the game if you can't spend the cash/You think I'm afraid of a little luxury tax?/I mean, come on, look at how many games we've won/I've got 99 problems but the Mavs ain't one/Hit me!
99 problems, but the Mavs ain't one/If you're having team problems, I feel bad for you son/I got 99 problems but the Mavs ain't one!
Lyrics by The Dude, Music by whoever wrote the songs I ripped off, Performed by The 2006-2007 Dallas Mavericks, Produced by Mark Cuban, The Dude, Avery Johnson, and Dr. Dre.
Go Mavs!
good stuff. might have to change a few words...but i like it.
Posted by: Mark | March 04, 2007 at 02:49 PM
not bad...
Posted by: mark cuban | March 03, 2007 at 06:45 PM