Brandon May's 3 Cheers - Mavs Land Musings

Best Month Ever

Today is the last day of February, and I must admit that it was a very good month.  It started off with me going to a Mavs game on February 3rd, my half-birthday no less, against the Minnesota Timberwolves.  We won.  We would also win against Memphis, Houston, Philadelphia, Milwaukee, Houston (again), Miami (another game I got to attend), Denver, Atlanta and Minnesota (again).  In the middle we got to see Dirk and Howard represent the Mavs in the All Star game.  Now that it's all said and done, the Mavs went 10-0 for the month of February.  Hard to argue with the first undefeated month of 10 or more games by a team since the Spurs in March of 1996.  The Mavs now sit at 48-9 with 2 months and 25 games left to play in the regular season.  Speaking of regular season, let's catch up on the last 3 games they've played in the last 4 days.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 115 vs. NUGGETS 95

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk once again flirted with attaining his first ever triple double, this time finishing with 31 points on 10 of 22 shooting (10 of 10 from the stripe), 11 rebounds, and a career high-tying 8 assists.  Don't worry, Dirk.  Once day you'll get there.  Until then, keep winning games and being awesome.

1. Josh Howard - The initial concern for the Mavs was whether or not Howard would be able to play after rolling his ankle in the Miami game.  That concern switched over to the Nuggets as they realized they couldn't stop Howard on one good leg.  He finished with 27 points on 12 of 22 shooting, grabbed 3 boards, and made 2 steals.  He had 20 in the first half to offset . . .

2. Denver's Dynamic Duo - Allen Iverson and Carmelo Anthony were supposed to take the conference by storm when they were united earlier this season.  Alas, due to injuries and suspensions, they haven't been on the court together much.  When they are on the court together, the product looks good.  It's the end result that's a problem.  Iverson and Anthony combined for 60 of their team's 95 points on 22 of 41 shooting, 11 rebounds, 7 assists and 5 steals.  Oh, and 16 turnovers.  That's a killer line, but clearly not enough when you turn the ball over 16 times and don't get any help from your teammates, except from . . .

3. Marcus Camby - Camby has slowly turned himself into a reliable, yet undersized, center who plays solid defense, crashes the boards and gets his teammates involved.  That was proved tonight when Camby scored 10 points, grabbed 17 rebounds, dished out 7 assists, made 4 steals and blocked 2 shots.

Honorable Mention: Jerry Stackhouse - 25 minutes as usual.  16 points on 6 of 11 shooting, 6 assists, a block and a steal.  Single handedly outscored the Denver bench.  Is Nice!

3 CHEERS: MAVS 110 vs. HAWKS 87

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk got to coast a bit in this blowout, only playing 37 of the 48 minutes.  That lackadaisical attitude lead him to only have 27 points on 10 of 17 shooting, 8 rebounds, a steal and 3 blocked shots.  I'm thinking of an acronym between MVO and MVQ.  Hmmm, what could it be?

1. Joe Johnson - Good player.  Good stat line.  Good example of the anti-Dirk.  Johnson could have stayed with the Phoenix Suns, but he decided he wanted to get the cash and be the man, even if it meant playing for a team that can't even make the playoffs in the abhorrent Eastern Conference.  29 points on 12 of 18 shooting.  Yea for you, loser.

2. Josh Howard - Once again, Howard gets undercut on a jump shot and rolls his ankle, this time by the hands of Joe "Loser" Johnson.  While I don't think Johnson's infraction was intentional like I do about Jason Kapono's of Miami two games ago, I still feel it's a little fishy that it always seems to happen to Howard and Dirk, the two best players on the best team that beats opponents into submission of embarrassing proportions on a regular basis, but yet you never see one of our opponent's jump shooters come down with the same ailment due to a "misplaced" foot.  It may not always be intentional, but it is avoidable.  That's what the league needs to look into.  It's just a little fishy to me.  Regardless, Howard totaled 20 points on 8 of 15 shooting, 5 boards, and 2 steals.

3. Jason Terry - JET had 21 points on 10 of 12 shooting, but Atlanta's Zaza Pachulia had 24 points on 7 of 12 shooting with 10 of 12 shooting from the line, plus 9 rebounds.  Who should I give it to?  Okay, I've decided.  I give it to JET.  I give it to the player on the winning team.  I give it to the player on MY team.  And I give it to the player whose initials are that of a sleek, speedy aircraft, and not the guy whose last name sounds like that stinky, hippie deodorant.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 91 @ TIMBERWOLVES 65

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Another coast game for Dirk, especially on the tail end of a back to back with travel, not to mention the 3rd game in 4 days.  In only 38 minutes, Dirk was able to hit 10 of 18 shots, including 2 of 5 from behind the arc, for 23 points, and he grabbed a game-high 14 rebounds.  Nash has the flash, but Dirk does the work.  That's pretty clever.  Feel free to use it, unless someone makes fun of you for it.  In that case, you must claim you came up with it yourself.

1. Josh Howard - Once again, shakes off a twisted ankle to help the shorthanded team less than a day after the injury occurred.  And help he did.  Howard totaled 17 points on 7 of 13 shooting, including 2 of 3 from behind the arc, grabbed 7 boards, and tossed out 3 assists.

2. DeSagana Diop - Welcome, old friend.  It's been awhile since you've graced us with your presence, but your performance this night cannot be overlooked.  You were key to our defensive stand, which I will go into further detail on later, and you stepped up when Avery needed you.  6 points, 10 boards, and 3 blocks, but more importantly, you kept Kevin Garnett in check by clogging the middle and contesting shots.

3. Kevin Garnett - I could have given this to JET again, but I like KG.  I like what he stands for by not demanding a trade even though it's obvious that Minnesota is not going to be a good team again for a long time.  He deserves better, but he's honorable enough to not disappoint his loyal fan base in Minny by coming out and begging to leave town.  Even when he has a bad game, he can still fill up a box score, too.  15 points, 13 boards, 2 assists, 1 steal and 1 block.

And now I give you a 3 game conglomeration of . . .

RANDOM CRAP!

• I would like to reiterate my belief that Derek Harper needs to have his number retired by the Mavs.  Soon.
• Greg Buckner had his nose broken in a Mavs practice by then-Mav Anthony Johnson.  Here's a picture of Greg Buckner.  Sorry, that's a picture of another Greg Buckner.  Here's a picture of the Mav's Greg Buckner.  Does that look like a dude that wants to wear one of those protective masks during a game?  Every time Buckner came out of the game, he had that thing off before he even left the court.  Then he would shot put it to the end of the bench.
• So we traded backup point guard Anthony Johnson to the Hawks for a 2nd round pick in the upcoming draft.  Some say it's because Johnson wasn't fitting in with Avery's system.  Some say it's because we no longer needed him with Harris and Terry playing so well, and we had other players that could handle the point if needed.  Really, I think it's because the Mavs had been fielding calls for weeks up to the trade deadline from teams desperately needing a veteran point guard.  A 2nd round pick from an awful Hawks team in what is predicted to be the deepest draft in recent history could allow the Mavs to pick up a solid young player on the cheap while saving themselves almost $9 million in salary cap and luxury tax next year without really disrupting the chemistry of a great team.  It also opens up a roster spot for the Mavs to add another veteran player (big man or shooter) without having to cut anybody.  The rub of it is that we need to do it before March 1st, or the player we pick up won't be eligible for the post season roster.
• Denver coach George Karl looks a lot like Archie Bunker.
• I didn't get to watch much of the Atlanta game, but it was enough to make a point for me.  The way the Mavs played the Hawks shows you all you need to know about the difference between the Suns and the Mavs.  The Suns lost to the Hawks before the break when Nash was out.  After the break, the Suns needed a huge game from Nash and Amare Stoudemire to squeak one out.  The Hawks like to run, and they are athletic like the Suns.  The Mavs spanked the Hawks without Buckner, Devean "G2000" George, and a gimpy Josh Howard.  Anyone that says, and there are many out there who do, that the Mavs can't keep up with the Suns, I say, the Suns can't keep up with the Mavs.  The comparison of games between the same awful Eastern Conference team should give a little proof to that notion.
• Howard was undercut again, and I'm sure that his ankles are hurting him.  Yet he plays through the pain for the good of the team and for the good of the coach that taught him the meaning of pain.  I mean, a sprained ankle can't hurt much worse, physically and emotionally, that having your own coach pop you in the sack during a playoff game.  By the way, the production value of this clip is awesome.  You can actually see the Tivo bar on the screen, like some guy paused the game, ran and got his camera, then pressed play and started recording it.  A future Scorsese, indeed.
• In the Minnesota game, the Mavs set a bunch of records in addition to their first ever undefeated month of basketball.  They set a franchise record for fewest points allowed in a game with 65.  They set a franchise record for lowest field goal percentage allowed with 29.6%.   They also became the first team in the Timberwolve's 18 year team history to hold them under 30% shooting.  That's impressive in itself, because the T'Wolves have been awful more than they've been good.
• Speaking of the T'Wolves being awful, regardless of their history on the court, this team has endured a tragedy that I personally feel still haunts this team to this day.  It's the sad, untimely loss of Malik Sealy.  The T'Wolves sold their souls for a shot at the championship by hitching their wagon to Latrell "Coach Choker" Spreewell and Sam "E.T." Cassell, which blew up in their faces and left them where they are today.  But back before all that, the T'Wolves were an up and coming franchise with a very young and talented Kevin Garnett.  Then the horrible loss of Sealy happened.  This franchise seems to have been in a funk since then, and rightfully so.  I can't even imagine how a franchise could deal with a loss like that without having some sort of long lasting effect.
• During a pregame interview, Avery Johnson was talking about the Mavs schedule.  This was February 27th.  If anyone doesn't believe Avery and the Mavs when they claim that they don't look ahead, they take one day at a time, they stay in the moment, they don't pay attention to their winning streaks, etc., use this to make you a believer.  Avery was asked a question and as he was answering, he thought it was a week into March.  He finally paused and asked one of the reporters what day it was.  When they told him it was still February, he rolled his head around, gave an "oh, okay, sorry" and then went right back into what the team needs to work on to get better.  It's not an act, folks.  This team just plays basketball.  Great basketball.  Winning basketball.  They don't even know what day it is.
• I Tivoed the Minny game so that I could watch American Idol.  Don't you judge me.  When Idol was over (I'm not sure which guys are my favorites yet, but I can tell which one's aren't), I turned to the game.  With 3 minutes left in the game, I realized we were going to win by a blowout.  Then I started the game over and watched the whole thing from the beginning.  Some of you might think there's no point in watching it if you've lost the suspense, but when you are Mavs fan the way I'm a Mavs fan, suspense is the last thing I want.  I love to just sit back with no sense of panic and watch my Mavs dismantle an opponent.  It's like that old Lowe's theater song they would play before the feature: "Thank you for coming to Lowe's, sit back and relax, enjoy the show!"  The only bad moment was near the end, when it was getting late and I was approaching the part of the game I had already seen.  I was sitting on the couch with my Bud Light in my hand and my hand resting on my leg.  Apparently, I dozed off and my hand lost all dexterity, because I immediately woke up to beer-soaked boxer shorts.  Shut up.  Like that's never happened to you.  Don't you judge me.
• I will leave you with this final Random Crap note:  The Miami Heat visited the White House to celebrate their *expletive* championship.  Here's the video.  The first 3:30 is pretty sickening, but then Bush gets in for the group photo op holding the autographed basketball he was presented with by Shaq.  Love him or hate him, you have to wonder how this guy can consistently try to be cool, and yet fail so regularly and miserably.  He tries to dribble the basketball, and it never bounces back up to him.  You get the feeling he's thinking, "Come on!  Clinton can play the saxophone, but I can't even dribble a damn basketball!  I hate this basketball!  I declare war on this basketball.  It's a WMD: Weapon of Mass Deflatedness.  Hey, that was actually pretty clever.  I can't wait to tell Condi.  She's gonna laugh and laugh.  Wait, I'm still in inner monologue, so nobody knows I was actually clever.  Dammit!  Gore makes a movie, and now all of Hollywood calls him an inspiration.  Why can't I be cool, too?  Why, daddy, why?"  That's what I think he's thinking, at least.

And here we are now with the final track off The (Blue and) White Album.  It's Devean George, or G2000 as I like to call him, and he's singing a song that is a remake of Weezer's hit song, Buddy Holly.  It's called "G2000" and now the album is complete.  Here is goes:

What's with these pundits dissing my boy/Dirk is the MVP/But one man can't win it, you need a team/That's why they picked up me/Oooh, oooh, I can play some D/Oooh, oooh, I can hit the 3/Oooh, oooh, let's go all the way/

Oooh, wee, oooh, you can call me G2000/Oh, oh, but my name is Devean George/I'm so glad that I don't have to play with Kobe/I'm so glad about that

Bang, Bang, diving on the floor/That's what the Mavericks signed me for/T-Mac, Kobe, Dewyane Wade/My defense alters the way they play/I can pass, I set picks/Now the opposition's feeling sick/Dunking and dunking and dunking on you/What's the matter, league, are you feeling blue?

Oooh, wee, oooh, you can call me G2000/Oh, oh, but my name is Devean George/I'm so glad that I don't have to play with Kobe/I'm so glad about that/I'm so glad about that/I'm glad to be a Mav!

As I was searching for the video footage for "Buddy Holly", I came across another Weezer video that I just had to put on here.  It's the video for their song "Keep Fishing".  This song has nothing to do with the Mavs, but it has two things I like: Weezer and the Muppets.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  Anyway, now the album is done.  It's time to move on to Ask the Dude.  Let's get those questions flowing in.  I hope you had as good a February as the Mavs and I did.  It was possibly the best month ever, until . . .

Go Mavs!

The Number 41

Go ahead.  Tell yourself it's just a number.

I got to go the game last night against the Heat.  Sure it wasn't the same without Dwyane Wade there to antagonize, but you're still jealous of me, right?  It was Dirk for MVP night, so the Dude got a free Dirk shirt just for showing up.  Then the Dude got to watch Dirk put up MVP numbers.  Then the Dude got to watch the Mavs whip the Heat like meringue.  And that whipping, just like meringue, was pretty sweet.  Dirk: Number 41.  Go ahead.  Tell yourself it's just a number.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 112 vs. HEAT 100

DIRK'S DIGITS!

A week has passed since our Hero has played in a meaningful game.  Would he be rusty?  Would he be tired from all the All-Star/Vegas playing and partying?  Something must be wrong because on a night where the entire crowd was wearing free Dirk for MVP shirts and chanting his name and singing his praises, he turns in another pedestrian performance worthy of a yawn.  Once again, after that first initial impression, you look back and realize that this freak of nature amassed 31 points on 11 of 17 shooting (with a perfect 9 of 9 from the free throw line), grabbed 11 rebounds, threw out 6 assists, made one steal and blocked 2 shots.  I was hoping that on this night of all nights, Dirk could finally get his first triple double, but seeing as how we were blowing out the Heat by 30 at the end of 3 quarters, Dirk didn't have to play enough to do it.  That's going to be his biggest detractor for anyone looking for a reason not to vote him as MVP.  When you watch him, he doesn't do anything that really blows your skirt up.  He's kind of like Tim Duncan in that respect; they both exude subtle greatness.  He methodically goes about his business, occasionally prompting you to say wow, but mostly just quietly doing what he does best.  It's only after the fact that you realize that what you just saw was a mind blowing, career night for 95% of the NBA.  It's almost like he makes the spectacular look so easy, that nobody is impressed by the spectacular anymore.  Hopefully people can look past that and appreciate that one of the greatest players of all time is playing right before our very eyes.

1. Jason Terry - Clearly disgruntled by his poor performance in the 3 Point Shootout, Terry took control in the second and even stole some of Dirk's thunder.  He hit 7 of his 8 shots in the second for 16 points, leading the Mavs to their best scoring quarter of the year with 39 points.  That's right.  The Mavs scored 39 points in 12 minutes.  The Heat scored 42 points in the first 24 minutes.  That's what my Uncle Vern would call a good "braining".  JET finished with 21 points on 8 of 15 shooting (3 of 6 from behind the arc), 5 boards and 4 assists.

2. Devin Harris - Little D took advantage of not having to expend all his energy guarding Wade by scorching the Heat's interior defense to find either the basket or the open man.  Harris finished with 17 points on a remarkable 6 of 8 shooting and 5 assists.  On the night that the team gave him a nod of approval by trading away their 3rd string point guard, he showed his appreciation with a solid game off the bench.

3. Jerry Stackhouse - Not much to say here other than he came to make the most of his 25 minutes, and he delivered.  18 points on 4 of 7 shooting (2 of 2 from 3's and 8 of 8 from the line) and 2 steals.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I would like to start by paying respects to Dennis Johnson, who passed away February 22nd.  Johnson was best remembered for his role on some of the greatest Boston Celtic teams of the 80's.  A 5-time All Star on his own, he was overshadowed by the likes of Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parrish, Bill Walton, etc., but to a man, everyone on those teams could not praise Johnson enough for what he brought to the table.  It's a shame that only in death do people really examine just what a special player he was.  A winner on the court and a winner in life, I wish Dennis Johnson a wonderful journey to the great hardwood in the sky.
• Now we can get back to the upbeat stuff.  As I'm sitting in my seats before the game . . . I did mention that I went to the game, right?  I was there in person.  As I was sitting in my seats at the American Airlines Center waiting to watch the Mavericks in person, I think to myself that this game just won't be the same without DePain Wade.  It's a play on words.  I cracked myself up, so I wrote it down next to the phrase, "Dude, you're a genius."  Then I remembered that I had heard that name earlier in the day on the radio.  I reluctantly crossed out my genius accolade.
• I don't know where you guys fall on this topic, but put me in the NAY category in the debate of should we fire off pyrotechnics in indoor stadiums.  Especially when you sit in the upper deck, you wind up having to watch half the first quarter through a cloud of smoke thicker than the one that hovered in the Waco bowling alley I used to frequent during college.
• Being the superstitious sally that I am about the Mavs, one of my rules is that I don't wear Mavs gear on game days and I never, under any circumstances, wear Mavs gear to a game.  Don't get me wrong, I love my team.  If you are just now picking up on this, you're a damn idiot.  But I'm not the guy that shows up at the Mavs game with my face painted, my Dirk jersey with built-in strobe light, and authentic break-away warm-up pants that are unbuttoned on the sides just enough to show off my gams.  Anyway, they hand me this free Dirk for MVP shirt when I walked in the door last night and told me to wear it during the game.  Now I'm faced with a quandary.  If I wear the shirt, would I jinx the team?  Would I jinx Dirk?  Does it count if I didn't wear it TO the game, but I put it on AT the game?  But the girl that gave the shirt to me and asked me to wear it was cute and she asked nicely, so I felt obligated.  Turns out that it didn't hurt the team or Dirk after all.  But that was the last time I tempt fate like that again.  It just felt wrong.
• Best stupid ref moment of the night: Shaq backs Damp into the paint, pivots with his elbows up, spins, blasts Damp in the face with one of the elbows, then as Damp keels over in pain, Shaq slaps Damp in the back of the head with his forearm as he goes up for the lay in.  Of course, Shaq gets a free throw, because they called a foul on Damp.
• Allow me to use this time to comment on the people that were sitting next to me during the game.  My father-in-law and I were surrounded by a cloud of negativity, and it lingered far longer than the aftermath of the pregame pyrotechnics.  The guy to our right is a mean old coot (although he dresses and acts like he's 30) who used to get under my skin back in the day when he would dog-cuss Michael Finley to no end.  Everything was about his contract.  If Finley missed a shot, it would be "you make $10 million dollars, you shouldn't suck!"  You know, real intelligent, well thought out type stuff.  Anyway, there were a few times last night where I overheard him comment that a 45-9 team that has the best record by far in all the NBA and, at the moment, leading their current opponent by 25 points was "awful", "sucky", and "not going to make it very far".  I would have said something to him, but I try not to acknowledge ignorance.  Unfortunately, ignorance was on special this night because with about 6 minutes left in the first quarter, one of the ladies on my left yelled out after Dirk missed a shot that "he can't shoot worth s**t tonight."  I will mention that at this point, only 6 minutes into the game, Dirk had 6 points on 3 of 5 shooting, a rebound, a steal, a block, and 2 assists.  I prayed that they were drunk, because stupid don't wear off.  Oh, also, Captain Negativo on my right apparently couldn't see well through the protective glass barrier in front of us.  We are on the first row of the upper deck, so I guess it's there in case we accidentally slip on a nacho tray and fall 20 feet into the mid level seating.  Anyway, it comes up just enough that it cuts your view of the court in half.  If you are sitting normally, the top half of the court would be normal, unobstructed view and the bottom half would be through the glass.  That means that I usually end up leaning forward to get a full normal view, or leaning way back and crouching down to get a full glass view.  His Royal Negativeness must have been doing the lean and crouch method, because all of a sudden he produces a hankie, breathes on the glass until it fogs up, then wipes it with his hankie!  In the middle of a game!  With people around!  I don't know why I'm using exclamation points, but it blew my mind!
• They showed a video of Dirk doing a Mick Jagger impersonation to the song "Start Me Up".  This isn't the actual video, but it's the making of video.  Leave to the Dude to bring you the behind the scenes scoop.  This other video has nothing to do with the first one, but I thought that I would include it for my grandmother (Spurs fan, but I still love her) since she's such a big fan of Avery Johnson.  It's from last year, and she still thinks he's a traitor, but I think she'll like it anyway.
• Now I will start a quick little rant (are they ever quick and little?) about a sequence of events that happened in this game.  The Heat have done a disgraceful job of defending their title.  Sure they've been battling injuries, but they've been battling apathy and pomposity, too.  So they figure after the All Star break, they can just "decide" to start winning again.  That plan goes in the crapper as soon as DePain Wade (I'm still going to use that name) actually hurts himself for real and realizes that the only thing missing from all the theatrics from his other over exaggerated injuries were the panty-waisted waterworks.  So the Heat are getting lit up like a Christmas tree, and they get a little mad.  So mad that I personally think the team as a whole (including Riley) decided that if they are going down, they will take as many Mavs with them as they can.  Exhibit 1: Dirk drives the paint and dishes out to a wide open Howard, who rises and drains a 3.  Did I mention he was WIDE open.  That means that Howard was already at the peak of his jumper, his release point, before a defender got anywhere near him.  Can't contest the shot, so the only thing to do would be to turn to the basket to play for the rebound if it misses, right?.  Not the Heat.  They take a page out of the Bruce Bowen play book (I think it's page 1, first paragraph) and slide their foot right under Howard as he's landing.  That causes Howard to roll his ankle and fall to the floor in pain.  What's worse is that Miami quickly inbounds the ball, and so the Mavs have to foul to stop the clock to get the trainers out to look at Howard.  That foul puts the Mavs over the limit for the quarter, meaning the Heat are now in the bonus and get to shoot free throws on every foul now for the rest of the quarter, including this one.  Doesn't seem all that fair that the Heat were basically awarded 2 free points on what was basically a calculated cheap shot, does it?  I will mention that Howard walked off on his own power, he didn't cry like a female dog, and he didn't need a wheelchair (although he would have had an excuse for a wheelchair since it was his ankle and not his shoulder).  Exhibit 2: Apparently upset that their first hit on Howard didn't take, since Howard wound up back on the floor for a little bit after that, they decide to make sure business gets taken care of.  They wait until Little Devin Harris is driving in for a lay up, and they send Shaq in to deliver a forearm to his chest, sending him soaring into the second row.  The refs give Shaq a flagrant, but no ejection.  Harris pops back up, which is impressive since he went airborne at the hands of a man 150 pounds heavier than him.  Now I'm picturing Riley as an NBA version of Gargamel, that evil dude that wanted to rid the world of Smurfs.  Riley probably just threw his hands in the air and yelled, "Curses!  Foiled again!"  Exhibit 3: Did the Coyote let just one explosion at the hands of a faulty Acme product deter him from catching the roadrunner?  F*** no!  Taking down Howard didn't work.  Taking down Harris didn't work.  Let's hit 'em where it really hurts.  Let's go after their Hero.  Let's ruin his little MVP night.  Dirk muscles into the paint, and his former teammate, Antoine Walker, pretty much just runs up and pimp slaps Dirk in the face.  In actuality, Walker raised both arms and raked them down across Dirk's nose, mouth and outstretched arms.  Pity to those who still think Dirk is soft.  Dirk checked to make sure his teeth were still there (these teeth would be the replacement teeth from the one's he lost during a playoff game against San Antonio about 5 years back when he went to the locker room, got stitched up, then came back to score 42 points and grab 20 rebounds).  Then he drained his two free throws.  Oh, and Walker was given a flagrant 2, meaning automatic ejection.  The long walk to the Heat locker room just so happened to pass right in front of a very vocal Mavs bench.  In the aftermath of the ejection, Riley runs out on to the court with his arms raised as if he doesn't understand why his guy just got kicked out of the game.  If Riley was wearing glasses, I would ask Baron von Negativity to my right to whip out his hankie and give them a good scrub down because clearly Riley didn't see what the rest of the world just saw.  And what we saw was a foiled attempt to play dirty and foul players with intent to injure.  I lose respect for the Heat and all associated with them by the day.

Well, that should do it, folks.  It's good to be back after the long break.  I'm going to skip writing the last song, Devean George's song, for now, but it will be done soon.  Also, even though we just traded Anthony Johnson, I will keep his song on the album only because it's a duet with Buckner.  I don't want to have to write a whole new song for Buckner, and their duet was just too beautiful to ignore.  Once I get that song up, the (Blue and) White Album will be complete and then it's on to Ask The Dude!  Start sending in your questions now.  I will try to respond to as many as I can on the blog just in case someone else out there was wondering how the Dude would answer the very same question.  Remember, there's no such thing as a stupid question; there's just stupid people who ask them.  Be not ashamed.  Go Mavs!

State Of The Blog Address

We interrupt this blog to bring you exclusive coverage of The Dude's State of the Blog address.  Let's join our studio analyst, Harry Caray, for a briefing.

Harry Caray: Hey! Harry Caray here!  I just, I, I just want to welcome you fine folks to something called a blog.  I think I ate one of those at a Cubs game back in '82.  It was a blackened hot dog, so they called it a blog for short.  They said it was blackened, but I think they just meant overcooked.  I ate it anyway.  It was fine!  I don't see what the big deal is, I really don't.  Hey!  The Dude's about to start talking about his blog.  Let's see what he has to say.

Dude: My fellow 3 Cheers fanatics, it's a pleasure to be here with you tonight. (gratuitous audience applause) I have enjoyed this last week off due to the All-Star break, and I feel extremely rested.  Now my only goal is to give you the best possible biased Mavs blog outside of Mark Cuban's that you have ever read in your life, and I'm saying it while speaking slowly and loudly and dramatically pointing my finger in rhythm with each syllable I utter to promote emphasis and enthusiasm, can I get a "hell yeah"?!? (gratuitous audience response: hell yeah!) This blog has seen the Mavs rise from the disappointment of last year's Finals collapse to become the best team in the NBA with a record only matched to this point by some of the greatest teams of all time! (gratuitous audience applause) Now I'm pounding my fist on the podium with great aplomb to emphasize that I will see to it that this blog continues to lift this team to the promised land for many years to come, can I get a "hell yeah"? (gratuitous audience response: hell yeah!) Now, seriously ladies and gentlemen, I must lower my voice, squint my eyes and tell you something very serious.  Just the other day I was speaking with Abigale, a wonderful woman in her mid-60's from Argyle, Texas, and she told me that if I do anything else with my life, I better use my blog to make sure the Mavs win the championship or she would rip my heart out with her bare hands and feed it to her pot-bellied pig, Oscar.  I was moved.  The conviction and passion she portrayed inspired me, not to mention the sheer threat of having my heart torn from my chest by a 60-year-old woman.  She might seem sweet on the exterior with her sweaters embroidered with cats that have diamonds for eyes and her silver bouffant, but she was a pistol.  Let me tell you. (awkward audience applause) Sorry for that tangent.  That probably wasn't the best story to tell you.  Allow me to take a quick break, and I'll be right back.

It appears The Dude only brought one anecdote to the address, so now he's taking a short break to fish up some more stories to tell.  Our insiders are telling us that The Dude was advised to take more than one with him to the lectern, but The Dude was so certain that his Argyle woman story would kill, he refused the advice.  For the interim, let's take it back to our studio analyst, Harry Caray.

Harry Caray: . . . that's all I'm saying.  Why can't they just make a beer that tastes like hot dogs?  That's my question.

Mr. Caray, we're on.

Harry Caray: Hey! Welcome back.  Did you know that Ryne Sandberg's name spelled backwards is "Grabass"?  True story.  Anyhoo, The Dude had to take a short break.  Maybe he had too many Budweisers and needed to use the little boy's room.  That used to happen to me when I was calling the Cubbies.  Got smart, though.  Brought a bucket into the booth.  Why do you think everyone stands when I sang the national anthem?  I stood up because I had to pee while I sang, and everyone else just started standing up with me.  I don't know if they were peeing, too, but I was.  The question is, have you ever sung the national anthem while you were relieving yourself?  I think we all know which side of the fence I fall on in that debate.  It seems like The Dude is back, but I don't see a bucket in his hands.  Hey, it's his funeral.

Dude: I would just like to propose a few key issues of change that I would like to see around the league that I love.  Proposition One: Any player that publicly demands a trade can be immediately cut from his previous team and forbidden from signing with any other team until the following offseason.  The demand can be in either the audio/visual or print media, and the seriousness of the demand will be ruled upon by a third party arbitrator.  Once the player has been found to have earnestly pronounced his demand, his previous employer may cut him from the team, not be held responsible for honoring the remainder of his contract, guaranteed or not, and remove said players salary from their cap room beginning the immediate offseason.  They may also erase his salary requirements from any luxury tax calculations.  I feel this will keep primadonna players who aren't as good as they think they are from spouting off at the first sign of mediocrity in their team.  Perhaps if they looked at the fact that their own overblown salaries are the reason their team can't afford to field a more competitive team, they wouldn't be so quick to jump ship.  Perhaps if they had taken that offer from the better team that was for a few million less, rather than chase the highest bid even though it meant going to a perpetual loser, they wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place.  In fairness to the player in this situation, if the demand is found to be authentic, the player may file a grievance to show whether his current team has solemnly tried to field a competitive team around him rather than going on the cheap so they can rake in all the revenues from showcasing a superstar without investing any of it back into the organization.  In this case, if the team is found to be negligent, the team will have 15 days or until the trade deadline (whichever comes first) to find a new home for said player whether they received market value or not in return. (resounding audience applause) Proposition Two: NBA officials will be publicly reprimanded for acknowledged mistakes during games.  This can't be quantified in a single game, due to the style of play, consistency of calls, the officiating crew assigned to games, any personal player/official feuds, etc., so therefore a third party investigator will collect data based on missed calls, incorrect calls, calls or non-calls that resulted in game changing events, inconsistent calls, etc., and the officials will be judged on a point scale in 20 game intervals.  A level of accuracy must be maintained every 20 games or else suspensions, fines or worse will occur.  This is proposition is still in its infancy stage, but I vow to work night and day to hammer out the details as thoroughly as possible. (accelerating audience applause) Proposition Three: The league will expand its Developmental league to 30 teams, with each NBA team having it's very own farm team to control.  The NBA draft then expands to 4 rounds to stock the D-League teams with their own picks and free agents.  The league will also change it's current age policy from needing to be 19 year of age or at least 1 year removed from college to accommodate the new D-League system.  If some kid wants to come out of high school for the draft, they are able to.  However, if that player is sent to the D-League, he must maintain at least a 2.0 GPA in correspondence college courses while he's in the farm system.  He will be provided with tutors, but if the player is too good for the colleges to bring him to them, we need to make sure that we at least to bring the college to him while he's training to make the Big Show.  This way, you have less misinformed high schoolers making the jump, ruining their chances of ever playing NCAA ball, not get drafted, and then have to go play in Europe for spare change at the age of 18 because he can't get a real job.  If you have more rounds, you have more of these young kids getting picked up.  Then, once you have them in your system, you can fortify them with the skills they need just in case they never wind up on the NBA roster.  Again, I still need to smooth out the wrinkles, but the basics are in place. (overwhelming audience applause and a standing ovation) But for now, I just want to promise you that I will start this stretch run to the playoffs by giving you as much of the Dude's awesomeness as you've come to expect!  Go Mavs!!! (mind-blowing audience applause that measures 5.7 on the Richter Scale)

And there you have it.  The Dude made a stunning comeback to win over the crowd tonight.  This will be a State of the Blog address that will remembered for years to come, nay, forever.  Mr. Caray, any parting words?

Harry Caray: Mavs win!  Mavs win!

Thank you, Dude.  Thank you, Mr. Caray.  Thank you, 3 Cheers Fanatics.  And thank you, Planet Earth.  For all of us here on 3 Cheers, I'm, well, I'm the Dude.  Like you didn't see that coming.

Peanut Butter and Crack

Just when you thought it was safe to make a nice peanut butter and crack sandwich, we find out that peanut butter isn't safe.  What is this world coming to?  Is this the kind of world where we have a female and an African American running for President with legitimate chances of winning, but the media's more concerned with which of the 6 male suitors claim to be the father of a recently deceased former Playmate?  Is this the kind of world where NASA astronauts drive across the country in a diaper to kidnap and possibly murder the competition in their love triangle?  Is the kind of world where anybody with an insatiable passion for a basketball team can just send his thoughts out to the entire universe whether the universe wants to hear them or not?  What is this world coming to?!?!  I'm just going to go make me a peanut butter and crack sandwich to make it all feel better.  Wait!  I can't have peanut butter!  My God has forsaken me!  Let's talk Mavs instead.

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Another head to head battle with Tracy McGrady, another overall victory for Dirk, another feather in the MVP cap.  A close, low scoring game throughout where only 3 of the total 17 players that took the floor scored over 15 points, Dirk shot 12 of 22 for 26 points, grabbed 8 rebounds, blocked 2 shots and got a steal.  He basically played T-Mac to a wash, so that means it was the rest of the Mavs against the rest of the Rockets (without Yao Ming).  I like those odds.

1. Tracy McGrady - 27 points on 9 of 21 shooting (an awful 6 of 11 on free throws or this game would have had a different outcome) and 10 rebounds.  I wonder sometimes how good this guy could be if he didn't look like he just took a huge bong hit during the last timeout.

2. Greg Buckner - Not for a solid line (2 points, 3 boards, 2 steals), but for containing T-Mac as best as he could.  Normally, Avery swarms T-Mac with a constant rotation of Buckner, Howard, George, Dirk, Harris, Terry, and a partridge in a pear tree.  George is out for a couple weeks with his knee injury, so Buckner had to go up against a very good perimeter player almost by himself and give up a few inches in height.  Given the nature of this game, T-Mac could have had 40 points, but Buckner held him in check, especially in the first half and late in the 4th quarter when the game was on the line.

3. Jerry Stackhouse - Shooting was awful (5 of 14), but most players in this game were hitting shots with the same success as trying to hit the moon with a cinder block.  Still, Stack was the third leading scorer in the entire game with 17 points, got to the line more than any other Mav, and stayed active on the boards even though his actual rebound total doesn't reflect that.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I missed the first half of this game thanks to my Tivo.  Because I can only record two shows simultaneously (and I have to be watching one of them), when The Office and Grey's Anatomy overlapped each other, it couldn't keep recording the Mavs game, too.  I chose to delete the Mavs recording so that my wife would have her Grey's Anatomy intact (and so I could keep my anatomy intact).  Call it a Valentine's Day gift.
• I don't have a whole bunch of notes from this one because I missed the first half, and we just played Houston last week.  It felt like all cynical venom had already drained out of me for this opponent.  After losing the second game of the season to Houston by 31, we have since won the remaining 3 in the season series by an average of 12 points (and yes, that includes last night's 3 points victory).  Here's the best I could do.
• Scottie Pippen, 41, wants to return to the NBA.  Good for him.  I want to go back to college.  Yeah!  It was so awesome!  I'm not happy with what I'm doing, and people have forgotten about me, so I'm going to try to go back and relive my youth.  Oh wait, they might look at me funny when they see a 30-year-old rushing balls at the SAE house.  Scottie, take a lesson from your buddy, Jordan.  Don't ruin your legacy.  I don't really like you that much, but I still appreciate your legacy.
• The NBA has told Dwight Howard (up and coming resident badass) that he can't raise the rim higher than 10 feet for this weekend's dunk contest.  In related news, the NBA is dumb.  The dunk contest has held about as much excitement since Jordan quit participating as I get out of vacuuming the house.  "Tonight from the Thomas and Mack Center in Las Vegas, where the women pounce but the white tigers don't anymore, we give you, for your entertainment pleasure, The Dude dunking on a 5 foot rim while trying to get off the phone with a telemarketer!"  Oh, the insanity!  Ratings Monster!!  With the small exception of last year, when Andre Iguodala did his "catch the ball off the back of the backboard and come underneath for the backwards windmill jam", everything's been done at this point.  Half these guys need 5 or 6 tries before they actually get it right.  I say, if an astonishingly gifted athlete says he can do a 360 dunk on a 12 foot rim, I say I want to watch that.  If a guy says he can pass the ball between his legs and still get it back up in time to dunk on an 11 foot rim, tell me what time and station.  If a guy says he wants to jump from the free throw line (which always winds up being about 2 steps inside the line) for a one handed dunk, I say I've already caught that show, and I'm going to watch a rerun of Design on a Dime.  The All-Star Game is in Vegas.  The whole city is based on upping the ante.  Why would you handicap (no pun intended) your skills competition by not allowing an electrifying athlete to dazzle the world?  Isn't that what this weekend is all about?
• I love All-Star time because I love the break in regular season action.  I love the fact that it doesn't come truly at mid-season.  I love the fact that it's a celebrity freakshow of attention for the league.  I love seeing if my Mavs guys do well.  I love that it means that we are only 2 months away from the playoffs.  But I also love that it almost always coincides with the start of baseball's spring training.  For those of you that have been reading the blog from the jump or have known me for a while know that I have a severe love/hate relationship with the Texas Rangers.  In fact, I rarely watch them or talk about them because of the number of times they've crushed my hopes.  They will never, ever come within a fraction of a percentage broken down by scientific notation of how I feel about the Mavs, but if they would stop getting my hopes up every February, only to crush them back to Earth come April, they would become my second favorite team.  All that aside, now's the time for hope.  I will most surely post another entry in a couple of months expressing my displeasure with once again falling for the hype.  The Rangers be a tempting mistress.

I'm ready to unveil Devin Harris's song for The (Blue and) White Album.  It's a remake of Cake's classic song, "The Distance", but we will call this one "The Offense".  It goes a little something like this:

Generally placed in the starting lineup/Opposing defenders, come on and sign up/The jump ball tips, and the game is on/You try to keep me on my toes, but I deliver a yawn/I deftly maneuver and run through your line/The next thing you know, the ball is dropping through the twine/Defending like a trooper, I shut down other guards/Then I race by them like I was on the boulevard/As I speed to the basket, your team's a blur/The fans are waiting for great things to occur/I find a trailing teammate, and pass him the rock/The next thing you know, you are picking up your jock/As my teammate's smiling, swinging from the rim/Knowing he just made Sports Center's Top 10/I'm driving and striving and defending my man/And pumping energy into the Mavs clan

I'm running the offense/I'm going for speed/We won't stop/Until we get that ring/Because I'm driving and dishing and dunking in your face/I'm even starting to grow hair on my face/We're going the distance

Thanks to you all, this completes my 100th post in the 8 months that I've been up and active on the blog.  I have received over 2000 hits in that time, so I thank you all for checking in for your daily dose of awesomeness.  I will try to get back after the All-Star break with my State of the Blog address.  Until then, enjoy the time off, cheer for Dirk and JET in the 3 Point Shootout, cheer for Dirk and Howard in the All-Star game, and cheer for The Dude for, well, just because.  Oh, and don't eat peanut butter and crack sandwiches.  Go Mavs!

Those Who Can't Do, Write Blogs

Here we are on the eve of the last regular season game before the All-Star break, and there's only a few things on my mind.  One: how was everyone's Valentine's Day?  I better not see one more commercial from Kay or Jared or some other jewelry company brainwashing women into thinking that their man is a putz if he doesn't drop 2 G's on an exquisite diamond necklace for a long, long time.  Valentine's Day can go both ways, you know.  You want that necklace, buy me season tickets in the lower level.  But my Valentine's Day was great, thanks for asking.  Two: doesn't it seem ultra-convenient that head coach Pat Riley bailed on the Heat when they weren't producing, then all of a sudden proclaims that he's ready to return to the bench now that Shaq's back and they have won 7 of their last 10 games.  On a side note, Dwyane Wade did another "fall to the ground, grab a body part, writhe in dramatic pain like his innards are pouring out of an open shank wound, have teammates carry him to the locker room, then return later to a standing ovation and continue to play as if nothing was wrong and score 30 something points" kind of moment the other night.  Wade has become the NBA's version of Kanye West, which means he's extremely talented and far too invested in his own hype and theatrics.  Anyway, here comes Riley, ready to right the ship and guess who they just so happen to be playing the first game after the All-Star break?  The Mavs.  Three: I wasn't too far off in my last blog, predicting that Ray Allen and Deron Williams would be named as replacements for the All-Star team.  Allen made it, and my logic for Williams was because Utah is the 3rd best team in the league (record-wise) and with Carlos Boozer out, would need a representative.  Instead, they went with Utah big man Mehmet Okur, which is also a good pick.  Basically, if you want to know your NBA, listen to three people: ESPN's Marc Stein, TNT's Charles Barkley, and 3 Cheers' The Dude.  Four: this might be slightly off subject, but the soup I had for lunch isn't doing the trick.  I could really go for some Panda Express right now.  Or Firehouse Subs.  (If anyone from Panda Express or Firehouse Subs is reading this and appreciates the advertising, I can be reached for compensation at brandon_may@msn.com.)  Five: didn't I tell you that John Amaechi's coming out party would bring out the quotes?  Check out former player (and briefly former Mav) Tim Hardaway on this little nugget here.  He actually said in a radio interview that he hates gays.  Can you believe that?!?  Not to detract from the sensitivity of this issue, but it's quotes like that from athletes that just make my day.  These guys have microphones shoved in their faces on a daily basis, and every now and then something comes out that just leaves you with hershey squirts in your tighties, thinking, "Did they really just say what I think they did?"  Beautiful, ignorant stuff, Mr. Hardaway.  Wonderful, bigoted stuff.  So that's basically what's been on my mind.  Let's get to the most recent Mavs game, shall we?

DIRK'S DIGITS!

You want your MVP, I got your MVP right here!  With the Mavs trailing the entire game against a team that had no business beating them, Dirk pretty much decided that if he were to ever truly stick it to the team that traded him away on draft day, this was the time.  38 points on 15 of 28 shooting, 11 rebounds, 8 assists and 2 steals.  Only Lebron James has surpassed that collection of numbers in all those categories in one single game in the last 6 years.  Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, even Michael Jordan didn't win the MVP every year, but they were always in the discussion.  Dirk gets overlooked by so many in the national media, and it's a shame.  All these pundits talk about how the game has become too much about the highlight dunks and the 3 point shots and it's not teaching the kids how to play solid, fundamental basketball.  Yet here you have the pinnacle of solid, fundamental basketball that happens to be harnessed in the 7' frame of one of the top 5 players on the planet on the best team in the league, and they forget all about him because he's not flashy enough.  It's either hypocrisy, stupidity or both, but Dirk needs to be recognized worldwide as one of the best, if not THE best in the game right now.

1. Referees Ken Mauer, Kevin Fehr, and Rodney Mott - You guys were all over the map like Vasco de Gama.  I'm not even mad at you guys because it made for such captivating theatre.  What would happen next?  Would they call a travel when it should have been a jump ball?  Would they call the game according to the rule book, or would they make concessions as they saw fit?  Oh, the drama!  My favorite part was when they gave Stackhouse a technical for slamming the ball on the court.  They had just called Stack for a traveling violation (it was technically a travel, but one you see 10 times a game without a whistle), and Stack, in frustration with himself and his team's losing, bounces the ball hard off the court and retrieves it back under his arm.  Didn't throw it, didn't kick it, just bounced it (similar to what they call "dribbling").  Technical foul on Stack.  My other favorite part was when they gave Dirk a technical near the end of what had become a close game so that Milwaukee could get a free shot, even though Dirk was questioning why he didn't get a foul called when he was bumped in the elbow on a jump shot and wondering why Stack got a travel call AND a tech but on the play immediately afterwords they let Earl Boykins get away with just as many steps as Stack took without a whistle.  But my most favorite part was when the Mavs fouled one of the Bucks players early in the game, and you didn't call it.  The Milwaukee coach runs from his bench down to the Mavs bench and then follows you guys back up the court screaming at you.  He was screaming at you so loud that I could hear exactly what he said to you.  He said, "I don't give a f***!  That call was bulls***!"  Ready for the kicker?  Wait for it!  You guys DIDN'T give him a technical!  Tah-duh!  And now for your next trick, you can explain quantum physics to me, which will be just as understandable as the method with which you call a basketball game.

2. Andrew Bogut - Second year Aussie has tremendous promise, but I personally don't think he'll ever live up the expectations of being the first pick in the draft.  He just doesn't have that kind of game.  He will be great, but not THAT great.  Regardless, it's hard to argue with these numbers: 16 points and 17 rebounds.  He gave Dampier fits and shut down the middle of the paint for the Mavs, which lead to us hoisting ill-advised jumpers for the first 3 quarters, which lead to us being down by 16 points during the 3rd quarter.

3. Josh Howard - I guess.  No one was good tonight, but I guess that the best indicator that Howard has arrived is when 15 points on 7 of 13 shooting and 8 rebounds is viewed as an off night.  Quietly winning is still winning.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Devin Harris is from Milwaukee, so the day before the game his high school retired his jersey.  He also got tickets for 30 family members and friends to come and watch him stink up the joint with 2 points and 5 fouls in only 14 minutes.  The best part about stinking it up in front of your friends and family is that they are your friends and family.  They're going to love you no matter what, mainly because you scored them free tickets to an NBA game.
• Dirk and Stack are starting to work really well together, in a way that Dirk and Howard don't have.  Howard helps Dirk by drawing defensive pressure away from him so that whoever winds up with the single defender can take the shot.  Stack helps by switching with Dirk to where they wind up swapping defenders, leaving them both in a mismatch.  Either Dirk is on Stack's smaller defender (meaning an easy, uncontested jumper from the elbow of the paint), or Stack is on Dirk's taller defender (which usually means slower defender, meaning Stack can power past him to the rim, usually drawing a foul).  Pick your poison, opponents.
• Devean George dives to the ground after a loose ball and winds up coming down right on his knee.  Turns out it's a strained MCL, which means that his timetable for return is any body's guess.  Not good news, but not the worst news.  G2000 is a very important part of this roster, having started the last couple of games in Harris's place.  He allows the Mavs to go with a bigger lineup without sacrificing defense, speed and outside shooting.  Here's hoping he gets back quickly.
• American Idol was on when the game started, so I asked my lovely wife Kim to Tivo the game for me.  I forgot to tell her to add time to the recording.  Totally my fault.  I'm watching the game, taking notes, resigned to the possibility that we might lose this game.  Then they mount a comeback in the fourth quarter!  The Mavs come storming back from 16 down to finally take their first lead of the game with 50 seconds left and then . . . times up on the recorder.  Next thing I know, I'm watching the post game show, hyperventilating with a look on my grill like I just came face to face with a very angry and blood-thirsty mule.  You know that look, right?  Scared because it's pissed off and hungry for human flesh, yet kind of confused because, come on, it's a friggin' mule, what's the concern?  You don't know that face?  Oh well, it turns out that I only missed the last few points of the Mavs putting away their 43rd victory in their first 52 games.  That made it all better.

Tonight on TNT at 7:00 CST the Mavs visit the Rockets for the last game before the break.  I will try to get back to you all soon, maybe tomorrow.  I am still brainstorming what songs to do for Devin Harris and Devean George, but it will be soon.  I promise.  Until then, we can start up the new segment, Ask the Dude.  Submit your questions, either by posting comments to the blog or emailing me at woodenswing@sbcglobal.net.  Just send your emails with the subject line of "Ask the Dude", I will answer your basketball questions, general sports questions, or questions about your love life and overall well-being, and then post them all on this blog.  If your question is embarrassing, don't worry.  Discretion is the name of the game.  I will simply change the first letter of your first name so that nobody knows who you are.  For example, if, I don't know, Rob wrote me and said he was having trouble with erectile dysfunction, I would say something like, "Well, Nob, try a little cinnamon powder as a topical solution.  You're welcome."  Now nobody knows who you are, but they've all learned a valuable lesson.  Seriously, shoot me a question, and the Dude shall provide you answers.  Go Mavs!

The Great Unknown

I don't know why Dwyane Wade decided to answer a question about his penchant for late game heroics by contorting his answer into a shot at Dirk's leadership skills, namely during last year's Finals.  I do know that Dirk's leadership isn't the reason the Mavs melted.  It was the owner's fault.  It was the coach's fault.  It was the fault of all 12 Mavs players.  I could throw the refs into this discussion, too, but the point is that if Wade feels that Dirk disrespected him by saying the Mavs gave Miami that series, then he needs to learn when a quote is just a quote and not a veiled slight at one's abilities.  I know it's a foreign concept to Wade right now to feel slighted, seeing as how everyone from Charles Barkley to Sports Illustrated to the NBA refs are putting him in their Five.  But Dirk's quote was more a slight to his own team than to the Heat.  It was Dirk's way of saying that they were disappointed in themselves for eyeing the prize too early.  They put shampoo in their hair before they got it wet.  They booked the church before the girl said yes.  They spent their lottery winnings before they ever even picked their numbers.  I don't know why Wade felt disrespected by Dirk's comments that were more damning of his own team than Wade's.  I don't know why Wade stepped out of character and fired a shot back at a fellow player.  It's the great unknown, I suppose.  What I do know is the Mavs are slowly pulling away from the pack as not just the team with the best record in the league, but literally the best team in the league.  I could ramble for days about this, but I've got two games to cover, plus the debut of the Mo Ager/J.J. Barea/Pops Mensah-Bonsu song "Proud Mavvy".  I'll get to the other stuff later.  I watched the Rockets game on Friday from start to finish so Random Crap is a little more packed.  I didn't get to watch a whole lot of Sunday's Philly game, so I will throw out some truly random crap, then we'll get to the song.  Ready?  Break!

3 CHEERS: MAVS 95 vs. ROCKETS 74

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk only needed to score 15 points on 7 of 14 shooting in this game because the rest of the guys did so much, both offensively and defensively.  He only needed to grab 8 boards because Damp and Diop combined for 25 rebounds.  Most importantly, he only needed to play 32 minutes in the last home game before a 3 game road trip leading up to the All-Star break.

1. Josh Howard - Also only played 32 minutes, but celebrated the news of his addition to the All-Star team by scoring 22 points on 9 of 15 shooting, grabbing 7 rebounds, and adding a steal and a block.  Most importantly, he finished off what I think is easily one of the top 5 plays from this Mavs season.  If you have the opportunity, open this video link to see the steal by JET, the feed to Harris, the Harris behind the back pass, and the Howard flying, rim rocking dunk.  That dunk officially capped the evening and ushered in garbage time.

2. Devin Harris - I made a note to give Harris a Cheer regardless of what his final stat line showed because he was inserted into the lineup in the second half, and his energy sparked the Mavs fast break and total pummeling of this Rockets team.  Harris only finished with 7 points, 4 assists, and 2 steals, but the Mavs had 21 fast break points in the second half thanks to Harris.  The Rockets only scored 14 points the entire third quarter when we began to pull away.

3. Jerry Stackhouse - So many good Mavs to go with here, from Dampier to Diop to JET to G2000 to Buckner, but I choose Stack, and I'll tell you why (Isn't that redundant?  Of course I'm going to tell you why).  His spark in the third quarter coincided with Harris's spark on the fast break.  The Mavs went on a 16-0 run in which Stackhouse scored 10 of those points, made assists that lead to 4 more, and fed G2000 under the basket which lead to free throws for the other 2 points.  Stack was involved in all 16 points of that run.  At that point, you know the Rockets are looking at each other thinking, we might be able to match our starters to their starters, and we might be able to match our starters to their bench, but we can't match our bench to their bench.

RANDOM CRAP: ROCKETS GAME

• I had a chance to go to this game, but I decided to stay home so that I could help my wife with our daughter.  My wife was hosting a baby shower for our friend, Courtney, the next day, and she needed to make cupcakes and decorate stuff, so I figured it would be easier for her to do that if I was there to occupy my little rugrat.  Before you start sighing and saying what a great, sweet husband I am, know this.  By the time the game started, I was about as useless as I would have been if I had actually gone to the game.  But hey, I got lots of notes for the blog!
• Dirk is a funny dude.  In regular interviews, he always sounds a little mongoloid, but he's really funny.  In an pregame interview, they asked him if he shaved his hair himself.  His response was: Can you tell?  Does it look bad?  He also said the reason he shaved his head was because he wasn't pleased with his recent haircut, which he claims left him with bangs and feeling like he was wearing a wig.  Later during the game, they show a clip of the two announcers doing their courtside report during the Mavs layup drill.  Suddenly, Dirk swoops in and playfully runs into both of them while they are live on camera.  Funny dude.
• I pride myself on being fairly accurate over the last 10 to 15 years as far as predicting on draft day which players will become superstars, which players will become average, and which players will be out of the league fairly quickly.  I don't like to use the term bust, because sometimes that term isn't necessarily the player's fault.  Was it Sam Bowie's fault that the Trailblazers already had Clyde Drexler and had no use at the time for Michael Jordan, so they picked Bowie before Jordan?  Bowie was a good, promising big man coming out of college, and the Blazers needed a big man.  It's wrong to call Bowie a bust just because the guy taken one spot behind him wound up becoming arguably the greatest basketball player of all time, if not greatest athlete of all time (I won't get into why I don't consider him greatest person of all time).  In fact you could say that the Blazers are a bust for not realizing Jordan's potential, drafting him, trading Drexler for more draft picks or players, and building an even better team than the one that lost to Jordan's Bulls in 1992.  I digress.  Sorry for the soapbox.  I just think that sometimes players wear the burden of mistakes that should belong on the franchises that made them.  Anyway, I pride myself on being fairly accurate about what players will turn out to be when they are drafted out of college, high school or a nation I can't pronounce.  I completely missed on Tracy McGrady.  I knew he was good, but this was back when Kobe and Garnett were revitalizing the high school-to-pros jump.  I just figured he wasn't as great as everyone told him he was, and that he would get swallowed up in the NBA cycle and wind up being a solid bench player.  It has happened to more high schoolers than not.  Anyway, T-Mac has proved me wrong, which doesn't happen often.
• Dirk got a technical foul for arguing a call.  Big deal, you say?  Every player does that, you say?  The funny part about this one is that the (non)foul occurred, Dirk clearly disagreed but kept his mouth shut, walked to the sidelines and looked up at the jumbo tron, which was showing the replay, and realized he had a legitimate gripe.  He turned to the ref and pointed at the monitor, and the ref T's him up.  I guess these refs are free to give technicals to players that whine, players that cuss, and players that present indisputable evidence that the refs were completely wrong.
• Once again, JET proves to be a very cool dude.  The kids are lined up underneath the stands where the Mavs exit the court to head back to the locker room.  They are jumping and screaming and cheering for their heroes as they walk by.  But that's exactly what they do, they walk by.  Even my man-crush, Dirk, breezes by without even a wave.  But JET alters course and makes a beeline to the kids to give them all high fives, especially the ones wearing headbands and Terry jerseys.  I will be the first to tell you that a simple gesture like that goes a long way for a kid.  I still remember Rolando Blackman recognizing my birthday while I was at his basketball camp.  I remember Derek Harper acknowledging me when I welcomed him back to Dallas during a game.  Blackman and Harper aren't going into the Hall of Fame, but because of those memories, they will be two of my favorite players of all time.  What JET just did was make fans for life, and it's a shame that more athletes in all sports don't get that.
• When Avery Johnson gets mad, he gets this scowl on his face. My wife calls it his "toot face" because his nose and mouth get all wrinkled up like he just smelled a wicked fart, and he's not happy about it.  A playful "whoever smelt it, dealt it", this is not.  It's one of those mean, "whoever just broke wind best take their ass to the kitchen to fetch the Febreeze" kind of scowls.
• Dirk's mentor, Holger, is in the house.  I love to see Holger in the house because it usually means that Dirk is working on a new wrinkle to his game, like there's many left to iron out.  He also plays better when Holger is there to watch him in person.
• The Mavs win the game and wind up with a record of 41-9 for their first 50 games.  Only 7 other teams in NBA history have posted a better record in the first 50 games than this year's Mavs, although I believe 10 other teams are tied with the Mavs.  Only one of those 7 teams didn't win the championship, and the most recent team to have a better start than the Mavs were the '96-'97 Bulls at 44-6.  They also set a franchise record with their 17th straight win at home.  Not a bad night, especially when you hold T-Mac to 6 points in the last 3 quarters and hold the Rockets to 35 points and 25% shooting in the second half.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 106 @ SIXERS 89

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk had his routine, MVP night with 24 points on 9 of 18 shooting (5 of 7 from the line), 11 boards, 7 assists and 3 steals.  I'll be honest with you all here.  I am proud as punch that Howard made the All-Star game.  He deserves it.  But in a small way, I was hoping that Dirk would be the only Maverick All-Star just to throw a few more logs on that MVP fire he's got burning right now.  Now Nash is hurt and the Suns are losing.  Points for Nash.  Nash is going to miss the All-Star game (along with Iverson) which I think means that Commissioner Stern has to name more replacements at the guard position.  Seattle's Ray Allen is the best player at the guard position not currently on the team, and if he goes out of position, he could name Portland's Zach Randolph.  If he stays with guards only, then there are two options in my opinion: Utah's (and local Dallas-area kid) Deron Williams or your very own Jason Terry.  Terry will already be in town for the 3 Point Shootout, but just like Howard, I would love to see these guys get to the pinnacle of their profession without it detracting from Dirk's MVP argument.  I'm afraid it will be one more excuse, however, for all the national media to dismiss the best player on the best team from MVP honors.

1. Jason Terry - The Mavs were enjoying a 30 point lead in this game, but complacency set in and they allowed the Sixers back within 8 in the fourth quarter.  JET would have none of it, hitting a few clutch jumpers and the next thing you know, Mavs up by 18.  JET finished with 16 points on 7 of 15 shooting, 11 assists and 3 steals.

2. Andre Iguodala - He threw down a dunk off a put back where his arm was at 9:00 when he caught it, and he brought it all the way back to high noon for the sideways, one handed jam.  To get a taste of the athletic dunking ability of this guy, watch this.  Now that Iverson is out of the way, Iguodala is the go-to guy, so his numbers are going way up.  He was the only real source of life from Philly with 21 points, 9 boards and 5 assists.

3. Devean George - Hard to complain about a guy working his way into the starting lineup on a regular basis, then backing it up with 6 of 10 shooting, including 3 of 3 from 3, to score 15 points, grab 4 boards, and pick up a steal and a block.  More importantly, it shows that we can go small with Devin Harris or we can go big with Devean George without a single hitch in the system.  That type of flexibility pays off come playoff time.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I didn't get to watch much of this game, and more importantly, I didn't get to take notes.  So here goes some true random crap.
• Dallas boasts 3 owners of their local sports teams in the big 4 (NFL, NBA, NHL, MLB), and we are lucky to have them.  They are good owners.  What I don't understand is how the local media or the recent Mavs bandwagon jumper will denounce Mark Cuban for his antics.  Look at Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys.  Great owner because he's a fan of his team and he's willing to do whatever it takes and spend whatever he can to win a championship.  The problem is that he acts like he should be coaching the team, and he is actually the general manager.  Cuban doesn't have that problem.  He leaves basketball decisions to basketball people, and has for quite some time.  Look at Tom Hicks, owner of the Dallas Stars and Texas Rangers.  I don't care about the Stars, so let's talk about my second favorite team in town that continues to rip out my heart like a bad prom date every year.  Hicks has spent with this team, he's been hands on, he's been hands off, and nothing's worked.  So now he's in a protective shell, afraid to make a bold move because the ones in the past have blown up in his face (see: Alex Rodriguez, Chan Ho Park, Todd Van Poppel, Juan Gonzalez).  Just when he says that he doesn't want to spend enough money to land the best pitcher on the free agent market, Barry Zito (one of the first A-list pitchers in history to actually express an interest in playing for the Rangers even before money talks began), he spends $225 million to buy a British soccer team because it's a good business investment.  Cuban would never claim that he doesn't have money to spend on the Mavs and then spend excessive amounts of money elsewhere.  Does Cuban have annoying quirks?  Sure.  But does anyone ever doubt that Cuban's main focus is the success of the Mavs?  Absolutely not.  So don't get upset about Cuban's blog (it's very funny, very much worth reading), don't get worked up about his antics on TV or against the refs (he's done much better this year), and appreciate the fact that this guy was the catalyst for change in this organization.  If you can't, I'm sure you would prefer the previous owner, Ross Perot, Jr., who bought the team only so that he could make sure that his development company got the contract to build the new arena and put his good friend, Frank Zaccanelli, in position of general manager so that he could trade franchise-defining players such as Jason Kidd.  Those teams were stellar, weren't they?  At least the owner didn't blog about it.  Leave Cuban alone.  Appreciate his humor, his intensity, his passion, his success, and appreciate the fact that this franchise was awful for a decade until Cuban bought them and brought a new life and a new attitude to the team.  There are scores of other fans out there that would love to have Cuban or an owner like Cuban to buy their favorite team.  We are lucky.

And now I present to you the Rookie Troubadours rendition of "Proud Mavvy", which is a remake of Ike and Tina Turner's "Proud Mary" which was a cover song of Credence Clearwater Revival's "Proud Mary".  Is a cover of a cover of a cover considered a comforter?  Perhaps a quilt?  Anyway, Mo Ager, Juan Jose Barea and Pops Mensah-Bonsu have recorded the Ike and Tina version of "Proud Mavvy", with Ager's lines in blue, Barea's lines in gray, Pop's lines in green, and black lines for their three-part harmony.

(slowly) You know, every now and then/I think you might like to see something from us/Nice and easy/But there's just one thing/We never ever do nothing/Nice and easy/We always do it nice and in the last minute of a blowout/So we're gonna do the beginning of this song easy/Like riding the bench/Then we're gonna do the finish rough/Like playing in the D-League

Had a good job with the Mavericks/Working for the General every night and day/But I never saw very much game time/So they found us a place to play/Big wheel keep on turning/Proud Mavvy keep on burning/And we're rolling, rolling/Rolling to the D-League

(faster, with horns, funk and lots of booty shaking)

There's too many players on this roster/They've been around the league for a long, long time/How are we supposed to crack the lineup/When every other week, we're getting reassigned/Big wheel keep on turning (turning!)/Proud Mavvy keep on burning (burning!)/Rolling (rolling!), rolling (rolling!)/We're rolling to the D-League/Wa da da da da do do do do do do do do

Maybe one day we're gonna make it/But only if we're traded to another team/But we'll play in the minors and ride the bench/And maybe by June we can wear a ring/Big wheel keep on turning (turning!)/Proud Mavvy keep on burning (burning!)/Rolling (rolling!), rolling (rolling!)/We're rolling to the D-League/Wa da da da da do do do do do do do do!

I just have two more songs left to complete The White (and Blue) Album, and then we will start a new string called Ask The Dude! where you can email your questions to me and I will give you solid, life-affirming answers.  You can ask me about the Mavs, the NBA, your love problems, your diet strategies, etc.  Just don't ask me about how to deal with not being awesome.  I don't know nothin' about that.  Enjoy the game tonight against the Milwaukee Bucks.  We have traditionally had trouble playing in Milwaukee, and I think it's because they are still upset that we snowed them into trading us the draft right to Dirk for Robert "Tractor" Traylor.  SUCKERS!!!!!!  What would have happened if the Mavs hadn't have made that trade?  I guess that's the great unknown.  It's also something I don't want to know the answer to.  Go Mavs!

NBA Basketball: Not Just For Heteros Anymore

Former NBA player John Amaechi has decided to come out of the closet.  Good for him.  From what I understand and have been told, the moment a gay individual finally reveals their true self to others, there's a feeling of relief and euphoria from having that weight lifted from their conscience, from not having to pretend they're someone they're not.  If that's true, then I hope he's cherishing that feelling because I can only imagine that it was hard to keep all that in for so long, especially in the world of American team athletics.  On top of all that, you can pretty much fire up the quote machine from some of these current players that are too damn stupid to know when to be politically correct and when not to.  Commissioner David Stern went way P.C. when he simply stated that the NBA is diverse and accepting because the only question players are asked is "Can you play?"  Then you have guys like Sixers rookie Shavlik Randolph who simply said he didn't mind if there was a gay man in the league as long as he didn't try to put his gayness on him.  Great stuff.  The only thing that I don't like about this is that Amaechi is making this announcement when he just so happens to be releasing his autobiography in stores nearest you.  The life story of a Brit that lasted 5 years in the league on 4 different teams?  Yawn.  The life story of a Brit that lasted 5 years in the league while concealing the fact that he enjoys the romantic company of men over women?  Money bags!!  I support Amaechi's decision to come out, and I hope he's more at peace in his life than maybe he was before.  I think that it can only be a good thing for other men and women in similar situations in organized sports, amatuer or professional, who might be struggling with having to hide their true identities.  I just think it loses some of it's power when it's simultaneously used as a marketing tool.  As a disclaimer, I know for a fact that there are people that will be reading this that don't agree with homosexuality.  It's your right to feel that way and disagree with that lifestyle, just like it's my right to be extremely prejudiced towards dumbasses.  And Bruce Bowen.  And sharks.  So 3 Cheers to John Amaechi.  I support your courage, I question your timing, and I am grateful for the opportunity you have now given other NBA players to wind up in front of a microphone and firmly place one of their high-priced sneakers in their mouths.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 113 vs. GRIZZLIES 97

DIRK'S DIGITS!

I guess Dirk took his recent slump a little more seriously than I did, because he finally shaved the mop of blond locks off his head to shake out of it.  He also responded by making his first 8 shots, finishing 14 of 20 from the field with 38 points, 10 rebounds, 6 assists, 3 steals and 4 blocks.  I think that pretty much shakes off the slump, don't you?

1. Josh Howard - Back in the swing of things now, Howard shot much better in this game than last, posting 23 points on 9 of 20 shooting, grabbing 9 boards (5 offensive), collecting 3 steals and blocking a shot.

2. Devean George - G2000 took advantage of Dampier's absence due to injury and Diop and Mbenga's foul trouble to score 15 points on 5 of 11 shooting in 26 minutes.  He also pulled down 5 boards, made 4 steals and blocked a shot.

3. Pau Gasol - Helping his trade value by scoring 29 points on 13 of 19 shooting, getting 9 rebounds and blocking 4 shots.  Hurting his trade value with 9 turnovers in the game.  The whole Mavs team only had 8.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Just came down the pipe while I'm typing this that Howard has been named as an injury replacement for the All-Star game by Commissioner Stern.  Glad he made the team, sorry about the way it happened.
• Just came down the pipe while I'm typing this that Dwyane Wade was quoted as saying the reason the Mavs lost the Finals was because of Dirk and his lack of leadership.  I guess Wade's stunning leadership is why they've defended their title by being a game under .500 after 49 games and clinging to the last playoff spot while Dirk's Mavs have the best record in the entire league.
• Just came down the pipe while I'm typing this that DJ Mbenga is out for the season with a torn ACL.  It looked like he just bumped knees with the guy, but nope, out for the season.  That means the Mavs called up Pops Mensah-Bonsu from the D-League to take his place, although it won't make a huge difference in the rotation since Mbenga only averaged 3 minutes a game.  Of greater importance, I now have one more person to write a song for.  Maybe I will combine Mo Ager, J.J. Barea and Pops into one song celebrating the wonders of bouncing from the D-League in Fort Worth to the best team in the NBA in Dallas.
• The Mavs pregame show before Memphis was celebrating how the Mavs were gunning for their 16th straight home win, so they played the theme song from that horrid MTV show where all those spoiled, delusional kids have their parents throw them a sweet 16 party that costs more than my annual household income.  I'm appalled.
• I love watching Grizzlies point guard Damon Stoudemire not because I love his game, but it's just fun to watch someone that was once stupid enough to think that he could smuggle his marijuana stash past airport security and metal detectors by wrapping it in aluminum foil.
• I am growing more and more infatuated with the greatness of the General, Avery Johnson, by the day.  The John Amaechi outing and the effect it might have on the diversity of the league made me think: the NBA has been way ahead of the curve as far as the acceptance and promotion of African-Americans compared to other leagues.  One of the big stories from this past Super Bowl was that it was the first time a black head coach was in the Super Bowl, much less two of them, making it a certainty that one of them would be the first black head coach to WIN a Super Bowl.  But I don't remember anyone even mentioning anything about Avery being in the Finals last year other than because of how young he was and how quickly he did it.  Maybe nothing was mentioned about his race because Bill Russell became the first black head coach to win a Finals about 40 years ago.  Avery was celebrated for being a coach, not a black coach, but just a coach.  A good coach at that.  That's a good thing

Well, I think that just about does it for this addition.  Tonight's game brings us the Rockets, who are playing well without Yao Ming.  Tracy McGrady and Dirk have a history of putting up huge games against each other, so it should be a good one to watch.  I still need to work out some songs for Devin Harris, Devean George, and then the Ager/Barea/Mensah-Bonsu rookie trio.  Until next time, enjoy your weekend and be well.  The Dude abides.  Go Mavs.

[Mavs] Get Much Deserved [Rest]

I have to admit that I'm completely on board with the abundant use of all these [parentheticals] in print media quotes lately?  I understand the point of it.  If a reporter asks, "What did you think of your perimeter defense tonight?", then a player or coach might respond by saying, "It was unacceptable, and we will be working on it in practice."  In the paper the next day, the reporter won't really reference the question, but instead use the parenthetical to further explain the "it" in the player's or coach's quote.  It then reads, "[The perimeter defense] was unacceptable, and we will be working on it in practice."  Makes sense to me.  But sometimes, I have fun trying to figure out what words or phrases the parenthetical is replacing.  Take this quote printed in the Dallas Morning News from Kevin Garnett the day after the Mavs beat him and his Timberwolves: "Half these people that talk, I've never met in my life.  At the end of the day, it's just [garbage]."  Hmmm.  Wonder what word was replaced by [garbage]?  Was it "escalators"?  Perhaps it was "asparagus"?  Possibly "300-thread count linens".  Who knows, but aren't we having fun yet?  Your answer might be, "[Feathers] No!"  Say no more, you [wonderful people].

DIRK'S DIGITS!

18 points, 5 boards, 2 assists, and a block.  Sounds good, but it was [garbage].  Dirk's been in a funk lately, probably the signs of fatigue setting in.  January was rough on the Mavs.  You wouldn't know it from their January record (14-2), but do the math.  In 31 days, they played 16 games on both coasts.  They logged 10,000 air miles in that span.  It's a testament to the team that they did as well as they did, and at the same time, a testament to the standard they have set that we don't accept any less.  Now Dirk is on the longest rest period of the year (excluding the upcoming All-Star Break, which won't be much of a rest for Dirk), so expect these digits to get back to normal very soon.

1. Josh Howard - Welcome back from your paternity leave.  Congrats on your new fatherhood.  I was fully expecting this to be Josh Howard's "I'll show those coaches that didn't vote me on to the All-Star roster" game.  It kind of was with 22 points and 10 boards (6 offensive), but the shooting was terrible (no doubt the by-product of being off for 5 days).  The energy was legit, and your defense at the end of a unexpectedly close game on Garnett was very much needed.  That'll show those [fluffy] coaches!

2. Kevin Garnett - I'm wondering at what point he loses the nickname "The Kid" since he's been in the league 11 years.  What's that?  He's only 29 years old?  Same age as me?  Okay then, "The Kid" still applies because the Dude is still a kid, too.  Here's another nickname that applies to both of us: Man Beast.  KG made what looked to be a Mavs romp in the 4th quarter into a closer game than the Dude was hoping for since I was in attendance.  I hate sweating out games in person.  25 points on 9 of 17 shooting and 12 boards.  With the exception of that one year the Wolves made the Western Conference Finals, this has been a dismal team that has gotten by solely on the efforts of KG.  Because I like him, I wish that he could get a ring before he retires, which basically means that I wish that he would sign a minimum wage contract with the Mavs so he can back up Dirk and get one with us.  Probably not going to happen, but KG is one of the great players and great people in this league.  It is always an honor to watch him in person.

3. Mavs Centers - Dampier and Diop haven't played well either over the last few games, but they took advantage of a huge mismatch in their favor to combine for 12 points on 4 of 6 shooting, 20 boards and 2 blocks.

RANDOM CRAP!

• The Dude got to the game and realized that he forgot his trusty pad and pen to take notes for the blog during the game.  What's a Dude to do?  Go to the fan shop and buy a Mavs pad and pen gift set, of course.  Since I am at the game with my wife, Kim, my beautiful and sexy wife will be helping me write my notes.  It's called nepotism.  Deal with it.
• Here's a curious question: is it still normal to sing along, out loud mind you, to the national anthem at a sporting event?  Apparently, social convictions did not stop the guy sitting about 3 seats down from me.  I appreciate patriotism as much as the next guy, and by "next guy" I don't mean the guy sitting 3 seats down from me, but I don't appreciate a Michael Bolton impersonator.  Patriotism aside, the national anthem is actually a crappy song.  It was inspired by a battle during the War of 1812, and the battle that inspired it didn't even happen until 1814.  It was behind the times before it was even written.  I could go further, but I won't.  Let's just pass a law that you can hum along at sporting events and you can even sing at a volume that isn't audible past your shoulders, but please don't belt it out unless you're the person holding the microphone at half court trying to belt out a song that cruelly ranges one and a half octaves, was written by a lawyer (and amateur poet), and set to the tune of a British drinking ballad from a group of men that named their society after a Greek poet (Anacreon), whose own songs of women, booze and "entertainment" can now be readily found a few "accidental" mouse clicks away from this blog.  M'Kay?
• Not only is this game Ladies Night, but it's also Black College Alumni and Black Greek Night.  This game just jumped off the chain!  If there's two things the Dude likes, it's rap music with heavy bass and women shaking booty.  I just walked into Mavs heaven tonight.
• The T'Wolves have a player named Ricky Davis.  I don't know if I've gone into this before, but back in the day he used to play for the Cleveland Cavaliers.  With only 10 seconds left in the game, Cleveland was inbounding the ball, and I think they were winning.  That's not important.  What is important is that Mr. Davis was one rebound shy of a triple-double, meaning he had double digits in 3 different categories (in this case, points, rebounds and assists).  Knowing he needed one more rebound, he took the inbounds pass in the Cavs backcourt, then ran towards the opponents basket, shot the ball, intentionally missed, then grabbed the errant shot thinking he would be rewarded a rebound to get his triple-double.  Needless to say, they didn't give it to him.  I have two words: Dumb [asparagus].
• One of the many lovely African-American women in attendance had the best shirt of the game.  It simply said: Dirk + Me = German Chocolate.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you make a sign.
• This dude sits down next to my wife and starts chatting her up something fierce.  Kim says he's a nice guy.  Yeah, I'm sure if I said that the chick sitting on my right trying to drum up conversation with me all night was a nun and adopted orphaned kittens, Kim would say, "Talk away."  Anyway, this cat, I'll call him Bull Rider, comes in with his skin tight black shirt, his lady (sister?), and a huge, black Stetson atop his noggin.  On top of that, he's brought binoculars.  As Kim said, "Even my legally blind Mavs superfan husband doesn't bring binoculars."  We must be alone in this argument, because we later noticed that you can rent binoculars from some of the upper level gift shops.
• Perhaps Bull Rider got into some trouble with his own lady (sister?) for spending so much time chatting up my Dudette, because next time I look over, he's making out with her ("her" being his lady (sister?), not my wife).  It's a good thing the guy behind him asked him to remove his Stetson so we could all get a good peek at the show.
• Every now and again there's a celebrity in the arena, so they show them on the jumbotron to let us ordinary jerks know that we are in the presence of greatness.  Guess who they showed.  Nope.  Nope.  Try again.  Not even close.  Okay, I'll just tell you.  Kay Bailey Hutchison!  WHOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!  Nothing gets the Ladies/Black College/Black Greek Night pumping like a U.S. Senator from Texas!  Hot Damn, did I hit the jackpot in this game or what?!?!
• This next point goes a little something like this, paraphrasing what I actually wrote with the aforementioned parentheticals: [Fiddles] the announcer guy at the Mavs games.  He sucks donkey [buffalo wings].
• Kim has just informed me that I can't make fun of Bull Rider because he really is a nice guy.  Okay.  Let's review.  Bull Rider walks in with his lady (sister?), wearing a huge black Stetson and a tight black shirt.  He starts chatting up my lady.  He is asked to remove his hat by other fans.  He has a coat the size of a biosphere tent perched in his lap (you already know how the Dude feels about bringing coats to the game).  He brought binoculars.  He starts making out with his lady (sister?).  The next day, Kim tells me that Bull Rider told her, "I think we're going all the way this year."  I had to clarify if he was talking about the Mavs or if he was talking about my wife and himself.  I say, yeah, we're going to poke a little fun at him.  I'm only sure that she will be just as forgiving the next time a women takes as much interest in me in front of her.  So basically, she won't ever have that opportunity.
• Halftime was awesome.  They had the marching band from Avery Johnson's college, Southern University, perform.  They had a Ray Charles impersonator (I guess it would kind of have to be an impersonator at this point, huh?) sing with the band, and he was spot on.  And Kim and I think the drum major is a part time stripper.  Maybe he trades shifts with Bull Rider.  Anyway, great halftime show.

Before I leave you [fine people], I want to hit you with one more song for The (Blue and) White Album.  This is another duet, this time between two "glue guys", Anthony Johnson and Greg Buckner.  Set to the musical stylings of the Bee-Gees, Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton's hit song, "Islands in the Stream", I give you "Pieces of a Team".  Johnson's lines are in blue, Buckner's lines are in gray, and they sing together in black.

Buckner, when I met you I just knew it'd be smooth/You and I together, we've got something to prove/Coming off the bench/Dude, we could win it all

You've been to the Finals, but you got no ring/I have never been, but I want the same thing/I can play solid D/Johnson, you can pass the ball

Although our playing time/It comes with variation/We'll be ready/To serve the Mavericks nation/We ride the bench together, hey hey/Making love with each other, no way!

Pieces of a team/That is what we are/I can play some D/I can pass the ball/And when Avery/Gives us the call/We rely on each other, nah nah/From one Maverick to another, hah hah

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.  The (Blue and) White Album is almost complete.  We just need a song for Devin Harris, a song for Devean George (G2000), and maybe a special song for the Dude.  Perhaps once it's complete, I will post all the songs on a blog and send it off to Mark Cuban for his final approval.  Until next time, congrats to the Colts for winning what was the second highest rated Super Bowl in television history.  The Mavs will enjoy their rest and play again Wednesday night against the Grizzlies, trying to become the first team to 40 wins this year.  Go Mavs!

Snub Stinks: A Mavs Musical

"Snub Stinks" by J. Howard Band (remake of "Love Stinks" by J. Giles Band)

Howard: You want in/Coaches vote "no way"/And fans vote for players/That are too hurt to play/Phoenix gets 3/San Antonio gets 2/Dallas only gets one/And that's a flaming bag of poo/I've got the points and the boards/Even the kitchen sink/One thing's for sure/Snub Stinks

All Mavs: Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks/Yeah, yeah

Dirk: Everyone touts my buddy, Nash/For MVP/But I apparently don't have 2 All-Stars/That play with me/If I'm the only All-Star/On the best team around/I guess that means by May/I should wear the MVP crown/I've never cared for the All-Star voting thing/But I'll still say that Howard's/Snub Stinks!

All Mavs: Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks!/Yeah, yeah/Snub Stinks/Yeah, yeah

"Snub Stinks" will be either a B-side or a bonus track on the upcoming The (Blue and) White Album.

Josh Howard's song is "When I See You Smile", which is a remake of Bad English's song by the same name.

Sometimes I wonder/How you even made it here/Second option on the league's best team/It feels like you are in a dream/Then sometimes I realize/You deserve where you sit/You never doubted yourself/You bust your tail for it/Sometimes you wanted to give up/You wanted to give in/You wanted to quit the fight/But I'm looking at you in the mirror/And every thing's alright/Every thing's alright!

When I see you smile/I see pearly whites/Oh, see them shining straight and bright/When I see you smile/I see a Mavericks steal/Proof to the other teams that I'm real/When I see you smile/J-Ho, when I see you smile/At me!

You were overlooked/In the draft that year/Teams, they tried to nitpick you/You're future didn't seem so clear/Everyone was talking Lebron/Melo, Wade and Bosh/All 28 teams past on you/But you know it was all their loss/But now your jumpers draining/Your team is reigning/You almost have every tool/Other teams that passed you/You make them look like fools/You make them look like fools!

When I see you smile/I see defensive stops/Oh, I see rebounds, I see blocks/When I see you smile/I see slashing jams/Letting the world know who I am/When I see you smile/J-Ho, when I see you smile/At me!

DJ Mbenga's song is "Africa", which is a remake of Toto's song by the same name.

I left my home and genocide behind/After all, my father died because of what he stood for/I was imprisoned for a year of my life/They could beat my flesh but they could never destroy my core/I fled to Belgium in the night/Hoping that my mother and I could find some kind of peace at all/A chance encounter with a man who said/"Son, you should be playing basketball!"

It took a lot to take me away from home/The path I've traveled goes longer than I'd have ever known/I lost my family down in Africa/But now I have a chance to live the life they never had

19 years old and 7 feet tall/Never even had the chance to learn the game of basketball/Then a father figure took me in/Told me with a little work and luck that I could have it all/5 years later and here I am/Living the dream and playing in the NBA!

It took a lot to take me away from home/The path I've traveled goes longer than I'd have ever known/I left my life back in Africa/But now I'm here and I am playing for the Mavs!

(Ed. note: I kind of made fun of DJ's accent with his lyrics in "Finals Funk", but I wanted his own song to be a tribute to exactly what this young man has been through to get here.  Everything is still light-hearted on The (Blue and) White Album in general, but DJ deserved some love for what he's overcome.)

And finally, Jason Terry's song is "Fire Up the JET", which is a remake of "We've Got the Jazz" by the sorely underrated hip-hop group, Tribe Called Quest.

Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET

Crossover dribbles that make you break your knees/When I run it up the court, all defenders say please/Don't take me to the rack, but you know I don't listen/So I make defenders sweat until the court starts to glisten/Had big shoes to fill when the Nashy went west/But I stepped up to the challenge, and I think you know the rest/I'm kind of superstitious, so I like to wear the shorts/Of opponents on the night before I see them on the courts/So push it along, changed my style/Still like to cut up, still like to smile/But I bought into the General and I bought into the team/Bought into the defense and I bought into the scheme/Bought into the scheme because I'm challenging for rings/And the glory that it brings and among the other things/I bought into the system 'cause I get to play with Dirk/Winning is my mission and mission's gonna work/So I wear my socks high, the JET's about to fly/By you on the court like I control the friendly skies/Wanna jumper or a trey or a dunk or a steal/The JET is on the runway and I think you know the deal

Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET/Fire up the JET

I will be in attendance Saturday night at the AAC to watch the Mavs host the Timberwolves, so I will take as many notes as I can and report back on Monday or Tuesday.  Enjoy the musical blog, enjoy the Super Bowl, enjoy the commercials, and enjoy the weekend.  If you find yourself at a Super Bowl party, and the topic of the Mavs comes up, tell them about a really kickass blog you know about and how they can find it.  Actually, even if the topic of the Mavs doesn't come up, make up an excuse to plug the blog to your friends and family.  Maybe try something like, "Wow, this dip is near perfection.  Speaking of near perfection, have you read the 3 Cheers Mavs blog by some genius that calls himself The Dude?  You're welcome."  It's a great ice breaker.  Until next time, go Colts.  My wife and I hope Peyton Manning wins.  My wife wants him to win because my daughter is named Payton (she's not named after Manning, and it's with an "a" not an "e"), and so that he can shake that monkey off his back about not winning the big game.  I want Manning to win because it might finally open up some marketing opportunities for him.  Happy Groundhog's Day!  Go Mavs!

Carnival Mirror

I didn't get to watch much of this game, but I did watch the last 8 minutes or so intently.  That makes me an expert to comment on the game as a whole.  It also made me think about the different paths the Mavs and Grizzlies have taken since last year's playoff series.  Everyone thought the Grizzlies were becoming a mirror image of the Mavs, but that mirror has turned out to be a carnival mirror: all warped and distorted.  More on that later.  Let's get to the Digits!

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk had a horrible shooting night, going only 8 of 20, including a stretch where he missed 10 of 11.  However, games are sometimes won at the foul line and Dirk got there, making all 10 of his charity shots.  He finished with 26 points, 11 boards and 2 blocks, which now put him at 28 20+ point, 10+ rebound games this year, a league best.

1. Mike Miller - Miller has decided to grow his hair out, so he wears a head band during games to keep it out of his face.  It's not a real head band, though.  It looks like a chick band.  It's really thin, and he wears it on top of his scalp, so the front part of his hair is slicked back, and then POOF, flowing locks aplenty.  Here's a picture of him guarding Carmelo Anthony (hint: Miller's the white dude), but it doesn't do a lot of justice to show how poodle-ish it looks.  Either way, the night after Croshere hits 7 of 10 from 3 land, Miller gave them a taste of their own medicine.  Miller got 7 of 10 from 3 land, 11 of 16 total from the field, for 32 points.  He also hit a couple of 3's at the end of the game that made the thing a little more tense than I cared for.

2. Jason Terry - JET knocked down 9 of his 19 shots for 20 points and tossed out 6 assists, which is a good assist total considering the team only shot 42%.  News has just filtered in that JET will most likely be challenging Dirk again this year in the 3 Point Shootout, so to warm up for it, JET went 0 of 3 from behind the arc.

3. Jerry Stackhouse - Stack's creeping closer to 30 minutes a game, but he's still taking advantage of his time on the court.  20 points on 6 of 12 shooting, including 2 of 3 from behind the arc and a perfect 6 of 6 from the stripe.  He also raked in 3 boards and 2 steals.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Last year, the Mavs got the 4th seed in the playoffs (even though they had the second best record in the league), and the Memphis Grizzlies got the 5th seed.  The Grizzlies were being dubbed "Mavs Light" because they had a large superstar foreigner, a speedy point guard, a feisty small forward and a handful of reliable offensive bench players.  The Mavs swept them in 4 games, and boy howdy, have these two teams gone in completely opposite directions since.  They lost their 6th man, Bobby Jackson, to free agency, and they just waived their starting 2 guard, Eddie Jones.  Pau Gasol, the Grizzlies' superstar foreigner, missed about 2 months with a broken foot, only to return to a team that had already fired its head coach, hired a guy that couldn't hack it at Texas A&M (where they never really cared if their basketball teams stunk), and has now demanded a trade.  The Grizzlies have the worst record in the league.
• We all know where the Mavs are.  They just made it into February with only 9 losses and sit back atop the league with the best record at 38-9.  I did some research entirely on my own with stats from the Dallas Mavericks media guide.  Only the 2002-03 Mavs squad, that started the season 14-0, went into February with fewer losses, not losing their 9th until February 4th.  I'm discounting the 1998-99 strike-shortened season that didn't even start until February (although that team didn't make it out of the month before loss number 9).  Only 3 times have the Mavs even made it to January before loss number 9.  More than a handful of proud Mavs teams haven't even made it out of the first month of November before the 9th loss.  My point is, a team can turn from up and coming to out and going in one off season.  Be grateful the Mavs have become even better.  Also, it's easy to get caught up in the recent and current success of the club, but take a moment to realize exactly what this team is doing here.  That '02-'03 team that slightly outpaced this year's team before their 9th loss: they finished with a franchise-best 60 wins that year (tied only by last year's squad).  This year's team is on pace to win 66, maybe 67 games this year, and they have played a very tough Western Conference schedule so far.  They still have 15 games against Leastern Conference opponents left to play and are almost even in home and road games left, with 17 at the friendly confines of the AAC and 18 on the road.  I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, but with last night's game bringing up some thoughts, I just want to say: Enjoy this as much as you can because it doesn't happen often, it can end in the blink of an eye, and it's not like the Mavs have given us 25 years of this brand of basketball.
• The Mavs are now 10-0 this year on the second game of back-to-backs.  I'm not quite sure how to quantify how extremely impressive that is, so just take my word for it.  That is phenomenal.
• We find out tonight who was named reserves for the All-Star team, so keep your fingers crossed that the coaches voted that all Western Conference reserves be Mavs.
• I love the All-Star game.  It's been poo-poo'ed over the years, but I take it for what it is: a meaningless exhibition.  I love watching the game and hoping a Mav can pry the ball away from the other ballhogs to win MVP.  I love the 3 Point Shootout.  I'm not feeling the dunk contest much anymore, but I like the skills competition between the point guards.  The Rookie-Sophomore game is a good idea, but it's a little too long and sloppy to hold interest.  What I would love to see is a day long, Hoop-It-Up style 3 on 3 tournament where every team is represented, but each squad is stocked with 4 players (3 starters and 1 reserve) from each team that didn't make the All-Star team.  They can play the tournament throughout the day before the big game, and then hold the championship between the top two teams later that night, right before the 3 Point Shootout starts.  In a way, I think it would show which teams get by on their overall talent, and which one's rely on the talents of one or two guys.  It would give more players a shot to be a part of the festivities, get their name out there to the public, and help represent their team during the weekend.
• I'm usually all for new ideas for the All-Star game, but this is where I draw the line.  The fans voted for a representative from each team's dance squad to form an All-Star Dance Team.  I'm going to run that last sentence through the Dude's truthifying machine.  Okay, wait a minute, it's printing out, ah, here it is.  That last sentence actually said: A bunch of men that love basketball, women and staying at home to surf the net for basketball and women-related items picked who they thought were the hottest chicks to shake their tail-feathers at the All-Star game.  What's sad is that these girls will probably be televised for a total of 30 seconds during the entire game.  I will say that one of the girl's names is Minerva, which I know my Uncle Bob will appreciate.

So let's catch up.  The (Blue and) White Album has revealed 4 songs from it's track list.  We have "Finals Funk", "Damn, Dirk is Fine", "Stack's House", and "I'm Croshere".  Now I give you Dampier and Diop's duet.  It's a remake of the song "As Long As We've Got Each Other."  You might know it as the theme song from the hit show, "Growing Pains".  Here's a link to the song in case you forgot how it goes, but don't watch the whole thing unless you're really bored.  Whoever made this has too much time on their hands (Like I should be talking - I'm writing a Mavs blog after every game and creating fake songs for all the players).  Damp's lines are in blue, Diop's are in gray, and then the black is when they are both singing together.

Show me that block again (Oooh, show me that block)/You stuffed his shot and then you got the rebound/We make a good team, my friend (Oh yes, we are friends)/Let's hope this winning never ends!

Ooooh/As long as we got each other/Our stats combine to make a decent game/Dampy, you and me/We gotta be/The luckiest centers that've ever been playing!

We're gonna make our millions/And if we suck, we'll probably still win the game/So blame won't fall on us/No one makes a fuss!/We got each other/Riding this team to a Ring!

I'm heading home early today because it's snowing here in Dallas, and I think Dallas law states that snow in Dallas equals automatic holiday.  Actually, the mayor of Dallas isn't cool enough to institute such a law.  This is the same lady that lobbied against having the Mavs arena built in Dallas on tax payer dollars, even though that arena has rejuvenated a once useless piece of city land into a mini-Times Square, and she was front and center as a Mavs supporter as soon as they made the Finals.  She also sent the Cowboys to Arlington and refuses to refurbish the Cotton Bowl to keep two major money making sporting events from leaving Dallas for other areas.  In fact, if snow was a form of currency, she would probably vote to construct a Dallas-wide biosphere to keep it out.  Good thing I live in Frisco.  It's snowing, I'm going home, all is right with the world.  Especially with it being February and the Mavs are 38-9.  Go Mavs!