Brandon May's 3 Cheers - Mavs Land Musings

New Year's Resolutions

I found a list online of popular resolutions that people make for New Year.  Seeing that I have not made a resolution in the past 10+ years simply because I can't keep them, I will resolve to do the exact opposite of all these popular resolutions and that should then allow me to be a better person.  I will gain 50 pounds this year.  I will start drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.  I will START smoking, preferably 3 packs a day.  I will get a credit card with a 40% interest rate, max that thing out in 3 weeks, and only pay the minimum each month.  What will I buy?  Among other things, I will buy a super sized lard burger with cheese and bacon with a side of fried barbiturates, 5 cartons of menthol smokes laced with pure cane sugar, a case of 1.5 liter bottles of Southern Comfort that I will mix with Red Bull, and some fingernail clippers (biting my nails is a bad habit and I really need to quit).  One of the other popular resolutions is to take a trip.  Why would I want to take a trip when I have the best show in the world right in my own town?  I got to go to the Mavs game last night, a stunning, riveting, playoff-atmospherical game against the Suns, and there I was sitting not 200 feet from the Mavs bench.  But I'll get to that in a bit.  So in keeping with the opposite motif, I will resolve to not travel at all, except to attend the wedding of one of my very great, life long friends, Jeff, who has repaid my friendship by scheduling his wedding in San Francisco in May, which is the heart of playoff season and far away from local Mavs coverage.  Thanks, man.  Hope you have a happy marriage.  Some of the other popular resolutions are to volunteer to help others and to get a better education.  Well, this blog is designed to help others learn about basketball and the glory that is the Dallas Mavericks, and if you want to get a better education, then that's why you come to this blog, right?

3 CHEERS: MAVS 101 vs. SUNS 99

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Only one digit counts: 2 points, as in the amount of points he scored from 20 feet out with only 1.3 seconds left to win the game, shooting a jumper with Shawn Marion draped over him like a cheap scarf and drilling it with the confidence of a mob boss that knows he's going to beat the rap.  27 points on a not so great 8 of 20 shooting, but he did get to the line 11 times, making 10 of those shots.  10 rebounds, 3 assists and a steal aren't too shabby, either.  And then there's that shot.  Beautiful.

1. Jason Terry - It seems to be a forming trend that whenever the Mavs play the Suns and people start wondering "what if" about Nash and the Mavs, you make a point to remind them that they didn't wind up with handful of sauerkraut when the brat left the bun, if you know what I'm saying.  Scoring 35 points is amazing, especially on 12 of 20 shooting, including 5 of 8 from behind the arc and 6 of 6 from the stripe, but your 8 assists kept the offense flowing.  2 of those assists came on the the last two key possessions of the game.  You also had 3 steals that helped turn the momentum in our favor when it looked like the Suns were about to take control of the game.

2. Josh Howard - I will overlook the 7 of 17 shooting and the 6 turnovers, because you contributed quite a bit on defense against Nash and Raja Bell, grabbed 3 steals, blocked a shot, and scored 16 points to go with 12 rebounds.

3. Amare Stoudemire - People say that you still aren't your old self after missing a whole season with a knee injury that derails most careers.  How can that be possible when you score 25 points on 8 of 16 shooting, including 9 of 13 from the foul line, plus grab 13 boards and block 2 shots?  More impressive was the alley oop, tomahawk jam you threw down with about a minute left in a tight game that looked like your hand was about 2 feet above the 10 foot rim when you caught the ball.  I hate all things that aren't Mavs, but even the Dude has to praise talent.  That's the one thing that I have tried to stay true to on this blog.  I can hate a player for being a jackass, or I can hate a player for beating us, or I can hate a player because I wish he was on my team.  Either way, I will always praise good basketball, and you get praise today.

Bonus Cheer: Steve Nash - You didn't think that I would end a 3 Cheers without throwing a little love towards my former point guard, did you?  Hard to argue with 24 points on 10 of 14 shooting, with 3 of 4 from 3 land, and 13 assists.  Anytime the Mavs looked to be gaining momentum, Nash would drill a big shot.  It reminded me of when he was a Mav, except he was wearing a hideous orange jersey instead.

RANDOM CRAP!

• So as I said, I got to attend this game and sit in really awesome seats.  My wife and I were invited to join my younger sister and her boyfriend (who is also named Brandon, which was kind of creepy at first, but I've grown used to it).  We were sitting right on the corner behind the Mavs bench about 11 rows up from courtside.  In past blogs, I have ripped on the enthusiasm levels of those in the expensive seats, but I might have to change my tune.  I don't know if it was an aberration or inebriation, if it was due to the matchup or the mezcal, but there was some people-watching to do in addition to a great game.  I allowed my wife to share my notepad duties, so most of what I have is not about the game, but about the crazy people we were surrounded by.  Here's what we came up with:
• I don't wear coats to Mavs games.  It's a huge damn hassle to find a place to store it while you are sitting there watching the game just so you can be warm for the possible 2 minutes it takes to walk to your car.  You can't put it under the seat, because that's where all the used gum and empty beer cups and half eaten nachos reside.  If you set it behind you in your seat, then you are uncomfortable the whole game, not to mention each time you stand up to cheer a good shot, the jacket will either fall through the crack of the seat when it automatically folds up, thus placing it back with the cheese and gum, or it will just fall over and you will miss the ensuing possession while trying to rearrange it back to a more comfortable position.  The only other option is to drape it over the back of your seat, which brings me to my point.  If you are going to bring a coat, please place it in a spot that is an inconvenience only to yourself.  Draping it over the back of your seat is an annoyance to those behind you (me), especially when your coat keeps landing in my beer as it sits in MY cup holder.  My Bud Light tasted of London Fog most of the night.  The poor 8 year old sitting next to my sister had some chick's fuzzy hood liner dipping into his soda (I will get to this chick in a second).  My point is bring a coat, fine.  Drop your coat in my beverage, not fine.  If you need a coat, make sure that you are the only person that is affected by it.  This has been a PSA from 3 Cheers.  The More You Know.
• The kid in front of us is wearing a DJ Mbenga jersey.  I have to respect that.  He also has a buzz cut, which will deduct points from his cool score that I just gave him, but I'm not subtracting the full amount because by the looks of his father sitting next to him, the kid probably didn't have a choice.  This kid will most likely learn to gut a deer against his will in the very near future.  Still have to give props to a dude that, out of all 15 Mavs, chose to wear the jersey of the little-used center from the Congo.
• The drunk odd couple in the row in front of Mbenga boy has decided that it would be a fabulous idea at the end of a close game that everyone is paying attention to to hoist the girl onto his shoulders.  This dude was probably carrying about 200 lbs. at least.  He was about 6 feet tall and looked about mid-20's, and that's being kind.  This girl was probably about 120 pounds, 5 feet tall, and hopefully was legal.  Either way, Mbenga boy got a nice panty shot for the last portion of the game, as did the rest of us.  The dad kept making sure that the girl wouldn't topple over on top of them, but I don't think the boy would have minded.  The slight glimpse of panties made him forget all about the game at that point.  As we were leaving, the couple had decided to stop blocking everyone's view or putting them in potential peril by both standing with two feet on the ground, but that didn't last long.  Somehow the big guy tripped over the row of seats in front of him and spilled into the seats below.  For a guy that size to get that over served, especially when they stop selling beer at the start of the 4th quarter, he was either drunk when he showed up, or he had a plastic flask hidden in his boots.  I hope they called a cab.
• The halftime show was a group called The Ashtons.  It was a cute little family act with the dad and mom and brother and sister.  The only thing was that the dad and son wore sequins on their shirts and pants and the mom and daughter wore halter tops and pants that looked painted on.  Then they all hopped on top of each other and began to do gymnastics and contort their bodies in unnatural ways and flip and spin each other around on poles and daddy would put one foot in his daughter's crotch and the other foot in his son's crotch and then lay on his back and lift them both in the air as they fanned their bodies out to allow maximum light to shine off their sequins.  It was an impressive display of acrobatics, but knowing that they were a family kind of creeped me out.  Also my sister was sitting behind me.  That made the scene a little ickier for both of us.  They said this group was world famous and that they performed at the Circus Circus Casino and Hotel in Reno, NV.  If by world famous they mean popular in countries that have no problem watching a family get that intimate with one another, then I guess they are world famous.
• Which brings us to the chick sitting next to my wife, you remember, right?  The one with the coat with the feathery lining on the hood that kept dipping into some kid's Mountain Dew?  Anyway, she was wearing a Dirk jersey and she apparently had a major crush on the German Thunder.  She brought a disposable camera and would take pictures every time he shot the ball or was in close proximity to our seats.  In other words, every 5 minutes you would hear that "rip, rip, rip" sound of her winding the film into place for the next shot.  She would wait until the quietest moment in the game to yell out "I love you, Dirk" which I'm sure Dirk took truly serious and immediately drafted up a subsequent love letter in return and fetched a ballboy to send it to her.  She would also yell out, in mid-Dirk jump shot, "Go Dirk!"  It sounded a lot like when you go to a drill team's spring show.  The curtain raises and then every chick in the audience starts yelling out the names of every chick that's on stage in their pose before the music starts.  These girls are getting cheers before they even do anything.  In mid-Dirk jump shot, you are not only cheering something that hasn't even happened yet, but you are jinxing it.  Of Dirk's 12 misses from the floor, I blame her for 8 of them.  At one point, Dirk looked as if he hurt his arm.  This chick starts hyperventilating.  "Oh my God, Dirk.  Oh no.  Oh no.  Oh no.  Dirk.  I love you, Dirk.  Oh my God.  Dirk.  Oh no.  Oh no."  Of course, Dirk turned out to be okay.  As far as this girl's mental bill of health . . . ?  So needless to say, at the end of the game, when Dirk, he of great beauty and loins and hair and basketball skills, drills the game winner with 1.3 seconds left, my wife damn near gets her head knocked off by insatiable Dirk fan #2034 sitting next to her.  She goes ape s**t.  "WHOOOOOOO!!!!  I LOVE YOU, DIRRRRRRK!!!  WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"  Elbows all akimbo, arms flailing, hips shaking to and fro.  It was insane.

So there you go, ladies and gentlemen.  We will have two more Mavs games before the end of the year, so I will try to post up on those in 2007, perhaps in September.  And you want to know how die hard of a Mavs fan I am?  Check out the comment from Sarah May.  That's my grandmother posting a comment and talking smack about her Spurs.  That's how hardcore my grandmother is.  Here's what I have to say to you, Gramma: Mavs rule, and Bruce Bowen's a delinquent.  That's right.  I'm a 29 year old who just talked trash to his grandmother.  What's wrong with that?

Three things of importance:  Keep voting your straight Mavs ticket.  Also, check out this stat site, very interesting stuff to see where the balance of power resides no matter how you break things down.  Save up some money and pool it together so that you can all pitch in to buy me these.  I wear a size 10.5 or 11.  I promise to wear them pure Run-DMC style without laces.  So those are my three things of importance.  Actually, there's a fourth.  Have a safe and happy New Year.  I'm a heartless, cynical, selfish a-hole most of the time, but I do wish the best for everyone that reads this blog on a regular basis, as well as those that stumble across it.  Even those that have never heard of it before, even though that's impossible because it's such a cool blog.  I wish a very happy, healthy, wealthy, and Mavs-centric New Year to you all.  Make some good resolutions this year.  Some you might stick to.  The resolutions at the beginning of this post were obviously a joke, so I will tell you my honest, truthful, no joke resolution for 2007:  Increase your already high awesome level by 50%.  Seriously.  Come Monday, it's time to get to work.  Go Mavs!

Happy Holidays

I hope everybody got what they wanted for their respective holidays designed to honor our deities by going into financial peril to find something at the last minute for our loved ones.  My daughter got enough toys to open her own Fisher-Price outlet, most concerning Dora the Explorer or The Backyardigans. (Please don't watch the whole video.  Maybe just the first minute.  It's 10 minutes long, and it's only the first half of the episode.  If you watch the whole thing, then you won't get to find out how it ends.  That will just eat you apart.)  My wife got a bunch of stuff for herself, and even more stuff that was supposed to be for both of us but clearly was not.  We have enough candles in our house now to perform a seance.  What did the Dude get, you ask?  I got a nice new Titanium driver to add an extra 10 yards to my 25 yard drives.  Fairway, here I come!  I got some tickets to a Mavs game, which is always pleasant.  And most importantly, the day after Christmas I got to see the Mavs end the day sitting proudly atop the Southwest Division, which places them atop the Western Conference, which means they have the best record in all the NBA land!  Joy to the World!

3 CHEERS: MAVS 115 vs. CLIPPERS 83

DIRK'S DIGITS!

What ankle injury?  Dirk shook off what looked like an awful sprain two nights earlier to score 20 points on 7 of 15 shooting, including 3 of 5 from the arc, grab 12 rebounds, and dish out 4 assists.  Fortunately this game was a laugher, so Dirk only had to play 27 easy minutes.  But the key here is that Dirk is fine, and he was able to play without having to do much since the rest of his team is helping him out.

1. Josh Howard - Steadily growing, improving the jump shot, gaining confidence, and helping take some defensive attention away from Dirk.  Tonight, 25 points on 9 of 18 shooting with 3 of 5 on 3's, a steal and a block.  Not quite sure what happened on the boards, though.  Only 1 rebound in 30 minutes of play.

2. Devean George - Starting to get the hang of things that aren't Phil Jackson's triangle offense, and it's showing in his play.  7 of 12 shooting with an awesome 5 of 6 from the arc for 21 points and 5 rebounds.  If Stackhouse is going to be in and out with injuries and resting for the post season, George is shaping up to be a qualified replacement.  Another reason I am warming up to George is because I learned that he attended college at a small Division III school that doesn't give scholarships.  He wasn't recruited in high school because he was only 5'11", so he walked on to this small school's team while he took out student loans to work on his degree.  Then he grew 7 inches his freshman year and began to catch the eyes of scouts.  He claims the only reason he didn't transfer to a bigger program was that he would lose too many credits.  So he stayed at the school that accepted him first, and became probably the only player ever drafted in the last 30 years that carried $62,000 in student loan debt.  I wonder if he put that on a 10 year note with a fixed rate.  Another reason I'm warming up to George is because if he helps us win a championship, then we can call June 2007 "The Summer of George!"

3. Jason Terry - Shot 5 of 6 with 3 of 4 from 3 land to get 15 points, but more importantly, got the offensive steamroller revved up early with 7 assists.  Once that beast gets rolling, it's hard for a bad team to stop it.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I'm glad this game was a blowout.  My friends all have or are having little girls, so we got together for them to exchange gifts with each other.  Since the game was so out of hand, I didn't have to be insensitive and not pay attention to anyone.
• The Clippers have fallen on some hard times, and I'm not entirely sure why.  Of the 8 teams I predicted to make the playoffs at the start of the season, only two have started to make me look bad.  One is the New Orleans/Oklahoma City/Lincoln/Fargo Hornets, but they have the excuse that 4 of their 5 leading scorers have missed or are missing significant playing time due to injury.  The Clippers are healthy, but they are just playing horribly, especially on the road where they're 2-10.
• Clippers coach, Mike Dunleavy, was quoted last week as saying (and I'm paraphrasing here) that San Antonio and Utah were hands down the best teams in the league.  He said this, of course, after his team had just gotten their lunch money stolen by both teams in a 72 hour span.  Maybe Coach made a glaring omission because at the start of the season during the Mavs losing streak, the Clippers beat us pretty good.  Do you think Coach wants a mulligan on that quote right now considering that his team was just pummeled by the team with the best record in the league?
• Kudos to Clippers center Chris Kaman, who decided to cut his hair.  His last name sounds like "caveman", which is fitting because he used to look like this.  Now he looks closer to this.  Sure that's like putting lipstick on a pig, but it's a start.  At least he's not in the Adam Morrison club anymore (I'll get to him later).

3 CHEERS: MAVS 97 vs. BOBCATS 84

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Another game, another so-so Dirk showing.  He just looks like he's moving in slow mo . . . what?  He finished with 23 points on 9 of 15 shooting?  He hit all 5 of his free throws and grabbed 7 rebounds?  When the hell did that happen?

1. Josh Howard - Congrats, NBA Player of the Week!  We are getting to the point where I will have to bump Josh into his own category just like Dirk.  Maybe Josh's Juice, or Josh's Jumpers, or Howard's Hi-Yah! (you know, like the sound you make when you karate chop a dude in the jugular).  Feel free to send in suggestions, but remember that alliteration is key.  Those who don't know what alliteration is need not apply.  Anyway, he threw down some nasty stuff in this game and came out with a game high 27 points on 10 of 19 shooting with 6 of 8 shooting from the foul line.  One of those misses from the stripe ended a streak of 31 straight free throws made.  He added in 8 boards (3 offensive), 3 assists and a steal.

2. Erick Dampier - 9 points and 10 boards is about what we ask out of you, but nothing spectacular.  It was the 3 blocks that gets you a spot.  One of those blocks came on what looked to be a certain Emeka Okafor dunk that would have pulled the Bobcats within 2 points in the third.  It energized the team so much that they went on a 12-3 run and finally put the Cats away.

3. Adam Morrison - I told my wife that he was the ugliest white dude in the NBA, but given that I'm not a fan of hyperbole, I have since retracted that statement.  Besides, there's always Chris Kaman and pretty much anyone that comes out of one of those former Soviet Union countries.  With that said, he doesn't look like a basketball player from 2006.  He looks like a roadie for 3 Dog Night from 1972.  Even still, he was his team's leading scorer with 17 points on 7 of 14 shooting, and he added 6 rebounds.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Great friend and avid 3 Cheers reader Amy was in town from Boston, so she came over to visit Tuesday night.  I think every time she comes to visit, I'm watching a Mavs game.  Even during the off season.  I'm just watching a 3 month old game on Tivo.  That's a joke.  Sort of.  Anyway, I wanted to give her a shout out, because it's always good to see her, and since my wife and her have known each other since the 1st grade, it's cool to see my wife's face light up when they get to talk face to face.  She also told me that she loves the blog, that she doesn't understand half of it, but she's learning (and that's my whole goal here at 3 Cheers).  And she wanted me to tell all of you that if you don't read this blog, then you're a f***ing idiot.  I'm kidding.  She didn't say that.
• I did.
• Keep voting for all the Mavs for the All-Star game.  At least we finally have 5 deserving candidates.  I used to vote a straight Mavs ticket back in the day when my choices were Cherokee Parks, Doug Smith, or Randy White.  Some years, the league didn't even bother putting 5 Mavs on the ballot.  So don't feel like you're just being a homer by voting a straight Mavs ballot.  Feel like you are being a knowledgeable NBA fan that knows good, talented basketball players that are stand-up citizens in the community and aren't just a product of marketing hype deserve your vote.  It just so happens that all those type of players wear a Mavs uniform and no one else's.  That's how I justify it to myself.
• The Bobcats are a team stocked with young talent that, if given the proper coaching and right amount of time, they can start to evolve into a playoff contender sooner rather than later, especially in the East.  The key right now is to slowly shed that losing attitude.  They have beaten some really good teams this year because they were staying in the game and by the time they looked up with 2 minutes left and they weren't getting destroyed, their confidence went up.  On the flip side, as soon as Damp blocked that Okafor dunk that would have pulled them within 2 points, which spurred our 12-3 run, you could just see the look on their faces.  I know that look.  I saw it a lot during the 90's.  It's that "here we go again" look.  That "I guess were going to lose again, but at least we're rich and there are a lot of hot nightclubs in town" look.  They are most likely going to wind up with either the best or second-best chance at winning the first pick in the draft lottery for next year.  Now, they have already grabbed their point of the future in Raymond Felton, their center of the future (and present) in Emeka Okafor, and their swingman/shooter/scorer of the future in Adam Morrison.  That's the trifecta.  The key is stocking the bench and rounding out the rotation with veterans that can teach the young bucks and shake the losing mentality.  My advice would be to trade the draft pick they get along with one of their better, older players that isn't in their 5 year plan for multiple picks and low salaried veterans.  Easier said than done, I know, but they are better suited to evolve in the next two years than most expansion franchises are at this stage in their development.  Now if they land the number one pick and can grab Greg Oden out of Ohio State, then that's a no brainer.  You plug Oden in at center, move Okafor to the 4 spot, let Gerald Wallace and Adam Morrison decide if they are 2's or 3's and get them on the court at the same time, and have Felton to run the show and distribute the ball.  That's a formidable lineup once they mature and get to know each other.  In other words, if you are a Bobcats fan, I personally wouldn't sweat the growing pains of building a winner.  You're closer than you think in my opinion.  And believe me, I know how long it takes to build a great team out of absolutely nothing.  I've seen it first hand.  Good luck to your franchise.

We have a showdown tonight between the two hottest teams in the NBA right now.  The Mavs host the Suns on TNT at 7:00 pm CST.  I will be in attendance, so I will give you as much info as I can on the next post.  These two teams have developed quite a rivalry over the last couple of years, and when they get together, especially here, it's generally a good show.  Tune in, cheer hard, and I hope that you all had a great holiday season.  I hope to post one more blog before the weekend, but if I don't, then have a happy and safe New Year's Eve as well.  Go Mavs!

All I Want For Christmas

All I want for Christmas is for Dirk's ankle to be okay.  Well, that and world peace.  But since George Bush isn't in charge of healing Dirk's ankle, the former seems the more likely thing to happen, right?  I also want people to stop doing gimmicky outdoor basketball games.  These people are actually proud of being a part of the first basketball game to ever be rained out.

Allen Iverson was finally shipped off from Philly to Denver.  Denver's Carmelo Anthony was suspended 15 games for his part in what the media is calling "The Grapple in the Apple."  That's a dumb name.  Kind of like the Detroit-Indiana fiasco that happened two years ago that they dubbed "The Malice in the Palace."  How about just calling it "Dumb Basketball Players: Part II" or maybe "Good Television."  Anyway, Anthony is the league's leading scorer and Iverson is the league's second leading scorer.  The last team to have the league's number 1 and 2 leading scorers on their roster at the end of the year were . . . the Denver Nuggets.  Alex English and Kiki Vandeweghe did it back in 1981-82, I believe.  Odd thing is that both players have served for the Mavs organization at some point in their careers.  English, who starred in one of my favorite movies growing up, Amazing Grace and Chuck, played for the Mavs back in the late 80's - early 90's in his twilight years.  Vandeweghe was our lead scout and an assistant coach in the early part of the 2000's when we were clawing our way out of the darkness with Don Nelson at the helm.  Also, the Mavs drafted Kiki, but he refused to play for us and demanded a trade.  Apparently that punk didn't want to be associated with awesomeness until he was older and wiser.

Keeping track of my previous concern with my All-Star voting jinx, I think that if Dirk winds up on the shelf for more than 2 games that I have cost the team drastically by suggesting these players.  I will sound the alarm when the time comes, but for now, continue to vote a straight Mavs ticket on your ballot.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 109 @ KINGS 91

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk put on a show tonight with 29 points on 12 of 17 shooting.  He grabbed 13 boards, and added 2 assists, a steal and a block.  This was a very solid effort from Dirk at the start and at the finish.  It's the disappearing act he has started taking in the 2nd and 3rd that concerns me.

1. Josh Howard - 28 points on 12 of 16 shooting, including 3 of 5 from 3 land, to go with 5 boards, 3 steals and 2 blocks.  Howard is really coming into his own this year, and I'm very excited about it.  Actually, aroused might be the appropriate word.  Or inappropriate.  Either way, I'm aroused by it, okay?  Deal with it.

2. Jason Terry - If the consistency of his shot stays high, then Terry will round out the new Big 3 with Dirk and Howard.  Terry added 22 points on 7 of 14 shooting, including 4 of 7 from 3 land, 6 assists and a steal.  If we had picked up a different point guard to replace Nash, I don't think the Mavs fan base would have been too happy about it.  Terry helps us forget.

3. Kenny Thomas - This dude spent about as much time at TCU as I did, so I have followed his career.  Most of the time, that would require a portable GPS.  He's a journeyman to say the least, but tonight he did what he could.  He scored 15 points on 7 of 13 shooting, but he grabbed 15 rebounds (8 offensive).  We got killed on the offensive boards tonight, and he was the big reason that the Kings stayed in the game as long as they did.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I first have to give a cheer to my screen-writing buddy Abram, who welcomed his baby boy into the world this past weekend.  He was a preemie, so he only clocked in at 4 pounds, 14 ounces and was 16 inches long.  The best part is that he is doing very well, and considering the doctors thought he was going to be a she during all the sonograms, he's packing something pretty spectacular.  If someone confuses your unit for the umbilical cord, you have a gift.  Congrats, Abram, on your little mariachi.
• The Kings slogan this year is "Passion 4 Purple".  I think that's worse than "Mavs Fever: Catch It, Spread It".  I've already explained why I think the Mavs slogan makes the team sound like VD.  The Kings slogan just sounds like someone got paid a lot of money to come up with a s**tty slogan.
• Dan Crawford, a ref that's known for giving the Mavs the short end of the umbilical cord, is calling the game.  He is notorious for waiting until a player misses a shot before he calls the foul.  Sure enough, the first Sacto possession, he waits until the Kings player misses the shot, then blows the whistle.  On the ensuing Mavs possession, Dirk gets mauled like he was on the wrong end of a tiger in a Siegfried and Roy act, but no call.  I just don't like it when the Mavs have to battle two opponents for the victory.
• Howard is on fire in the first quarter, which is becoming his M.O.  I believe M.O. stands for modus operandi, which is Latin for "he who scores a lot in the first quarter".  Apparently the Latins were big Mavs fans.  Who knew?  It's a shame it's a dead language.
• Jerry Stackhouse just got called for a foul even though 2 Kings players sandwich him and pin his arms behind his back.  Don't think this is just me being a biased Mavs fan.  I replayed it on Tivo.  I believe the term is B.S., which stands for bullus s**ttyus.  That's Latin for "Dan Crawford is calling the game".  These Latins were some prophetic S.O.B's.
• We suck against the zone defense, and we are sucking at offensive rebounding.  The Kings are staying in the game because they are boarding almost every missed shot and turning it into easy buckets.  If it weren't for Dirk, Howard, and JET, we would be getting embarrassed right now.
• Our field goal percentage has dropped significantly in the 3rd quarter, and we still can't stop the offensive rebounds.  I'm getting scared.  Literally.  I am balled up on the couch at midnight with the blankets wrapped around my head and my tazer gun next to me.
• Dirk just got sent to the ground.  I hate to see it happen, but Brad Miller, the offending King, got whistled for a flagrant.  Two strange things happen: 1) A game called by Dan Crawford gives the Mavs a call that might not even have been truly accurate, and 2) I actually agree that the call wasn't truly accurate even though it benefits the Mavs and Dirk.  This strange occurrence makes me feel even more leery as I pull my tazer gun closer.
• Not to worry, right after the officials give love to the Mavs, they immediately call Dirk on a blocking call which replays show that he literally didn't even touch the guy.  Things are back to normal.  I feel comfortable enough now to switch my tazer from "coma inducing" to "simply piss off attacker".
• I made a note to not give Erick Dampier a cheer.  I don't exactly remember why, but it's probably because he shot 0 of 3,  racked up one point on a free throw, and despite his 7 boards, had 5 fouls and a turnover.  I hope he does better in the next game (foreshadowing).

3 CHEERS: MAVS 103 @ SONICS 95

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Have you ever wanted to see a grown man crap his pants?  Don't answer that.  It's a rhetorical question.  I didn't crap my pants, but I did manage to rip a whole in the knee of my jeans as I dove on the floor and began to pray for the fast recovery of Dirk's ankle injury.  Dirk was rolling along quite well, racking up 6 points, 3 rebounds and 2 assists in just 10 minutes.  Then Seattle's Chris Wilcox went up for a rebound, one of his lice-ridden dreadlocks got in his eye, and he didn't see that he was doing the splits like a Carly Patterson impersonation.  His foot, during that split, wound up kicking Dirk's ankle and causing it to bow out.  It looked bad when it happened.  It looked bad on the replays.  It looked bad as Dirk lay on the floor with a towel over his face so the world of Dirk lovers couldn't see him cry.  The only saving grace in my mind is that Dirk twists his ankle about as often as Mel Gibson hates Jews.  The word today is that X-Rays were negative, which is doctor-speak for positive, and even though he couldn't walk off the court on his own power, everyone's confident that this won't be a lengthy rehab.  That's good news.  But I do still need a new pair of pants.

1. Erick Dampier - What's the best way to follow up a 1 point performance once the bright, shining star of your team goes out for the game?  Pour in 22 points on 7 of 11 shooting, including 8 of 9 free throws, stir in 16 rebounds, 9 of which were offensive, and add a pinch of 1 blocked shot.  These are numbers that I knew Damp was capable of, but never thought that I would actually see.  I don't think we win this game without that production.

2. Devean George - Getting more minutes due to Dirk's absence, you found your way out of your shooting slump to score 13 points on 5 of 6 shooting, and added 2 blocks on the defensive end.  I've never blamed you or any of the new guys for not quite fitting into the game plan right away, but tonight we needed someone to do just that and you answered the call.

3. Luke Ridnour - I like to show love to my fellow short, skinny white dudes.  Of course, Luke's 6'2" and 175, but by NBA standards, that's borderline midgety.  Either way, he scored 21 points and dished out 9 assists.  He was largely responsible for Seattle jumping out to that early lead they had.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I'm watching the pregame interview with Avery Johnson and it hits me.  Is he not one of the coolest people in the world?  Good player, good coach, good dad, good person.  He is starting to join the ranks of Nolan Ryan in The Dude's List of Righteousness.
• Speaking of players that I admire, I'm also watching Derek Harper on the pregame show, and I still don't know why his number 12 isn't hanging from the rafters.
• Jason Terry is from Seattle, so this is his homecoming.  I always like to watch a player that comes home, whether it's a Mav on the road or a visitor that's from Dallas.  The inspiration is compelling to me.  There's an extra spring in their step.  Some guys let it get the best of them, and they try too hard.  Some guys have the game of a lifetime.  Either way, I just think that it would be awesome to be gifted enough to play in the NBA, and even awesomer to be able to give tickets to my friends and family to come and watch me play in person on the biggest stage in the world.
• I hate west coast games.  I've been up since 6:00 am, had a long day of laundry and Christmas shopping, and now I have to wait until 9:45 pm before they even tip off.  I think those West Coasters need to get used to a slightly earlier tip off time to accommodate the other 3 time zones that don't have their luxury.
• This John Cougar Mellencamp song and Toby Keith song are hitting my ears like a s**t cymbal.  Please make it stop!  Repetitive songs about the heartland and blue collar hardasses!  Ford!  Chevy!  I'm scared, and I don't know what to do.  Just make it stop!  Please!
• This game is turning sour in the first half.  The Mavs are taking bad shots, Dirk has gone down with a scary ankle injury, we're losing to a team that is crappy WITH their two best players but playing without either one of them, and I now have a hole in the knee of my pants.  I'm upset, I'm tired, and I'm going to sleep on the couch.
• What do you know?  I wake up on the couch at 4:00 am this morning with the television still on, the Christmas tree lights still plugged in, and I see on the ESPN ticker that the Mavs wound up winning.  That's pretty joyous news for 4:00 in the morning considering that when I fell asleep I thought the season was over.  Perhaps I overreacted.

All I want for Christmas if for all of you readers to have a safe and happy holidays.  Enjoy your families, friends, and if you are able to, share a little with those that can't afford it.  The Dude is a pompous, arrogant jerk sometimes, but he does care about those less fortunate.  I don't want to guilt anyone into donating to charity, but just think about it.  I want every kid to have a gift and every family to have a meal.  All I want for Christmas is for you all to keep enjoying the blog, telling your friends about it, and building support for "Death Chicken: The Movie".  All I want for Christmas is a gift card to buy a new pair of jeans.  All I want for Christmas is a Mavs championship.  Go Mavs!

We've Only Just Begun

Most NBA media pundits will tell you that the season doesn't really start until after the All-Star Game, basically saying you can't tell what a team is really capable of until at least half a season is under their belts.  Some even go so far as to say that the season doesn't really start until the playoffs because the 82 game schedule allows the handful of legit powers (currently only 6 of the 30 teams have more than 15 wins, only one of which is in the East) to feed on the mediocre or worse teams in the league (currently 17 of the 30 teams don't even have winning records, including all 5 teams in the Atlantic Division).  I don't agree with any of that.  I believe that the season doesn't start until you have had your first image-scarring brawl, you've had your first 50+ point game, and you've had your first Rockets superstar go down with an injury that has either no timetable for recovery or will require at least 2 months of rehab.  We have hit the trifecta before Christmas.  It's a Festivus miracle!

3 CHEERS: MAVS 93 vs. 76ERS 79

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk just simply wasn't in this game.  Actually, none of the Mavs were.  If they had been playing a team that wasn't 5-17, had their best player sitting at home due to a trade request, and didn't suit up a single player that averaged at least 15 points a game, this would have gotten ugly fast.  Dirk only shot 5 of 14 from the field, and only got to the line 3 times.  That resulted in 13 points, 2 rebounds, 5 assists, and 3 turnovers.  Fortunately, these games are aberrations for Dirk.

1. Jason Terry - With a game like this, picking out 3 worthy candidates is like choosing the prettiest turd in the toilet bowl.  But Terry actually lead all players in scoring with (sadly) 18 points, actually made half his shots (6 of 12), hit 4 of 5 from 3 range, and added 4 boards, 4 assists, 3 steals and a block.  Prettiest turd is pretty harsh for Terry's performance.  Maybe he was the cleansing blue liquid that fills the bowl after you flush.  That's better, right?

2. Josh Howard - I guess.  Although 6 Mavs scored in double digits, it's hard to find another one that had a complete game.  Howard came closest.  4 of 12 shooting was horrendous, but he made 6 of 6 free throws for 15 points.  He cashed in 8 boards, 3 assists, a steal and 2 blocks.  Normally, that's a decent line for him if he's only shooting 6 to 8 shots.  He has shown over the last week, though, that when he's healthy, he can average around 20 to 25 points and be a nice compliment to Dirk.  Of course, with the way Dirk played tonight, I guess Howard was a nice compliment to him.

3. Samuel Dalembert - There was a time when the Mavs were looking at you as a free agent signing.  You were a young, raw, budding talent, but your name was growing in stature around the league in terms of potential.  That drove up your asking price, and we decided to go with a lesser known player that had just as much raw ability but hadn't been able to show it due to lack of playing time.  That was DeSagana Diop.  Diop has thrived with us, but that's not to say that you wouldn't have, either.  All I'm saying is that for the money spent, we got the better deal.  Either way, you shot 8 of 12 for 16 points and grabbed 7 rebounds.  Not bad numbers for an almost Mavs center.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Live from the game, it's 7:09 pm due to the early ESPN start, and there's barely 25% occupancy here.  I guess the early starts on a Friday night against a s**tty team playing without it's star attraction can't hold a candle to the rich folks' happy hour plans.  And that's right, I went to a game and took notes again.
• The player intros are fading in power.  The Who intro music has been tinkered with so much with remixes that it has lost it's original punch at that part where Keith Moon and Pete Townsend start to really wail.  Also, the PA announcer, Billy Hayes, is obnoxious.  Sometimes I will be cheering (because I'm a cognizant fan that is paying attention to the game) and he will yell out in that grating, annoying voice something about "Come on, Mavs fans.  I CAN'T HEEEEEEAAAAAR YOOOOUUUUU!!!"  I find myself halting my cheer just to spite him.
• We previously had a discussion about when, when not, and how to wear a player's jersey in public.  Some guy comes trotting into his row wearing an Allen Iverson All-Star jersey, a matching ball cap that has Iverson's name and number on it, and I believe the newest edition of Iverson's shoes.  Yeah, Iverson used to play for the Sixers and currently is still on the payroll.  But it not only was no surprise that he wouldn't be suiting up, he wouldn't even be making the trip to Dallas, and he will never play for the franchise again.  So what's with the get-up, dude?  If you're trying to make a statement, your statement says, "I'm a tool."
• Damp just missed a wide open dunk, and Avery Johnson pulls him.  It's kind of sad that you get pulled for a missed dunk when your team is up 23-6, but I'm glad AJ sent the message that he won't tolerate complacency regardless of the point margin.  Of course, if he really wanted to prove he doesn't stand for complacency in this game, he would have benched everyone and just forfeited.  Actually, I guess forfeiture could be considered complacent, too.  Never mind.  Bad example.
• I just saw an ad on the jumbotron showing that a certain awesome Mavs ball cap is on sale in the fan shop for 25% off.  That's a sweet deal . . . if I hadn't just purchased that very same awesome hat 4 weeks ago at full price.  I would have saved enough to buy me another beer.
• One of the Mavs mascots, Champ, the weird looking blue horse, gets into a slingshot apparatus and is flung across the court, becoming a human bowling ball and knocking over pins.  If he does it successfully, which judging by how easily they all fall over isn't much of a feat, then a certain section wins free sandwiches.  Guess which section I don't sit in.
• I guess I dig the inflatable versions of the mascots, you know the ones were they can shrink their legs and bounce around and stuff.  Anyway, while these guys in inflatable suits are running into each other and falling down, they show that clip of Napoleon Dynamite doing his dance route with Dirk's face superimposed on it.  Now that's funny every time.
• This gentleman performs at halftime (he goes by the brand name of Wheel Works), and he acrobatically navigates his way around the court while spinning in, out, on, and around a metal wheel-like thing.  He manages to do all this and keep my attention without causing severe bodily injury.  That's impressive.  I usually don't wait until after the half time show to make my second half beer run.  Am I slipping?
• The Mavs hold the Sixers to 34 points in the first half, best defensive first half so far this season.  They also hold a 15 point lead.  Looks like this one's in the bag.
• Well, slap my ass and call me Charlie!  We allow the Sixers to score almost as many points in the 3rd quarter as we did the entire first half.  Now they are within 7, they have the momentum, and it looks like Dirk isn't breaking out of this slump tonight.
• They show two more videos tonight: one where Dirk's head is imposed over Neo's in the first Matrix's test fighting scene against Morpheus (who I believe had AJ's head on him).  Then they show one of a fake Dirk tap dancing to "Putting on the Ritz", but they changed the words to "Putting on Nowitz".  Clever.
• This game is mercifully over, but regardless, I was at a game.  There are very few places I would rather be.  I give a huge tip of the cap (a cap I bought at full price that is now 25% off) to my father-in-law, Jimmy, that takes me to the games.  He's a good man in more ways than one, and I am gracious.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 90 @ HORNETS 79

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Only 2 points at halftime with the game tied 40-40 after putting up the abomination he did the previous night in Dallas against the Sixers.  Finished with 20 points on 9 of 20 shooting, 10 rebounds and 5 assists.  I guess he got whatever message AJ gave him during their Matrix test fighting program.

1. Chris Paul - Officially my new 16th favorite player in the league, after you count the 15 current Mavs.  It used to be Dwayne Wade until the Mavs made him a demi-God last June.  It was Steve Nash until he made the Mavs look foolish and won multiple MVP's.  In other words, I have just knighted Sir Chris the next great slayer of Mavs pride.  Although not anytime soon.  The Hornets just lost their 19th consecutive game against the Mavs, dating back to when the franchise was still in Charlotte.  It wasn't Sir Paul's fault, though.  He had 30 points on 14 of 23 shooting, 12 rebounds and 8 assists

2. Josh Howard - A more well balanced game tonight from Josh.  He racked up 50% shooting from the field (7-14), 60% shooting from 3 land (3-5), and 100% from the line (6-6) for 23 points, 8 boards, 2 assists, 1 steal and 3 blocks.

3. Mavs Centers - Dampier and Diop combined for 10 points on 5 of 11 shooting, 16 rebounds and a block.  This was fairly solid because they didn't let Tyson Chandler do much down low and compliment Paul's performance with an inside-out game.  Of more importance, they stayed out of significant foul trouble, totaling 5 between them.  It would have been easy for them to get in trouble or even foul out while trying to swat at Paul when he drove the lane.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I missed the entire game because I was watching the Cowboys-Falcons game.  Please don't take this as an indication that I choose 'Boys over Mavs.  Not by a long shot.  I decided that I would watch the Cowboys and then flip to the Mavs during those long and numerous NFL commercial breaks.  I made this decision because I was expecting more of a contest in the 'Boys game than the Mavs game.  Either way, every time a commercial came and I switched over, the Mavs game was on commercial break.  Every time.  Seriously.  What are the odds?
• Don't forget to keep voting for your favorite All-Stars.  I believe that last time, I suggested going all Mavs on the Western side (obviously), and then going with Chris Bosh, LeBron James, Gilbert Arenas, Jason Kidd, and recent member of the legal drinkers club, Dwight Howard.  I would like to make an amendment.  Since I made those recommendations, Bosh got hurt, and Howard forgot how to score more than 10 points.  Conversely, Arenas scored the previously mentioned 60 points in a game, and Kidd surpassed Wilt Chamberlain for 3rd place on the "most triple-doubles in NBA history" list behind only Magic Johnson and the great and under appreciated Oscar Robertson (the only player to ever AVERAGE a triple-double for an entire season).  LeBron has just been LeBron, which is great.  Either way, my recommendations have proven to be ill-timed for some and a boon to others.  It's too early to call my recommendations a pox or a prophecy.  But keep your eyes on these guys in the East.  If hard times befall them and my recommendations prove to be a jinx, for the good of the Mavs season, I will command you to cease and desist all voting for Mavs players on this ballot.  Instead, you will vote for players like Ron Artest, Bruce Bowen, Kobe Bryant, Manu Ginobili, and Yao Ming.

As I am about to post this, it appears that the NBA has decided to suspend 7 of the 10 players that were ejected during the Knicks-Nuggets brawl.  I understand Carmelo Anthony, the league's leading scorer and member of the Wade-James-Anthony Future of the League Brigade.  He sucker punched the dude that started it all, then ran away.  I understand J.R. Smith and Nate Robinson, because they are the two that went tumbling into the fans' seats in a homo-erotic bear hug that is supposed to be confused with legitimate fighting.  I don't understand Mardy Collins only getting 6 games, when he was the one that actually started this entire fiasco by picking up the flagrant foul on J.R. Smith in the first place.  He should have gotten more.  I am also surprised that no reprimand came down to Knicks coach/general manager Isiah Thomas for 1.) reportedly requesting the flagrant foul from his players, sort of a "sweep the leg" move like Cobra Kai, 2.) threatening Anthony a minute earlier not to go into the lane for dunks anymore implying something might happen, and 3.) turning the Knicks into the overall laughing-stock of basketball even before the riot, utterly destroying the fan base in the home town of the league offices and largest and most coveted TV market in the nation.  To date, Thomas has run the Toronto Raptors franchise into the ground at a time when they were a young franchise, the NBA was desperately trying to find a niche in a hockey-crazy Canada, the Vancouver Grizzlies were already failing and on the verge of moving, and no players wanted to move to Toronto even if they were really good.  Then Thomas ran the CBA into the ground, which in retrospect paved the way for the NBADL, but still should have never happened.  Now he has destroyed the Knicks, possibly for years to come with their salary situation and personnel.  Stern should suspend him for a year just for those infractions, not to mention instructing his players to start a fight only out of frustration that their sorry ass team was getting humiliated by a far better team.  I think the fact that more action wasn't taken against Thomas stinks.  I smell a rat.  At least I can stay un-opinionated and calm about this subject.  Enjoy the Mavs game tonight at 9 pm against the Sacramento Kings.  I will speak with you all soon enough, hopefully at least one more time before the holidays so you can get hopped up on eggnog and allow your out-of-town in-laws to experience the joy that is 3 Cheers for yuletide.  My Christmas gift to them will be installing a newfound fanship in the Mavs.  In the meantime, I will be trying to flesh out my newest screenplay idea, which you can find below.  Don't steal it, though.  This blog is time stamped, and believe me, I will know if you stole it by the subject matter.  Also, don't think that I won't try to develop this myself.  Be well, and Go Mavs!

Download death_chicken_premise.doc

Get Out the Vote

Kobe has left Dallas, and women working at local hotels breathe a sigh of relief.  I actually stayed up for the whole game, even though it didn't start until 8:45 pm central time AND was played in Dallas.  No worries.  I'm going to the game tonight against the Iverson-less Sixers, and this one starts at 7:00.  Same city, same channel, virtually 2 hour different starting time.  Before I start, please take some time to vote on your NBA All-Star ballot.  If you don't feel like filling out all that information on the first page, just go to the bottom and click on "No Thanks, Proceed to All-Star Ballot".  Go early, go once a day, and support your Mavs.  You can pick Josh Howard and Dirk for forwards.  You can pick Jerry Stackhouse and Jason Terry for guards, and you can pick Erick Dampier for center.  For the Eastern vote, here are my suggestions: Chris Bosh and Lebron James at forward, Gilbert Arenas and Jason Kidd at guard, and Dwight Howard at center, however you are obviously free to vote for whoever you want, just don't vote for Bruce Bowen.

Also, I would like for you all to take the time, when you have it, to read up on a legendary sports figure that was lost on Wednesday, Lamar Hunt.  This gentleman had his hands in more sports development projects in the 60's and 70's than anyone, and it was all out of love for the game, not cash.  There is a state of the art, top of the line soccer stadium not 2 miles from my house that he made possible.  He will be missed in all of sports, as well as the world as a whole.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 110 vs. LAKERS 101

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk's never had a triple double in his career, but he got mighty close in this one.  At the end of 1 quarter, he had 11 points on 5 of 5 shooting with 5 assists and 5 boards.  Of course, after that the Lakers started sending double and triple teams at him, but he didn't miss his first shot until 5 minutes into the 3rd quarter.  He finished up with 23 points on 8 of 14 shooting, including 7 of 10 from the line, 14 rebounds, 8 assists, 2 steals and a block.  Again, it was pedestrian yet effective.

1. Josh Howard - Joined with Dirk to start off strong in the first quarter with 12 points out of the gate.  That left him with 29 points on 11 of 19 shooting with a perfect 6 of 6 from the line.  He played solid defense on Kobe in the first half, but Kobe went wild in the 3rd and Howard didn't grab 1 single rebound the entire game.  Still, your jump start to coincide with Dirk helped lay the ground work for your victory.

2. Jason Terry - Both Howard and Terry looked awful against the Jazz, but they came back strong at home.  Terry went 8 of 15, including 2 of 4 from 3-land and 8 of 8 from the line, for 26 points, and racked up 9 assists, 5 boards and 2 steals.  I continue to think that if we had gotten anyone else to replace Nash, we would have been in a world of hurt from a fan acceptance standpoint.  But you just can't hate this guy.  Even when he has bad games, he's out there busting his ass, trying his hardest, and he is one hell of an interview.  He's also very photogenic.

3. Kobe Bryant - 33 points, lit up in the 3rd to get your team back in it, blah, blah, blah.  You still lost.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Seriously, this game is being played in Dallas and I have to wait until 8:45 for the game to start.  That's only because they didn't cut to the studio crew in between games.  If this had been TNT, it wouldn't have started until 9:15.  That wouldn't have been a problem 5 years ago, but I just can't do it anymore.
• Can picking your nose be cute?  Of course it can.  Especially when it's my daughter, sitting on the couch next to me, watching the game and digging for gold.  Once she finds what she's looking for, she wipes it on her shirt, hops off the couch, grabs a Strawberry Shortcake sticker from her sticker book, then places it on my $3300 television right on the spot that blocks the score of the game.  Cute can get old real quick.  I'd rather have a booger eating girl next to me than a score blocking girl near my television.
• Vladimir Radmanovic, with his floppy unkempt hair, 2 month old beard and yellow headband, looks less like an NBA player and more like someone that should be playing the role of Jack Tripper's friend on 3's Company.  Maybe he's the old high school buddy from out of town that comes to stay for a while.  Mr. Furley isn't all that excited about having a fourth tenant in the apartment, so they convince him that Vlad is married to Chrissy.  Hijinxs and hilarity ensue.
• Dampier just stuffed Kobe.  What's a good metaphor for that?  I can think of a few.
• Apparently getting raked in the head on a layup attempt when your body is airborne and totally vulnerable is no longer a foul.  Just ask JET.  When a dude swipes an arm at a player, then that player's head jerks back and that player falls to the ground and his headband is barely around his head anymore, odds are he got fouled.  Refs feel differently.
• Back to Vlad Radmanovic.  When he played in Seattle, they used to wear those more traditional tank top jerseys that showed off their shoulders a little more than the sleeve-less shirt look that the Lakers and Mavs have adopted.  Anyway, he had back acne something fierce.  I had a bout with acne when I was 14.  My dermatologist compared my acne to a forest fire that needed to be put out.  Ironically, this guy was named Dr. Hilarious.  What more brilliant a thing to tell a young man going through an adolescence-caused skin imperfection than to compare his facial acne with a natural disaster?  Well, if my face was a California brush fire, Vladie's back is like that scene in Die Hard where John McClane drops the explosives down the elevator shaft.  In fact, that's who Vladie reminds me of.  He's that guy from Die Hard, Ellis, that tries to negotiate with the terrorists to get McClane to turn himself in.  He fails, and then gets his head blown off in the middle of a sip of soda.
• The announcer of this game is a dude named Mark Jones.  He's been a mediocre talent in the sports industry for at least a decade.  He's been good enough to work some big national broadcasts, but hasn't really cracked the big time.  Here's why:  He's trying to be the Stuart Scott with 2 good eyes.  He doesn't do the "Boo-yah" thing as much as he used to, but he has a very short list of personal catchphrases that you can tell he's in love with.  He uses them over and over again.  I believe at the end of the game he mentioned that the Lakers were stuffed, cooked and carved about 3 times in 2 minutes.  The best one, and by "best" I mean most ridiculous, was when Kobe went for a failed dunk attempt and Jones said that he was "trying to put some peanut butter on that jam."  Clever.  It doesn't sound like you're trying too hard one tiny bit.  In fact, it sounded like you were trying to put some catch on that phrase.
• The Mavs need to work on their offensive ball movement against a zone defense, because teams will continue to go zone so they can swarm Dirk with double and triple teams and dare the guards to shoot the outside shot.  It was that defensive scheme that allowed the Lakers to get back in the game.
• The announcers mention that Kobe went to Asia, but they didn't mention how many people he raped or if he managed to contract a venereal form of the bird flu.
• The announcers also say that the Lakers self-proclaimed GREATEST COACH OF ALL TIME Phil Jackson gave Kobe some books to read this off season.  I'm just curious if one of those books was the one that Mr. Jackson wrote about how much of a pain in the ass it is to coach Kobe on a daily basis.
• The Lakers have a bencher named Sasha Vujacic.  He looks like a dude that I knew in elementary school.  I was in the same "den" as I was in Cub Scouts.  I was only in Cub Scouts for 2 years, and then I did Webelos for 1 year.  Once I received my arrow of light, I realized that there was little more left to accomplish in this world, and I retired.  Anyway, this cat used to whip my ass at all the craft competitions, and then talk trash about it.  The thing was, his parents made his soapbox car, or his model airplane, or basically any project we were supposed to do.  Every badge he earned, his parents did for him.  Now, clearly I turned out to be the better person because I made my s**tty balsa wood cars myself.  I also have a Mavs blog and he doesn't.  But I find myself looking at this Sasha Vujacic, and not liking him simply because he looks like this cat I used to know 19 years ago.  Perhaps I need some counseling, as long as said counseling doesn't involve competing in a soap carving contest.

Enjoy your weekend, and I will try to get something posted tomorrow with up-close-and-personal game notes from Philly vs. Mavs.  Until that time, be well, be safe, and hope that the next Ultimate Fighting Championship is between Kobe Bryant and Bruce Bowen.  Go Mavs!

Fat Tuesday

Mardi Gras means Fat Tuesday.  It's funny I know that, because I don't even speak Pakistani.  Oddly enough, all the Turks celebrate Mardi Gras in New Orleans by drinking out of yard long cups and showing their breasteses for beads.  In traditional French villages, they would show their hoo-hoos for cigarettes and poodles in the hopes that no one would ask them to join their war.

My last post was Friday, December 8th.  Today is Tuesday.  It's not Fat Tuesday, but a Tuesday nonetheless.  Since then, two teams with ties to New Orleans have forced Dallas teams to show their fun bags for just the chance to score a few points and not join their war.

The Cowgirls were humiliated by the Saints on prime time Sunday night football, and the Utah Jazz Monday night put the Mavs down faster than animal control on a stray dog.  In case you didn't know, the Jazz is/are originally from New Orleans.  What?  You thought they played a lot of jazz in Utah?  I've been there.  For swing set conferences.  They name their arenas after nuclear waste companies.  That's not Jazzy.  Allow me to catch you up.  I will give my 3 Cheers for Saturday nights game against the Nuggets, and then Monday night's game against the Jazz.  Since I was able to watch both games in a very minimal capacity, I will only give a few items in the Random Crap section that you don't care about, don't agree with, or just basically don't read.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 105 vs. NUGGETS 90

DIRK'S DIGITS!

25 points on 8 of 15 shooting, including 9 of 10 from the foul line, to go with 9 boards, 5 assists and a steal.  I need to just start calling you "the sundial".  You are clockwork.  Nobody else on the team could do crap (foreshadowing?), but the Mavs could lose 100 to 25.  Fortunately, tonight your teammates decided to throw some beads.

1. Josh Howard - You tied a career best with your 30 points on 11 of 24 shooting and grabbed 11 rebounds.  You even got 2 blocks.  Most importantly, you held Carmelo Anthony, the league's leading scorer at almost 32 points per game (and a guy that was drafted 26 spots ahead of you) to only 18 points on only 8 of 26 shooting.

2. Jason Terry - Now that they have gotten the ball back in your hands more often, you are taking off.  You made 11 of your 19 shots, including 2 of your 3 treys, for 24 points to go with 6 assists and 2 steals.  I was with Avery Johnson at the beginning of the season that getting you to play the off-guard was better suited for you, but like AJ, I admit I was wrong.  It wasn't working.  You need the ball in your hands to find your shot, not the other way around.

3. Mavs Centers - Dampier and Diop combined for 10 points on 5 of 8 shooting, 9 rebounds, 2 steals and 4 blocks.  I hate to consider you both as a unit, but that's what you are.  Since this franchise has never had a center individually better than James Donaldson, we have to pool the effort and evaluate the numbers that way.  Tonight, you did your jobs.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 79 @ JAZZ 101

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Apparently, you were the only member to arrive in Salt Lake.  You were only one of only two team members in double figures in points.  You had 26, and Anthony Johnson had 10.  You were the only team member to have double figures in rebounds with 10.  Unfortunately, 20 of those points came before the half when you were trying to keep your team in the game.  Once AJ realized it was out of hand, you got some rest on the bench.  At least your seat wasn't warm with the sensation of not helping your team as best as you can.

1. Carlos Boozer - I like this guy.  He's a little shifty with the way he left Cleveland for Utah, but this guy can play.  Boozer scored 31 points on 13 of 25 shooting and grabbed 11 rebounds.  More importantly, he made our centers look pretty damn foolish.  Some times Dampier looks like he can catch every pass, and other times he looks like he couldn't catch herpes in a whorehouse.

2. Deron Williams - Local boy does well in his trip back home.  Williams, from The Colony, scored 18 points on 7 of 11 shooting and 2 of 3 from the arc, to go with 5 boards and 7 assists.  This kid won't make Utah fans forget about John Stockton anytime soon, but if he stays on his learning curve he will be a formidable guard in this league in the mold of Jason Kidd (minus all the triple-doubles).

3. Andrei Kirilenko - This guy is one of those "outside the box score" kid of guys, yet he still fills up the box score at the same time.  In this game, he didn't do much besides score 10 points, more than all but one Mav, dish out 6 assists and block 4 shots.  Most impressive is that this ugly S.O.B. can manage to marry a hot Russian, Britney Spears-type pop star that has told him that he is allowed to have 1 affair per year.  That's what I call filling up the box score.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I understand the significance behind Denver having their mascot being the Nuggets.  You know, gold nuggets.  But in this day and time, I can't help but think of them as the Denver 10-piece.  Depending on how they play, we will decide if they super-sized or not.
• I saw in the Dallas Morning News that a writer claims he loves the Toby Keith song, "Working Man".  Apparently, he hasn't watched more than 2 Mavs games this year.  Either that or he also likes placing his testicles in a drawer and slamming it shut over and over again.
• The NBA has announced that they will switch back to the old leather balls, or "Original Formula Coke", starting January 1st.  So they can make a drastic change in mid-season.  That's not what they said last season when they realized their playoff system would have Dallas and San Antonio, the two best teams in the league, meet in the second round of the playoffs.  They said that such a change couldn't be made until the offseason.  Now they are saying they can change the ball that every single player uses in the middle of the season.  Interesting.

Sorry that Random Crap was so short.  Truth is that I can't remember all the stuff that was running through my mind after so much time has passed since the games have ended.  If I can stay up for the game against the Lakers that doesn't start until 8:30 pm even though it's a home game, then I will have more to offer.  If anything else, I will listen to some Jazz and show off my jubblies in exchange for a win and avoid joining a war.  Go Mavs.

Pist On

As in the Detroit Pistons.  The Mavs last night got Pist On.  In fact, it was worse than that, but there's a phrase that concerns a different city, one from Ohio, that better suits what happened to the Mavs last night.  There's something about seeing Rasheed Wallace, he of most technical fouls in a single season in NBA history fame, that just makes me want to break out my Bone Thugs n' Harmony CD collection.  And although it's not the First of the Month, the Pistons were Creepin' on a Comeup last night.  Come to think of it, Bone Thugs originated in Cleveland, that city from Ohio I was referring to earlier.  The way I can tie all this stuff back in together on a regular basis is a steamer.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 82 vs. PISTONS 92

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk was the only guy that actually showed up to play last night.  I take that back.  Everybody showed up.  You shouldn't take me literally all the time.  Dirk just played like this was actually a big game that could have kept our 22 game home winning streak against teams from the Eastern conference alive.  29 points on 9 of 15 shooting (60%), 1 of 2 shooting from 3 land (50%), and 10 of 10 shooting from the stripe (100%).  How's my math?  9 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals and a block in 40 minutes of basically trying to will his team to victory.  Unfortunately, the rest of the team didn't want to be willed.  They wanted to be Pist On.  Therefore, my 3 Cheers go to 3 Pistons.

1. Tayshaun Prince - I love the first name.  I don't get it, I have no clue as to the origin or what it stands for, nor can I wager a guess.  I just like it.  It sounds right.  Tayshaun Prince.  Especially with a last name like Prince.  You can't be a Chuck or Stan and carry the same punch.  And punch you did last night.  20 points on 8 of 16 shooting, 7 boards, 3 steals and a block.  You might be asking why I pay so much attention to how many shots the person made and attempted when I cheer them for their point total.  This league has scorers and they have shooters.  There's a difference.  Shooters have trained in the art of when, where, and how to correctly shoot the ball to maximize their performance.  These players may only average 10 points a game, but they make 55% of their shots, which is very good.  It's efficient, it's effective, it's economical.  Some guys are scorers, or volume shooters, and they might wind up with 30 points at the end of the night, but it took them 35 shots, not counting free throws, to get there.  When that happens, it means that his teammates aren't getting the looks they need to be a productive part of the game.  Prince is an example of a guy that takes what the game gives him and takes advantage.  He's a shooter.  And a damn good defender.  And last night, the game and the Mavs gave him plenty.  Sorry for the tangent, Tayshaun.

2. Rasheed Wallace - I hate to give you one of these, but you deserve it.  If you can say anything about me, it's that I give credit where credit is due regardless of how I feel about a player.  You can also say how unconventionally handsome I am, but that's up for interpretation.  I might just be conventionally handsome.  Is handsome an old-fogey-ish term?  Should I instead say that I'm bringing sexy back?  I'll tell you what's not sexy.  That patch of Elmer's glue that is perpetually stuck to the back of Wallace's head.  I call him Spothead.  There's a radio voice here in the metroplex that calls him that, but I would like to go on the record that I have called him that since his days back in college with North Carolina, when he was teammates with Jerry Stackhouse by the way.  Now I'm not one to talk.  I have a slight bit of flaky scalp syndrome myself (ignore that I just said that if you are still stuck on me being handsome or sexy).  But I don't have anything on my head that looks as if someone hocked a lugi off the 3rd floor bridge in the mall and I just so happened to be walking under it on the ground level when it made impact with my hair.  All that aside, 19 points on 7 of 14 shooting, 5 of 8 from 3 land, to go with 9 rebounds, a steal and 2 blocks.  Every time I thought we were back in the game, you squashed it . . . like an egg . . . on the back of your head.

3. Chauncey Billups - It's amazing that you have gotten to where you are right now.  I remember when you were the point guard for University of Colorado coming out of the draft.  I believe the Celtics drafted you, and you were what most people consider a bust.  I just think you were drafted too high for your skill level at the time.  But you managed to stick around the league to develop, and you used to kill us on a regular basis when you were playing for the T'Wolves.  Now you are an NBA Finals MVP and champion.  Congrats.  The shooting wasn't great last night, but it's hard to disagree with you scoring 12 points, dishing out 11 dimes, and getting 5 swipes.  More importantly for you defensively, you took our two true point guards out of the game.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I could have given a cheer to Josh Howard for his 12 points and 12 rebounds.  I could have given a cheer to Jason Terry for his 17 points, 2 steals and amazing 2 blocks.  But we lost, so what does it matter.
• I could have given a cheer to the Pistons' Richard "Rip" Hamilton for his 15 points, 5 rebounds, 3 assists, and 2 steals.  But he still wears a plastic mask even though he hasn't needed it for the last 3 seasons.  I remember when I was about 4 or 5.  I had tubes in my ears.  I took them out.  I might have tied my shoes the best in my montessori class or been the first to color within the lines before I took them out, but I did it.  I'm not that superstitious.  I'm superstitious, but not when it comes to my health or appearances.  If you broke your leg and were limited to a wheel chair, and while you were recovering from that injury, you won the lottery, would you stay in the wheel chair after you healed?  F*** no!  You would run around on your feet saying, "WOOHOO, I had a plastic mask on my face, and I still scored 30 points on your ass!"  Lose the mask.  If for no other reason, it leaves an awkward indention on your goatee when you do interviews without the mask after the game.
• This offseason I might have thrown out the possible wish of trying to trade Erick Dampier for Ben Wallace.  I'm so glad that no one listened to me on that one.
• Tonight was the annual Seats for Soldiers night.  It's the night where everyone that has tickets in the front row gives them to soldiers, most of whom have been wounded in battle, so that they and their families can see an NBA game from the best seats in the house totally free.  I think that is one of the coolest things in the world.  It sucks that the Mavs treated them to a game with very little effort on the court.
• Stackhouse is having an awful game.  In 18 minutes, he managed to go 0 of 4 for zero points, zero rebounds, zero assists, and 1 turnover.  His impact on this game is fairly thick, though.  Stackhouse used to play for Detroit.  In fact, the last time he played at least 18 minutes without scoring, it was when when he was playing for Detroit.  He is a former college teammate of Rasheed Wallace, a current Piston.  He was traded to Washington for Rip Hamilton, a masked Piston.  He admitted after his awful game that he was playing through the continuous groin injury he's had so far this season and that if he wasn't playing against his former team he would have sat out.  Way to make a statement.
• My daughter just saw me with my pen and notepad trying to take notes during the game.  She had the audacity to come over and try to take my pen so that she could scribble on my notepad.  I told her no.  She has plenty of crayons and books that she can scribble with.  She got upset, but I held my ground.  Have I mentioned that my daughter is 20 months old, and I am 352 months old?  Needless to say, I won that argument, and I'm pathetic.
• TNT was cutting from the Mavs game (Final points total: 174) to the Suns-Nets game (Final points total: 318).  Today on ESPN, everyone is talking about how this game is a classic.  Yeah, classic if you hate defense or early bedtimes.  These two teams couldn't stop a turd during massive constipation, much less two point guards that would combine for 80 points and 27 assists and 20 rebounds.  I'm trying to will my team to victory while they are failing to score.  Why would I want TNT to interrupt that to show me two teams that have no problem doing so?  By the time they get back, the Pistons have scored again.  Maybe it's my fault.
• It's not my fault.  The Mavs just suck tonight.  And they aren't getting calls.  Dirk just got floored without a call, by Thuggish Ruggish Bone Rasheed Wallace by the way, the one that gets calls at the drop of a glue gun.  I wonder if F***ing golden boy Dwayne Wade would have gotten that call.
• The Mavs need to get more shots for Dirk.  I know he's trying to get his teammates involved, especially Damp, but he deserves the ball as soon and as much as possible.  Considering the way that everyone else was playing tonight, I think this was the time that we should have said, "Dirk, here's the ball.  Go win it for us."
• A lot of times you see the ticker on ESPN that says Donovan McNabb out for season (torn ACL) or Primoz Brezec out 2 to 4 weeks (exhaustion) or Drew Bledsoe out for season (threw to other team too much), but this one takes the cake.  Lisa Leslie, of WNBA fame (or not-so-fame) is out for the season.  The season doesn't even start until June of next year.  What the hell.  Oh, there it is.  (Pregnancy).  I can understand torn ACL or broken clavicle or even sports hernia, but if you are sitting out due to exhaustion at the start of a season, you ain't got s*** on the chick that's sitting out due to pregnancy.  In fact, you should volunteer to help paint her nursery.

I'm going to wrap this one up with a shout out to my good friend and former college roommate, Rob.  He's still bald, but he has moved out of his parent's house, and the quarter-sized tumor that they removed from his boobie is benign.  In all seriousness, Rob is a survivor of leukemia when we were in high school, so the fact that he had this was scary.  I am very grateful that what they found in his tit wasn't bad.  I'm also glad that I know a dude that's had a mastectomy.  That's what you call arsenal.  Be good, be safe, be healthy, wealthy and wise.  Go Mavs!

Jersey Boys

The Mavs got back on track last night against the Nets, and they did it somewhat convincingly.  Sure, the Nets made a run in the early minutes of the 4th quarter, but Dirk made sure that the win wouldn't slip away.  The title of this blog is a reference to both the Mavs playing in New Jersey, and the fact that all players wear jerseys.  So my question, before I get into the Mavs playing in New Jersey part, is have you or would you ever buy a player's jersey?  Would you buy that player's authentic, expensive jersey?  Would you buy a cheap replica?  Would you buy one of those t-shirts that look like the jersey?  On Mike & Mike this morning on ESPN Radio, they decided that it was completely uncool to get a jersey made with your favorite team and favorite players number, but have your own last name put on it.  I totally agree.  That's pretty tool-ish.  I have never purchased an authentic jersey.  I can't afford it.  I have, back in the day, purchased numerous replica jerseys, mostly of the 3 J's (Jim Jackson, Jamal Mashburn, and Jason Kidd, who we will get into at the end).  I have also purchased a few of those t-shirt style jerseys of Steve Nash, Michael Finley, and Dirk Nowitzki.  Are you starting to see a trend here?  I jinxed them.  I don't blame you for wanting to buy a jersey to honor your favorite players.  I'm just saying that I have done this with Mavs players 6 times, and only one of those players is still with the team.  The now-defunct jersey/shirts have either been donated to charity or become lawn mowing apparel.  And that brings me to another point.  Don't wear a jersey to a game that recognizes a player that no longer plays for the team, unless said player has his number retired for the team or is largely recognized as a defining member of that team.  Even if those players are largely recognized as a defining member of the team, if they are still currently active and playing for another team, they are off limits.  Buy a New Jersey.  It's just sick how I can pull these references all back together at the end.  Ouch.  I just strained my elbow while patting myself on the back.  At the very least, don't buy or wear a jersey of this former Mavs player, Doug Christie.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 92 @ NETS 75

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Dirk didn't look like he was really rocking last night.  Oh wait, he wound up with what?  26 points, 13 rebounds, 4 assists and a block?  He shot 10 of 12 from the free throw line and 8 of 19 from the field?  Further proof that Dirk can have what half the guys in the league would consider a career night, and yet he makes it look like he's not doing anything.  That's called un-sexy.  That's also why he gets passed over for player of the month honors by the NBA.  Remember when I said that he and Yao Ming were the only players in the top 10 for both scoring and rebounds.  And you know that the Mavs not only had a 12 game winning streak, but they have a better record than the Rockets.  Guess who won NBA player of the month.  Answer: not Dirk.

1. Josh Howard - Came back off a terrible showing during the loss to Washington to post 23 points on 10 of 20 shooting, including 3 of 5 from the arc, to go with 6 rebounds, 3 assists, 4 steals and 2 blocks.

2. Jason Terry - Still bad shooting, only 5 of 14, but your 13 points weren't the key here.  You had 7 assists and 4 steals.  You also played fantastic defense on Jason Kidd all night to keep him from setting up his big guns in Richard Jefferson and Vince Carter.

3. Erick Dampier - Statistically, you didn't have a good night.  However, while watching the game, I noticed that you were doing the "doesn't show up in the box score" type stuff.  You pulled in 9 rebounds (4 offensive) and made 3 blocks, but you also kept balls alive for your teammates.  I wanted to give you a Cheer for that, because it was just good hustle across the board.

RANDOM CRAP!

• First, I will compliment the Nets players that didn't get into the Cheers department.  Jason Kidd almost had a triple double with 10 points, 8 rebounds, and 8 assists, along with 2 steals.  Nenad Krstic had 18 points, 12 rebounds, 1 steal and 2 blocks.
• It took the Nets 4 minutes into the game to score their first basket.  The Mavs were well on their way by that point.
• My daughter, 20 months old, is feeding my dog, Nelson, her raisins.  I'm sure you can guess who Nelson is named after.  I couldn't work a Mavs reference into my daughter's name.  Anyway, I heard a horror story from a friend of mine once that his dad fed his dog a bunch of raisins while he was a kid.  The dog got thirsty from all the sugar and drank a bunch of water.  The water caused the raisins in the dog's stomach to expand, which wound up blowing up the dog's tummy and killing it.  I hope that doesn't happen to Nelson while the game is on.
• Bob Ortegal, the poetic Mavs color analyst, sez: Jason Kidd's stage is the court, and the ball is his prop.  Shakespeare couldn't have said it better.
• In the first half, the Mavs are attacking the basket, getting to the foul line, getting contributions from everyone on the court, and Howard, Dirk and Damp are tearing stuff up out there.  It's a fun game to watch while my wife is decorating the Christmas tree.
• Richard Jefferson just took a jumpshot.  I immediately say that his foot is on the line.  The refs credit him with a 3 point shot.  Nobody complains.  Not the announcers, not the Mavs, nobody.  I watch it on Tivo in slow motion.  I'm right.  They're wrong.  I rule.  Of course, I can't change anything from my couch, so maybe I don't rule that much.
• Joe Crawford, a notorious Mavs hater, just called a blocking foul on Devin Harris.  Again, I rule.  It was most definitely a charge.  If only these refs had Tivo.
• Someone forgot to box out on the Nets' Mikki Moore on a missed jumper, and Moore swoops in for the thunderous dunk off the carom.  My first question should have been, "Who forgot to box out Mikki Moore?  Who's assignment was that?"  Instead, my first question was, "Who the f*** is Mikki Moore?"
• They show an interview with Josh Howard asking him to say who the toughest guy on the team is.  He claims it's Jerry Stackhouse.  While they are playing the audio, they show a shot of Stack on the bench.  He's picking his teeth, then holds his finger out in front of him to find out what was in his teeth.  He stares at it for a very long duration of time.  Tough indeed.  He can drive to the basket AND he can defeat hard-to-get parsley remains out of his bicuspids.
• You know it's a rough game when the game gets delayed because one of the Nets dancers has to get evaluated on the court for an injury after their timeout tumbling act.
• Don Nelson used to say that you can't teach rebounding.  It's just an instinct that some players are born with.  Dirk Nowitzki is the exception to that rule, and Nelson admitted as much.  Dirk wasn't a rebounder when they scouted him in Germany.  He has worked hard to learn to crash the boards, and now averages about 10 a game.
• Speaking of Dirk, the league would be wise to give this guy a little more credit.  Not only is he passed up for player of the month, he doesn't even make clips in the NBA highlight commercials.
• And now we get to Jason Kidd.  Say what you will about Steve Nash.  I have a special place in my heart for him, and you know how I feel about Derek Harper.  I even love Terry and Harris.  But Jason Kidd is hands down the best point guard talent the Mavs have ever had in their employ.  He's not the best shooter or scorer, but he makes everyone around him better.  He is also the most complete player at that position from a triple-double standpoint.  Kidd has more career triple-doubles than 22 NBA franchises have as a whole.  I was at the game when he got his first triple-double with the Mavs.  I wrote my senior paper about it in high school.  Of course, I also wrote my college entrance essay about how Kermit the Frog was my hero.  I will go into all that at another time, but even though Kidd doesn't have a very good shot of ever winning a title, I think he should go into the Hall of Fame.  He's that good.  Fortunately for the Mavs, he wasn't good enough in this game.

Glad to get back on the winning track before we come back home to face Detroit and Denver.  I should buy a jersey of somebody.  Maybe I should buy this one.  Go Mavs!

We're Going Streaking!

Come on, everybody!  We're going streaking . . . through the quad and into the gymnasium!  And that's how the 12 game winning streak ended last night: like Will Ferrell thinking he's getting everyone to follow him on some epic romp through campus, only to find out later that he's just drunk and naked, all alone, looking for the nearest KFC.  Notice that I never mentioned the winning streak while it was going on.  It's bad karma.  I fault the Dallas Morning News for jinxing it yesterday when they published a huge article about it and predicted when it would come to an end.  It's like when a pitcher has a no hitter going, and nobody in the dugout says a word to him until it's either broken up or completed.  Like Crash Davis told Nuke Laloosh in Bull Durham: "You don't f*** with a winning streak."  So now that it's over, I can talk about it and how glorious it was.  However, that feeling of glory has now been tainted, much as the car seat most likely was that carried Will Ferrell's drunk, naked ass home.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 97 @ WIZARDS 106

DIRK'S DIGITS!

The overall line looks very impressive, but most of the points and rebounds didn't come until late in the second half when the Mavs got frantic.  Still, it's hard to scoff at 27 points on 8 of 20 shooting, including 4 of 5 from 3-land and 7 of 8 from the foul line.  I think that was the first missed free throw he's had in the last 4 or 5 games.  9 rebounds (5 offensive), to go with 3 assists and a steal would make you think Dirk did his job last night.  Truth is, he could have done much more.  Then again, so could the rest of his team.

1. Jerry Stackhouse - Apparently the only Mav that came to play consistently for the game.  Unfortunately, you only got to play half the game.  Not sure why, either.  You didn't commit a foul, so you weren't in trouble, and I never heard, nor have heard since about any injuries.  6 of 10 shooting for 14 points and 6 assists.  You had one less assist than all of our point guards combined.  You also stayed away from the 3 point line, which is good.  I don't mind the baseline corner 3 from you.  That's your sweet spot.  But sometimes you fall in love with those top of the key 3's that just don't seem to fall for you.  Tonight you didn't jack up bad shots, but the rest of your team didn't reward your efforts.

2. Gilbert Arenas - Always capable of going for 40 points on any given night, he pretty much did just that.  38 points on 15 of 27 shooting, plus 8 assists means that you were responsible for at least half of your team's points.  You would be a beast in this league, on the levels of Kobe or Iverson, if you could just stay consistent with your scoring.  For every 40 point game, you have a 10 point game.  But tonight, you did what you needed to do.

3. Antawn Jamison - You were the one Antawn I wanted to keep during that failed season you were with us.  You were the one that accepted the 6th man role without complaints.  You were the one that was consistent with your scoring and rebounding.  If we hadn't have made that last minute trade for the other Antoine, Fathead Walker, you would have started and we could have boasted a starting lineup of Nash, Finley, you, Dirk, and well, any stiff we could find to man the middle for us.  I understand the Walker trade, because it rid us of Raef Lafrentz's contract and gave us more trade bait, but he kind of screwed up your opportunity to stake your claim with this franchise.  Granted, after that one season, you explained in a very upstanding fashion that you wanted to start, so we accommodated you the best we could.  We shipped you off.  Your productivity is still there, though, since you scored 20 points and grabbed 12 rebounds.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Wondering how the Mavs could lose this game?  The Mavs hadn't lost a game in 25 days.  They hadn't trailed by even one single point to any team in the last 11 days.  They had just destroyed this same Wizards team by 26 points at home 2 weeks ago.  They hit twice as many 3's (10 to 5), made more than twice as many free throws (25 to 11) and went to the line almost twice as often (31 to 16).  They won the battle in steals (6 to 2), turnovers (9 to 12) and blocks (7 to 3).  How did the Mavs lose?  They allowed the Wizards to drive the lane all night long for high percentage shots, which amounted in them shooting 49.5% from the field compared to our 39.2%.  We also got out rebounded 53 to 39, including giving up 17 offensive rebounds, which again leads to easy, high percentage put-back shots.
• I feel compelled to list the 3 Mavs that didn't hurt our cause last night, and the 3 Mavs that did.  Devin Harris had a decent evening attacking the basket and getting to the foul line for 14 points.  DeSagana Diop got 3 blocks in just under 6 minutes.  And Devean George scored 14 points, spurred by going 4 of 6 from the arc.  Josh Howard only scored 5 points and grabbed 4 rebounds.  Jason Terry only made 1 of his 8 shots for 4 points.  And Greg Buckner was supposed to go in and put the clamps on Arenas, but clearly he didn't do that.
• These two teams have a few links between them.  Their starting center, Etan Thomas, was drafted by the Mavs and then traded to the Wizards as part of the package that landed us Juwan Howard.  That trade put us over the top that year and on to our first postseason appearance since 1990.  I don't believe any one of the other people involved in that trade are still in the league except Thomas, who was a rookie when we traded him, and Howard, who gets paid lucratively to sit on a bench, similar to Austin Croshere.  We also traded Antawn Jamison to the Wizards 3 years ago for Jerry Stackhouse and the rights to their 5th pick in that upcoming draft which we used to select Devin Harris.  Also, the Texas Rangers moved to Dallas from Washington.  Maybe that last one was a stretch.
• I heard on the radio this morning that Dwayne Wade has been named Sports Illustrated's Sportsman of the Year.  I vomited in my mouth.
• The Mavs still need to work on their defense.  They were getting by for most of their winning streak, especially towards the end, by simply blowing a team out at the beginning of the game to crush their will, then sinking into lazy, go-through-the-motions, man to man coverage while the other team had to hoist outside, low percentage shots the rest of the game to try to claw back into it.  It wasn't a problem since the were on a winning streak.  It's kind of like that line from My Name Is Earl.  Earl is told he has a gambling problem, to which he replies: "It's not a gambling problem because I'm winning.  That's like telling Michael Jordan he has a basketball problem, or telling Def Leppard they have an awesomeness problem.  So why don't you pour some sugar on that?"  Good point.  The Mavs don't have a basketball problem or an awesomeness problem in my book, and their defensive problems were excusable while they were winning.  But now they lost, and they lost bad regardless of what the final score indicated.  These are the times when Avery gets his team's attention, and they head back to the drawing board.
• I'm sure none of you have thought about this yet, but just in case: maybe you're wondering what kind of bone headed trade sends off a rookie center that would wind up starting for a playoff contender for a player that also no longer plays for us, leaving us without a single piece of that pie including the other players that are no longer in the league.  Allow the Dude to preach for a moment.  Etan Thomas is not a championship worthy starting center.  In my opinion, he's a step above DJ Mbenga, and Mbenga has only been playing the game for about 7 years of his very young life.  In other words, if he had remained here, he would have been a back up to Shawn Bradley, and that's if we even allowed him to play much center and didn't make him a power forward as we originally planned.  So with that being said, here's the lineage, disregarding all players that didn't make an impact one way or the other.  Etan Thomas beget Juwan Howard.  Howard beget Nick Van Exel and Raef Lafrentz.  Van Exel beget Antawn Jamison, and Lafrentz beget Antoine Walker.  Jamison beget current Mavs Jerry Stackhouse and Devin Harris, and Walker beget current Mav Jason Terry.  So in a way, Etan Thomas, a guy that would have probably been sitting on the bench had he stayed here, wound up netting us our starting backcourt and our 6th man.  Oh, and the Juwan Howard trade also brought over another throw in player that wound up making a huge impact on our franchise.  It was our head coach, Avery Johnson, while he was still playing.  During his stay here, he made enough of an impression on Nelson and Cuban, that even though they shipped him back off in the Jamison trade, they fought to get him back so they could get him on the coaching staff as soon as he retired.  Not a bad timeline for the Mavs getting the most out of Etan Thomas, don't you think?
• Speaking of Def Leppard having an awesomeness problem, I was a pretty big Def Leppard fan back in my pre-teens.  I remember my parents being a little concerned about me listening to a band that had a song called "Love Bites", but that soon became tame by comparison once I started listening to hardcore gangster rap a few years later.  There's something about NWA that makes Def Leppard look like a bunch of nice young blokes in slightly used jeans.  Anyhoo, when I first heard Def Leppard's song "Photograph", I wanted to start a band that played Def Leppard songs.  I was too young at this point to realize that this concept was called a "cover band".  I thought I was just struck with the unique idea myself, and that thousands of mediocre musicians weren't doing this all over the nation for decades.  Anyway, instead of Def Leppard, the band's name would be Kitty Don't Hear So Well.  I would one up the real band by having a drummer with NO arms.  Needless to say, this idea fell on deaf ears, and that's not a pun.  It's a good thing, too, because you might not have this blog if Kitty Don't Hear So Well became a sensation.

The Mavs get back on the court tonight against the Nets.  The Nets are as dangerous as the Wizards at home.  If their starting 5 get cooking, look out.  If not, they have absolutely no bench to stay in the fight.  Here's hoping that the Mavs start streaking again, but not literally in the Will Ferrell fashion.  Go Mavs!

Blowout Spectacular

Interesting night for the Dude.  I got home and started watching the game, but I was extremely tired.  Once I put my daughter to sleep, I went to bed and made it until the end of the 3rd quarter.  Since my daughter doesn't like to let me sleep through the night, she woke me up around 3:00 am.  Once I got her back down I was wide awake, so I moved out to the couch to watch television until I could fall asleep again.  Lo and behold, I turn on ESPN and they are broadcasting the Mavs game on a repeat.  I turned it on at the exact same time I fell asleep.  What luck!  So I got to watch the whole blowout spectacular in its entirety, just in two easy installments.  So here are the goods:

3 CHEERS: MAVS 109 vs. KINGS 90

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Not a brilliant showing, although it didn't have to be.  He only played 27 minutes due to the blowout, but he missed 11 of his 15 shots.  The saving grace was that he went 10 of 10 from the foul line to notch up 18 points.  He also did his share by bringing in 10 rebounds, 2 assists and a steal.  Either way, if Dirk's going to have an off night, then it's best that it happens when the rest of the team is on.

1. Josh Howard - Damn, son!  You have not wasted a second since getting healthy.  10 of 14 shooting, 3 of 5 from the arc, for 24 points, 7 rebounds, a steal and 2 blocks.  Both blocks in particular were highlight reel material.  The last one came with the game well in hand, so the fact that you put forth that effort to leap out of your shoes to block a meaningless layup shows very good want-to.

2. Dallas Centers - DeSagana Diop does deserve his own due, so I will give it to him the form of recognizing his 10 rebounds and 3 blocks in just 22 minutes.  When you combine Diop and Erick Dampier, you have 13 points on 4 of 9 shooting, 5 of 6 from the stripe, 19 rebounds, a steal and 4 blocks.  Damp deserves a nod for a tenacious blocked shot, then running the court on the breakaway and getting rewarded by Dirk when he found him under the basket for the rim rattling dunk.  Give and ye shall receive.

3. Dallas Point Guards - I will leave Terry out of this discussion because he was playing off the ball for most of the game.  I'm combining Devin Harris and Anthony Johnson here.  AJ brought 10 assists to the table, and Harris brought 6.  AJ only had 4 points, but he grabbed a steal.  Harris had 13 points on 6 of 8 shooting, including a wicked fake move on one of the Kings for an easy put in down in the post.  They also combined for 3 steals.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I can't believe that I just noticed this, but during timeouts Dirk takes his mouthpiece out of his mouth and shoves it into his stanky-ass sock until play resumes, then removes it when he walks back on to the court and puts it back into his mouth.  That's almost as gross as when Steve Nash used to lick his palms, wipe his hands through his sweaty hair, wipe off the soles of his shoes, then lick his palms again immediately after doing all of that.
• So this game is between the Mavs and the Kings.  No Spurs in sight.  But they show the engagement picture of Tony Parker and Eva Longoria.  AAAAHHHH!!!  I don't care!  I wish those kids luck.  I hope they get really nice shower gifts so they can get on their feet financially.  But don't tell me about them unless I'm watching a Spurs game, and even then, go light on it.
• Breaking news: Ron Artest might have something wrong with him mentally.  Dirk looked like he was trying as hard as he could to be the bigger man and be the team player by not beating the fiddlesticks out of him after a blatant palm on the nose swipe Artest delivered AFTER they had already whistled him for the foul.
• Breaking news:  Terrell Owens isn't very bright.  I think he and Artest could room together for a new reality show called Dumb and Dumber.  ESPN found him at the game and interviewed him.  I don't know how many of you remember the recap I wrote about one of the Finals games between the Mavs and Heat, and Owens was there wearing a Shaq jersey.  He had just signed here, and had an opportunity to endear his punk ass to fans by supporting the home team, but he didn't.  Last night, he admitted that he was a Kings fan.  Catch a clue, son!  You live, work and play in Dallas.  You are a polarizing figure.  At least pretend you like the local teams to garner more support from a metroplex that wants any reason to hate you.
• The final score wasn't indicative of the carnage that was laid upon the Kings by the Mavs.  They were up by 32 points at one time, and not only owned them but rented them out for parties.  That's the kind of game I want to see.  The kind where I can sit back, relax, eat my hot dog, drink my beer, and watch my favorite team lay waste to their inferior opponent.  Yet here we are in the 4th quarter, and all I see are empty seats in the rich people section.  Can you not wait another 12 minutes before you go to The Lodge?
• The SportsCenter following the game (the one I watched at 3:00 am, not the one that started at 7:30 pm) showed their top 10 plays of the night.  Number 9 was Josh Howard blocking a layup attempt.  Number 3 was LeBron James blocking a layup attempt.  What made LeBron's block 6 spots better than Howard's?  Good question.  They looked like the exact same play to me, other than one player didn't have ESPN's lips glued to his ass.

Please enjoy your weekend, be safe, and I will talk to you later.  The Mavs actually get a few days off here before a quick 2 game road trip to the East coast.  I will be in touch once those games subside, and we can continue the good times then.  Go Mavs!