Brandon May's 3 Cheers - Mavs Land Musings

3 Cheers is for the Children

I have suddenly realized my growing power to not only enlighten the world on Mavs related issues, but to also help you raise your kids.  I have scientific proof that I am capable of this.  If 1 in 5 parents think their kids are online too much, then that can only mean that 4 in 5 parents encourage their kids to spend countless hours reading Mavs Land Musings.  In fact, I recommend that the parents make family time out of it.  Sit down with your kids, read, laugh and learn.  Discuss what you've read at the dinner table on the couch in front of the television while you watch the game together.  The next thing you know, your kids will be productive members of society who will be wealthy enough to buy you season tickets in section 106 or 107.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 93 vs. T'WOLVES 87

DIRK'S DIGITS!

I guess it was bound to happen eventually when Dirk has a let down game.  The fact that we could still pull out a win (although it was closer than it should have been) is a testament to the strength and depth of talent on this team.  Dirk shot 2 of 8 for only 15 points and only grabbed 5 rebounds, but I guess everyone's allowed to have a bad game every once in awhile.  Lesson #1 for the kids: When your shots aren't falling, get to the foul line.  Dirk was 11 of 11 from the stripe to help him score more points.

1. Erick Dampier - I decided not to combine you with Diop this time, because you made up for Dirk's lack of production in more ways than one.  I can't begin to explain how weird it feels to say something like that about you, but with 12 points on 6 of 8 shooting to go with 11 rebounds and 2 blocks, the last one being a game saver, you were a beast.  Lesson #2 for the kids: On that last block, Damp blocked the shot with his left hand, which was the hand furthest away from Ricky Davis.  If Damp had tried to block it with his right, he would have made contact and put Davis at the line to tie the game.  Since he blocked it with his left, we was able to get all ball with no arm contact.  He also kept the ball in play so the Mav could regain possession.  Everybody likes the ferociousness of sending the ball into the 20th row, but then the T'Wolves would have been able to inbound the ball, and get another shot at tying the score.

2. Josh Howard - 5 of 13 shooting isn't great, but he's getting back to where he can stay on the court longer.  He played 34 minutes, which means his stamina is coming back.  He scored 15 points, grabbed 8 rebounds, and added 3 assists and a block.  Lesson #3 for the kids: If you aren't going to emulate Dirk, emulate Howard.  Terry has the personality and the jumpshot, Harris has the quickness and the court awareness, but Howard has the all around game.  Learn to play solid defense, whether it's man or zone, learn to help your teammates on defense, share the ball, develop solid range on your jumper, and drive the lane to get the easy shots or a trip to the foul line.  Also, Howard can teach you that it's never too late to get braces to fix your teeth and have a beautiful smile.

3. Randy Foye - Kevin Garnett would have been the easy choice here, but I decided against him for the same reason that I have excluded Dirk from 3 Cheers status.  He's too automatic that no one else would have room here.  I'm going with the rookie who shot 7 of 14 for 17 points, 14 of which came in the 4th quarter when the T'Wolves reduced a 20 point deficit to 1 near the end of the game.  He also collected 4 rebounds and 2 steals.  Lesson #4 for the kids: Just because you're a rookie on a team that clearly has an alpha dog, if your shots are falling, keep shooting.  It's called a zone.  When you get in it, stay in it.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I was watching the game off and on because I had my parents over for dinner along with my buddy Adam, the Navy SEAL.  It was great to be able to talk to him in a small, quiet environment so that he could teach us how to infiltrate enemy soil undetected.  We practiced in the family room.
• Mike Jones, the point guard for Minnesota, is the guy that we were really going after this offseason in free agency.  He chose Minnesota for playing time and money, but he doesn't seem to have any ill will upon his first visit here with his new team.  Says James: "Mark Cuban, that's my boy.  I learned one thing.  Mark Cuban is a Toys R Us kid.  He doesn't want to grow up.  You know what I'm saying?"  I don't have any ill will either, because for what we would have spent on him, we were able to get Devean George and Greg Buckner, plus not take away minutes from Devin Harris.  It's a win-win situation, except that he lost last night.
• My buddy and former college roommate, Rob, called me Monday night to tell me that he was going to the game and sitting on the floor not 2 rows behind Tony Romo.  That's sweet.  What he should have called and said was that he was going to the game and sitting on the floor not 2 rows behind Tony Romo and he couldn't think of a single other person that he wanted to take with him rather than the biggest Mavs fan he knows that would forever be indebted to him for the opportunity and would have spoken glowingly about him on his Mavs-related blog.
• Did that last point sound bitter?
• The paper today mentions that the Mavs rallying cry this season is "Finish" as in finish plays, finish on defense, finish out games, and finish off an opponent when you are clearly dominating them for 2 3/4 games in the NBA Finals.  That was the second best news I have heard all day.

Hopefully I've provided you all with great tips for raising your kids, as well as provided the kids with solid fundamentals to practice on and off the court.  Here's a few more:  Parents that are looking to punish their children when they, say, don't do their homework, don't mind your requests, or maybe launch a new nuclear weapons campaign against the wishes of the rest of the global powers, should take a page out of America's rules of teaching lessons.  That'll learn 'em.  Also, kids, just because you think someone is clean cut and trouble free doesn't mean they don't have some demons.  I mean who could have seen this coming?  Just because someone raps about bitches and hoes, smoking weed, drinking gin and juice, and popping a cap in the ass of player haters, doesn't mean they won't run afoul of the law from time to time.  Some times role models fall off their pedestal even if their beats are funky.

Enjoy the game tonight against the Raptors, and welcome back a few guys with Texas ties.  Chris Bosh, from Dallas, and TJ Ford and PJ Tucker, former Longhorns, will be suiting up across from our heroes.  Enjoy it with your family.  Here endeth the lesson.  Go Mavs.

One Too Many

I went to Gilley's in Dallas Saturday night with some friends.  I even rode the bull.  You might be thinking by the title of this entry that I got light up till I spit up.  Quite the opposite.  I made that fake bull my leather-bound gimp.  The point of the title isn't about how many seconds I hung on or how many beers I drank.  It refers to some disturbing news I heard on the way home.  There's a logical reason that the Dude was hanging out at a honky tonk bar.  One, it is owned by Don and Donnie Nelson.  Can't argue with that.  Also, my good friends, Ryan and Kelly, had a band play at their wedding called West 84.  Kelly grew up with the lead singer, Wade Bowen, and her cousin is also in the band.  They are no longer called West 84 because that was SO 2002.  They just go by Wade Bowen.  Well, they were playing Saturday night at Gilley's, so we went to support the team.  I got to meet Wade after the show, which was a really good show by the way.  I hate country music unless it's in the vein of Cash, Willie, Waylon and the boys.  Wade channels that energy.  I don't think I heard one mention about a tractor or a double wide.  He even covered "Helter Skelter" by the Beatles at the end of the show that rocked the panties off.  I highly recommend checking him out . . . BUT I find out on the way home from Kelly that he has recently become the new father of a baby boy and he named him Bruce.  As in Bruce Bowen!  AAAHHH!!!  That's what I mean by one too many.  I only plead to Wade not to allow him to idolize his namesake in San Antonio.  Unless Wade's son becomes a marginal NBA talent, mimicking his actions will only lead to prison, either as an inmate or a C.O.  Let's catch up, shall we?

3 CHEERS: MAVS 95 @ SPURS 92

DIRK'S DIGITS!

31 points, 14 of which came in the 4th quarter, on 12 of 23 shooting, 10 rebounds and a steal.  I'm not saying I don't like the green, P-Diddy jersey, but it just doesn't look right on Dirk.  The problem is, he's had some great games while wearing that jersey.  With the way he's playing right now, you could put him in this jersey and he would tear up the court.  Then he would discuss his feelings and go shoe shopping.

1. Josh Howard - Welcome back, son.  To sit out 2 1/2 weeks, then come in for just 16 minutes in your first game back and put up 12 points on 4 of 9 shooting, 3 rebounds and 2 steals is very impressive.  Ease back into this so that we have you ready for later, and don't listen to anyone that implies that the winning streak didn't start until you went out of the lineup.  The fact that Stackhouse said he couldn't wait until he went back to the bench could say a lot about Stack's team-first mindset, but I think it was his way of saying that he wanted to see you back as soon as possible.

2. Jason Terry - 14 points on 6 of 11 shooting, 2 of 3 from 3-land, and 10 assists.  10 assists are a high for ANY Mav this year.  10 assists are a lot of assists.  Steve Nash is the only player averaging over 10 per game this season, but when Terry and Harris are averaging only 4.1 a game a piece, 10 is a significant number.  It's even more significant when you figure it came against a prime opponent that only combined for 16 assists as a team.

3. Captain Giggles - Duncan scored 29 points on 10 of 16 shooting and actually made 60% of his free throws!  YIPPEEE!!  I was going to cheer Fabio Federline Oberto for his 14 points and 11 rebounds, but he was guarding Dirk most of the night and allowed him to have the stats that he had.  So I go to Duncan because outside of Michael Finley, he's the only Spur that I don't absolutely despise.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Guess who was at the game that the national television crew kept showing over and over again.  Give up?  Some chick named Eva Longoria.  Why is she there?  She must like watching the Spurs lose to the Mavs.
• According to ESPN.com's Marc Stein, one time Dallas Morning News Mavs beat writer and NBA expert, has this to say about missing the trip to San Antonio for the game before this one:  "You missed a big one Wednesday in San Antonio.  I missed it more than anyone.  The lone disappointment of my Thanksgiving week was my inability to get to the Alamo City for a monster double bill: UT-San Antonio hosting Cal State Fullerton at lunchtime in the Bowen Bowl … followed by Bowen vs. Dwyane Wade in Heat at Spurs on Wednesday night.  The opening act was actually a nonconference basketball game, but highly significant -- at least in the Stein Line universe -- because of Bowen's ties to both schools. With two championship rings, Bowen ranks as Fullerton's most successful NBA export. But Bowen also completed his college coursework at UTSA while playing for the Spurs, making him a member of UTSA's 2006 graduating class in May with a degree in public relations.  Fullerton's players received an inspirational lecture from Bowen on the eve of their 67-63 comeback victory over UTSA -- with three starters suspended, I should add -- and were then invited to watch Spurs-Heat."
• First of all, Bowen majored in public relations?  Maybe he will teach his clients the art of defense, as in how you deal with pesky reporters or sure-fire jump shooters.  Bowen majoring in public relations is like Ghandi majoring in Criminology while serving in the ROTC.
• Wonder what that inspirational lecture sounded like?  I'm guessing that the emphasis was more on the word "lecture" than "inspirational".  "You gentlemen probably think that you'll never make the NBA because you're from Fullerton.  The truth is that you gentlemen won't make the NBA because you suck.  But guess what?  I suck, too, and I'm sporting 2 championship rings.  But the key is that I'm not a gentleman.  I'm a thug player.  And for only $500 I will teach you the Bruce Bowen 5 Step Program to Mediocrity."  Or maybe is sounded like this.
• Wonder why Fullerton had 3 starters suspended, and if it had anything to do with Bowen's inspirational speech.

• "What is venom? I've only been here eight years, guys."  Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki, reminding his audience that there are still a few English words he hasn't been exposed to yet.  Nowitzki was asked to respond to coach Avery Johnson's recent assertion that bad blood between the Mavs and San Antonio Spurs is "great" because you don't get venom "if there aren't two good teams."  I have a feeling Dirk was kidding around here, but it was still a good quote.

3 CHEERS: MAVS 85 vs. HORNETS 73

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Missed out on his 8th straight double-double by one rebound, finishing with 28 points on 10 of 13 shooting, 7 of 8 from the stripe, 9 boards, 1 steal and 2 blocks.  Dirk is now one of only 2 players to rank in the top 10 in both points and rebounds this season.  The other one is 6 inches taller, Chinese, and never strays further than 10 feet from the basket.  I know 12 games is early, and I'm unabashedly biased, but Dirk is starting what could shape up to be a phenomenal MVP season.

1. Josh Howard - Able to get a few more minutes to ease yourself back into the flow, and you got back into the starting lineup.  I think the switch back to the bench effected Stackhouse, who was only 1 of 6 from the field for 7 points, but it didn't bother you any.  3 of 9 shooting isn't great, but it's to be expected in your situation.  The important part is you only played 26 minutes so you didn't over do it.  And in just 26 minutes, you piled up 15 points, 7 of 9 from the line, 7 rebounds and a steal.

2. Mavs centers - I couldn't decide between DeSagana Diop or Erick Dampier, so I said, "It's my blog, I can do what I want!"  Seriously.  I actually screamed that out loud.  Don't doubt my intensity.  So I combined them together.  Diop and Damp combined for 15 points on 5 of 7 shooting, 5 of 8 from the stripe, and 15 rebounds.  It's not like they were going up against world beaters, but Tyson Chandler of the Hornets can be tricky to box out if you're not careful.  One of the main keys to this now 9 game winning streak has been the improved, consistent play from our center position.  The other keys are Dirk and not losing.

3. Jannero Pargo - Another one of those guys that was a standout in high school, goes to a decent college program, then gets picked apart enough on draft day that he becomes what I like to call a "floater".  Some guys get drafted, but are quickly exposed as unable to hang with the big boys.  Think Tony Dumas or Loren Meyer.  Some guys don't get drafted, but quickly prove that the rest of the league was stupid to ignore him.  Think Marquis Daniels or Raja Bell.  Pargo falls in between these two categories.  You are better than the talent level at the development or overseas leagues, which is good enough to make you stand out and get invited to training camp.  But you aren't quite good enough to hack it in the NBA, or you are coming into a camp where all 15 spots are already filled with guaranteed contract guys so you're just practice meat.  In other words, you're sooo close, you can't just give up and go back into the real world, but you might play for a total of 25 teams between the minors and the show before you ever catch on with anyone.  By that time, your best years are behind you, and you're what you call a "solid locker room presence".  Pargo is only 27, and he's an Arkansas grad like my buddy Abram.  He looks to have found a steady role as Chris Paul's backup, and he lead the team with 19 points.  I wish him the best of luck, and remember, Avery Johnson was once a floater.  Now he has a championship ring and is the head coach of one of the best teams in the NBA.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Our old friend Bobby Jackson, late of the swept-out-in-the-first-round-by-the-Mavs Memphis Grizzlies, got ejected for arguing a call.  Teammates had to hold him back to keep him from charging the ref that T'd him up.  Then they had to restrain him from charging the mirror that showed him the guy that isn't as good as he thinks he is.
• The Mavs just won their 9th straight, which is good for 5th best all time in franchise history.  These last 5 or 6 years have been good for the Mavs, and we did really well in the 80's, too.  Want to know exactly how awful the 90's were?  Ask Todd Bridges.  Just a joke.  As a franchise, the Mavs are 991 wins to 1,120 losses for a .469 winning percentage in their 27 years of existence.  That's good for 20th in the league.  Compare that to the F'n Lakers at 2,814-1,762 for .614 and the Spurs at 1,445-995 for .592.  Those are your top two teams.  The saving grace is that only 11 of the 30 teams are above .500 for the franchise record.  Still, at 9-4 this season, in order for the Mavs to catch up to .500, they would have to go undefeated for the rest of this year and the first 65 games next year.  No problem.

The Mavs put their streak on the line tonight against Kevin Garnett and the Timberwolves.  I don't want the T'Wolves to be good, but I do find myself sympathizing with Garnett sometimes.  He is a great player on a bad team.  They used to be good just because of him, which was good enough to sneak into the playoffs and then never win a playoff series.  Then they sold their soul to the Devil and signed Sam Cassell (the Angry Alien) and Latrell Spreewell (the player that chokes in more ways than one) to get to the conference finals.  The franchise has collapsed since then.  Garnett deserves better . . . starting tomorrow morning.

So in review, we have one too many Bruce Bowens in the world, we have one too many inspirational speakers in the world, we have one too many "floaters" in the world, and we have one too many idiots in the world.  You can bet on it.  Go Mavs!

"Romo"sexual

I'll admit it.  I cheer for the Cowboys, but I don't live and die by them like I do the Mavs.  So I didn't give to flips when they swapped out Drew Bledsoe for Tony Romo at quarterback.  Much like I didn't really care when they brought in Bledsoe for Vinnie Testeverde for Quincy Carter for Anthony Wright for Tony Banks, etc.  But after watching this cat play with this team, his arm strength, his accuracy, his poise, and the way that the team has a revitalized spirit about them now that he's not only taken over, but succeeded, I have to say that I am now a "Romo"sexual.  Buy me a ticket for the bandwagon, and I will gladly sit in the back with all the late-comers.  That's what I would tell anyone that's just now jumping on the Mavs bandwagon, so it just makes sense.  At least you're along for the ride.

Now it's time to catch up on the two games that were played while I was still in Salt Lake City.  Thank you all for your patience, and I also hope you all had a wonderful holiday, whether you celebrate it or not.  A day off is a day off, right?

3 CHEERS: MAVS @ BOBCATS

DIRK'S DIGITS!

24 points on 7 of 14 shooting from the field and 10-12 from the stripe, 14 rebounds, 4 assists and 2 blocks.  Before this game, Dirk was named player of the week, and he backed it up with another solid line.

1. Erick Dampier - You're presence in this space is no longer a fluke.  In fact, it is becoming expected.  You're line doesn't compare as well to that of your opponent, Emeka Okafor, but it's still impressive: 8 points, 15 rebounds, 2 blocks.  I would work on those free throws, though.  2 of 9?  Did your headband fall over your eyes while you were shooting?

2. Emeka Okafor - The Texas boy is making good, notching up 22 points, 13 rebounds and an astounding 8 blocks.  If Damp hadn't have grabbed 15 boards, I would have chided him for allowing you to put up such good numbers on him.  Regardless, I wish you and your team the best when you are not playing the Mavs.  As a fan of the Mavs in the 90's, I can sympathize with young, talented, inexperienced teams that have a lot of upside but can't translate it to the win column regularly.  I also sympathize with absolutely crappy teams with no light at the end of the tunnel, unless they are the Lakers.  Fortunately for you, Okafor, your team is the former.

3. Devin Harris - I have to commend you for staying on the court for 35 minutes, despite your 4 turnovers and 3 fouls, because you are growing more comfortable running the offense from the starting point position while allowing Terry to get open looks from the perimeter and still slashing and scoring and now assisting like you need to do.  17 points (7 of 8 from the stripe), 6 boards, and 6 assists.  Keep it up.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I pull up the AP recap of the game from my hotel room in Salt Lake.  It's a very unbiased account of the game, which I hate.  At the end, they have a few notes and a couple stuck out for me:
• "Bobcats C Primoz Brezec, in his second game back after sitting out two weeks due to exhaustion, committed two fouls in one scoreless minute and didn't return."  I hereby declare that he will be referred to as Primoz-Donna.  The season is 3 weeks old, and he's already sat out 2 weeks due to exhaustion?  Go try to sell that crap to Dirk or Nash or Wade or any other player that has probably logged 11 months a year of solid, competitive basketball for the last 2 or 3 years.
• "Spurs F Josh Howard missed his seventh straight game with a sprained left ankle, but Johnson said he should go through a full practice later this week."  Hmmm, something just doesn't sound right there.  I'm reading a recap of a Mavs-Bobcats game, and they are talking about somebody named Josh Howard.  I could have sworn the Mavs, one of the teams the article is about, had a player by the name of Josh Howard, but apparently he plays for the Spurs.  And they reported on his Spur-y condition in a recap of the Mavs-Bobcats game.  Makes perfect sense.
• While in Salt Lake, I take note that obviously the toast of the town is the Jazz (or is it the toast of the town are the Jazz).  That's something that I, as a Professional Writing major, have always had trouble with.  And it doesn't help that each news publication, periodical, or internet-based medium decides on their own terms how to approach it.  Think of it this way:  The Dallas Mavericks.  Mavericks, plural.  Dirk is a Maverick (singular), but the team, the group, is called the Mavericks (plural).  Therefore, the Mavericks ARE currently at 6 wins and 4 losses.  You wouldn't say the Mavericks IS currently at 6 wins and 4 losses.  On the flip side of that, the Utah Jazz have a mascot name that is exotically in the singular.  Jazz is a singular term for music that people don't really like, but they say they do to sound sophisticated and hip.  However, Jazz also refers to a team, or a group, of professional basketball players.  Natural instinct might lead one to say the Jazz IS currently at 10 wins and 1 loss.  However, since in this case "Jazz" is referring to a group of people (a plurality), you would think it to be grammatically correct to say the Jazz ARE currently at 10 wins and 1 loss.  I will read this Book of Mormon in my bedside table drawer for further answers to this dilemma.
• The Jazz play(s) at the Delta Center, and have done so since they opened it up 15 years ago.  While I'm here, they announce that the new naming rights have been purchased by EnergySolutions.  Big deal, you say.  Every stadium, arena, halftime show, 3rd quarter highlight is brought to you by someone.  I get that.  I understand that these corporations view it as a form of advertising.  Something that keeps their company's name constantly in the consumer's subconscious.  I'm at a Mavs game, and I'm thinking about taking a flight.  Who should I fly with?  Oh, I'm at American Airlines Center.  I could use them.  That sort of thing.  The problem is EnergySolutions is a nuclear waste services company.  One Salt Lake writer has already taken to calling the arena "The Dump".  My question is, at what point does a fan finish his hot dog and beer, and then wonder aloud where in the hell are they going to dispose of that 1/2 ton of plutonium the old lady told them to dispose of before he gets back from the game?  Oh wait, I'm at EnergySolutions Arena!  Fantastic luck!

3 CHEERS: MAVS VS. WIZARDS

DIRK'S DIGITS!

30 points on 11 of 19 shooting and 6 of 6 from the charity stripe, 14 rebounds, 5 assists, 1 steal and 2 blocks.  It's no coincidence that we starting winning when you stopped deferring to the new guys to get them involved and just went back to doing what you need to do.  Those guys will fall in line and figure it out.  You need to get yours, and let the other 14 guys pick up the scraps.  You still aren't taking more than 20-25 shots a game, so it's not like you're a Kobe or anything.  For the season, through 11 games, you have averaged 26 points while shooting 50% from the field, 37% from the arc, and 91% from the stripe.  You are averaging 10.5 rebounds, 3.3 assists and a block per game, all in 39 minutes a game.  MVP-type stuff.

1. DeSagana Diop - Damp finally had his "don't forget I can truly suck at times" game last night, but you stepped in to play 25 minutes.  You racked up 5 fouls and missed all 6 shots from the field, but you grabbed 13 rebounds, 6 offensive, and blocked 4 shots.  On a night when the bench really had to step up the defense, you were the catalyst.

2. Greg Buckner - I'm focusing on the bench players, because they were the ones that allowed us to win this game, blow this game out, rest our weary starters and extend our streak to 7 games.  Buck is the best example of this.  Even though you contribute on a regular basis, tonight you constantly took momentum from the Wiz and gave it to the Mavs.  Your 11 points and 4 rebounds don't sound like much, but when you can stay consistent enough from the field by shooting 4 of 8, including 3 of 5 from the arc, it keeps the defenses honest and opens up the floor for the other players.

3. Austin Croshere - I think you will be my whipping boy this year, but I'm not above giving credit when it's due.  3 of 6 from the arc in route to 14 points and 6 boards, including a monstrous one-hand jam that won the game for us if only that it left the entire Wizards team distracted wondering how the hell it happened.  With Mbenga and George hurt, and Dirk logging some serious minutes to dig us out of that 0-4 hole, we needed you to play well enough to provide him with rest.  You did that tonight, so Cheers to you.

RANDOM CRAP!

• My wife went to the game in my absence, and I'm a slightly jealous about that.  She didn't take any notes for me to place in this section, but she did tell me that the nachos were to die for.
• Big game tonight against the Spurs.  We need to win because we need to even up the season series, we need to make up for lost ground in the division and conference, and we need to prove that we can string together an extended win streak that includes at least one .500 or better team.
• Sizing up the West after 3 weeks, compared to what I predicted at the beginning.  I believe I said that the Spurs, Rockets, Hornets and Mavs would all make the playoffs out of the Southwest, with the Suns, Clippers and Warriors coming out of the Pacific and the Nuggets as the lone representative from the Northwest.  I'm close so far.  The top 8 teams (in order of record, not playoff seeding) so far are:
• Utah (11-1) - Didn't see that one coming.  Best start in franchise history.  Not even Stockton and Malone did that.
• San Antonio (10-2) - Damnit.  Can't these guys have an off year.  Oh, wait.  They have one every time they need the number one pick in the draft so they can go win another championship.
• LA Lakers (8-3) - Better than I thought they would be out of the gate, but bear in mind that they have only played 3 road games so far, one of which was against the Clippers, who share an arena with them.  Fool's gold.
• Houston (8-4) - It's amazing how good you can be when your two best players are healthy and just so happen to be two of the best players in the league.  However, they are also the only players that do anything on that team on a regular basis.  Given their injury history, their improved yet still minimal depth, and the fact that they play in the toughest division in the league, expect them to slide a bit around midseason, but stay in the playoff mix all year.
• New Orleans (8-4) - I've been saying this since the beginning of last offseason, and I don't know exactly how many of you believed me or blew me off.  New Orleans will be good this year, sort of like Memphis was about 3 years ago when they put together a franchise-best regular season.  It won't mean much come playoff time, but they will give a lot of teams a run for their ducats.  To make the playoffs out of the Southwest is even more impressive.
• Dallas (7-4) - Didn't expect them to be this far down on the depth chart, but give them some time.  They have only played 3 games against the East and they are 3-0.  Teams like Dallas can generally book about 23-27 wins a season against the East.  Just take care of business in your own conference, and you're looking good.  Of course, if Dirk keeps playing like he's playing, we won't be down here much longer.
• LA Clippers (6-4) - Another team I didn't expect to be this far down, but there is still plenty of time for them.  They have a good, solid team that needs to be feared by all in the league on any given night.
• Denver (6-4) - I picked them to be the only rep out of their division, and here they are clinging to the last playoff spot.  Bear in mind that last year when they were the only team out of their division, they would have only qualified for the last playoff spot based solely on record.  As long as Melo is the only guy, they're screwed.
• The surprise "left out" team: Phoenix at 5-6.  Nash is finally looking like his body is fighting the pace he puts it through, which I'm sure you remember is the reason Cuban let him walk two years ago.  No doubt he will right the ship and get them back up to the top, but this start has more to do with bringing Stoudemire back into the mix than Nash's durability.

Glad to be back, and I look forward to getting back on schedule with all the readers as soon as the holidays are over.  Cheer hard for the Mavs tonight as they take on the Spurs, and don't be afraid to be a "Romo"sexual.  Go Mavs.

Live From Salt Lake

Live from Salt Lake City, it's a normal Sunday night!  I'm perched up in a very exquisite Marriott Courtyard after a lovely flight from DFW to whatever the airport here is called.  Even though my flight was delayed by 40 minutes from its original departure time, and even though I checked in at baggage check 40 minutes before the posted departure time, they wouldn't let me check my bags.  Thanks to some Kali-Bah son of a bitch that tried to blow up a plane with a sports drink, I had to carry on my bag and allow the baggage check people to throw away my shaving cream and contact solution.  I can't begin to tell you how much safer I felt on that flight because my Origins shaving cream wasn't on board.  That was a load off.  The Dude is happy, however, because I got to attend my first game of the season last night.  I will give a 3 Cheers for Friday night's game, which I was able to watch sparingly, and then my 3 Cheers for Saturday night's game along with my Random Crap.  Yes, I actually went to a game at the AAC and took a notepad with me to make sure that all my thoughts were recorded.  I even had to take my notepad out of my pocket to go through the security sensors.  They looked at me weird, but I told them I was the Dude, and I wrote 3 Cheers.  At least they didn't steal my contact solution.

3 CHEERS: FRIDAY EDITION

DIRK'S DIGITS!

Tearing it up on the win streak, my man.  26 points, 10 rebounds, and 5 assists to go with 1 steal and 2 blocks.  10 of 12 from the free throw line is a very good sign, because when you are shooting almost 50% from the field during the win streak and combining that with trips to the stripe, that makes you harder to stop.

1. Erick Dampier: 22 points, 15 rebounds (9 offensive), 2 blocks and 6 of 6 from the stripe.  If you can just keep this sort of production up consistently, we will be able to rule the world.  In fact, you can even shave a few points off of that, as long as you bring in that kind of dominance on the boards, I'm happy.  Most importantly, you're getting cheers more frequently, which is only good for the Mavs and your self esteem.

2. Jerry Stackhouse: I come to find out later that you played the entire game with a strained groin that you sustained the previous game against Chicago.  That's dedication, because I would be a warrior and play through any injury except one involving my happy place.  You're a bigger man than me.  I didn't mean it THAT way.  Well, maybe in that way, too.  Maybe.  Anyway, 19 points, 2 rebounds, 3 assists, and 2 steals doesn't sound like a barn burner, but the one play that I saw in detail was when you had the opportunity to throw down a thunder dunk on some poor Grizzly, but you looked out to the arc, found the open man, and they poured in the 3 pointer.  That's not just good basketball, that's how you get your team to realize that they are all in this together.  If a guy like you is willing to pass up a posterizing dunk to feed the easier shot, everyone else will fall in line.

3. Hakim Warrick: Even though you fouled out at the end of the game, it's hard to argue with a 2nd year dude scoring 26 points, pulling down 8 boards and making the Mavs coach forget about Damp's great night because he allowed you to put up those numbers.  Seeing as how you doubled your season points average, I'll give you a cheer.  hooray.

3 CHEERS: SATURDAY EDITION

DIRK'S DIGITS!

24 points, 13 rebounds, 2 assists, and 10 of 10 from the foul line.  Another pedestrian performance that winds up looking like MVP numbers to help your team get over .500 for the first time this year.

1. Jason Terry: 19 points, 7 rebounds, 4 assists, 1 steal, and 1 block.  More importantly, you hit on 5 of your 6 3 point shots.  All those shots were daggers in a Memphis drive.  On a night like this, we needed you to step up and you did.

2. Anthony Johnson: Why am I giving a cheer to someone that didn't score a point?  Because you had 9 assists, which is responsible for at least 18 points for the team.  You were brought in to give us a true, traditional point guard that can distribute the ball.  You did that extremely well tonight in limited time.  Add to that 4 rebounds and a steal, and that is a solid line for a back up point guard that allowed Terry to stay on the court in the 2 guard role while he was scorching from 3 land.

3. Rudy Gay: I won't make the obvious joke here.  I will just commend you as a rookie for putting up 23 points, 7 rebounds, 3 steals and a block after only scoring 1 point the night before.  What can I say?  You're Gay.  Okay, I said it.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I waited in line for 25 minutes to get a hot dog.  I missed the opening tipoff.  The only thing that made it worth while was that I always get a hot dog at the games.  Ketchup down one side of the dog, mustard down the other, relish on top.  I figured since I waited so long, I might as well get two.  By halftime, I was so content that I forgot that I waited so long.  Also, I have figured out the best beer to dollar spent ratio at the games.  If you buy a large beer at one of the food stands, you pay $7.50 for what might be 14 ounces of beer after the foam goes down.  If you go to Motley's Pub that just sells beer (the ladies working there are very nice) you can get a 24 ounce beer straight out of the can for only 8 dollars.  That's how you beat the system.
• The refs are blowing whistles like crazy to start this game.  I might be here awhile.
• They just showed a spoof called "Terry" Potter where they superimposed JET's head onto footage of Harry Potter's broomstick race.  It was funny, but I think I would have enjoyed it more if I gave two squirts of piss about Harry Potter.
• Jake Tsakalidis is wearing his socks up to his knees.  What's the big deal, you ask?  The socks are black.  That's the problem.  It looks like this huge white dude forgot to take off his dress socks before he suited up.  I was half expecting to see those leg garters with straps holding them up.  And maybe some suspenders over his jersey.
• I have decided that one of these days when I have more money than Hussein, I want to sponsor replays for a quarter of play.  When you go to a game, the show a little blip that says, "Replays this period are brought to you by . . . " and then they announce some company.  Every time they show a replay that quarter, the company's logo is in the bottom corner.  I want to sponsor a quarter of replays and every time they show one, in the bottom corner there is a picture of me, huge, teethy smile, thumbs up, declaring that the replay is brought to you by the Dude.
• I grew up on rap and hip-hop, so I don't mind that music blaring through the speakers during time outs.  I hate the techno crap, though.  At the very least, I don't have to listen to that John Mellencamp commercial.  I love Johnny Cougar, but that commercial makes me want to vomit more than it makes me want to buy a Chevy and defend our country.
• The Puerto Rican got in the game.  That's got to be some kind of record.
• The Grizzlies have shot 22 free throws in the first half, and both teams have combined for 37.  In other words, the refs aren't letting anything go, especially against the Mavs.  It makes for a slow, frustrating game.
• The half time show is some group called Sideswipe.  It's 4 dudes that do karate moves to music.  It's like a combination of Karate Kid and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.  At the end, they rip their shirts off, but I think I could take them.  It's called a shotgun.  Actually, I don't believe in guns, so I would just challenge them to a dance off.  Maybe they are fans of Rudy Gay.  I'm sorry, that was wrong, and simply too easy.
• The refs suck tonight.  Usually Dick Bavetta calls a good game, but he and his crew are just sucking tonight.
• I saw a sign that said "Diop" It Like It's Hot.  That's good stuff.  Better than the asswipe-worthy Marry Me, Dirk crap.
• The FunSlingers, MavsMan, Champ, and some random Mavs Dancers are out on the court shooting T-shirts out of cannons into the crowd.  The people in the first 5 rows are standing up, waving their arms, begging for shirts.  First of all, these people are sitting in $500+ seats, and they are begging for $2 shirts.  These people could buy a silk screen company and make the shirts for themselves rather than pander to get them over the people in the cheap  seats.  Also, if MavsMan decided that he was going to shoot one at them, in the 5th row, they would probably be rushed to Parkland Medical to have the shirt dislodged from their sternum.  Just because you're rich, don't make you smart.
• The game is over now and the Mavs won.  There have also been 54 fouls called and 57 free throws shot.  That's ridiculous.  They made these new rules because they thought the public didn't like the way the NBA game was run, but this is worse.  When you take 2 1/2 hours to play 48 minutes of basketball because you are blowing the whistle on every ticky-tack call, not to mention favoring the visiting team, you are doing more harm than good.  Call it even, call it fair, call it without bias, and call it with the understanding that you COULD call a foul on every play, but you're not going to.  That would improve the game.

I will try to get back to you folks on Wednesday, however my game reviews will be limited to what I can read in the box score of the USA Today and whatever I'm able to see on ESPN between the LeBron smooching promos.  Either way, if you were ever wondering what 3 Cheers would be like if I was live on location, then here you go.  Of course, it's not really live if you're reading on your own leisure, and I'm not on location of anything besides a swingset expo.  But stop complaining.  I'm taking this worldwide!  Go Mavs!

Bow To Your Sensei

I must command your patience over the next fortnight.  The Mavs play what they call a "home and home" Friday and Saturday where they play the Grizzlies in Memphis Friday, then both teams share a coke float with 30 straws while they fly back to Dallas and play each other again the very next night.  It's really cute.  Then the Mavs get one day off (Sunday) before they have to saddle up for Charlotte on Monday, then catch a red-eye back to Dallas to play the Washington Wizards on Tuesday.  Then they get two days to rest up, which will hardly be restful since it's Thanksgiving, before they fly to San Antonio to try to even the season series on their home court, then catch another red-eye back to Dallas to play a much improved New Orleans/Oklahoma City/Baton Rouge/Tulsa Hornets team.  That's one hell of an 8 day stretch.  I ask for your patience because I will have a hard time blogging on those games during that stretch.  The Dude is going on a business trip.

I'm leaving for Salt Lake City on Sunday afternoon.  That means that I won't be able to post the blogs for the Memphis games until Sunday evening from my hotel room.  That also means that I will not get to watch the Bobcats and Wizards games before I get back on Wednesday morning.  It also means that I will miss out on going to the Wizards game that my father in law has tickets to.  But I can't complain, I'll be partying with Mormons.  I might even hot wire some oxen while they're still attached to the plow!  Or is that Amish people?  Anyway, I learned the last time I went that according to Utah liquor laws, I can drink as much beer as I want as long as I have food in front of me at the restaurant.  Basket of fries and Guinness, here I come!  Anyway, I will be back on point after the holiday, and I will try to keep you all from jonesing for the genius that is 3 Cheers in the interim.  I'll skip the 3 Cheers today because I don't have a bunch of Mavs news to report.

This is no joke.  This is serious business.  Bruce Bowen has a fansite.  You have to check out the Art of Defense portion.  I would expound on the hilarity of the site, but I don't have the time or the words.  It just speaks for itself.  What makes it funny is that it is supposed to be serious.  It brought to mind a few other so-called "masters" that have led their pupils astray.  Seeing as how Master Bruce (I'm only guessing it's a reference to Bruce Lee and not Batman's alter-ego) feels he's fit to teach the art of defense in the vein of ancient Japanese kung-fu, I felt it only appropriate to give my version of Bowen's tactics in the form of Haiku:

No notable skills

So I must bully my prey

Noses I will elbow

Confucius couldn't have said it better, nor would he have wanted to.  But if Confucius had seen that a guy like Bowen is really teaching kids how to master the art of his form of defense, he might have pulled this quote of his out of the bag: "What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others."  We would add, "And by small man, I mean bastards that undercut jumpshooters to try to roll their ankles as a form of defense."

Conversely, my boy Dirk has a very humble fansite.  Check out some of the pictures of him in the gallery.  Funny stuff.  And I don't see Bowen getting the chicks to fight over him.  Dirk's on a hot streak right now, and we need him to keep it up.  With the help of Terry and Stackhouse, he can help weather the storm until Howard's healthy again.  Then world domination will be ours.

Let's just hope that neither Bowen nor Dirk learn their karate or art of (self) defense from this man.  Or this man.

I'll be in touch, hopefully Sunday night.  If not, bare with me until I can get back into Mavs Land Musings Mode after my trip.  You must have faith in me.  Bow to your Sensei!  Go Mavs!

Mr. Pink

MAVS 111, BULLS 99

I should feel old that Reservoir Dogs just released it's 15th anniversary DVD.  That was the movie that made me want to be a screen writer.  If I had to pick one of the characters that I would be in that movie, I would pick Mr. Pink.  He's the only guy that doesn't get shot (although it has been rumored that he was shot after he flees the building, but we don't know that for sure).  In honor of Mr. Pink, I took my notes of the game last night with a pink ink pen.  Actually, it wasn't in honor of him.  I just couldn't find another pen, and honestly, I felt a little self conscious about it all night.  The only way I could make myself feel a little more manly about it was to say that I was doing it in honor of Mr. Pink.  Shut up.

I have decided that giving Dirk a 3 Cheers is like taking a piss as soon as you wake up in the morning.  It's automatic.  It's inevitable.  It's not something you document in your recount of your daily activities.  So I will now introduce a new wrinkle to the 3 Cheers that will free up space for other candidates that might normally be left out due to Dirk's morning pee.

DIRK'S DIGITS!

38 minutes, 10-19 shooting, 11-11 from the stripe, 31 points, 10 rebounds and 1 block.  There were only a few moments when I came up off my couch for Dirk.  You would think that meant he only scored 10 points.  I'm telling you, this guy makes scoring points and grabbing rebounds look like he was brushing his teeth.  Brushing your teeth is a very good thing, but nobody, save your dentist, will slap you on the ass for doing it.  I'm here to slap Dirk on the ass and remind all of you that this guy, low key as he is, deserves major, major attention.  I was watching ESPN the other day (every day actually) and they were showing highlight after highlight of LeBron James.  I'm watching this thinking, "Wow, how much did he score?  50?  60?  Nope, 26 points.  Dirk scored 31 last night, but I didn't see a Dirk love fest on television this morning.  Why?  Because he was brushing his teeth directly after taking his morning piss.

3 CHEERS:

1. Erick Dampier - I was going to combine this to be Mavs Centers due to DeSagana Diop's 5 blocked shots in only 11 minutes, but Damp deserves this space to himself.  I'm hard on him, but last night he shined on like a crazy diamond.  7 of 8 shooting for 14 points, 13 rebounds (6 offensive) and 3 blocks while going against Ben Wallace, largely considered the best defensive center in the league.  As Avery Johnson said after the game, "I need to see that about 85 more times this year."  But enjoy it Damp.  I rag on you pretty hard, but when you earn it, I will reward you with a cheer.  You earned it last night.

2. Jerry Stackhouse - Stack's time in the starting lineup will last only as long as Josh Howard is out to nurse his ankle, but he's taking advantage.  He had 9 assists against Portland on Sunday, and he poured in 21 points last night.  If the roster was different, he would be our every day starter.  The Mavs, as well as myself, would rather have his scoring punch off the bench.  He's a great asset to have and if this move to the starting lineup gets his shooting touch back so that when he goes back to being our 6th man, he'll be a monster for us this year.

3. Luol Deng - This cat can play.  I have never been a fan of Duke players going into the NBA.  Their track record is very sketchy.  Christian Laettner had a long career, but never met the expectations of what he did in college.  Bobby Hurley wound up on the wrong end of a truck vs. train collision.  Grant Hill has been beset by injuries.  Jay Williams rode his motorcycle one too many times.  Only recently have players like Elton Brand, Carlos Boozer, and now Deng made an impact in the show.  Deng shot 10 of 13 for 24 points and 10 rebounds at the small forward spot.  That's solid stuff.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I missed turning a $5 10 game parlay bet on college basketball into $3300 by 2 games.  Betting with the spread on all 10 games, I hit on 8 of them and the 2 I missed were only off by a combined 19 points.  Tough night.  Here's my notes:
• Too bad Stack's filling in for Howard.  He seems to play better when he's starting.
• Andres Nocioni looks like some dude that's lacing it up at the local rec center.  From his hair to his shoes to his medical sleeve on his arm, he just looks like he plays basketball at night to blow off steam from a hard day of balancing spreadsheets.
• Damp can look so good at times, and he did tonight.  He threw down numerous thunder dunks, and racked up a very solid line.  However, he can still remind you in an instant what bad basketball looks like.
• Dirk pulls out the hook shot, a shot that he's been refining for the last 3 years but rarely attempts in a game, and Devean George scores his first points as a Mav.
• Chicago guard Kirk Heinrich looks old enough to be my father, but he's probably 3 years younger than me.
• I don't know if any of you knew this, but Toby Keith LOVES him some Ford trucks.  I had no idea.
• I hate the Mavs dancers.  I don't hate them personally.  In fact, I'm all for hot chicks in minimal clothing.  But I don't want them on my basketball court.  For those that know me well, I have been against the Mavs dancers from the inception.  I'm not a big fan of the ManiAACs, either.  I get the entertainment aspect of it, but I go to games and watch games because I want to see Mavs basketball.  If the game itself isn't enough to grab your attention, then you shouldn't go to games.  Give your tickets to me or to someone that can appreciate them.
• I have to hand it to the dude wearing full Bulls gear while surrounded by scores of Mavs fans.  Just a heads up to him, though: Jordan retired, and hasn't played for the Bulls in 10 years.  I should go to the Cowboys game this weekend against the Colts wearing a Johnny Unitas jersey.
• Devean George gets called for a questionable foul . . . and he AGREES with it.  This new no whining policy in the NBA must really have him scared.
• Jason Terry is a good dude.  At half time, the camera is showing all the players walking through the bowels of the arena back to the locker room.  Standing off to the right of the camera angle is some little kid, looks like he's maybe 8 years old, wearing a Mavs jersey.  Numerous players walk past him without a hint of recognition that he's there, including Dirk.  But JET stops, walks over to him, and gives him a high five.  If that happened to me when I was 8 years old, I would have been on top of the world and would have declared Terry as my favorite player of all time.  S**t, if that had happened NOW, I would have been on top of the world and declared Terry my favorite player of all time.
• I'm watching Derek Harper doing the half time show, and I'm wondering why his number isn't retired.  I love Harper.  Before Jason Kidd became a Mav, I would wear Harper's number on my jersey during YMCA basketball season.  One time I was sitting courtside at a game (one of the greatest days of my life) and I hollered out to Harper during pregame shootaround.  We had just gotten him back from the Knicks after their Finals run against the Rockets, and I yelled, "Hey, Harp.  It's good to have you back, buddy."  Not poetic, I know.  I might as well have said, "Me Brandon.  You Harper.  Me like you."  Regardless, he looked over at me, and said, "Thanks, man.  I appreciate it."  Later in the game, as he's sitting on the bench, I look over at him and he's looking at me.  I give him a wink.  Again, in retrospect, a very bad idea, but either way, he starts cracking up.  Most likely laughing at me rather than laughing with me.  But it made my day.  Kind of like that 8 year old that JET gave a high five to.  I want to see his #12 in the rafters sooner than later.
• I love to listen to Mark Followill call a game on television.  This guy is phenomenal.  But if you can't watch a game on television, listen to the broadcast on 103.3 ESPN radio.  Granted, most of you won't care enough to listen to a Mavs game on the radio, but if you do, check it out.  Chuck Cooperstein, who calls the game, could get you excited about a chess match.  Now if we could just do something about Bob Ortegal.
• Speaking of the announcers, both Mark and Bob are wearing cuff links.  I'm not a debutante, but who wears cuff links anymore?
• Ortegal decides that if you make a bad play, you are referred to as "son".  If you make a good play, you are referred to as "young man".  If you make a bad comment, you are referred to as "boring announcer".
• Dirk just got popped in the face by Ben Wallace, which sends him to the floor in serious pain.  The refs don't call anything.  Since Wallace has just slammed his man to the ground without a whistle, he's unguarded.  He shoots, he scores, we get called for a foul while trying to stop him, he gets a 3 point play, and we have to burn a timeout to make sure Dirk is okay.  Two words: Bull S**t.
• I love the broom sweepers, the floor moppers.  It's amusing to me to watch a bunch of teenagers that probably think they are too good to flip burgers, run out on the court and start mopping up sweat just because an NBA ref tells them to.  The ref even stands over them, telling them they missed a spot.
• So Dirk gets slammed to the ground without a whistle, but when Dirk gets called for a touch foul, he throws his hands in the air and kicks the floor.  Technical foul on Dirk.  What?
• It's the end of the game and it's still not out of hand just yet.  However, I see tons of empty seats in the lower "rich people" section.  Listen to me.  Those tickets cost a lot of money.  In fact, every ticket costs a lot of money.  You are paying for 48 minutes of basketball.  Unless you have a medical or family emergency, you should stay for 48 minutes of basketball.  If you do not, hand your ticket over to someone that would be more than appreciative to stay for 48 minutes of basketball.  If you just want to show off your wealth and see and be seen, then go to Ghostbar.  This is a professional sporting event, and you owe it to the team and everyone that isn't fortunate enough to be in your shoes to stay until the final buzzer.  This rule applies to all sporting events, but most importantly to the Mavs.  I have sat at Reunion Arena all the way up by the press box and watched the Mavs get killed by 30 points until the final buzzer.  You can watch the Mavs win by 12 against one of the big contenders in the east from your posh courtside seats.

Plano, Texas, my hometown, where I grew up and went to high school, has been much maligned in the past with the teenage suicides and the heroine overdoses and the steroid use among athletes and so forth.  But here we are embroiled in a debate that has split the city council right down the middle.  Should we change our city logo?  Oh, the outrage!  Should we stay with the old "P" that was blue and red with a white star in it that we formed in 1979, or should we changed it to the new design, which is a "P" that is blue and red with a white star in it?  The real question is, "Who really gives a s**t?"  The mayor claims that the new logo means that the city is cool, into the future and cutting edge.  Guess what?  If you have to say that, then you aren't cool, futuristic nor cutting edge.  If you want to change the "P", then change the "P".  Basically, all it means is that the trucks that block traffic while they are landscaping the medians will have a different looking "P" on them.  The only "P" I care about is Dirk's morning "P" which means he's putting up 25 and 10.  And "P" is also the first letter in the word "Pink" as in "Mr. Pink".  See how I tied that all back together?  Damn, I'm good.  Go Mavs.

Partly Cloudy with a 90% Chance of Cynicism

A darkness was washing over the Mavs.  Darker than a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night.  That was Wednesday morning.  I had stayed up on the couch until the 3rd quarter of the game against the Clippers, dutifully taking notes and trying to be entertained.  I guess I fell asleep at some point because I remember the Mavs stinking but hanging close, but the next thing I see is the clock reading 4 am and a sports ticker showing the Mavs losing by 18 to go 0-4.  I racked my brain.  What have I done wrong?  What have I done differently from last postseason to now.  No, it couldn't be.  It's just can't be the blog.  I offer my words up to you sweet basketball Gods as a sacrifice to my blessed Mavs.  Besides, if these pansies can't make a shot all of a sudden because some dude decides to share his thoughts on the matter online, then they need to get out of the business.  There are other people in this world that get paid to write about them.  So I sat down again last night for the 9:45 tipoff and stayed up until the game was through at midnight:30, having watched a struggling Western Conference Finals participant defeat another struggling Western Conference Finals participant.  But, hey, I'll take it.

3 CHEERS: Wednesday @ LA Clippers

1. Cuttino Mobley - Giving you a cheer is like giving myself a suppository: I would prefer not to, but if I must, I want it to be me that does it rather than someone else.  There is no reason that we should have allowed you to score 28 points on 10 of 15 shooting, shoot 2 of 3 from the arc, 6 of 7 from the stripe, grab 7 boards AND get 3 assists and 4 steals.  Congrats to you.  If Howard had played, you would have had more of a challenge.

2. Sam Cassell - If Mobley's a suppository, then Cassell is a full on colonoscopy.  I guess even E.T. has to have a good day as long as the government isn't putting him in quarantine.  21 points and 9 assists looks good, but your overall game was better than those stats.  You and Mobley kept Devin Harris and Greg Buckner in consistent foul trouble.

3. Jason Terry - I'm giving this to you because you were the Mavs high scorer, and because I can't just give this to Dirk every time.  23 points on 50% shooting is good, but I would like more than 1 assist.

RANDOM CRAP!

• Terry starting means they decided not to suspend him for that B.S. flagrant 2 he got against Golden State.  Yeah, NBA front office!!
• Chris Kaman, the long haired, freaky looking center for LA?  I think I have a name for him.  Unfrozen KAMAN Lawyer.  Get it?  Has that been taken?
• Did I mention that Cassell looks like an alien?  Or a door knob?
• It's only 4 games into the season, and I missed one of them already.  However, I am already thoroughly tired of the Toby Keith Ford truck commercial, which I saw about 8 times in the first 3 quarters.  I hate Toby Keith, I hate Ford, and I hate that song all because of the commercial and its frequency.  "I got-ta geet up eerly, I got-ta bee on time-ah!"  I got-ta change this channel, I got-ta quickly press Mute.
• Dampier is the great equalizer.  Don't confuse this with the Seinfeld episode where he realizes he's the breakeven guy.  For Dampier, with every plus, there's a minus.  For every good, there's a bad.  For every offensive putback with authority, there's Damp taking a selfless Dirk pass when Dirk has the open jumper but is just trying to get his teammates involved that bounces off his palms, cracks him in the nose, and then bounces out of bounds.
• Apparently Penny Marshall is a Clippers fan.  Ooh, and Malcolm in the Middle, too.  Hey, look there's Billy Crystal!  I want the Mavs to win now more than ever.
• The camera man comes back from a time out to show a cute little kid eating an ice cream cone.  He's making a mess of himself.  He's got it all over his face, his hands, his shirt.  Then the camera pulls back a bit to reveal the grown man in the row in front of him.  This hairy hulk of a man is also eating an ice cream cone and has it on his face, his hands, his shirt, his beard.  Suddenly, it's not so cute.
• I've decided that if you are going to do away with star calls, then no one would ever get fouled.  However, if you are going to give the stars a little extra protection from the whistle, then what does it take for the greysuits to realize that Dirk's a star and start treating him accordingly.  I'm tired of watching Dirk fly to the rack, get arm chopped and sent to the ground, sometimes they call it, sometimes they don't, and the next thing you know, Dirk's too afraid to go inside because he'll get beat up without a whistle so he settles for jumpers.
• Apparently I'm not livid enough about Dirk's lack of ref respect, because I'm sawing logs at this point.

3 CHEERS: Thursday @ Phoenix

1. Dirk - Can't leave you out this time.  35 points, 25 in the first half, on 11 of 19 shooting and 12 of 12 from the stripe.  Add that to 7 rebounds, 4 assists and a steal and you've got yourself a pretty good showing on national television to will your team to a much needed first victory.  I'm not sure why the team consistently stops going to you towards the end of games.  I know the defense clamps down on you, but still, they don't even look your direction.  That might be why we're 1-4.

2. Jason Terry - 30 points!  Very nice.  I also stated that I needed more than 1 assist after your last game.  You got 2!!!  That's a winner!  Seriously, 9 of 15 shooting, including 4 of 6 from the arc, to go with 8 of 11 from the stripe, that's what keeps teams from being able to collapse on Dirk.  Honorable Mention to Jerry Stackhouse for also keeping the porous PHX defense honest with 23 points on 10 of 16 shooting.

3. Leandro Barbosa - I guess.  You're not the sexiest name on the team, but with 30 points spurred by 5 of 8 shooting from the arc, you kept your team in the game every time the Mavs looked to pull away.  I wanted to give it to my old boy Stevie Nash for his 20 point, 9 assist performance, but seeing as how that one missing assist kept him from getting the triple dubious double with his 10 turnovers, I just couldn't do it.

RANDOM CRAP!

• I see that Dampier is starting again instead of Diop.  Not entirely sure what Damp has done so special to win his starting spot back, and then almost immediately he takes some Amare Stoudemire bait and picks up a quick, stupid first foul.  Damp always played more minutes than Diop even though he was coming off the bench, but the reason they started Diop was primarily to keep Damp from picking up those quick, stupid fouls.  I bet Sunday against Portland, Diop taking the tip.
• TNT runs a spot with Dirk called "5 that makes 41" and Dirk declares the five things that makes him so special while they show highlights.  His 5: Shooting touch, versatility, hands, dependability, and fancy footwork.  If that wasn't scripted, then I like broccoli.  Dirk would never say he had "fancy footwork", especially not on national television.
• Right after this, I see a commercial for a new cable channel.  It's called Jewelry Television.  You can find it right before the Bankruptcy Network.
• Amare Stoudemire is looking to be getting back to his previous explosive, athletic self.  For him, I'm happy.  For the Mavs and myself, I'm sad.
• Remember when I said in a blog a few days ago that I thought Damp's hands were getting better?  Well, he's making a damn dirty liar out of me.
• At halftime, Charles Barkley described PHX this way: "It's like that girl you take out, you get her home, she takes her weave out, and you're like, damn, you're not as pretty as I thought you were."  No need for a punchline there.
• Jason Terry gets slammed to the floor on a layup attempt similar to what happened when he got whistled for a flagrant 2, but not only does the Sun not get a flagrant, they don't even blow the whistle.  As PHX starts heading down to the other end, they whistle Buckner for a tech because he was complaining about them not calling a foul.
• After the technical free throw, Nash gets touched by Devin Harris (I think it was Harris).  The whistles are blowing hard for that one.  Speaking of, when Avery got his quick 2 techs the other night, he barely got a word in.  Tonight, Mike D'Antoni is getting a very long leash.  He's yelling and cussing the refs all night long, walking out on the court during play, waving his arms, and basically doing what every coach wants to do when he wants to show up the refs and get kicked out.  He doesn't get one single T.
• Near the end of the game, announcer Doug Collins claims "you want players that can play."  Who let Bob Ortegal in here?  You think so, Collins?  I want to field my team with a couple of cripples, Jared before the Subway diet, an octogenarian, and one of those off the wall crazy type guys that's deathly afraid of latex paint or something.  What a ridiculous statement.  Announcer Brandon sez: You want mathematicians that can count.

Hope you enjoyed the double feature for your weekend pleasure.  I promise, as superstitious as I am about my Mavs, I will not allow a losing streak to keep me from my service to the community.  3 Cheers will live on!  I hold the right to reverse that statement if the dark cloud begins to hover more ominously again in the future, though.  Go Mavs!

Getting To Know You

Some of you already know me personally, and some of you might have met me in passing.  Some of you might be checking out this site because it was pulled up on a Google search or you were referred by my buddy Abram's blogsite.  (If you are easily offended by off-color humor, potty mouth, liberal world views, truthiness, and good writing, you probably shouldn't check it out.  You should probably also lighten up.  To see the blog, click on the picture of wolfman attacking the maiden faire.)

I started to realize, now that my blog has almost reached 1000 hits in the first 5 months of service (which I think is impressive since it was during the off season), that some of you that are reading this site know nothing about me, the man, the myth, the legend.  I would like to introduce myself.  My name is Brandon May, and I'm a Mavs fan.  Most call me Brandon.  Some call me B-May.  Some call me The Dude.  Others call me much, much worse.  That's right, Gramma, I heard what you called me when I stole your Rascal to go on a beer run.

I am smarter than all get out, which is impressive since I have shuffled in and out of schools, various juvie buildings, and the occasional dumpster behind the Krispy Kreme.  If you have to pick a dumpster to live in, I say pick the one where they throw out the most delectable donuts ever made.  I finally dropped out of school in the 5th grade when I nailed a 1600 on the SAT.  Standardized testing ain't got s**t on me!  They have since changed the scoring of that test because of me and some girl named Sung Cho.  I shuffled off to Mexico to fight wildfires at the age of 13, and the funniest thing was I wound up saving the life of a one Guillermo Sanz, the premier acrobat in all of Mexico.  In his gratitude, he took me in and taught me the art of tightrope walking, and his wife, Inez, trained me in the realm of flaming sword juggling.  Of course, I'm thinking, "Hey, I fixed a Rubik's cube in 9 seconds.  I can juggle flaming swords while balancing on a 1/4 inch cable at 100 feet!"  That type of bravado cost me the opportunity to be a thigh model.  It's why I wear long shorts to the beach.

Shortly thereafter, I met up with a cat in Abeline by the name of Loose Bowels McCarty, hands down the best bass player in the world in 30-minute intervals.  With me hooking up on vocals and accordion, we formed a band called 2000 Phlushes.  It's a pun.  The song that got the most feedback was "Can't Wait Much Longer" although I always felt a little uncomfortable singing it.  We only played one show, and it only lasted 29 minutes but man, that was 29 minutes of pure, unadulterated rock powered on passion, punk and Pepto.  I think if L.B. had access to the science we have now, we could have played for a good 45 to 50 minutes, but that might have cheapened the product.  Who's to say?  Either way, we made enough money to get me up to San Jose.

Now, I'm 42 years old at this point, and I'm not getting any younger if you know what I'm saying.  I went on a bender that would make Nick Nolte's head spin.  Who knows how many illegitimate children I fathered during that rampage, although I have it on good resources that a few of them include Donald Rumsfeld, Bruce Bowen, and sadly, these two friggin' idiots.  I decided I needed to change my ways when I hit rock bottom, literally.  My butt cheeks turned to stone.  Damnedest thing.  Fortunately, a holistic healer cleansed my aura (and my wallet), and my little buns are as fleshy and soft as the day I was born.

Broke, lonely and sober, I moved to Waco.  Since I was depressed and impressionable, lost and weary, I was an easy target for the most infamous cult in town.  Even though I soon realized they were trying to brainwash me, I decided to stick around and get a degree.  What can I say?  Large groups of self-righteous Baptists just crack me up.  I mean, they can party.  Anyway, I majored in Professional Writing with a Minor in You Really Don't Want a Corporate Career, Do You?  That was when I met my lovely and talented wife, Kimberly.  We hit it off on our first date because she, too, has a horrid flaming sword juggling while tightrope walking story.  What are the odds?

So here I am.  As you can tell, I'm just your average Joe, except that my name's not Joe.  It's Brandon, and it's on the letterhead.  I just wanted to give you all a little insight into the genius behind this Mavs blog.  It's hard to be humble when you're just strictly incapable of it.  Go Mavs!

Mav Overboard?

So should I jump ship on the Mavs after a 0-3 start?  Should I shut down the blog and move to a shanty in the Big Sky country?  Listen, sister, if I can watch every Mavs game during an 11 win season, this is nothing.  However, it stings a little more when the expectations were so high after last season, the off season moves, and the talent that this team has.  I'm not even going to mention the Houston game Saturday night.  I didn't get to see it.  I was at other people's houses, which means other people's televisions, which means shut up, Brandon, because we're watching something else.  I know better than to tell someone what to watch in their own homes.  Well, okay, sometimes I tell people to change it to the game, but it's always very respectful.  Besides, after reading about the events in that game, I probably would have received more entertainment from watching a 4 hour marathon of Mr. Belvedere reruns.  So on to the task at hand: last night's game against the Golden State Warriors.  Let's give the 3 Cheers, then we'll get into the Random Crap.  Believe me, there's a lot of crap today.

1. Dirk - I'm sure there are some uninformed naysayers still out there that want to bash Dirk's game or blame him for the 0-3 start.  I say uninformed because I would give the casual observer that initial benefit of the doubt.  When you watch Dirk play a game, especially if you are just casually watching between loads of laundry or channel surfing, he doesn't play flashy enough to warrant a bunch of those "ohmygod, rewind the tivo, I can't believe a human being can do that" highlight moments.  Then you look in the paper the next day and realize that he was tied for high score in the game with Baron Davis at 26 points (Dirk's career high per game average last year when he finished 3rd in MVP voting), he out rebounded everybody on the court by at least 3 with a total of 11 (Dirk has averaged between 9 and 10 a game the last two years he's finished 3rd in MVP voting), and he had 6 assists, which was more than everyone else except Jason Terry, who also had 6, and Baron Davis, who had 8.  Both those guys are point guards.  Dirk is like a Tim Duncan, in that he can make a very good stat sheet look very pedestrian during the course of a game.  So don't blame Dirk for this start.  He's doing his job, it's the rest of the team that's not stepping it up.  This team is built to compliment Dirk, not solely depend on him.  Dirk answered the call last night, even making a point to get to the free thrown line (hitting 11 of 12 while the rest of the team went 6 of 10).  A bunch of his teammates let that call go to voice mail.

2. Baron Davis - Very impressive line with 26 points, 7 rebounds, 8 assists, 2 steals and a block.  I expect Davis to have a breakout year statistically under Nelson this season.  He has always been a very gifted player, but at his natural position of point guard, he doesn't fit what a lot of coaches consider "traditional" point guards.  Unfortunately for Baron, those are the types of coaches he's had during his career up to this point.  If there's one thing Nelson isn't, it's traditional.

3. Jason Richardson - Another electrifying player that will benefit from Nelson's run n' gun offensive schemes.  22 points, 7 rebounds, and 7 of 8 from the line.  This cat is always good for at least one posterizing dunk a game (even without the help of Shawn Bradley), and he delivered last night.

RANDOM CRAP!

• It took 26 years for the Mavs to become Western Conference Champs.  It took 5 months for the game to come that the Mavs chose to unveil their monumental banner.  It took 5 friggin' minutes for some schmo in the rafters to finally get the black shroud off the top of it so everyone could see it.  Metaphorical?
• Possibly in search for a jump start, Avery moves Greg Buckner to the bench to start Jason Terry and Devin Harris in the same backcourt.  They would combine for 32 points, 8 rebounds, 10 assists, 6 steals, 2 blocks and only 4 turnovers.  Sadly, it was on 41% shooting because they were too busy jacking up 3 pointers (11 combined) and not shooting free throws (4 combined).
• Troy Murphy has one of those freaky looking mask things on his face.  I motion that from hereforth, all protective masks be decorated like Mexican wrestling masks.  When playing with the mask, you must be referred to by the announcers, your teammates, and even the name on your jersey, by your wrestling persona name, such as Blue Demon, Mil Mascaras, or in the case of Shaq, El Gordo.  They announce that Murphy is only shooting 35% this season with his masking.  I'm wondering what Terry and Harris's excuses are.
• Erick Dampier clearly has better hands and control of the ball this year.  After nearly bobbling an entry pass out of bounds, he wrapped it up and threw down a dunk.  Last year, he would have just bobbled the entry pass out of bounds.  If we can just work on not bobbling the entry pass at all, our team assist totals will start to increase.  Baby steps.  Big, 7 foot tall, 250 pound, $65 million baby steps.
• During the preseason telecasts, the announcers would spend some of the airtime interviewing people while the game was being played.  I thought it was just a way to make a meaningless preseason telecast a little more palatable.  Last night, much to my chagrin, I find that this is a method they chose to extend into regular season action.  Mark Followill and Bob Ortegal bring in former Mavs assistant coach, and a good player in his day as well, Sidney Moncreif.  Sid's the coach of the Mavs D-League affiliate Fort Worth Flyers, and the broadcast team spent the entire second quarter talking to him while the game was going on.  It was distracting, and it was bad juju.  During this stupid interview, Josh Howard went down with a game ending ankle sprain, Avery Johnson was ejected, and the Warriors all but erased our 7 point first quarter lead.  It's not like they were talking to Moses of the Ten Commandments fame or even Moses Malone here.  It was Sidney Moncreif!  No more in-game interviews unless you are talking to basketball royalty, and even then, keep it short, sweet and during timeouts.
• Speaking of Bob Ortegal, he's a trip.  I'm sure he's a very splendid fellow, and maybe he's an avid recycler, but I've been listening to his "color" commentary during Mavs games for what seems like 15 years now.  It's time for a new voice.  Ortegal calls every game as if the viewer just stumbled upon the channel and is asking aloud, "What's this 'basketball' you speak of?  I am intrigued by your sport of ball and floor and men and tank tops.  Please tell me all about it, and start from the very beginning."  I have seriously, no lie, heard him during a game say, "That, folks, is a bounce pass.  The idea behind it is to use that bounce to get the ball to your teammates without being intercepted by a defenders flailing arms."  Thanks, Bob, but you're getting way ahead of me here.  I still don't know how to tie my friggin' sneakers.  Teach me, Bob!  Last night, he threw out this little treasure: "Nothing succeeds like success."  Amazing!  I spent the rest of the night waiting for him to drop more quantum physics like that.  Maybe a "nothing says awesome like the word awesome" or "nothing stinks like farts."  Ortegal might become a regular in this space.
• Dan Crawford is a bad, inconsistent ref that cares for the Mavs like I care for broccoli.  I wrote down in my notes last night during the game that Dan Crawford blows balls, not whistles.  Did I say balls?  I meant calls.  He blows calls.  Why would I say balls?  And yes I keep notes during the game, but only for this blog.  I haven't always done that.  I also can't print half the terminology I write and still keep this family friendly.  Anyway, JET gets undercut on a layup attempt and slammed to the floor.  No whistle.  Golden State picks up the ball and races to the other end, where they attempt a layup.  Dude gets slapped on the wrist, but clearly not hard enough to keep him from making the basket.  Foul on Dallas.  Avery is livid and begins vividly questioning the non call when his guy is still laid out on the floor while the other guy got tickled with a plume and we get rung up.  Dan Crawford immediately slaps two techs on Avery and boots him from the game.  Dallas has the worst win-loss record over the last 5 years during games in which Dan Crawford has put on his tight pants than any other ref in the league.  That's science.  Besides, the refs are supposed to be taking less flack this year.  Of course, that's subjective from ref to ref, and from player to player, on who gives and who receives a longer or shorter leash.  But in the first week of the season, refs have already whistled 63 techs, which is up 48% from the first week last year.  Touchy, touchy.
• As an homage to predecessor Don Nelson, Avery should have booted the ball into the rafters.  He could have fired up the team, the crowd, and helped knock off the stupid black shroud that got stuck on the banner.
• Stackhouse is killing us from the 3 point line.  He only made 3 of 12 from the field, and 0 of 4 from the arc.  All 4 look to be hitting the front iron.  That's usually a sign of tired legs (or old legs).  Stackhouse missed almost all the preseason to rest his gimpy knee, so he might still be out of shape.  If that's the case, stop taking ill advised shots that kill our offensive flow.  It also seems that he's still a little timid about testing that knee and slashing to the basket (which is his preferred method of scoring).  If that's the case, then start working on your jumper more in practice, get in shape, and start looking to set up your teammates more.
• Monta Ellis is one milking motherscratcher.  No doubt Terry fouled him and fouled him hard, but replays seem to show that Terry was really going for the ball when Ellis shifted his arm extension a bit, causing Terry to rake his forearm across Ellis's face.  Giving Terry a flagrant 2 and an automatic ejection seemed a bit extreme, but of course, it was up to Dan Crawford.  Now we just have to wait and find out whether the league will suspend Terry.  Back to Ellis.  He starts to hop up right after he hits the floor to go shoot his free throws, but then sees what's going on.  All of a sudden, he's writhing around on the floor like Benny Hinn just cast the demons out.  Next thing you know, Dan "Broccoli" Crawford is kicking Terry out of the game.  As soon as he realized it was all over, Ellis jumps to his feet, does the electric slide, saddles up a unicycle and rides around the court, then moonwalks to the line to sink his two free throws.  Faker!
• Broccoli Crawford also could have cost us a better shot at tying the game at the buzzer.  Down 3 with 10 seconds to go, the Mavs grab a rebound and race down the court.  None of the players think to call timeout, but Del Harris is screaming and gesturing that he wants one.  Last year, it wouldn't have mattered.  Only a player on the court could officially call timeout.  The rules changed this year, though, and a coach can be granted a timeout if his players fail to signal for one.  The refs claim they didn't hear Del Harris.  Didn't hear him or chose to ignore him?  I'm sure they heard every word Avery was yelling when they chose to T him up twice in .9 seconds.
• I'll wrap it up with another commentary of another one of those pandering NBA "We're not just serial fornicators.  We help the children, too.  Possibly because we pay their mothers' mortgages." commercials they shove down our throats.  This one focused on the Mavs reading to kids.  No "NBA Legends" to be found in this one.  Everyone was still on the team.  JET, Harris, and rookie Mo Ager (actually, he has stated that he wants to be called Moe.  Shut up, rookie) go to a school and sit down in the gym with what looks to be a bunch of 2nd or 3rd graders.  What book are they reading?  Oh, the Places You Will Go?  Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing?  Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret?  No sir!  They are reading John Steinbeck's classic Of Mice and Men.  Devin Harris is holding the book while Jason Terry is reading them the cliff notes!  And what docile subject matter does this literary relic hold for such young and impressionable minds?  Among other things: manipulation, intimidation and retardation.  Rape, whorehouses and lonely housewives.  Jealousy, insecurity and infidelity.  Puppy murder due to pounding it on the ground, woman murder due to snapping her neck, and retard murder due to shooting him in the back of the head.  Oh, also lying, cheating, and hallucinations of giant rabbits.  Sleep tight, kids!  The NBA Cares!

The future isn't extremely bright right now.  We are 0-3, about to leave on a 3 game west coast road trip that includes a back to back against the Clips and Suns, Howard will miss the entire trip to rest his ankle, Terry might be suspended for at least one of the games, and 8 other guys have to remember that Dirk isn't the only one on the team that can't afford to suck.  It's not the only black cloud on the day.  I just heard that Britney Spears has filed for divorce from K-Fed.  If those two kids can't make it, what hope do the rest of us have.  At least they split before they turned into this couple.  I like how it wraps up with it not being clear whether he had an attorney or not.  What?  He didn't have a business card tucked up there somewhere?  They also claim that the woman was not identified.  I'm pretty positive most of the patrons of the Waffle House that day could pick her out of a line up after that.  Anyway, keep your head up, forge ahead, and keep reading the blog and supporting the team.  It's not time to jump overboard just yet.  Go Mavs!

New NBA Rules Allow League To Hate Mavs

That game last night hit me like a Josh Howard forearm shiver to Bruce Bowen's head.  There's so much to talk about.  I have my vaguely legible notes from last night's season opener between the Mavs and Spurs in front of me, and there's just too much stuff.  I'll try to weed through it.  In fact, I will give my 3 Cheers, and then we can have a final, catch-all section.  I'll call it Potpourri until I can think of something better.  Wait, I just thought of something: Random Crap.  What do you think?

1. Dirk - Hard to argue with 21 points on 45% shooting (50% from 3-land), 10 rebounds, a steal and a block, but what's with only 2 free throws.  I know the refs let the wrecking crew try to tear you down like the Berlin Wall, but attack the basket.  If the refs aren't calling it, go Josh Howard on those punks in black and gray.  They'll get the message soon enough.  It's too bad that foul trouble kept you from playing more than 32 minutes in this game.

2. Howard - You could have scored 2 points on the Spurs basket for all I care.  You took down Bowen!  Bowen had it coming because he shoved you down, then stood over you to rub it in, then tried to look around like he didn't know what he was doing, and on top of that he's just a total s**thead.  Flagrant fouls be damned, Josh.  The team was 19-0 last year when you scored 20 or more.  Guess what?  You scored exactly 20 points.  We lost.  Let's hustle up, okay?  I like the fact that you made half of our team's free throws.  I don't like the fact that half is only 5.  Not your fault, though.

3. Tony Parker - I guess I have to say something nice about the Spurs since they actually won.  I guess I have to pick Parker because he was the Spurs leading scorer (19 points), made almost as many free throws as the Mavs did (9), and was supposed to miss the game due to an ankle injury.  Plus he's just sooooo cute.  I wonder if he has a girlfriend.

Which brings us to the first ever edition of . . .

RANDOM CRAP!

• I saw one of those NBA commercials where they show players reading to kids or teaching them the cross-over dribble, basically saying, "Hey, we don't just shoot our guns outside strip clubs.  We care about the children."  Well, they would show someone, say Lebron James, and it would show him running out of a burning building with an armful of kittens while the words "Lebron James, Cleveland Cavalier" was showcased at the bottom of the screen.  Oddly enough, that's not what bothered me.  Next they show Rolando Blackman teaching some kids that all they have to do is look at a basketball and they can become a coach for the Mavs.  Under his name, it said "NBA Legend".  It struck me as odd.  Blackman was a brilliant player in his day, one of the best pure shooters in league history (loved watching his jumpshot in slow motion.  If you are teaching your kids how to shoot a jumper, show them Ro's form) but he's not making the Hall of Fame or anything.  I kind of shrugged it off.  Then they show Jim Jackson, who I guess isn't with a team anymore.  He isn't doing anything with kids.  He's just holding a basketball in front of a framed house.  I could do that.  His name has "NBA Legend" under it.  Now it's starting to get to me.  If by "Legend" you mean "holds the record for most teams employed by during your career because no one wanted to keep your sorry ass" then, yeah, I guess you're a legend.  Then they show Jerome Williams, the Junkyard Dog, the Georgetown Hoya that was overshadowed by Iverson during his college career, then overshadowed by Vince Carter during his pro career.  His name said "NBA Legend" underneath it!  This cat played maybe 8 unfulfilling years in the league, and they're calling him a "Legend"?  If that's the criteria, I can think of about 50 ex-Mavs that came through town in the 90's that are NBA Legends.  They might not even be working at the soup kitchens, they're EATING at the soup kitchens.
• I guess Marv Albert decided that after the sexual tryst that he so publicly had with the chick that said she liked spankings until she didn't like spankings anymore that we all know his hair is fake.  So why not accessorize?  He was sporting a lighter, more highlighted shade of brown last night.  Sadly, he left his "excited" matching eyebrows at home.  I wasn't sure what was more contrived: Craig Sager's outfit, or Marv Albert's hair.
• Steve Kerr, the only guy on the broadcast that didn't go over the top to look interesting, showed off his homerism a few times last night.  The broadcaster and former Spur, whom I applauded last offseason for staying very unbiased, spouted off a few pro-Spurs comments last night that weren't called for.  After Francisco Elson, future "NBA Legend" indeed, was whistled for a technical foul for hanging on the rim, Kerr denounced such a call.  I believe he said something along the lines of it not being a necessary call because the guy was just having fun.  Well, some guys on that same team like to have fun by shoving opposing players in the back and baiting the refs into taking his side on the matter.  It doesn't mean it isn't worthy of a technical.
• I thought I was watching the basketball game all night, but at some point I must have turned to Entertainment Tonight.  That's the only way I can explain watching an NBA game when all of a sudden a canned interview with Tony Parker regarding the rumors of relationship troubles with his desperate housewife, Eva Longoria, comes on my television.  What the hell is that crap?  If I cared about that sort of business, I would buy an US Magazine.  I came here to watch some basketball, not tabloid fodder.
• I can't remember if it was during the broadcast, during the pregame show, or during the pregame radio show, but they were saying that Tim Duncan, former Wake Forest standout, urged, nay, begged the Spurs brass to draft Josh Howard, another former Wake Forest standout.  The Spurs had the second to last pick in the first round, right before the Mavs.  The Spurs instead drafted Leandro Barbosa, whom they traded to the Suns for a future draft pick.  The very next pick, we grab Howard.  Not only has Howard become the epitome of draft day steals in the last 5 years, but Barbosa was an integral part of the Suns' last two Western Conference Finals appearances.  Bad draft year for the Spurs.  Can you imagine the look on Tim Duncan's face when they didn't listen to him and draft Howard?  It was probably that same look he gives officials when whistled for a foul.  The one that seems to imply, "How was I supposed to know that I shouldn't flick my cigarette into a California brush field?"
• I've heard of ref's swallowing their whistles, but this is ridiculous.  Jess (Too Bad It Wasn't Ed Rush) Kersey had to leave the game last night when an errant blocked shot hit his whistle while it was still in his mouth.  He wound up with 5 stitches on his chin and missed the rest of the game, forcing the remaining two refs to call the game the rest of the way out.  I know that rogue basketballs or flailing limbs don't take down a gray shirt on a regular basis, but it's surprising to me that they didn't have some sort of a replacement.  You know, like a "in case of emergency, break glass" kind of ref that sheds the warmups when the other official is carted off the court and heads into the game to ref one for the gipper.  If catastrophe struck or the refs were really whistle happy, and a team wound up with only 4 guys that were capable of playing, the game would be called for insufficient amount of players.  Why can't they do the same thing with the refs?  I would also like to apologize for the cheesy opening about refs swallowing whistles.  It was too easy, and I'm sorry.  I was going to go with "Ref takes one on the chin," but that seemed just as easy and not nearly as clever.  I also thought of "Ref takes beating after large men's balls fly in his face," but it had too much of a prison-shakedown vibe to it.
• Finally, Mark Cuban has been fined quite a few times for quite a bit of cash, but maybe he's finally joining the darkside.  Even if the dude didn't have money, he would be wealthy with sarcasm.
• Did I mention I hate Bruce Bowen?

Enjoy the weekend.  I will be back next week to rant on the Mavs next game against the Houston (armpit of Texas) Rockets and possibly the Monday game against Golden State, where we hang our Western Conference Champs banner and Cuban and Nellie have their cage match.  Go Mavs!