Brandon May's 3 Cheers - Mavs Land Musings

Mixed Feelings

I have a personal rule about killing bugs.  If they bite or sting, then they are fair game to be destroyed without mercy.  Outside of that, I like to preserve their lives and just get them out the door in one piece.  However, I do have an emergency clause that allows that if said bug doesn't bite or sting, but is becoming too annoying to tolerate, then they are upgraded to merciless death status.  So it was, yesterday and today, with the cricket.  I don't like killing crickets.  Not only do they pass my general bug killing rule, but I used to read a children's periodical called Cricket when I was a kid so there must be some subconscious affinity there.  However, with the heat lately, I have found dozens upon dozens hopping and chirping and fornicating in my store.  I decided it was time to take care of the matter.  I turned this store into my very own House of Blue Leaves scene from Kill Bill Vol. I.  I was The Bride, and the crickets were The Crazy 88.  Instead of using Hattori Hanzo steel, I wielded an industrial grade toilet plunger.  Many crickets met my instrument of death, and many fell.  I felt good and bad when the final blow was dealt.  Mixed feelings.

1. So our old friend Don Nelson has decided to go back into coaching, with the Golden State Warriors no less.  If you think Nelson privately despised Cuban, at least they were never engaged in a four year long lawsuit like the Warriors owner and Nelson were in the late 90's.  I have mixed feelings.  I don't quite understand this, but I guess it's the same reason that Evander Holyfield just fought again in Dallas a few weeks ago.  Competitors compete, coaches coach, teachers teach, and that's their lot in life.  You can't take that away from them.  I wanted Nelson to end his Hall of Fame career with us.  I wanted his resurrection of my franchise to be his final glory to bask in, the last item on his Hall of Fame plaque, the feel-good story that everyone remembered him by.  I wanted him to enjoy the good life that he has earned, owning bars, drinking in bars, owning properties in Maui, just getting to go to Maui, playing golf, and getting paid $1 million a year to occasionally come to Dallas and watch his son, Donnie, his protege, Avery, his friend, Del, and his find of all finds, Dirk, guide a championship caliber team to the highest of heights.  More importantly, after what he has done for the Mavericks, I never wanted to view him as competition again.  It's the same feeling as when Nash and Finley left.  I wish him the best of luck, but just like Nash and Finley, now he's unfortunately the enemy.  And for any of you that might be saying, "What did Nelson do for the Mavs?  He didn't win anything," then you are quite obviously a band wagon jumper who didn't give this team a second's thought before 2001.  Nelson is a hero with this team and should be treated as such.  Now he goes back to a team that hasn't been to the playoffs since 1994, when Nelson was their coach, and will probably be one hell of an exciting basketball club next year.  Good luck, Nellie, until you play us of course.

2. I didn't go so far as to wake up at 5:30 this morning to watch the USA vs. Germany FIBA game, but I did catch the second half.  I have mixed feelings.  I feel icky, traitor-ish, non-patriotic even.  I was pulling for Germany.  I have always pulled for USA in every tournament since I started paying attention, which for most of us is the first Dream Team in Barcelona.  With the exception of when the officials basically kept playing the final 10 seconds of the game until the Russians finally beat us in '72, I don't think Americans cared about their national basketball team competing in international play regardless of the stakes until the Dream Team.  But this morning was different.  I wasn't just cheering for Germany, I was cheering for Dirk.  Actually, cheering for Germany WAS cheering for Dirk.  Not only does Germany not have another player in the NBA, they only have 4 that even played college ball in the states.  The final score, 85-65, looks like a blowout, but I assure you it was not.  Germany only trailed by 1 at the half.  The depth of the USA bench was enough to swarm Dirk, who finished with 15 points, 9 rebounds, and a perfect 9 of 9 from the line, and wear down the German zone strategy towards the end of the 3rd period.  Think of it this way: Germany was the Adam Morrison-led Gonzaga of this tournament.  Each had an extraordinary player that carried the team single handedly.  They did better than anyone expected, but eventually succumbed to a talent-laden juggernaut that subdued their momentum.  Now Dirk can get a month of rest, and come back to camp to show off some of the new moves I saw him try this morning.

3. You've got mail, and you've got no job.  Fort Worth-based RadioShack laid off 403 employees via email.  No word yet on whether or not that's how they got rid of Teri Hatcher and Howie Long.  Forgive me for a second, but I think that's the most chicken s**t way to lay someone off outside of what they did to Milton in Office Space.  If I was going to lay someone off, you best believe that I would at least have the decency to put a flier on their front door or send a singing telegram.  I would also try not to have the papers report how many millions upon millions I was making as CEO of the company a month before I decided to release these 403 people for financial reasons.  Maybe that's when you say, "Yes, I make more money than most of these poor people will see in a lifetime.  And yes, I could have taken a pay cut to spare the company some money to preserve these poor people's jobs and livelihoods.  But I have vowed to pay out of my own pocket to hire a Goodyear blimp to fly over the metroplex and scroll off the names of all the people that we have decided to layoff, thus sparing them anymore grief and humiliation during these profitable, I mean, trying times.  What's that?  Blimps cost what?!?  Screw it, just send those losers an email.  I'm going to Tahiti."

Go Mavs

Second Fiddle

Fabulous news, gang.  Unofficial word from one of my favorite Mavs websites, dallasbasketball.com, is that Mavs Media Day will be October 2nd, and training camp starts October 3rd.  5 weeks away!  Also, if you are so inclined (and most of you probably aren't) check out dallasbasketball.com.  If you can get past Mike Fisher's occasional bitter, jealous ramblings that other local sports pundits get more attention than he does, it's good, informative Mavs news.

1. Caught this tidbit this morning in the Dallas Morning News.  The 6 game Western Conference Finals series between the Mavs and Suns a few months back provided quite a jolt to the metroplex.  The area had Mavs fever, and people tuned in by the pound to watch the local basketball team go to the Finals for the first time ever.  The series averaged a 16.4 rating as the town was whipped into a frenzy by the successful playoff run.

But they are still second fiddle to the Dallas Cowboys, a team that hasn't won a playoff game in 9 years.  The Cowboys first two preseason games averaged a 16.7 rating.  These games are meaningless.  T.O. didn't play either game.  Bledsoe didn't play the first game.  The first game didn't start until 9:00 pm.  But more people want to watch second and third stringers with a star on their helmet more than a top rate basketball team on the verge of greatness in a dramatic playoff environment.

2. I also saw a picture in the paper this morning of the cover of the video game, NBA Live '07.  Dirk was on the cover!  Wow!  Dirk's starting to get some respect, some love, some attention.  He's arrived.  The Mavs are legit now.  Wait, what's this?  Oh, he's only on the cover of copies that are to be sold in Germany.  Copies in France will have Tony Parker and Boris Diaw.  Copies in Spain will have Pau Gasol.  Dirk, the best international player in the league, can't even get the cover for the entire international distribution.  He also managed to defeat all three of those other guys in the playoffs last year.

I guess he's still second fiddle to . . . Tracy McGrady?  McGrady graces the cover of the American version of the game.  McGrady got bounced from the playoffs two years ago by Dirk.  McGrady scored 48 points against the Mavs two years ago, only to be outdone by Dirk's 53.  Dirk went to the Finals last year.  McGrady didn't even make the playoffs, because he hardly played at all last year due to injury.  But more people want to market and idolize style over substance.  That is the one and only reason I will never grace the cover of NBA Live.

3. Progress report on Dirk at the World Championships: His team finished the first round at 4-1 to advance to the single elimination second round.  He averaged about 25 points and 10 rebounds a game, and in one game he scored 47 (fifth highest in Worlds history) during a 3 overtime thriller against Angola.  11 of his 47 came in the decisive 3rd overtime.  At 8:00 pm tonight, Germany starts the second round against Nigeria, which is ironically coached by Sam Vincent.  Vincent will be a new assistant coach on Avery Johnson's staff next year.  Germany probably has one, maybe two more victories left in them, but USA, Argentina, and Spain are too good for Dirk alone to defeat.  Either way, he's single handedly putting on quite a show, and getting rewarded with a video game cover in one country for it.

5 more weeks!  Kill that time by watching college football, NFL football, and the third season of Arrested Development on DVD, available Tuesday, August 29th.  Go Mavs.

More, More, More

Just sitting here in my swing set store, The Wooden Swing Company in Frisco if you were interested, and I am having a love affair with this spicy chicken tender wrap I got from the Camille's sidewalk cafe a few stores down.  I was a little stuffy earlier this morning, but my sinuses are all clear now.  I wanted to give you some more crap to read, so here it goes.

1. Another Bad Idea: when I was about 5 or 6, I thought that by donning my Superman underoos, I could fly off the top bunk of my bed.  The laws of physics and the properties of gravity and inertia where unfamiliar to me at the time.  Even though I didn't learn the proper terminology until much later, the theories were made all too clear to me when I came crashing down to Earth and fractured my tail bone.  My parents had to take me to the hospital, and lovingly, they put some pants on me before we left.  The reason I did this?  The same reason any boy does something stupid: to impress a girl.  Now granted, this girl happened to be my cousin, but I was 6.  I didn't know how badly society and simple genetics frowned on such a union at that age.  All I knew was that she was a girl, I was a boy, and (really read this carefully now so that the true absurdity of the idea really sinks in) I decided to impress her by strapping on my Superman underoos and jumping off my top bunk.  From that moment on, I made a solemn vow to never again try to impress a woman by jumping off anything taller than a footstool in Superman underoos.  Even if I stuck the landing with my arms in the air for a perfect 10, I would still be a grown fool in Superman underoos jumping off a footstool and how impressive is that?  That was also the night that I pondered why you can't eat with your mouth closed and then chew with your mouth open?  Not just a bad idea, but virtually impossible and in clear violation of most Western hemisphere etiquette rules.

2. Another Good Idea: Demanding that my friend Abram post more comments.  Now, I asked all of you wonderful people that thankfully read and enjoy my musings to continue to post comments, give feedback, ask me Mavs related questions, etc., but I implored Abram to write only because I know first hand what he could bring to the table.  He didn't disappoint.  Check out his comment in regards to Some Have It, Some Don't.  Abram, I give you full reign to the comment section of my 3 Cheers blog to use at your discretion, especially if your story winds up explaining to some degree how awesome I am.  I would also like to add that I used to be Abram's boss, so that's why he can only have the comments section.  Don't try to take over my site, Abram.  You will fail.  I will go all Bruce Bowen on your ass. (Future Bad Idea: Pissing off Abram.)

3. That's right, this is a basketball site.  I almost forgot.  Here's some basketball: Dirk has been up and down in the World Championships so far, but he has gotten Germany out of the preliminary group-round-robin section and into the play-for-keeps, tournament-style section.  And by saying he got them there, I really mean that.  HE got them there.  I don't know of a single other German player on that roster that is in the NBA, and that Lars Ulloff dude I mentioned a few posts back was just a name I made up.  Sounds pretty German though, right?  I will continue to keep an eye on his performance because if he can do fairly well when some of the best players in the world know that he's their only defensive priority on the team, then no telling what he can do when he gets back with Terry, Howard, Stackhouse, and Harris.  True Story: I have vividly wicked nightmares pretty much every night, sometimes multiple times a night.  But they are not traditional nightmares where I'm stranded in shark infested waters, or falling off a cliff, or being severely homophobic and Dracula was threatening to "suck" anything out of me.  These are nightmares that pertain specifically to me.  I will explain some of them, but keep this in mind: however silly and trivial you might think they are, I actually bolt from my slumber and can't go back to sleep for a while, forcing me to move to the couch and watch multiple loops of ESPNEWS until I can snooze safely again.  I have nightmares about being back at my old job as a proofreader for a magazine publication.  I have nightmares about having to go back to college and take nothing but core classes.  But I had a nightmare the other night that sums it all up.  I dreamed that Dirk lost half of his left hand, compliments of a Shaq hack job during the Finals.  Dirk was called for the foul, incidentally.  Dirk missed the last four games of the Finals, explaining the four straight Miami wins, and Dirk immediately went into surgery.  They deemed it impossible to reattach the fingers and half a palm, so they just sewed up the rest of his hand.  Dirk tried to rehab and become the best 1 1/2 handed international player in the league, but he was never the same.  The incident brought about another 90's-esque decline to the franchise, and Dirk could do nothing more than use the hand to hold a ventriloquist dummy to make a living.  Not only is this a real dream I had, but I actually woke up in a cold sweat until I realized it was all a dream.  Sad but true.

You're probably thinking that I've given you way too much information about myself over the course of my playoff emails and this blog, but what you don't realize is that I have only grated the end of the cheese block on my self depreciating stories.  I'm also just killing time until the most beautiful time of year begins in October.  Football season's awesome, Baseball season just holds me over, March Madness is just a three week sports orgasm, but NBA season, Mavericks season is a potential 9 month long roller coaster of ups and downs, highs and lows for me that I can't wait to neurotically share with all of you who care.  Go Mavs.

Good Ideas?

I've had a ton of ideas in my life so far.  Some good, like when I realized that I could earn a college degree by simply learning to write screenplays.  That was something I wanted to do anyway, so it was like getting rewarded for being hungry and deciding to eat a sandwich.  Some bad, like when I was 12 and I thought that, while wearing glasses thicker than a box of Cheerios, I would sport a side spike, shave lines in my hair on the sides, have a mullet in the back, and to cap it all off, perm the bottom part of the mullet.  I won't say that it made me less of a man, because I was 12.  I wasn't a man yet anyway.  But I still regret it.  I also regret the time I decided to strain a can of tuna by pressing the detached lid into the can.  The lid bent, and tuna chunks and tuna juice sprayed all over my face and shirt.  Lesson learned.  Regardless, here are some ideas, basketball related mostly, that I want to get your opinions on.

1. Every year, the Cowboys and the Oilers/Texans would play an exhibition game or scrimmage that was deemed the Texas Bowl or something like that.  State bragging rights on the line, even if it wasn't a real game.  The Rangers (and I will get to them later) and Astros play inter-league games now for the Silver Boot.  Both are meaningless in the long run, but it does bring about some local pride for each city.  My idea is to have the same sort of thing for Texas basketball teams.  What if the Mavericks, Spurs and Rockets had a trophy for Most Superior NBA Team in Texas.  With 3 teams, it would have to be a round robin style tourney, and they could do it in the preseason.  They could even travel with it to cities that don't have teams, like Austin, El Paso, Lubbock, etc.  They could call it "Hoops and HeeYahhs!" or "Boots and Balls!" or "The Just Because We're From Texas Doesn't Mean We're All Cowboys Because Most Of These Players Are Foreigners Anyway Extravaganza" (if you're not into the whole brevity thing).  The revenues could be split between the three teams, and each team would play each other once.  The teams with the best overall record could play a championship to decide the winner.  In case of a three way tie, the team with the lowest margin of victory would be eliminated.  Something like that.  There's a lot of in's and out's, but it's something I'd like to see.

2. In the same vein as "Hoops and HeeYahhs!" I would like to see a basketball tournament that pitted the best from each state against each other.  It could be NBA, NCAA, or even high school if they were good enough.  I would like to see the best players from New York take on the best from Florida, the best from Texas take on the best from California.  I would even watch the best from North Dakota take on the best from South Dakota, the first team to 30 points wins.  They could call it the "Dakota Duel".  I imagine the starting lineup for the Texas team now:  LeMarcus Aldridge at center, Chris Bosh at power forward, Rashard Lewis at small forward, T.J. Ford at point guard, and maybe Andre Emmett at shooting guard with Emeka Okafor as your sixth man.  Just a thought, but I'm sure there are other Texas born, active players that could crack that roster.

3. Now to the Rangers.  My idea is that at the start of every season, they just come out and tell the fans that we will build up your hopes, then crush them like a beer can on your proverbial forehead, then just when you've given up hope, we will start to show signs of life, only to stomp on your spirits again.  I have a friend, who I will not name, that used to date a girl in high school.  He was infatuated with this girl, but she toyed with him.  She would leave him and date other people, leaving him all upset, but as soon as he was about to get over her and move on, guess who would give him a call?  That's the Rangers to me.  It would be nice if the Rangers would just come out and say it to everyone, so that we know what we are dealing with.  Deep inside we know what's going to happen, but whenever that girl (Rangers) comes calling, we drop everything and jump blindly back on board, only to be hurt again.

Best wishes to one and all, and let me know what you think of my ideas.  Are they as good as my idea to have police officers also deliver the mail while they drive around?  It could save tax payers tons of money and allow the cops to monitor neighborhoods instead of parking behind a tree waiting for people with broken brake lights.  Or are they as bad as my idea to make dog diapers, knowing full well that they would just chew them off and toss pee and poo everywhere in the process?  Go Mavs.

Some Have It, Some Don't

All's quiet on the Mavericks front, but I wanted to say hi to everyone.  It's been over a week, and I apologize.  Here's some random crap to read until I get more Mavs news to dish opinions about.

1. Some have it, some don't.  I heard a prognosticator talking on the radio about a certain football player that isn't happy in his current situation.  That current situation happens to be playing a sport that he is blessed to play, loves to play, and gets payed millions of dollars to play.  Boy, can't we all sympathize?  Anyway, they said to watch out for this player in the coming season, because nothing is scarier than an athlete with a chip on his shoulder, kind of like an athlete in a contract year, raising his game to another level to "stick it to the man" or "earn an extra $2 million a year from someone".  I remember when I was the back up point guard on my 7th grade B-team, the only year I ever played for a school team.  I'll be honest.  I was a 13 year old, late bloomer kid that weighed 80 pounds soaking wet and had glasses that if positioned correctly on my face could burn ants with the sunlight.  I finally got into a game because our team was losing so badly, and I was left wide open on the 3 point line.  Granted, I don't think they counted 3 pointers in middle school, but I shot that S.O.B. anyway.  It bounced off the back rim, straight up in the air, and then got stuck on top of the backboard.  The refs had to stop the game to grab a ladder and a broom to knock it down.  The game was "on the road" so all the kids and probably some parents were laughing at me.  The next possession, after having to guard a guy that was actually laughing at me as he brought the ball down the court, I got the ball in my hands at half court.  I was determined to be that "athlete with a chip on his shoulder".  I was going to drive the lane hard for a lay-up, and announce my presence with authority in a Nuke LaLoosh sort of way.  Like I said, some have it, some don't.  I drove the lane, tripped on some dude's foot, lost the ball out of bounds, and my glasses flew off my face.  Now remember that they were thick, which means that essentially I would be legally blind if not for my ability to have corrective lenses in the first place.  After everything that I had just been through, I had to stand there, visually paralyzed, waiting for a teammate to find my glasses and return them to me.  I would thank that kind soul, only I couldn't see who it was.  I never possessed that luck, that karma, that skill, that "thing", that allowed me to be that athlete with a chip on his shoulder that raises his game to another level.  That's probably why I'm so cynical.  That's probably why I turned to writing rather than doing.  Some have it, some don't.

2. There are very few people that I wish ill upon.  Regardless of whether or not I'm a huge fan of someone, it's against my nature to wish bad times on anyone, except maybe Kobe or Paris Hilton, partially because of the little tale I just told.  I know what it's like to get crapped on in life, and it's not fun.  So take this next little nugget with a grain of salt, because I'm not reveling in these two gentlemen's misfortunes.  I'm merely pointing out that as a Mavericks fan, it unfortunately brings a smile to my face to see that Tony Parker had to skip out on the French team's participation in the Worlds due to a broken finger and that Bruce Bowen got cut from the USA team.  I don't feel sorry for Tony because anyone that gets to go home to Eva Longoria with a broken finger, or even femur, is still a blessed man.  I don't feel sorry for Bowen because, well, he's Bruce Bowen.  I feel sorry for whoever had to inform Bowen that he was cut because no doubt he's got more broken bones now than Tony, and he doesn't get to go home to Eva Longoria to make it feel better.  Some have it, some don't.

3. That brings me to Dave Navarro.  Talk about a blessed dude.  It's bad enough that one guy even has the realistic decision to leave Carmen Electra for Jenna Jameson, but that's not even my problem.  At some point, the Gods of Mt. Olympus tapped him on his shoulders and said that he was worthy of being able to have about 50 random tattoos, walk around shirtless with skin tight leather pants, and play a guitar for a living and it will all be socially acceptable.  How does that happen?  I sell swing sets for a living, I wear loose fitting jeans and the closest I come to letting it all hang out is going without an undershirt when I wear Polo's.  My wife put the kibosh on my tattoos after I added more ink to my 3rd about 6 years ago.  If it weren't for that, my back would look like the Sistine Chapel, but with God reaching his finger out to Dirk, instead of Adam.  Some have it, some don't.  But hey, I wear contacts now so that when I trip, I don't lose my glasses.

I know there isn't much going on right now to report, but soon there will be.  Mavs training camp will start in October, and NBA players get arrested year round.  Hell, one former player just got arrested the other day for firing a gun outside the White House.  Brains: some have it, some don't.  Regardless of the fewer posts during this off season, I would love to receive more comments from you guys, even if it's just to say how awesome I am, how much you love the site, to share your favorite recipes for pan seared salmon, or to confess that you were that kind soul that retrieved my glasses during the incident that doesn't even qualify for the top 10 most embarrassing moments of my life.  I definitely need more comments from my buddy, Abram.  Abram is my partner in crime in the screen writing venture and can add quite a healthy dose of wisdom to this forum.  I wish you all the best, and just remember that some have it, some don't, but everybody has something.  Appreciate what you have.  Go Mavs.

More Players, More Great Names

Two posts in two days.  I wasn't expecting that to happen, but there was some breaking Mavs related news today that I just had to address.

1. The Mavs signed four guys yesterday to compete in training camp for the 15th and final roster spot.  Just like with Pops Mensah-Bonsu, if you're going to be a bench warmer, then you better have a great name.  My favorite to win the job out of this bunch: Ndudi Ebi.  It pretty much sounds like it looks.  Think of the first name this way: Maurice Clarett got busted with four loaded guns, and now he's deep "Ndudi".  The last name is Ebi, as in Halliday, the leader in residential real estate.  This dude, or should I say Ndudi, was actually drafted 3 spots ahead of Josh Howard by the Timberwolves in the 2003 draft.  That's not a testament to the type of player we are getting.  It's a testament to how bad the Timberwolves are at scouting talent.  The kid was straight out of high school and wasn't anywhere near NBA ready.  Hopefully 3 years later, he is ready, and we found another steal.  When I first heard about this, I swore we had already brought him in once on a 10 day contract, but then I remembered it was a guy named Mamadou N'Dyie.  I can't believe I got those names confused.  Another good name is Juan Jose Barea, a Puerto Rican, pass-first point guard, which is sure to become the favorite player of my buddy, Abram.  There is also Darius Washington, who is best known for being at the free throw line with no time left, down one with three foul shots to send his University of Memphis Tigers to the big dance, and missing all three of them.  Maybe it was just two shots, but either way the kid choked big time.  Nobody should ever have to endure that except Kobe, so I wish him the best.  I just don't think it's going to be here.  And the fourth player, and least cool name, is Pat Carroll.  He has three things going against him: He's a swing man, and we're stocked at that position, he's coming off a serious shoulder injury, and his name isn't Ndudi Ebi, it's Pat Carroll.  Booorrinnggg!  If he could change his name to Lardo McFatpants, then I would put him in a jersey in a heartbeat.  Not that he's fat, but that's a better name than Pat Carroll.

2. The German national basketball team played China in a warm up game for the World Championships.  Germany won, 82-73.  Guess who Germany's star player is.  That's right: Lars Ulloff.  Just kidding.  It's Dirk Nowitzki.  He scored 27 points, 18 of which came in the final quarter, and pulled down 12 rebounds.  The years that Dirk has made significant strides in the NBA have come on the heels of him single handedly driving the German national team to great heights.  He did it last year, getting Germany to a runner up position and almost a Gold.  You know what he did with the Mavs this year.  He got them to a runner up position and almost a championship.  The seldom few years that he has taken a step back in his NBA progress have followed years where he wasn't able to push Germany to qualify for the major international competitions.  Maybe it's just coincidence, but I will keep an eye on the situation.  It could be very indicative of what we can expect next year from the best player to ever put on a Mavs jersey (with all due respect to Rolando Blackman, Derek Harper, Mark Aguirre, Jason Kidd, and Roy Tarpley).

3. Barry Horn is a writer for the Dallas Morning News, and I love to read his work.  Lately, he has been strictly focusing on feature articles and a weekly report of the local radio/television sports market.  If you haven't already, read this Hot Air column from today's edition.  You don't have to read the whole thing, but the bit about how ESPN is slowly becoming not only woven in to the fabric of our society, but might even be the sewing machine itself, is good stuff.

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/spt/stories/081206dnspohorn.1edd95f.html

Have a great weekend, be well, and tell your kids the truth about Santa early in life.  They might be jaded and resent you forever, but at least then you can sleep in on Christmas.

Dead Money

Sorry for the delay, but it's been a slow week in Mavs land, as well as sports land in general.  That was until I saw today's Dallas Morning News Sports Day cover article titled "Idle Millions".  Then there's Maurice Clarett.  He's turning into this decade's Bam Morris or Lawrence Phillips.

1. The "Idle Millions" article, very well written by Mike Heika, covers the amount of money Dallas area teams are paying to players that are no longer on the roster.  The one that sticks out the most for the Mavs is Michael Finley, who we paid about $16 million to last year to try to knock us out of the playoffs.  We also owe him another $36 million over the next two years, but I think they can spread it out over a 10 year span.  We also owe Shawn Bradley, Doug Christie and Tariq Abdul-Wahad a total of $17 million over the next couple seasons, but insurance policies are picking up most of those tabs.  If you are asking who the hell Tariq Abdul-Wahad is, then that's exactly the point.  He was Olivier St. Jean in college, which is French for "one who steals money from basketball organizations", but then he converted to Tariq Abdul-Wahad, which is Muslim for "one who steals money specifically from the Dallas Mavericks organization".  I know the Koran is prophetic, but they really nailed that one.  We got him way back in the Juwan Howard for Nick Van Exel/Raef Lafrentz deal, and I think he played a total of 20 games for us.  We got more production out of Ed O'Bannon.  The Rangers obviously are still paying a small, $67 million portion of Alex Rodriguez's salary, but they are also still paying Juan Gonzalez about $10.5 million.  They should just send checks to Will Clark and Mickey Tettleton while they're at it.

2. I should be scared that people like Maurice Clarett are out in the world.  I should be upset that people with so much talent can waste it all.  I should be critical of the "system" that can allow a star athlete to believe that he is invincible.  But all I can do is laugh.  I'm not laughing at Clarett's downfall, because I wouldn't wish that on anyone except Kobe.  I'm laughing at the well publicized photo of Clarett's passenger seat of his SUV.  Here's a quick review for those that aren't privy.  Clarett won a national championship as a freshman at Ohio State, was on top of the world, started failing classes and taking illegal, under the table kickbacks, was suspended from the school, challenged the NFL's age limit rule, lost, got a second chance a year later with the Broncos, ran a slower 40 time than Jared BEFORE the Subway commercials, robbed two people at gunpoint 8 months ago, was found driving erratically within the vicinity of the household of one of the witness about to testify against him in said holdup trial where the arresting officers had to mace him to get him in cuffs only because the stun guns didn't work due to the bullet proof vest he was wearing, then found 3 loaded semi-automatic handguns, an AK-47 assault rifle with multiple 30 round clips, a machete, a half-empty bottle of Grey Goose vodka, and a lint roller.  Seriously, study the picture they took of the contraband in his passenger seat and you can see the lint roller right there with all the weapons of mass destruction.  I'm glad the cops pulled him over because there's no telling what he was planning to do, either to that witness or to someone else or to himself, but I just can't get over the lint roller.  Where do you think that fell into the grand scheme of things?  Maybe he planned on removing all incriminating hair from his potential victim, or maybe he's just a neat freak that likes to keep the cat hair off his trousers.  To add to the irony, he was about to start playing semi-pro ball with an indoor football team called the Hitmen.  Sometimes these stories just write themselves.

3. Almost football season, both pro and college.  I can't wait.  Football season always helps me bridge the gap until mid October when Mavs training camp starts.  I will always be a Cowboys fan because I'm a fan of all my home teams even though the Rangers drive me insane.  I promised my buddy, Kevin the Insane Giants Fan, that I would pull for the Giants whenever they weren't playing the Cowboys, I still have a special place in my heart for the Denver Broncos because I grew up as a huge John Elway fan, and I promised to become a fan of whatever team drafted Vince Young as soon as he crossed the goal line with 19 seconds left in that first week of January to win the national title for the Texas Longhorns, so now I am a Tennessee Titans fan.  I am a life long Texas Longhorns fan, but I also follow the TCU Horned Frogs and the Baylor Bears since I attended both schools.  Needless to say, I get spread pretty thin come football time, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  So get your game face on, because it's kickoff time.

New Player, New Schedule, New Funny Last Name

I'm an idiot.  Back in school, I used to sit in Geometry class and think, "This is ridiculous.  When am I ever going to need any of this stuff in the real world."  Then a guy comes into my swing set store and says he's going to buy the most expensive set I have if I can tell him the sine and cosine angles of a rhombus.  Damn it!

1. Devean George is officially a Maverick.  Don't let the talk of his 3 championship rings get you too hot.  He won those with a little help from Shaq and Kobe, but the experience does help.  I wonder where his playing time will come from since he will be competing with Howard, Stackhouse, Buckner, and Ager, but he will get his opportunity to impress.  He's a solid role player with a "dirty work" mindset and ability to adapt to any system.  I also noticed that he was born August 29, 1977.  I was born August 3, 1977.  It has now officially dawned on me that I am older than most of the players on my favorite team.  I'm nearing NBA retirement age.  Is it sad that I develop man-crushes on players that were studying their multiplication tables while I was applying to colleges?  Don't answer that.

2. The Mavs 2006-2007 schedule was released yesterday.  I'm not going to comb through it and then predict their wins and losses because I never do that.  I might jinx them.  What I will do is tell you how becoming one of the NBA's elite teams can help you in the scheduling department and how you can still be treated like your the team from the 90's.  One good thing is that the Mavs only play 16 back to back games this year, which I believe is down from 19 or 20 last year.  The bad thing is that all 16 of them require travel between games.  Not a single back to back where they stay at home and rest.  Another good thing is that the Mavs only play 10 games the entire month of February with 6 of them at home.  That will give them the ability to rest up a bit before the stretch run of the final month and a half.  The bad thing is that during that stretch run, the league sends them on a 6 games/10 day road trip.  Ouch.  The Mavs longest home stand is 4 games, and they have 2 of them.  Another good thing is that the added exposure of the Finals has landed the Mavs 23 nationally televised games.  I think the Mavs had 23 national games in the entire 90's combined.  Of those 23 games, 5 are matinee starts.  The bad thing is that the Mavs have traditionally sucked in matinee starts, and those games are against the likes of Toronto, Miami, Detroit, Phoenix, and San Antonio.  Enter sarcastically nervous "Yippee!" here.  Another good thing is that the Mavs open at home and have an immediate day off afterward.  The NBA has traditionally started the Mavs off on the road, on the west coast, on a back to back and ended their season on the road, on the west coast, on a back to back.  Another bad thing is the Mavs end the season on the road, on the west coast, on a back to back.  As the Dude might say, "Strikes and gutters."  But November 2nd is only 3 months away!

3. In the last post I mentioned that we only had one other roster spot available, and that it would probably go to a first or second year player from the summer league squad that they can bench or send to the D-League.  Well, we have our first contestant signed on for training camp, and he's perfect.  I don't know a thing about him other than his name, but that's all I need to know that I'm going to like him.  His name is Pops Mensah-Bonsu.  The last name is so fun to say.  Kind of like DJ Mbenga's full name, Didjier Illugna Mbenga.  Mensah, as in the coalition of geniuses, and Bonsu, kind of like those tiny, well manicured Japanese trees.  And with that first name, I can just imagine the possibilities.  After he throws down a vicious dunk on some poor dude, they can show some kid eating a bowl of cereal saying, "I've gotta have my Pops."  Unfortunately, Kevin Pittsnoggle and Thabo Sefolosha are off the market.  Those would also have been fun.